Translation and editing: Team Foxsunes
After seeing him off, I hurriedly walked towards the living room. Upon reaching the living room, I saw the man who had the grimoire spread on his knees. He doesn’t look very different if I just look at that, and the anger he had shown a few moments ago could’ve even been my hallucination. But the facial expression, stiffer than usual and the unturned pages of the grimoire were evident that the incident that took place here, wasn’t an illusion.
He didn’t reply to my call. I went around and sat on my knees right in front of him, it was then that he lifted his head up the grimoire. I felt like the air in the temperature grew colder. I looked into his breathtaking face which had an annoyed aura which felt as if it was making the air vibrate and opened up my mouth. ｢I think there wasn’t a need to say that much.｣
｢…..So, you are going to be on his side.｣
｢It isn’t like that. It’s just that I thought there were better ways of putting things.｣
｢It’s better than showing hesitation and making him cocky. Or are you going to say that going to Nerogrant was better now?｣
I enveloped both his white cheeks with my hands and the man blinked as if he was surprised. I spoke gently looking straight into his sunrise-tinted eyes
｢What about you? Don’t you want to go to the Nerogrant Empire?｣
I know that my question at that time was cruel but, I couldn’t help myself but ask. A few days ago, Edi replied to this question saying that he couldn’t do such a thing due to his position. I agreed with him back then and also asked him what he would do if we ignored his position and circumstances. But he didn’t give an answer back then, so I asked him again. He squinted his sunrise-tinted eyes as if the question had left him speechless as his eyes reflected my serious face.
｢That again, I can’t possibly do something like…..｣
｢I won’t like if you say that you can’t do it today. I know that possibility isn’t zero if you really do something about things.｣
Royal Court’s Head Magician, The Hero of Salvation. And probably the only “Magician of the pure black” in the entire world. All those are the titles that are hard to let go of for our Little country which is keeping its independence based on the holy thing such as the Goddess’ Blessing. This man would end up sacrificing his entire life to this country. It is an obvious thing that everyone knows for since who knows when.
But is there someone who can stop him if he decides to leave the country? He can possibly fly around freely as he wills, to not only the neighboring country but around the world leaving behind whoever tries to stop him with his massive magical affinity. There are only a few that can stop him…like father and I but we probably won’t stop him if he were pushed so far that he decides to leave the country. Would it be a different case if his family and friends were taken hostage? No, that man would crush such an attempt and leave the country without any lingering feelings. It isn’t because of my bias towards him that I say he can pull off such feats, I am just stating the truth.
His eyes that were opened wide open due to surprise, flickered for the first time. It was like the eyes of a lost child. Hey, darling. Why are you making such an expression now?
｢―You like this country, don’t you?｣
Is it my imagination that his voice sounded like a child who is making excuses just because he is scared of being scolded? Or is it something that’s very far away from his usual tone?
｢I want to make your wish come true. If you want to stay here that I’m fine with that.｣
My body was trembling but because of a different reason than it was before. I somehow held myself back from shouting at him. I managed to subdue my impulse that came rushing out from inside my body by putting my hands down and clenching them hard. Edi looked at my actions in a confused manner, completely oblivious of the situation. I got even angrier at the man who knew I was already infuriated but didn’t know why. I managed to control myself by releasing a long sigh. So, this man really was thinking like that, it made me realize that the hunch I had about him during the afternoon conversation with the princess wasn’t wrong at all. How cruel can things be, I wanted it to be wrong. This man’s reply is cruel. Too cruel. Does he really think that such an answer could make me happy? But yes, I can’t deny that I’m feeling happy about the fact that he cares about me so much and it makes me hate myself. Indeed, I am also the one who is being cruel. Since, at the end, I gave Edi the right to decide. He just made me realize that. How foolish can I be? Even if ambassador Gabriel’s intentions were involved, Lucius tried his best to motivate us. I realized now, how sincere he was to us and that we couldn’t return that feeling or repay his efforts for even once.
I bit my lip and the man lifted my wet hair from my shoulder, he confusedly tilted his head slowly. His original intentions were overshadowed by his gesture that looked like that of a doll with the beauty that looked more beautiful than a doll made by the best craftsman of the generation.
｢Or do you like Nerogrant more? Well, it is true that they are comparatively open towards the people Having Black, just like the History Book suggested. Royal Palace might not think of us leaving as a good thing, but the Temple that doesn’t understand politics would be more than happy to get rid of me
And you wouldn’t have to hear from people just because you are my wife, as much as you do in this country. And you’d hopefully not hear things about your back’s…..｣
｢It isn’t about those things!｣
I couldn’t hear any more of that, I raised my voice and interrupted him not letting him complete his sentence. It was clear that he was confused but I continued to speak without caring about it. The calm part of my mind tried to kill my emotions. I shouldn’t be saying something like that. He was deeply hurt by Lucius and my words. I didn’t want to hurt him furthermore but the words didn’t stop and they poured right out of my mouth.
｢It isn’t just about me right? I want to fulfill your wish too. I want to hear your true feelings.｣
Yeah. It’s just that, really. I want to make this man’s desires come true. I really want him to be happier than anyone else. It’s something as simple as that but why is it so difficult? My nails are causing a sharp pain due to my clenched fist but the pain in my heart is far greater. It’s so painful that I can’t endure it. But it isn’t me who’s really in pain.
｢Even if all my wishes had been granted a long time ago?｣
The one who is in pain is this man who has stopped perceiving pain as pain. Compared to his pain, this pain in my heart isn’t a big deal.
What the hell is 『My wishes have been granted 』 you weren’t even allowed to wish for things for a long long time, and now that you are allowed to wish for something, you refuse to wish for it. Are you saying that you have given up on wishing for things? Am I not good enough to fulfill his desires?
｢Seems like you don’t understand a thing.｣
Not my feelings, not Lucius’ feelings, not the feelings of the people around him, and not even his own feelings. He doesn’t understand anything.
It is so sad and so frustrating to me. I know that this isn’t all his fault but this is too much for me to handle.
The man looked puzzled in front of my blurred vision. His hand reached out for my cheek but he put his hand down before they touched them. I wasn’t hurt by that, rather I was relieved since I would’ve pushed his cruel, yet kind, hand away if he had touched me.
｢Why don’t you understand? You don’t even try to understand……!｣
I spoke up with a voice that I’d managed to barely save from trembling, and for the first time, his sunrise-tinted eyes turned sharp. He glared at me with such intensity that everyone who was stared by those eyes would tremble in fear.
But even facing such a glare, the emotion I felt wasn’t fear. My heart was filled with a vast sense of hopelessness. Why doesn’t he realize? Why can’t I make him realize? That there’s a lot of people who care about him? That father and I aren’t the only people who care. The faces of the people who care for him vividly appeared in my mind. I just wanted to break down into tears. His hands are cold but I want him to realize that people who can warm them are more than two, but my feelings don’t reach him at all.
｢You, you say it like you are the only one worried about things.｣
He spoke in a tone with suppressed emotions, oblivious to my feelings. The atmosphere caused chills to crawl up my skin. The man looked at me with eyes he had never shown me before.
｢You don’t understand all of me either, don’t speak as if you know me.｣
I took a breath in because I couldn’t say anything back. Yeah, it is as you say. At the end of the day, I am only thinking about myself. I pushed all the decision making to him without deciding a thing myself saying it was for the good of Edi, I didn’t even try understanding him. There is no way this man isn’t worried, I just kept blaming him for the things he hasn’t realized.
His sharp eyes pierced through my weakness and slyness with such precision that I couldn’t say anything in my defense. My words would just turn into a sob if I tried speaking further, I couldn’t say anything more.
｢I am not feeling well, so I’ll be taking my leave. I’ll be sleeping in my own room.｣
I somehow managed to say something and stood up from the sofa and went towards the door, I am just lashing out at him. I know that it is a fit of selfish anger, I know it to the extent I get fed up with myself. But, I am at my limit. I felt stares from my back to an extent it was painful but I never turned back so that I’d be able to hold back my tears.
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