Reason – Part 01
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Translator: Kell
“You always want a reason, Mercenary,” she said with a somewhat troubled expression.
I blinked.
A memory. From when, I couldn’t remember.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you not remember? When we first met, you asked me why I chose you.”
“I mean, you also asked me why I hate witches.”
Zero smiled. “Do you remember the conversation we had that day?”
“How can I forget?”
Zero was like a rock that came crashing into my life in a rockslide. It was like strolling down a road, when suddenly a huge boulder fell out of nowhere, forcing me to run at full-speed nonstop on an unfamiliar path.
“You were the one who crashed on me, though,” Zero said.
“I told you to stop reading my mind.”
“And I told you I am simply reading your expression.”
After repeating the conversation for the umpteenth time, Zero and I shrugged.
“Of course, I have many questions, too,” Zero went on. “I even ask for reasons. But there is one crucial difference between you and me.”
“What would that be?”
“You need a reason for affection. Why do I want to be with you? Why do I want to talk to you? Why do I want to protect you?”
“Well…”
“And why do I like you?”
I shut my mouth.
“Why, Mercenary? Why do you seek reasons for affection? I question animosity. Why hate me? Why attack me? Because if I learned the reasons why, I could find a way to improve myself. But does affection need a reason? Is there a point in learning why?”
I was at a loss for words. I frowned, still silent.
Zero leaned on my back. “I think one reason is enough to dislike a person. But when it comes to liking someone, the reasons can be complicated. I love your fur, but that does not mean anyone who has fur will do. I love your cooking, but that does not mean I will choose anyone to be my bodyguard simply because they can cook. Let me ask you instead.”
“Ask me what?”
“Why do you like me?”
I almost reflexively said, “I don’t like you,” but I thought better of it. But admitting it plainly was kind of irritating.
“Well, I don’t dislike you,” I murmured.
“You are such a stubborn man. Then let me rephrase my question. Why do you not dislike me?”
“I’ve told you before. To me, you’re a harmless witch.”
“Why do you think that? Why am I harmless to you?”
At this point, I had no idea what to say.
Zero’s weight on my back, her body heat, her familiar sweet scent. Why did they make me feel so comfortable? Why didn’t I think of her as a dangerous witch?
Because she had never betrayed me? Not a good enough reason. My instincts told me she was not dangerous? I had no idea how effective a Beastfallen’s instincts were against witches.
“So you do not know?”
“Nope. I have no idea.”
Many times I asked Zero why, and each time, she came up with reasons to convince me, but now that she was asking me why, I couldn’t give an answer.
“Then there is no clear reason,” she said. “You should be familiar with the feeling. You like your knife, pot, clothes, armor, for no particular reason.”
“But people and things are different.”
“Not that much. You forget, Mercenary. I am your pillow, and you are my bed. We are each other’s favorite object, and for no particular reason.”
“So you’re staying with me because you like me as a bed?”
“Perhaps. Is that not enough for you? If I lose you, I will never have a peaceful slumber. That is why you are precious to me. What could be a clearer reason than that? Do you not feel the same way?”
“How?”
“If you lose me, you will no longer be able to sleep peacefully. After all, I am the finest and most harmless hug pillow there is.”
Zero put all her weight on my back, swinging her legs.
I couldn’t remember the rest of the conversation.
But I remembered being strangely relieved to learn that you don’t need reason for affection.
In the morning, a wild rapping at the door echoed throughout the whole room, accompanied by an endless demand to open it.
He had been screaming all night, showing no signs of exhaustion. Heaving a sigh of both admiration and exasperation, Secrecy strolled out of his room.
Three days had passed since he found Mercenary in the woods and brought him back to town. As soon as Mercenary realized that he had turned human, he fainted and was asleep for a while, but when he woke up, he insisted he would go after Zero—he would not back down.
Secrecy had no choice but to lock the man in his room. Now he was causing a ruckus. They were only borrowing a room in the Knight Templar’s barracks. Secrecy felt terribly ashamed at all the noise. He did, however, feel a little better when he recalled that the one who drove Mercenary and Zero out of town was Orlux, a knight.
“Father.” As he approached Mercenary’s room, Lily’s anxious voice greeted him. She had been sitting in front of the room for a while.
“What are you doing here?” Secrecy asked.
“I don’t know. But I’m worried.”
“That’s very kind of you. Please step back,” he whispered so the Mercenary would not hear. “I’m opening the door.”
Lily sprang to her feet, took the basket of bread and water that Secrecy had in his hand, and retreated to the wall.
Regripping his staff, Secrecy placed a hand on the wooden door; it was shaking from Mercenary’s repeated banging.
The moment it opened, the momentum sent the man tumbling out to the hallway. He tried to run away, but Secrecy tripped him with his staff and dragged him back into the room. Lily followed close, shutting the door tight behind her.
Pushing Mercenary back into the middle of the room, the priest let out a sigh. “I don’t know how you can keep it up without even taking a break. Beastfallen or human, I guess your ridiculous energy remains the same.”
Mercenary spit on the floor. “So you’re locking me up? I’m human now, so can’t you treat me like one?” His voice was filled with malice, hatred, sadness, despair, and frustration—how he could put all those emotions in his voice, Secrecy did not know.
Thinking back, he was a Beastfallen who spoke in a very gentle manner. When Secrecy first met Mercenary in Akdios, he thought the Beastfallen was a serious threat to the saint, but at the same time, he could not turn a blind eye to the humanity in him.
If asked which one he felt posed a threat to his life, the Beastfallen Mercenary or the human Mercenary, Secrecy would definitely choose the latter, despite the man possessing only half his power from when he was a Beastfallen.
“I told you,” Secrecy said, “we’re doing this precisely because you’re human. It’s to protect you. You know nothing about the human body. If you walk out in this cold without the right outfit, you will freeze to death, and if you are attacked like you always have been, you will die instantly.”
“I know that—”
Secrecy raised his staff and struck Mercenary on the face. Grunting, Mercenary staggered wildly and sank down on the floor, holding his head.
“I hit you with half of the usual power. Does it hurt? I bet it does. You can’t get up, can you? Of course not. You’re human, after all.”
Mercenary did not answer.
“If I hit you with the usual force, you’d be out cold, or worse, dead. At the very least, you’d be bleeding from a crack on your forehead. That’s what a normal human being is. I know you don’t want to accept it, but if you challenged me head on right now, you would never win.”
“Yeah, I’ll never buy it!”
“And so long as you don’t accept that you’re weak, you’re not leaving this room.”
“Fuck!” Mercenary spat and punched the floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Curse this fucking body!”
There was a crunch, followed by the smell of blood spreading. Mercenary’s hands, the skin and flesh of a fragile human being, worn down from the constant banging on the door and floor, were finally torn. He froze, as if stunned by the fact.
Lily tugged at Secrecy’s clothes. “I’ll, uhh… go get some medicine and bandages.”
“You don’t have to. A little injury should quiet him down. Maybe I should just break his leg. He must learn how fragile the human body is.”
Secrecy pointed his staff at Lily. Realizing what he meant, the girl hung the basket of bread onto the staff. Keeping a short distance away, the priest silently set the basket down in front of Mercenary.
“Now that you’re human, you can’t be as careless with your body as you were when you were a Beastfallen. If you neglect your wounds, they will not heal, and if you do not eat, they will heal more slowly. Without medicine, you will suffer from pain, or worse, fever. You are now learning your own weaknesses, which other humans have been aware of since they were babies. It’s what you always wanted.”
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