The next day after Kouhai-chan told me that kind of thing.
I didn’t know if it was just me being ironic, but the sky was very beautiful and clear. While pedaling my bicycle, basking in the weak late autumn sunlight and cool wind, I thought about today’s matter.
「Senpai, what will you do when I get confessed to by another man?」
Yesterday’s Kouhai-chan’s words were spiralling inside my head for a long time.
What am I to her?
What can I do for her?
What should I do with her?
And also, I haven’t even done the aforementioned「request」.
I have been thinking that since yesterday, and I am still thinking even now.
Deep in thought, I arrived at the bicycle parking lot near the station as usual, before I realized it. I greeted the uncle at the entrance, parked my bike and locked it. Every time I finished an action, the time to meet with Kouhai-chan is approaching, whether I like it or not.
I could hear my own heartbeat. Even after I got off the bicycle, my breath was still rough. Somewhere in my mind, I was amazed that I could also become this nervous one day.
「Good morning, senpai.」
As soon as I passed the ticket gate, I quickly found her. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that she found me.
It’s the usual place, with usual appearance, but the atmosphere around her was different than usual. She stood straight, her two eyes were staring at me firmly.
What do you want to do with our relationship, unlike what it was before? How do you want to change it? Do you want to develop it into something more, or should we stop this kind of friendship?
I felt like she was telling me that, making me have to「decide」.
＃ ＃ ＃
The train arrived.
We were standing in our usual position, but unlike how she would usually lean at the train door, she was standing properly, facing me.
「Yes. Well then, please tell me senpai’s 『answer』.」
I had decided on my answer.
「I still haven’t found it.」
I haven’t decided what my answer is.
Kouhai-chan flapped her mouth open and close, not understanding what I was saying.
Uh huh. I was waiting for this kind of reaction.
「Er, senpai. Do you even understand the situation? I-」
「Uh huh, that’s why I will decide from now on. Please give me the information.」
I didn’t want to ask her this kind of thing via LINE. I think we should’ve talked about this matter with a face-to-face conversation.
「『Today’s question』. What will Kouhai-chan do if I don’t say anything?」
「I think you interrupted me when you were asking that, senpai.」
Ahh. I wonder if Kouhai-chan had found out that I was interested in her? No, no. It’s too late to even think of that right now. Of course it would be clear as day.
「I didn’t mean that.」
「Senpai, you won’t do anything?」
「Ahhh, really, what I mean is…」
Was my way of asking wrong?
「Then, let’s change the question. If I don’t say anything, and Kouhai-chan accepts your classmate’s confession.」
「What would happen to you?」
「Who knows. Of course I will go out with that person, right?」
Of course you will.
「Then, how about us?」
If it became like that, what would my relationship with Kouhai-chan which we meet together in the mornings and weekends (although repetitively), or rather being together in a lot of occasions change into?
Kouhai-chan put her finger on her chin, making a thinking pose.
「That person isn’t really that possessive, so it might unexpectedly not change?」
Well, there is only Kouhai-chan and me who use this train route. Maybe I won’t have to worry about commuting to school?
「What do you even mean with ‘that person’ and ‘possessive’?」
「It’s from girls information network.」
I wonder how that information network something evaluated me.
Well, that doesn’t matter. What I should focus on is about Kouhai-chan in front of me.
Even if our weekday morning commuting habit doesn’t change, she wouldn’t suddenly take me out on holidays anymore, and she would also change the direction of LINE messages she sent before going to sleep (it had only been once, though)
I feel like it’ll be lonely when the things that have been there are gone just like that.
「Uh huh, I understand. Then, I’ll『answer』to Kouhai-chan’s question from yesterday.」
I want to continue this vague relationship a little more. I’m sure that having this lukewarm relationship where we couldn’t be considered as just friends, or best friends, or even a lover, or just simply「senpai-kouhai」is the most comfortable for me.
I had decided my goal, or my end point, or rather something with my own belief. Let’s do that since we had reached this point and this day. I have been thinking about the time where I have to fulfill Kouhai-chan’s「request」before that.
I don’t want a boorish intruder to tear up my relationship with Kouhai-chan.
But I also don’t want to suddenly just go fast-forward without any warning.
Little by little, little by little. I think it’s good for us to walk forward, with just a question a day.
That’s why――in this swaying train, I gripped on the handrail and faced Kouhai-chan putting all my feelings into lines that wouldn’t make it strange for someone to call me 「trash」.
「Would you wait for me? I haven’t changed the school rules yet as well.」
Kouhai-chan cast her eyes down, heaving a big sigh.
「Seriously. Just how long do you want to make me wait?」
From Kouhai-chan’s face which she raised after breathing out, I could see a faint smile.
「Really, I’m doing this because it’s senpai, okay?」
At least, she doesn’t seem disappointed.
Since it already becomes like this, I have to declare it to Kouhai-chan.
Err. The closing ceremony will be held on December 22nd, and the winter holiday starts after the Emperor’s Birthday Holiday on the 23th. After that, there would be less opportunities for us to meet.
By the way, it was close to Kouhai-chan’s birthday, right? Was it the 12th? Actually, I felt like if we could stay like this, it would be the best. But maybe I was being a little too harsh.
That’s why, let’s finish all of this by the closing ceremony.
「By the end of the year. I will put them all the school rules into shape, so wait for me.」
「I understand. I will wait for senpai.」
The things I know about my senpai 62
I was kept waiting until the end of this year.