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V8 Story IV – Part 04

“What did you do to Karakuri Maihime? Is she safe?”

“…”

“Answer me, Yusuke. Please.”

Yusuke remained silent, cracking his neck. He jumped down from the stage. Gripping the bat in his left hand, he turned to walk away, ignoring his other bat.

I rushed up to him and grabbing his shoulder. “Wait, Yusuke, answer me!”

“Don’t touch me, you annoying fuck,” he said in a low voice.

He shook off my hand and walked away, going down the stairs.

Did he kill her or not? I couldn’t tell. If he did, Kugutsu might come back. I went after him.

“Yusuke! Please answer me,” I said as I made it on the lower step. “And where are you planning to go?”

He stopped and turned to face me. His face showed emotions again. He had on a skeletal grin.

“Let me ask you, then. What are you going to do, Odagiri-san?”

“…What?”

“I’ve already killed the human trafficker. If I did the same to Maihime, what are you gonna say about it? Do you want to lecture me? Fuck off.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. Images of the dead trafficker and Maihime standing tall flashed in my mind, leaving me confounded.

“Why do you care where I’m going?” Yusuke scoffed. “It’s too late to change anything.”

The dead don’t come back to life. The murdered don’t return home. The fact that he killed someone would not go away.

“You want me to come back? Is that it?”

Tell him to return to his old life. Did I have the right?

Yusuke stopped smiling, and his face turned blank once more.

“It’s too late to go back.”

I gulped. Yusuke had killed people even before seeking revenge. But this time, I couldn’t turn a blind eye. More people died, and I couldn’t say that nothing had changed.

Maihime’s image flashed in my mind. She chose to be killed, so there was no room for grudges.

But Kugutsu was different. He truly loved her.

If someone you loved was killed, feeling resentment was natural.

My belly tore open. My thoughts were a mess, and I struggled to find the right words. I tried to tell him off, reason with him, but I couldn’t. Whatever I said would only come out shallow. So instead, I blurted out my confusion, voicing the first thing that came to mind.

“So, where are you going?”

Yusuke’s brows furrowed. I glared at him with a mix of doubt and anger.

“Things can’t be undone. So where are you going?!”

He claimed it was too late to go back. But even if you killed someone, reality would go on. As long as you lived, you could only go forward. Too late? He was just running away.

“Stop seeking revenge. Don’t run away from what you’ve done! Even if you can’t make amends… Running away won’t solve anything! I will find a way to stop Kugutsu from killing you. So, please, stop killing and come back!”

The cycle of revenge had to be severed. Maybe I was overly naïve. But that didn’t stop me from begging him to return. It was far better than him wandering alone and possibly hurting others again.

“Come back, Yusuke! Then we can think about what to do from there. You’re just like me, remember? You’re afraid to die. I know how you feel.”

Once when we went to the fox, he said that he was only alive because he didn’t want to die. Yusuke and I were very similar. No matter how harsh reality was, we couldn’t bring ourselves to end our own lives.

“What will you achieve by running away? In the end, you’ll have to face the truth!”

Yusuke hung his head, his shoulders quivering.

“You don’t understand,” he mumbled in a barely audible whisper.

“…What?”

Yusuke raised his face, and his expression left me speechless. He was crying like a child.

“You don’t understand a thing!” He grabbed my collar, using his injured right hand to throw me away.

I swiftly shifted my posture and landed on top of a puppet. Still the impact knocked the wind out of me. If we hadn’t descended the stairs quite a bit, the fall might have been fatal. I coughed and threw up.

Yusuke made it to the bottom of the stairs, his right hand trembling weakly. He looked down at me, tears still flowing. He raised his left arm, holding the bat straight up, then swung it down.

Clang!

He threw the bat to the floor.

I gazed blankly at the ceiling. Yusuke fell to his knees. He looked at me, tears streaming down his face. This was like a replay of our earlier encounter in his apartment. The difference now was that we were both hurt.

“You can’t possibly understand,” he sobbed. “No.”

He kept repeating that I didn’t understand. I had a feeling that he had a firm reason to believe that. I was probably missing something crucial.

Yusuke wiped the tears from his cheeks. “You… you…”

He seemed hesitant to say it. A gut feeling told me I should stop him, but I couldn’t find the words. If I didn’t, my belly might rip open again.

But I didn’t stop him. I waited silently for his next words.

Yusuke took a deep breath, and revealed what he had been holding within.

“When you saw Hirugao’s body, you didn’t cry, did you?!”

What he said brought back the contradictions that had haunted me in my dreams.

I stared blankly at the familiar corpse. I grieved her death while calmly observing the gruesomeness of her body. Touching it didn’t stir any emotions in me. It didn’t feel real.

By reflecting on it, I understood the meaning of her death.

Death is sad. Death is painful. Death is tragic.

But ultimately…

At the end of it all, it didn’t have anything to do with me.

“…I see.”

Yusuke’s sorrow was something I couldn’t fully grasp.

When I saw Hirugao’s body, I asked why she chose to hang herself. Before being shocked and saddened by her death, I was already worrying about how it would impact my life. I had no direct involvement in her death. Unlike the three girls and the child at the trafficker’s house, I had little connection. And I was used to seeing dead bodies. The shock wouldn’t last long.

The recent string of events had lessened the weight of Hirugao’s death. I did feel sad, outraged, and angry at the root cause of it all.

But the death of a girl I only occasionally met over a month felt lighter compared to the destruction of my everyday life.

That was my true and honest sentiment.

“You don’t realize how fucked-up you are! You act like a goody-two-shoes, always helping others and crying when faced with injustice. But if you don’t have to do anything, you wouldn’t even mourn someone else’s death, right?! And I’m not criticizing you for that… but…”

Suddenly, Yusuke reached out his tear-soaked left hand and pressed on my throat, glaring at me.

And from the depths of his abdomen, he cried, “Don’t you dare say you understand! You’re not in any position to tell me anything!”

There was pressure on my throat, but I could breathe. If he applied more weight, my neck might snap. He was still talking, and I needed to listen.

“And you… You brought back the fox, so…”

Why did it end up like this? Our once happy days had culminated in this tragic outcome. When I asked myself before, I vaguely came to a realization. I acted like I didn’t have anything to do with it, but in reality, I was partially responsible for Hirugao’s death. Yusuke’s face twisted violently.

He continued what he left unsaid back at the apartment.

“I’m gonna kill them. There’s nothing else for me to do. And you…”

“I actually wanted to kill you!”

His scream rocked my eardrums. I was barely shocked, surprisingly.

Even when faced with such burning hatred, my belly didn’t tear. What he said I had vaguely realized myself, yet avoided acknowledging until now. Yes, I was fucked-up.

I took a deep breath to calm my mind. With each twitch of my throat, the fingers on my artery trembled.

Looking up at his face, I revealed the thoughts that had been on my mind. “…Thank you.”

“…What?”

Yusuke frowned, eyes growing wide. He fell silent. There were so many other things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t express them well enough.

I went on, recalling what happened in his apartment. “I know now how you truly feel. But you didn’t kill me back then.”

Hirugao’s suicide destroyed Saga Yusuke. Consumed by vengeance, he chose to kill others rather than himself to escape the unbearable emotions. He was fixated on killing Maihime and the fox, but he also harbored hatred towards me. Unaware of what he felt, I kept being callous. Yet he didn’t kill me. He didn’t even break any of my bones. He let me go.

If that wasn’t kindness, what was it?

“You’ll be fine,” I said. “You can start over.”

Yusuke remained silent. I tried to say more, but my throat froze. I coughed, spitting out blood that had collected in my mouth.

Though he wasn’t saying anything, I continued anyway. “I might be fucked-up. But you, you’re okay. You wanted to kill me, but you fought back the urge. Then you’re not completely broken. I’m so… glad.”

Relief filled my chest. I remembered how Yusuke destroyed all traces of Hirugao.

He was driven to the brink, mentally broken, but he resisted the urge to kill. He could still find his way back.

“If you want to kill me now, I can’t stop you. But everyone is waiting. You should go back.”

I closed my eyes. A familiar face appeared in my mind. Yusuke had suppressed his urged to end my life. The times we spent together must have held some significance for him.

“Nanami would make some food while giving an earful. Aya loves having guests. Yukihito thinks of you as a friend. You saved Sarasa and Choubi. Shirayuki would scold you, but help you anyway. What about that junior you have in school? Also, Mayu-san…”

I continued rambling, but it didn’t matter. I just went on saying nonsensical stuff.

Yusuke was much more kind-hearted than he believed.

“So, you should go back. And start over. You were wrong, you see.”

Revenge was never the right path.

A heavy silence settled in. Yusuke didn’t respond. He released his grip on my neck and stood up. He walked away in silence, and soon his footsteps descended the stairs. I considered chasing after him but gave up. The tension in me had snapped, and I couldn’t move properly. I almost couldn’t believe I was moving and talking until now. I couldn’t get up on my own. I felt like I was falling asleep. My consciousness was fading.

At that moment, I heard footsteps. Someone was coming up the stairs. I opened my eyes and waited.

It could be Kugutsu. I completely forgot about him. Would he kill me?

And there, peering down at me, was a face resembling a fox mask.

“Hello there, Odagiri.”

“Huh. It’s just you.”

An unexpected company. So he actually got off the car. What was he doing here?

The fox smiled. Amused, he stretched his neck and looked towards the stairs.

“I heard everything from downstairs. This twist and ending were well within expectations. Yusuke is gone now. How does it feel having your self-deception exposed again? For me, it’s delightful.” The corners of his lips lifted.

I let out a sigh. I always found it strange that the fox cooperated with me. He was as abominable as ever.

He shrugged, seemingly dissatisfied about something. “However, your reaction is slightly different from what I wanted. Unfortunate.”

The fox extended his finger. His sharp nails brushed against my cheek, touching my tears.

“Instead of feeling regret, it seems you’re just sad.”

“…I suppose.”

I didn’t feel disappointed about myself. As the fox pointed out, I was just sad.

I was sad about not crying over Hirugao’s death, about Yusuke’s revenge, and everything else.

Now, I was shedding tears over the recent series of events. Like a child, I kept grieving from the bottom of my heart.

Asato looked at the ceiling, dissatisfied. Suddenly he smiled and sat down on the floor.

“Yusuke was a bundle of contradictions,” he began in a singsong voice. “Seemingly broken, yet he didn’t want to be. He believed there was no salvation but yearned for it. Did you know that, Odagiri? He was chasing after you and my sister. I’m sure he was looking for someone to connect with, even while broken. And you missed that. A blunder on your part.”

I looked back on the days we spent together. He got involved in cases, seeking for a thrill similar to when he killed his father. His frequent visit took on a new meaning now.

The fox sneered. “Utterly ludicrous and silly. He was trying to live an ordinary life even though he was broken. Did you even realize that?”

I didn’t respond to his reproach. Even if I cried out in regret, nothing would change. I had said what I wanted to tell him. All I could do now was pray for him to come back.

A moment later, the fox shrugged. He got up, a smile on his face.

I wondered what he was thinking as he reached out his hand to me.

“…So, what will you do?” he asked me.

There was only one answer. I had to chase after Yusuke. I could stand up now. I took his hand. After a few seconds of silence, the fox looked puzzled.

As I tried to stand up, my foot slipped. I was reluctant to rely on the fox, but I had no choice but to ask for help.

“I can’t stand up on my own. I’d appreciate it if you could pull me up.”

He knitted his brows, tilting his head. After a moment of silence, he pulled me up. The long chain of his handcuffs jangled. I rose to my feet unsteadily. The fox seemed displeased.

“Odagiri, given the situation, don’t you have any wish that requires the power of the supernatural?”

I looked at my palm. Apparently, I had unknowingly walked into a trap. If I had a wish that required supernatural power, it would have been granted the moment I took his hand.

How stupid. I had no intention of relying on the fox’s power.

“Well, I did wish for you to pull me up… Thanks.”

The fox looked like he had been punched. He looked vacantly at his own hand.

It was a baffling reaction. Ignoring him, I headed downstairs.

“…Pull you up, huh?” he mumbled.

I wondered what he found strange. Normally, humans couldn’t grant each other’s wishes.

Pulling each other up was the only thing they could do. And that should be enough.