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Knox Cathedral – Part 05

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Translator: Kell

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“I know you’re there, Barcel. Stop sneaking around and come out.”

Snow began to fall from the moonless and starless, jet-black sky. Gemma passed through the tents set up outside the town and stopped in the cloistered courtyard of Knox Cathedral.

Barcel emerged from behind a pillar. “That’s weird. I thought you’d never notice.”

“I figured you’d probably be watching me.”

“So you tricked me. Nasty.” He laughed.

Gemma kept her gaze fixed at the black sky, not batting an eyebrow.

“Captain,” Barcel called.

“Everyone’s a liar.”

“What?”

“My father acted like a good man in front of me. Like he was an honorable knight, when in fact he was a despicable man who tormented the weak. And you made me believe his lies. You hid the fact that you killed my father. You protected me and raised me. And now the Church. Every single thing that I ever believed in lied to me.” She let out a self-deprecating laugh, then turned to Barcel. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. If everything I believe in is wrong, then which path should I lead my troops to? I led a lot of men up to this point, but really, I turned to you and the Vice Captain for help all the time. I was never fit to be a Captain.”

“You seem to have forgotten, Captain. If the Vice Captain had led the troops, the Lady Witch would have been burned at the stake and the Knights Templar would have been annihilated.”

“Oh, right,” she whispered in her usual tone, and Barcel laughed.

“What’s so funny?!”

“I’m sorry. I was expecting you to deny it. I never thought you’d admit it so easily.”

“The Vice Captain did, in fact, drive me away. There’s no denying that.”

“Yeah.” Still laughing, Barcel stepped out of the cloister and onto the courtyard. Gemma pulled back, so he retreated back into the corridor. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but one of your strong points is your ability to believe in others. You believed in the witch and the Vice Captain, despite the latter betraying you once. You agreed to what I had to say if you thought it was right, even though I lied to you for years. I know how difficult that is to do.”

Gemma frowned. “You make it sound like I’m naive.”

Barcel snickered. “You make it sound like being naive is a bad thing. As a matter of fact, the leader of an organization doesn’t need to be that good. If the subordinates are competent enough, the organization will continue running, and if the subordinates like the leader, the organization will last for a long time.”

“You think the Commander is just a figurehead?”

“How can a person who makes the final decision be just a figurehead? This is my own theory, but I believe the only absolute requirement for being a leader is that they have a sense of humanity. I have seen troops led by people who didn’t have it.”

When she realized that he was talking about her father, Gemma’s expression clouded. “Why didn’t you tell me that my father was a cruel man? That you killed him because of that.”

“Because I didn’t need to.”

“This is my own father we’re talking about!”

“So what? There wasn’t a single good thing about knowing that your father was a piece of garbage.”

Gemma’s eyes widened.

“In your mind, your father was a kind man. A noble knight you looked up to. You strived to be just like the father you had in your mind. What was the point of telling you the truth about him? That he killed my family, and that I killed him?”

“You could have at least avoided incurring my wrath when I found out.”

“You got me there. If that demon hadn’t said anything, I would have taken this secret to my grave.”

“But things didn’t go as planned.”

“Yes. I wish I could stop acting like your father, but I had gone on for too long. I’ll try to keep my distance as much as I can, but if you drink and wander off on your own like this, I can’t help but go after you.”

Gemma tried to say something back, but she did not know what to say. All she could do was let out a small, white breath. The emotions she could not put into words were stuck in her chest. She chewed on her glove in frustration.

“Your habit, Captain.”

“There you are, Captain.” Suddenly, a voice called out from behind her.

Gemma turned around. A tall, old man was walking up from the other side of the cloister. “Vice Captain!” she called.

“I was somewhat concerned when you did not return to your room. Was I interrupting something?”

“I, uhh… I didn’t feel like going back to my room. Strange as it may sound, my feet unconsciously brought me to the Cathedral. Even though I just learned of the Church’s grave sin.”

“I understand.” Leyland nodded softly. “When I heard the story from the Bishop, I prayed to the Goddess despite harboring doubts about Her. I suppose deeply-ingrained habits are difficult to unlearn. You should return to your room soon. It’s getting very cold. It would be awful if you became sick.”

Barcel retreated back to the pillar. “I’m heading back to the Lady Witch. Please look after the Captain, Sir.”

“Of course.”

Gemma almost called out to him, but she swallowed the words with a bitter look.

“Shall I call him back?” the old man asked.

“Uh, no! It’s just…”

“Is it about him killing your father?”

Gemma gave a start. They had avoided the subject throughout the expedition. When the Vice Captain asked about what happened at the Forbidden Library, she left out the part about her relationship with Barcel. She was sure that Leyland did not know anything.

“You were close to your attendant, yet you started avoiding him after you returned from the Forbidden Library. It was clear that something was wrong. When I questioned him, he told me everything. Soldiers always watch their commander. Keep that in mind.”

“I will.”

“I thought it wasn’t any of my business, so I pretended not to know anything. Is there a problem now?”

Gemma shook her head. “I don’t even know what the problem is in the first place. You knew that my father was a man not worthy of respect, didn’t you?”

“He was a man who was good at using faith to hide his revolting wickedness.”

“And you thought I was just like him.”

“I sincerely apologize for that. I was narrow-minded.”

“I-It’s fine.” Gemma quickly shook her head. “I imagine my father was that horrible. When I learned the truth, I thought, ‘Barcel would never lie to me,’ not, ‘My father would never have done that’.”

“Really now?”

“Perhaps I was vaguely aware that my father was not an honorable man. I heard rumors from time to time, and whenever Barcel talked about him, he always seemed a little nervous. Between my father killing Barcel’s wife and child and Barcel killing my father, the former felt more painful. That’s when I realized that I never really loved my father.”

Leyland nodded. “So you don’t despise the attendant?”

There was a pause before Gemma said, “I’m despicable.”

“I secretly celebrated when I learned that your father was killed by a Beastfallen. Now that is despicable. Shall we continue this on the way?”

Gemma started walking. “But I’m also angry. Barcel kept the truth from me. He said he didn’t need to tell me anything. That telling me would have only been detrimental to the both of us.”

“I suppose so. Do you agree with him?”

“Yes. What he said made sense.” Her face twisted as she felt the lump stuck in her chest. “But it’s so hard. Every time he says the right thing, every time I agree with what he says, I feel bitterness welling up in me. I wanted him to tell me. I wanted him to believe that it was okay to tell me the truth. Just as I believed in him.”

Leyland stroked his chin. “That is a tough one.”

“Why?! Is it because I’m not good enough? Because I’m—”

“Parents, more than anything, fear that their children will hate them.”

“What?” Gemma stopped in her tracks. She did not expect his answer.

Gemma’s bedroom was located in the Knight Templar’s barracks adjacent to the Cathedral. Many knights assigned to protect Knox Cathedral died when demons attacked, leaving a lot of fine rooms vacant. It was another reason why she did not want to return to her room.

Gemma and Leyland’s bedrooms were located on the second floor of the barracks.

Halfway up the stairs, Gemma faced Leyland. “By parents, do you mean Barcel?”

“Blood related or not, he spent his life raising and protecting you. He is your adoptive father.”

“That’s true, I suppose.”

“And parents sometimes do incredibly foolish things for their precious children. Like keeping secrets. The child must then set the parent straight.”

“B-But the Church teaches us to respect our parents.”

Leyland laughed. “The Church is no different. In its five-hundred-year-long history, the Church, as the parent of the people, committed many mistakes. Each time, its children, the believers, expressed their anger and corrected the mistakes. Although, I was somewhat shocked to learn that it committed a mistake from the very beginning.” He let out a sigh, but to Gemma, he seemed to have already recovered from the shock. “Do you understand now? Everyone makes mistakes. I have, and I’m certain you have, too.”

After a momentary silence, Gemma replied, “I understand.”

“What matters is what you will do when the opportunity arises to correct that mistake. As for the Church’s transgressions—its lies—I have decided to live with them. The Church’s teachings did, in fact, make me a good man. I believe the Church will continue to serve the people as well.”

“How can you accept their lies so easily?!”

“Ah, to be young. You may dwell on it as much as you want. A senile old fool like me has no time to worry about anything.”

“P-Please don’t call yourself senile.”

“This is the part where you laugh, Captain. If you take it so seriously, you will only hurt my feelings.”

Gemma turned pale. “I-I’m sorry, sir! I didn’t think you would make a joke. Please forgive my rudeness!”

“It is fine. Please forget about it. Now in my opinion, that attendant is not worthy of forgiveness.”

“Why not?”

“Because he is running away from your anger.”

Gemma swallowed.

“Afraid of absolute rejection, he takes a few steps back, trying to maintain some sort of distance. I could only describe it as cowardly.”

Gemma stared at the old man. He’s right, she thought. She had pushed Barcel away. Then he simply took a few steps back as if saying, “Is this far enough?”

Barcel didn’t need her trust to begin with, so when she pushed him away, he just let her. And she hated that.

“You have sharp eyes, sir.”

“I did not grow old for nothing. Now I know what I said, but I also see this as a good thing.”

“Which part?”

“Your distance. Children usually leave the nest when they become adults, but in your case, your parent was always by your side. It’s not normal. You two have been too close.”

Gemma felt her cheeks flush. Sure, she thought he was a little overprotective.

To her, Barcel being by her side was normal. So much so, in fact, that when an outsider said that they were too close, she somehow doubted it. And she found that terribly embarrassing.

“W-Was it really that odd? I-I thought that was normal.”

“You should study a little more what normal means. By the way, we’re having a meeting tomorrow about a rescue mission to nearby churches. Sleep well.”

With a respectful salute, Leyland left Gemma on the stairs and disappeared into his bedroom.

Gemma remained still, dumbfounded. She gently stroked her chest. It felt as if the bitterness inside had eased a little.

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