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V13 Story III – Part 07

I turned back to the girl and spoke from the heart. “Boredom is a luxury of those who lead normal lives.”

The girl didn’t respond. She took another step back, her wide eyes fixed on my abdomen. I looked at my own stomach and saw Uka. She was visible from outside.

The thin layer of my abdominal skin had turned into a translucent, gelatinous membrane. My organs were visible through it, like a fish tank. Most people would liken it to a caterpillar with its flesh dissolved after having larvae implanted inside. Within the twisted cocoon that was my belly, Uka lay asleep, writhing violently. The unborn infant thrashed amidst the throbbing organs, like it was in torment before even being born.

I remembered a passage from a book Asato had read.

Fetus, oh fetus, why do you squirm? Does knowing your mother’s heart fill you with dread?

I had no intention of harming Uka, but she continued to writhe in terror. Small hands pressed against the flesh of my abdomen. The sight was horrifying—something no one could easily absorb. After Uka had fully transformed into a demon and was suppressed by Asato, the wound had changed. My abdomen, filled with red mucus, had become something otherworldly. This was my fault, not Uka’s. I didn’t blame her.

A repulsive analogy was the only way to describe it. Anyone who saw it could tell.

I harbored hell within my belly.

“Guh, ugh.”

The girl covered her mouth, groaning. Her reaction was understandable. Women, in particular, might find this scene more horrifying than men. A baby nestled inside a man was an affront to all that was sacred.

She stared at my belly. Her dark, moist eyes lacked the fascination she’d shown when she witnessed the aberration created by the fox. That one was more of a funhouse attraction; the moving lump of flesh hadn’t posed any real threat to her. But the anomaly inside me was different—it consumed its host.

The girl’s face was frozen. She was encountering, for the first time, a person who had crossed a threshold from which there was no return.

I stepped forward. “You’ve developed an interest in this kind of thing. Remember: if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. If you’re drawn to aberrations, willing to hurt others for your own gain, and think you can live a happy life, you’re fooling yourself.”

“I-I… no, stay away from me!”

“I’ve seen plenty of people who wanted to stay whole but ended up shattered. There are far more pitfalls in this world than you realize. Peek carelessly, and you’ll end up like this. Don’t step into places you shouldn’t, not with half-hearted intentions. Never engage in such vile acts again. Each time you hurt an animal or a person, those wounds will eventually mark your own body too. Curses, like chicken, come home to roost. Don’t even think you’re an exception.”

I recalled the faces of those seduced by the fox, the ones who willingly plunged into their own abyss.

Every victim and perpetrator in the cases Mayuzumi had been called to handle met pitiful ends. But I knew some probably managed to escape—people who hurt others and still laughed it off, unaffected. I didn’t mention them. Those who stray from humanity never meet good fates. Curses, like chicken, come home to roost.

I kept pressing her to live a normal life. Even if her brakes were broken, she could still keep her foot off the gas.

I wanted her to turn back, for all those who could never return. This had to be a reason why I met her at this juncture.

“Live a proper life from here on.”

The girl bolted, her coat flaring. She brushed past me as she scrambled away. I couldn’t see her face as she left. I watched her go. Who knows how she’d change after this? Maybe she’d become this school’s next fox. But maybe, just maybe, this encounter had altered her fate, or the lives of those she might have dragged down with her. I could only hope.

There’s only so much one person can do for another. But a meeting can change things—it can derail someone’s fate or save them. I just nudged a child staring off the edge of a cliff in the other direction. I just hoped what I did would spark a change.

If Odagiri Tsutomu managed to change something in his final moments, it would be enough. Though I might never know how it would turn out.

Suddenly, I felt a strong grip on my shoulder. I was spun around to face Shirayuki. She looked up at me, her eyes free of sadness or anger.

Her expression was grave. I could tell she grasped the gravity of the situation entirely. Right now, Shirayuki wore the look of an esper. She was silently demanding confirmation and admission from me.

I gave a small nod. I had to tell her everything—to reveal what lay ahead and let her make her choice.

“Like I said earlier, Shirayuki-san. There’s something I need to tell you.”

And so I shared a brief tale.

I’d like to talk about Odagiri Tsutomu.

About a foolish man I know.

I had thought about Mayuzumi Azaka countless times. If she ever spoke of me, what kind of story would she tell? Probably a long list of complaints. Just as I had my gripes about her, she likely had plenty about me. But if I were the one telling it, the story would be short—just a string of trivial failures.

That was Odagiri Tsutomu’s life.

I raised my head. “We made it, somehow.”

“…”

A cold wind swept across my face. A river of lights flowed in front of me. We stood on the footbridge near Mayuzumi’s office. It was late, but the line of cars below stretched on endlessly, a stream of red and gold lights, like tropical fish gliding through darkness. I remembered the goldfish floating in the sky. The warm night air had a softness to it, almost like water.

“Do you remember this place, Shirayuki-san? This is where you and Shiramine-san fought.”

“I do. How could I forget? I almost fell here, and you saved me.”

“You were trying to die back then. But you chose to live, and that made me very happy. In this worthless life of mine, saving you was one of the best things I’ve ever done.”

I thought back on my life. So many things had happened. There were unbearably miserable days, but also moments of genuine brilliance. I couldn’t save everyone. There were people I’d killed, even. But there were also those I’d helped, those who had survived. To me, each one of them was precious. The ones I wanted to survive had made it. And that brought me the greatest joy.

I wished for peace for those around me. At the very least, I wanted the people I knew to find happiness.

It was the most daunting task, and I’d been fighting tirelessly for it.

“I’m going to see Mayuzumi Azaka, the one who gave me this life. I’m heading down into the spirit world. After everything I’ve said, I think you know where this is going. I’m going alone.”

“…”

“And if you’re still willing, I’d like you to hear me out. I know it’s selfish of me to bring this up now after staying silent for so long, but I don’t want to leave anything unsaid. What do you think, Shirayuki-san? Will you listen to what I have to say?

Shirayuki narrowed her eyes, glaring at me sharply. She probably wanted to call me a coward.

I couldn’t blame her. But still, I wanted her to make the choice. Whether to listen or not was up to her. She stared at me for a moment, then snapped her fan open and wrote her response.

“Hurry up and say it. How much longer are you going to make me wait?”

“You’re right. How long have I kept you waiting?”

She already knew what I wanted to say. And I knew what I needed to tell her.

These feelings had taken shape within me over time. But since the day I’d turned her down, I’d kept the words locked inside, never revealing them to her. I know well the weight of human emotions. Such words are never to be spoken lightly. That’s why I couldn’t say them back then. And that’s why I could say them now.

Finally, I professed my feelings to her.

“I love you. You’re the loveliest woman in the world to me.”

Shirayuki should have anticipated those words, but she remained still. The few seconds that followed felt like an eternity to me. She didn’t flush red. Instead, she just looked up at me, as if trying to grasp what I had said. But I knew my words had reached her, for her small hands were shaking. I fought to keep my breathing steady, feeling pain from the tension.