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V9 Story II – Part 04

I reached the annex safely and opened the door. Shirayuki raised her head. She gazed at me with a mix of relief and bewilderment. Her hand was rubbing Yusuke’s back.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.”

Yusuke kept mumbling an apology. I wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for.

He had changed yet again. He kept saying sorry like he was pouring out his soul.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m the one at fault. I knew everything, but I…”

Suddenly, he lifted his head and looked at me with dark eyes. His apology was interrupted. Pursing his lips, he glanced down at the bag and gave it a rough shake.

Something inside clinked.

“Ahh…”

He let go of the bag, and it fell to the floor with a thud. Ignoring it, he picked up a bat that was lying behind him.

With his uninjured left hand, he gave it a few test swings. His expression oddly cleared, as if he had intentionally flipped a switch.

Yusuke began walking. Shirayuki observed the situation.

“Move,” he told me. I was blocking the door.

“No, I’m not moving. Yusuke, do you recognize me?”

“Huh? Who are you?”

Yusuke tilted his head. It actually seemed like he didn’t know who I was.

Slowly, astonishment crossed his face. His eyes widened.

“Ah… What are you doing here?” he asked.

“You left with those words, so of course, I’d go after you. I was worried, you know!”

“Ahh, right, I see. Sorry, I guess. I should’ve been gone by now, but… Anyway, you didn’t have to come after me.”

Yusuke roughly ruffled his hair, then averted his gaze from me.

He reached for the sliding door and opened it. A cold draft swept inside. The icy wind carried the howling of a dog.

Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh.

“Yusuke, where are you going?”

“Where else? I’m gonna kill that thing,” he said casually. Too casually, in fact, that my mind couldn’t immediately process the words.

“That thing?”

“My old man.”

Yusuke pointed the bat towards the garden, and the howling intensified in response. I stared out at the garden in disbelief. The grotesque figure came to mind. Killing that thing was impossible.

“Calm down, Yusuke. You can’t beat Yujirou to death. It’s impossible to kill something that’s already dead. Calm down and think.”

“I should have killed him a long time ago,” Yusuke muttered low, swinging the bat around. His eyes were hollow, his voice tinged with regret. “Killed him as soon as I could. I’ve been making a huge mistake, not doing what I should have done, going in circles all this time. I’m so stupid.”

His tone was clear, but I couldn’t figure out his point. He kept swinging the bat around in confusion.

“I’ve been so scared of skulls suddenly laughing, so I thought I had to break people’s skulls. But that’s not it, actually.”

The bat’s tip grazed my cheek, narrowly missing me. Shirayuki shuddered. I shook my head to reassure her that there was no problem.

Yusuke was saying something, and I had to listen. Somewhere within his incoherent ramblings lay his true feelings.

“Back then, when Asako-san beat the dog to death, I knew. I mentioned it before, didn’t I, Odagiri-san? I should’ve killed my father then. It all comes down to that moment.”

His sorrowful cries resurfaced in my mind.

“I couldn’t protect them. I’m such an idiot! Fuck me! Revenge, my ass! So what if pops killed himself?! They’re still dead! Get revenge on my dad, and then what?! It’s fucking pointless! It’s too fucking late!”

“Everything that came afterward was just a substitute. I kept hitting other things in place of the head I couldn’t smash. Then I made another mistake.”

Tears welled up in his empty eyes, his expressionless face contorting horribly. He started crying like a child.

“If I had stopped my father back then, things might’ve been different. Asako-san and Aki would be alive. Oh, I guess I wouldn’t have met Hirugao… But still, why did I have to realize now, when it’s too late, that I was worthless for doing nothing? That it’s better if I wasn’t around.”

Incoherent words hung in the air and then faded away. Yusuke gripped his hair tightly and tore it from his skull. Regret filled his voice.

“If everything was different, maybe Hirugao wouldn’t have died either. Maybe no one would have died. But I was an idiot.” Yusuke took a deep breath. “If I wasn’t… maybe I wouldn’t be in so much pain.”

His words weren’t meant to be answered.

Yusuke shook his head and walked away. I grabbed his shoulder. Yusuke stopped, his bloodshot eyes locking onto mine.

“You know, Odagiri-san, there’s something I’ve been avoiding thinking about. Do you know what it is?”

No. How should I? I couldn’t say that I did. So, I remained silent, and Yusuke grimaced.

“Of course you don’t.”

Suddenly he grabbed my right arm. His injured right hand dug into my suit, causing the wound to reopen and his blood to stain my clothing. I tried to pull my arm free, but then I remembered that I couldn’t move the fingers on my left hand. To avoid raising suspicion from Shirayuki, I lowered my arm.

Yusuke didn’t raise the bat in his left hand.

“Please let me go. I need to go. I have to do this. I have to kill him. They died because I kept on running away. It’s all my fault.”

My vision turned red. Yusuke kept repeating it was all his fault.

He had conspired with the fox and killed someone before. He even harmed Maihime. These were unforgivable acts. But for Asako, Aki, and Hirugao’s death…

Why should he be culpable for not killing someone?

“I won’t find closure unless I go. I…” Yusuke walked away, his tone filled with longing and exhaustion. “I should’ve hanged myself from that pine tree back then,” he said weakly.

I let go. He slowly exited through the sliding door, leaving me standing there in silence. I looked at my arm and saw his blood on it.

I opened my mouth and licked the bloodstains on my suit. I bit down on the fabric, swallowing both blood and saliva. The taste of iron filled my mouth, and at the same time, the child inside me stirred.

A white landscape spread out before me. The dark walls melted away, revealing a snowy landscape. I stood frozen in the frigid air. A majestic pine tree loomed in front of me, and from its branches, two lifeless bodies dangled, deformed beyond recognition.

I tightened my grip on the rope. I needed to join them. There was barely any space between the two. I wondered if I could even put the rope up properly.

Their faces still bore vivid signs of anguish. As I looked at them, I couldn’t help but wonder.

Why didn’t they take me with them?

I asked myself the question countless times, but I knew the answer.

Even if they called for me, I wouldn’t have joined them.

Guilt weighed heavily on my heart, but a fog clouded my thoughts halfway. I was used to this feeling. Whenever I delved too deeply into my thoughts, I instinctively shut off my brain.

Besides, I didn’t need to think anymore. Everything would come to an end now.

If I hanged myself, it would all be over. No more despair, no more agony.

I let out a white breath. The stepladder was still in the car. I’d planned to check the tree first before bringing it. I was relieved to see the tree untouched. As I began to walk away…

A voice came from behind me, and my breath seized.

In the next instant, the bodies hanging on the pine tree vanished. And then it hit me.

Those corpses weren’t there at all. Yusuke had simply projected his own memories into empty space.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again. The painting folded back, and the gray wall returned. The connection was weak, likely because Yusuke himself was still unclear.

I snapped back to reality instantly. I was clenching my right hand. My left hand, meanwhile, remained motionless despite my efforts to move it. I took a deep breath and surveyed the room.

The rope lay behind the bed. I recalled the scene I’d seen earlier.

It was a memory too gruesome, likely etched deeply within him, horrifying enough to haunt a person for life.

I unclenched my right fist. It was then that I noticed Shirayuki’s gaze. Her eyes were wide, her face tense. Kneeling, she opened her fan and began writing with a brush.

“Is your left hand all right? I suspected something was wrong when you were driving. Is the wound really that deep?”

“O-Oh, this? It’s fine. I’m just… trying not to move my fingers too much because it still hurts.”

I waved my hand casually, concealing the fact that my fingers wouldn’t move freely. Relief washed over Shirayuki’s face, but she quickly braced herself and stood up.

“Let us go after Mr. Yusuke immediately. We need to stop him.”

“There’s something I’d like to ask of you,” I interjected.

My mind was burning, yet it was oddly composed.

Shirayuki stopped her brush, wearing an inquisitive look. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes once more.

A dog stirring in a snowy field. A child standing before the hanging bodies. I opened my eyes.

I was deeply grateful for her presence here. If no one was around, I would’ve been wandering alone. But now, I can ask for help.

“Please help me and Yusuke.”