Extra Chapter 3: Maritaro
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a grandfather and his three grandmothers.
「 Why so many grandmothers?!」
「 And more importantly, putting Lilu aside, why do we have to be old in this story?」
「 Ah well, Aur plays the grandfather, so I guess it’s okay.」
Grandfather went to the Dungeon in the mountains to mine in the tunnels, while the three grannies went to the river to do laundry.
While they were doing it, a large peach came flowing down seemingly out of nowhere.
「 It must’ve flown from the river’s source in the mountains. Let’s catch it and eat it! Hurry, before it flows away!」
「 Leave it to me.」
And the black haired granny changed into a slime to pick up the giant peach that was rapidly flowing away.
「 Nope, I can’t do it, this peach is too heavy.」
And so the black haired granny got dragged away with the flowing peach with a disinterested expression on her face.
「 Just leave it to me! Haaaaa…. Gosh dingily dang it, this peach really is super heavy!」
The red haired granny tried to help, but ended the same as the black haired granny.
「 What on earth are you guys doing?」
The grandfather commented after helping his grandmothers.
After they (somehow) managed to get the peach out of the river, they decided to cut it into pieces for the ease of consumption.
Black haired grandma wanted to cut it into a cross shape, but was stopped by the other two.
「 Wait a minute, why would you cut it like that?! If we want to share it equally, we have to cut it either horizontally or vertically.」
「 In case there was someone inside of it.」
「 Why would there be someone inside a peach?! Just cut it vertically already!」
Acting in accordance with the words of a grandma with bat-like wings, black-haired grandma cut the peach vertically.
And when she did, a baby girl cheerfully came out from inside the enormous fruit.
This surely must have been a gift from God.
As they did not have any kids themselves, grandfather and his three grandmothers were delighted.
And since she was born from a peach, the named the girl Maritaro.
「 Wait a minute, that name has nothing to do with the peach.」(TL Note: Momo in Momotaro means peach)
「 And is it really alright for a girl’s name to be ending with taro?」
Apparently it was fine. Growing up healthily, Maritaro became a breathtaking beauty.
And one day she said:
「 I’m going to go to Onigashima (Demon Island) and put an end to all the bad demons!」
She did just like she said, and headed to Onigashima with a bag of kibi dumplings prepared by her three grandmothers.
During her journey, she happened upon a female dog.
「 Maritaro, Maritaro!」
Repeating her name like a chant, the dog approached her.
「 Please f*ck my b*tch p**sy senseless with your hard horse-like c*ck and fill my baby bag to the brim with your semen~~!」
「 You do realize that I’m a girl, right? As in, I don’t have a c*ck?」
「 Well that’s a damn shame, but what can you do, right?」
This short exchange was weird. And horrible. But mostly weird.
「 But I think that grandpa Aur might give you just what you’re looking for.」
「 Then I will follow you! To the ends of the earth if I have to!」
And like that, Female Dog became Maritaro’s companion.
Continuing their journey, they met the monkey.
「 Maritaro, Maritaro!」
The monkey approached Maritaro with a serious expression.
「 I will go together with you if you give me one of those delicious dumplings you have there!」
「 Okaaaaaay, that’s fair enough, I guess.」
But then Maritaro noticed that she forgot to take the dumplings with her when she left home.
「 I’m truly sorry.」
「 It’s alright, no need to torment yourself over it.」
The monkey replied to the troubled Maritaro.
「 I’ll come with you even if you don’t have anything.」
「 After all, Aur asked me to protect you, Maritaro.」
Truth to be told, Monkey was actually grandfather’s secret agent way back from when grandpa was a Demon Lord.
And so it also became Maritaro’s companion.
「 Ma… Maritaro! Haa… Mari… taro…! Haa, haa…!」
Next, the party met the pheasant.
In order to catch up to Maritaro, it ran up at full speed, which made it feel exhausted, as it didn’t have a lot of stamina.
「 Are you alright?」
「 Yes…. I’m… I’m alright, no need to… to worry about me… haaaaa, haaaa, no, I really can’t… anymore…」
「 All right, if you say so.」
Maritaro is a very kind girl, so she showed compassion towards an exhausted pheasant.
「 Maritaro, you… you forgot to take these dumplings with you.」
Breathing heavily, she handed Maritaro the sash filled with dumplings made by her grandmothers.
「 Thank you so much, dear pheasant!」
「 D-don’t get the wrong idea! I-It’s not like I did this especially for you because I like you or anything! I did
it just because your grandfather asked me to do it!」
The pheasant happened to be an obnoxious tsundere.
「 Well then everyone, let’s eat!」
When Maritaro opened the sash, there was exactly five dumplings in it.
Crab dumplings made by the grandmother with wings, filled with simplicity and warmth.
Crudely made dumplings prepared by the red-haired grandmother, who was a bit awkward at times, but cared for her with all her heart.
Dumplings made by the black-haired grandmother that were shaped like an ideal, perfect spheres.
And dumplings made by the grandfather, who greatly sucked at cooking, but loved Maritaro just as much as his grandmothers.
All four companions sat around on the ground, stuffing their mouth with delicious dumplings.
Lastly, at the sash’s bottom laid black, dubious-looking dumplings.
「 Your grandfather explicitly stated not to eat those.」
「 Just what did you put in those dumplings, Aur?!」
Thankfully everyone decided not to eat them.
And so Maritaro and her lively companions: female dog, monkey and pheasant finally reached Onigashima.
「 So we meet at last, Maritaro!」
What awaited them there was a red ogre with four arms and goat’s head.
I think all of you pretty much know where this is going so I’m going to skip through the battle with the demon.
「 Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! You absolutely can’t skip it!」
Oh I’m skipping it alright.
「 F*ck you then, do*chebag, I’ll fight them with all my poweeeeeeeer!」
…..Sigh, if you really want to do this then fine, it can’t be helped. Maritaro, please throw the black dumplings at the ogre.
「 Roger! And narrator, why are you suddenly engaging in conversations with the characters?」
When Maritaro tossed the dumplings at the ogre, they momentarily got stuck to his ugly face.
「 The hell is this?!」
When the ogre tried to wipe the dumplings from its horrendous mug of a face, they turned translucent and drastically increased their size.
「 HOLY F*CK IT’S A SLIME!」
Yes, the black dumplings were actually a devil-eating slime prepared by the black-haired grandmother.
「 DEVIL-EATING SLIME MY ASS!!!」
And it devoured the ogre’s magical power to the last drop, leaving nothing behind. And then…
「 Okay okay, I surrender! I surrender I said! Please help me!!!」
He reached his hand towards Maritaro in a reconciling gesture.
But Maritaro and her gang had already pillaged and plundered the treasure from the entire island, packed it into a car and used the escape route that the grandfather arranged to drive off into the sunset.
「 Abandonment play, how cruel. But that is also a form of Mari’s love! Ah, Mari, my beloved angel!」
The ogre shouted, and then it dropped dead on the spot. It died. and that is the end of that story.
Maritaro’s grandparents were delighted to see that their child had returned home safely.
「 Thank you for the black dumpling Sofi, I love you!」
「 I-It’s not like I did it just for you because I was worried you know?! Don’t misunderstand, i-idiot!」
Black-haired grandmother was also a terrible tsundere.
Thanks to the ogre’s treasure, everyone lived happily ever after. The End.
When Mio finally finished reading the book, Mari was already fast asleep.
「 Mio, you sucked as the narrator.」
「 Oh, don’t say that.」
Mio smiled towards flabbergasted Lilu.
「 You changed the characters quite a bit. Was that really okay?」
「 I think we’re fine.」
Mio puffed out her chest proudly.
「 Because that was a deluxe extra edition!」
「 It was awful!!!!!!!!」
And everyone lived happily ever after.
Female Dog: Sharl
Kibi Dumpling: Demon-eating Slime
Escape Route: Real Main Heroine (Dungeon)
Staright Man: Lilu