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V9 Story I – Part 01

An invisible wall surrounds me.

This feeling has been with me for as long as I can remember.

Through the wall, I catch glimpses of the outside world. But even though I’m separated from it, the pain in my heart remains the same. There was no change in the visceral graphicness of the outside world. While I was the only one inside the walls, unable to connect with anyone, there was no significant difference between the outside and the inside.

It’s like I’m observing everything from a distance. I watch people, much like me, reaching out, sometimes causing harm without reason. I see the tragedies of the outside world as if they had nothing to do with me, and I’ve learned to accept them.

This wall is unbreakable. Even if I could invite someone in, the wall would stay. But no one ever visits this place. Inviting others is forbidden.

I shouldn’t yearn for simple happiness, because it’s beyond what I deserve. Someone with a body so greatly inferior to that of a human should never seek it.

The invisible wall is thick, and there’s no way out. I’m so isolated, so alone.

But fortunately, it doesn’t interfere with my life. I continue to exist in this confined space, like a fish in an aquarium, breathing meaninglessly.

And that’s okay. It’s enough. I’ve believed in that for a long, long time.

Or so I thought.

When I opened my eyes, I saw a white ceiling.

My vision was oddly blurry. My left hand throbbed with pain, like it was a lump of heat. I fought to keep my consciousness from slipping away, struggling to figure out where I was.

After we found Hirugao’s body, I accompanied Yusuke back to his apartment. He was out cold and wouldn’t wake until the alarm rang. There should still be some time left.

I noticed a painting of morning glories on the wall to my left, a memory of happiness shared by Hirugao and Yusuke. There was no need to question what happiness was. There had to be days when he thought life was good. I’d tell him that when he woke up.

Kugutsu and Maihime were probably in the mansion. Time stood still until I woke up.

I sighed with relief, feeling my body enveloped in sweet exhaustion. I almost felt sick.

That couldn’t be right. In an instant, I snapped out of the dreamy haze. I threw off the futon and tried to get up.

The bed creaked loudly. For some reason, my body was restrained with straps.

“What the hell… What’s going on?! Damn it!”

Every time I struggled, searing pain shot through me, as if my bones were shattering. But I persisted, trying to break free. Then, a calm voice came from above.

“Calm down. Do you want to wreck the bed?”

A sweet scent drifted to my nose, and my eyes widened.

Mayuzumi was by the bed, tilting her head. Black lilies adorned her hair, and her elegant dress looked like mourning attire, with delicate black lace on her pale skin.

Crack.

She bit into a piece of chocolate, and sweet bits fell on my face.

“Mayu-san, what happened? Where are we? Why am I tied up? Please, untie me… Why can’t I move?”

“So many questions. Stop struggling; that’s why you’re tied up,” Mayuzumi responded lazily.

As I looked closer, I noticed her outfit and appearance were different from what I saw at Maihime’s mansion. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a window with the moon in the clear night sky, its pale blue light reflecting on white walls.

A considerable amount of time had passed since the events in my memory.

“You were with me at the hospital to check on Maihime, and during her surgery, you fainted from blood loss and exhaustion. You were unconscious but thrashed around, so the nurses had to tie you up. Where did you think you were going?”

Mayuzumi teased with a crooked smile. I tried to speak, but no words came out.

Slowly, the memories of what had happened at Maihime’s mansion came back to me. Maihime had lost her legs. Kugutsu was furious.

Yusuke had disappeared, leaving a note that sounded like a farewell. I had no idea where he was. There were no leads to follow.

“I went back home for a while, but I got a message from Maihime’s surgeon,” Mayuzumi went on. “It’s quite the coincidence that you woke up now. It seems you won’t die. A wonderful thing.”

I glanced at my left arm. The hand that had been pierced by the chain was now wrapped in bandages. My body’s bruises had been treated, and an IV tube extended from my arm. But the situation had not been resolved in any significant way.

One person had decided to die, one person was hurt, and one person was furious. Amidst all this, I was the only one who had been peacefully asleep until now.

“Mayu-san, what happened with Maihime’s surgery? And where’s Kugutsu?”

“Maihime’s surgery went well. There are no life-threatening issues, but they had to amputate her legs. You can’t visit her yet. Kugutsu’s waiting outside the ICU. There are no other patients here. They will wait for longer than usual before moving her to a private room.”

I bit my lip, remembering the image of her pointing a gun at her chest and leaving elegantly.

“I, Karakuri Maihime, am going to meet my demise.”

She chose to be killed, keeping her pride. But Kugutsu’s anger was burning, and he might try to kill Yusuke. Things were getting worse fast. What can I do?

I pondered, feeling helpless. The conclusion was clear.

There was nothing I could do.

Others can’t intrude in the anger stirred when a loved one is hurt.

I knew that all too well. The image of Hirugao’s lifeless body crossed my mind. It was repulsive. Hiding my disgust, I kept repeating to myself: Death is sad. Death is painful. Death is tragic.

And I understood what it meant to not be involved.

I’d convinced myself that I knew Yusuke’s pain and suffering, when in reality, I knew nothing.

“If only I could genuinely cry…”

If I could truly mourn Hirugao’s death…

“Could I have stopped Yusuke before anyone got hurt?”

I whispered fruitlessly. Even as I said it, I knew how pointless it was.

Mayuzumi nibbled on a chocolate truffle, her sweet breath accompanying her words. “I think that premise is arrogant, Odagiri-kun.”

It was, for sure. But I couldn’t help but entertain such thoughts. I hadn’t truly felt the pain of Hirugao’s death. How could I have stopped Yusuke when I wasn’t a part of it?

Her death was sad. Her death was painful. Her death was tragic.

After Yusuke left, I shed tears for what happened. But now, I couldn’t truly grieve from the bottom of my heart.

Her death was linked to various tragedies. Too much time had passed, and too much had happened. It was hard to see her death in isolation.

Hirugao’s death was concealed, buried in a sea of flowers. And Yusuke’s grief would forever remain unfathomable.

“Stop these pointless fantasies. Speculations won’t change anything. Can you deny your own nature? Even if we went back in time, you might intentionally cause sorrow, but in the end, you still won’t shed a genuine tear.”

Crack.

Mayuzumi’s voice lacked warmth. She calmly bit the chocolate.

Gazing at the ceiling, I repeated her words. Tears welled up, blurring my vision. Tears that were not shed for anyone. Tears that were shed only for me.

I had no choice but to accept that.

“You can grieve and feel sorry all you want, but that’s just who you are as a person. Even if we could turn back time, a person can’t change the path they had walked.”

Mayuzumi’s words hit the mark. I couldn’t escape from myself.

Since dwelling on regrets was useless, I had to make a choice. Either let go of everything or keep picking at the wound.

I tried to move my arm to undo the restraint. While I was struggling, Mayuzumi finished her chocolate. Then, without saying a word, she pushed the nurse call button.

“He’s awake,” she said, not even turning to look at the nurse. “You can let him go.”

“But he still has the IV…”

“Don’t worry. He won’t thrash around subconsciously anymore. And I don’t want to hear his constant whining. If he collapses or gets hurt, it’s his responsibility. Just leave him be.”

Mayuzumi shrugged. They unfastened the belt, and I was free. I walked into the corridor with the IV still attached. The severe anemia had eased, suggesting the transfusion was done. The dim hallway was empty.

This ward was meant for the Mayuzumi clan’s special cases involving espers. They shared staff with the general ward next door. Right now, we were the only patients in this ward.

Accompanied by a nurse, I started walking. First I needed to see Kugutsu.

I remembered what Kugutsu looked like when I last saw him. His eyes were dark and hollow, the eyes of someone who had lost everything.

I was trying to help the person he wanted to hurt. That’s why I needed to know. Even if I turned away, the cycle of revenge would go on.

I had to verify his anger and hatred.