Chapter 257: It’s a dangerous situation where oversaturation might soon lead to overflow, so let’s erase some.
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Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”
Day 63 – Late Morning, Murimuri Castle.
The time ran out. I had Armored Pres-san leave beforehand too.
(Shake-Shake)
She was really against it. She was fine with going but didn’t like the outfit (armor).
I’ll have her do some guerilla warfare to protect towns and villages under Stalker Girl’s clan’s guidance. The assumption that they are safe since the land belongs to a noble allied with the First Prince backfired.
Apparently, forces of the First Prince attacked a village, furthermore, it wasn’t some fringe case of rampage, but done by a unit under the First Prince’s command. Sensing that something was amiss Stalker Girl’s clansmen tried to evacuate the villagers, but the village chief and men that were tending the fields were murdered while food and valuables were carried off. Moreover, it seems that they actually were after women. At this rate, all of the villages and towns on the way to the frontier might end up pillaged. To think that he cares nothing about whether the land belongs to an allied noble or not, I heard that he was no good, but this is a good match for actual bandits.
Keeping Armored Pres-san’s『Full Silver Armor』, I gave her the leftover『Spike Mail』from previous dungeon explorations, and she really hated it but… It looked incredible on her.
「No, I mean, you get it, right? An evil-looking villainous armor will have a better effect, right? Like, for intimidation purposes? If you say『Any bad kids around?』wearing this with the morning star in your hands most people will immediately run away? Yeah, definitely, anyone would run away without hesitation. Whoooa~, no, nevermind? It suits you… Is that a good thing though? Well, you are looking great, so go break a leg! Be careful, I’m counting on you? See you.」
Half-crying, Armored Pres-san left, wearing a villainous spiked black with crimson armor of such a brutal look that even the supreme ruler of the post apocalyptic world would’ve been freaked out by it. [1] If she accidentally encountered a Demon Lord, they would’ve immediately gone back home. Defensive power is in the gutter, but there isn’t anyone capable of landing a hit on Armored Pres-san anyway… And seeing that, no one will even attempt to fight anyway, yup, that was scary! The armor had more impact than the Dungeon Emperor herself, that’s some really scary stuff! Makes sense that I couldn’t sell that thing no matter what? Of course no one would buy that!
Taking the royal guards capable of fast travel and borrowing horses with Skills from Meripapa-san I make preparations. The luxurious and gorgeous carriage with bed for welcoming Sexy Female Knights is ready too. What’s left is to load the royal middle-aged man into the other, irrelevant, modified high-speed carriage, and we can go. Enemies seems to have scattered, but the worst unit seems to be the one with the prince, so if we crush that one first, they will stick to the church’s wishes and will head straight for the frontier.
I have to end this as soon as possible, otherwise, with nothing but middle-aged men around, and now even the prince being another middle-aged man, we are one step away from a middle-aged men saturation phenomenon occurring, breaking through the world’s middle-aged men allowed limit, causing middle-aged men overflow, an extremely precarious situation. So let’s erase some of them.
An army that assaults villages for women and valuables is basically just bandits, so they don’t need a military tribunal. Military is supposed to protect citizens, if they don’t, then they aren’t needed. An army that, on the contrary, assaults people, is better to be erased. For the sake of the world and my own. I mean, it’s a bunch of middle-aged men anyway.
Finally, the Royal Middle-Aged Man is stuffed into the carriage by Meripapa-san. He seems to be confused and flustered by the abruptness, but he has a determined look. He probably intends to save the kingdom with those negotiations. He must’ve resolved himself. Well, the likelihood of negotiations happening is about as high as for the existence of intelligence for the Idiots. Nil? None at all?
We gallop to the destination.
At this point, it would’ve been better if I went on offense from the very beginning. I’m behind on everything now.
All of the horses have sashes with『Acceleration』effect. The horses didn’t get a chance to practice with them, but since we are going simply in a straight line this shouldn’t be a problem. Two hours should be enough to get there, and that place seems to be the most well-suited location. A great spot to have deep, deep discussions, getting to the very bottom of the issues. I’d like to reach it first and make preparations, so let’s hurry.
「Dammit, just what’s up with all the beautiful female knights going to the dungeon with the Pres and others? They even took Merimeri-san, that leaves nothing but middle-aged men! Why did they have to create this 100% middle-aged men state? What are they going to do if I get infected with middle-aged man too?! What is this high middle-aged men concentration phenomenon? What if it leads to Middle-Aged Men Fusion from Middle-Aged Men Enrichment? If Middle-Aged Men Fission occurs the world will be destroyed by Middle-Aged men, you know? That’s definitely something that shouldn’t be divided. I mean, it’s middle-aged men?」
I can grumble all I want, but since there is nothing but middle-aged men around there is no one to reply to me. I’m just muttering aloud, riding the carriage by myself. It feels rather lonely without Armored Pres-san or Slime-san around. I was always alone, but it seems I have been corrupted by by this world’s liveliness and noisiness without noticing.
And thus we reached the forces of the First Prince. We actually arrived earlier, but they seem to be wasting time on something useless again.
The Royal Middle-Aged Man and others are endlessly negotiating the negotiations, promises, conditions, and whatnot. Well, whatever? I already gained the terrain advantage. I couldn’t get the timing or the people, but if I sink the people and the timing into the terrain it wouldn’t matter anymore. [2]
The middle-aged men just keep talking on and on. And finally, I was handed to the prince along with『Full Silver Armor』, although the armor doesn’t have the dungeon emperor inside, so it has a normal shape. I mean, it looks super lewd with her in it? Like, seriously. The sensuality of those curves is crazy enough to open new doors in highschool boy’s preferences, it’s super serious!
「Kill.」
Finally, meaningless and pointless make-believe negotiations seem to be over. I’ve got tired of waiting. The fools have long since surrounded the fool (royal prince) making a total fool of him, and yet they still kept dragging this on for so long? It was getting so long that it felt like one of those Girls-Only Meetings, but those meetings at least have schoolgirls, and this here has nothing but middle-aged men. Let’s sink them. Filth (middle-aged men) has to be flushed!
「Hey, brat! Run away. …And sorry.」
Nonono, old man, don’t move, you are getting in the way? If you move around and fall you are going to sink? And I’m not going to save you? Since you are a middle-aged man? I’m serious.
「Eehm, Old man substitute? No, you aren’t a substitute, you yourself are an old man enough, but you are standing in for another old man, so old man substituting old man? Anyway, old man. Don’t get in the way, okay? The handover is complete, so it’s too late, the delivery was accepted, returns are not possible. It’s payment with life on delivery, so I’m going to charge it from them? Kind of?」
With the handover complete it’s already finished. If this silver armor came with contents then it would’ve been over before it ever began, you know? Well, since the handover is complete, I have to make sure that the package is accepted. Just a small token massacre to give a taste of local hospitality.
「Can you get any dumber? Why would you diligently come with lance-armed heavy infantry to ambush unarmed envoys? Why wouldn’t you scout ahead and confirm the terrain? There is no such plain in this area, you know? Fighting a war without a map is way too stupid, ah, damn I really hate this! Like, what was the point of all the preparations that I’ve done so far? Is how staggeringly dumb it is? And the prince is a pig? Hey, why did you even make a pig into a prince? Previously there was an orc mayor or something, and now a pig for a prince? Are you that starved for personnel? Didn’t you have at least an orc around? They are at least humanoid, so compared to a pig… Hm? Wait a moment, I sort of feel like it doesn’t matter at all! I guess?」
The opponent was way too much of an idiot to begin with, or rather, a pig? Looks like this world has deep-rooted personnel issues. It seems to be oinking something though… Something about eyes? This pig’s vision is no doubt clouded if it has problems with my eyes overflowing with kindness and compassion. Alright, let’s cleanse it with the muddy swamp water.
I undo the 『Holding』and 『Earth Magic』that were covering the ground. I mean, if the surface is not hardened then it’s just a swamp? Kind of?
…They are yapping something though? Well, communication is important, they probably want to convey some point, so let’s hear them out.
「Help you? Save you? Well, did you? Helping the people is the army’s duty, but did you help the people from the villages that you attacked when they were crying for their lives? No, you didn’t, far from that, you killed them. Do you seriously think that after doing that someone will save you when you cry for it? You fell so low in the military that you are no different from bandits now, so how about you go even lower and just sink to the ground? I mean, it would spare the effort of burying you, so everyone will rejoice? What? Don’t tell me that you thought that anyone would mourn your deaths? No no no, you can’t be complaining about getting cruelly killed after murdering others like that? If you don’t like that, you should have stuck to being proper soldiers, but it’s too late for that. Yeah, I’m not saving you, okay?」
Well, the pig seems to be a pig prince, which sounds like a rare one. It would be a problem if it’s an endangered species, so I’ll keep it alive. The Royal Middle-Aged Man can handle the rest.
The pig is still squealing though?
「What! What is this! What have you done, you bastard, WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOONE! GUbah!」
It was annoying so I tried burning his head a bit. Your hair roots are already dead, like, literally? The Geeks’ heads won’t burn at all, but at the same time, if it’s this easy to burn there is no fun to it.
「No, it was a swamp from the very beginning, you know? If you jump into the middle of a swamp that merely had its surface hardened a bit, wearing heavy armor, you’d usually end up drowning? The surface isn’t solid anymore, so the more you struggle the faster you will sink, and if you don’t struggle you will sink anyway, and if you don’t sink, I’ll drown you? Well, you are sinking. Or rather, go sink yourself.」
Even if you ask what I have done, I didn’t do anything, or rather, I merely stopped what I was doing, and yet he makes it sound like this is somehow my fault, what a terrible pig. It is because of such despicable bastards that keep trying to falsely accuse me of everything that I keep getting misunderstood and can’t escape the ENDLESS hell of ETERNAL sermons! In other words, it must be this pig’s fault that I’m getting scolded!
The piggie’s army finally calmed down, but for some reason, our people aren’t saying anything as well?
The Royal Middle-Aged Man seems to be stunned, so let’s deliver him to Meripapa-san, he should be getting ready to depart for the capital too.
In a way it’s convenient that he is too stunned to move, but it’s kind of disgusting to be stared at like that by a middle-aged man? No one wants that, okay? I absolutely won’t tolerate BL with Middle-Aged Man in the Other World-like development! Or rather, I can’t tolerate this situation of being surrounded by nothing but middle-aged men! Let’s hurry and rejoin Armored Pres-san, restocking on Flat Gaze and Highschool boy passion. I mean, who benefits from middle-aged man’s stare?
Since she would be really mad if I forgot it, I make sure to put away『Full Silver Armor』. While I’m at it, also stash away all of the valuable weapons that the forces of the First Prince brought, which I was already grasping with 『Holding』, making sure they won’t sink. The armor that the sunken middle-aged men were wearing is dirty with swamp water and middle-aged men’s body odor, so schoolgirls are unlikely to buy it, let’s leave it be.
The Royal Middle-Aged Man is being tossed into the carriage while still frozen. His bodyguards seem pretty rough… As inept as he might be, isn’t he basically the current king, even if he is just a temporary stand-in? Well, since it’s a middle-aged man it’s fine though.
「Then, I’ll leave the rest to you, or rather, I’ll leave the delivery to you, or rather, I’ll leave the old man to you?」
He is still staring? I told you no one wants that, okay? I’ll burn you?
He is in a daze. He probably doesn’t get it. This old man must be a brainless old man that only keeps running around stirring trouble everywhere without thinking. He can’t do anything but make things worse yet keeps struggling, struggling, and struggling. So he must have no idea that he saved the kingdom. He doesn’t understand that there was honor in his unsightly struggle.
He doesn’t realize that that stupid, ugly, pitiful and disgraceful floundering was pride.
Without pride, royalty is as fleeting as the wind. But it is that king stand-in, who knowing his ineptitude, ignorance, and powerlessness couldn’t do anything but unsightly crawl around, who showed that the pride was still there. While shunned, hated, and ridiculed by everyone, he still proved that it’s passed down through the royal family.
If one is incompetent, just get competent aides. Meripapa-san’s approach.
If one is talentless, just gather gifted individuals. I’m actually trying to gather Sexy Female Assassins, but no one is applying? Or rather, no one is coming to attack?
If one is foolish and powerless, just forge vassals and retainers into reliable assets. Generally, if you force some beating under the name of exercise on them they will get stronger regardless of their wishes. And it also would provide for a nice weight loss effect?
It’s enough for a king to take pride in their concern for the people. At least that has to be there, otherwise, it’s total nonsense.
And it’s the tradition to pass that pride down the line. If that tradition ceases, if the pride isn’t passed down, then the royal house ceases to exist with it.
As pitiful and miserable he was in his crawling, he didn’t forget the people. As inept as he could be, this much was merely natural for him. A stupid and futile pride. But it is what will allow the kingdom to survive.
Neither Meripapa-san nor Royal Girl had given up on it. Even that foolish younger brother showed pride in the royal family’s ways, in such a case, as long as treasonous nobles are gone it should be possible to get back on their feet.
Well, if it doesn’t work we can just crush it, but if the nameless kingdom whose name I didn’t hear yet disappeared, it would be very troubling if more countries popped up with new names, so I’d like to keep it if possible. I mean, adding even more names is nothing but a nuisance? I mean, I can’t even remember this Something-Something Kingdom’s name?
[TL Notes:
[1] Meaning Raoh, main antagonist of Hokuto No Ken.
[2] Reference to 天地人 (ten chi jin) principle, Opportunity, Place, People. One would commonly find it explained as listing the order of importance of those things, that no matter how great is Ten – Luck/Opportunity it cannot prevail over Chi – Place/Position, which in turn is also beaten by Jin – People or their Unity. But in this case it’s about another application of it. When one is to consider engagement, one has to have Timing (Ten), Geographical Advantage (Chi) and Support of the People (Jin) to ensure success. Having all three will bring victory, having none is a recipe for disaster.
]
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