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Chapter 38

Emmy’s Side: Breakdown

 

I was on a mountain where no one else was around.

 

Katie told me about the story.

After that, I… I didn’t know how I did it either, but I acted as usual and left Katie-san as if nothing had happened.

I don’t even remember what I said to her after that.

 

Once I was alone, I absentmindedly wrote letters on a piece of paper.

The content was what I had done. And what I would do in the future.

Surprisingly, I was able to write it all down calmly, as if I had locked the door of my emotions tightly.

I don’t even remember what I wrote.

 

The person I can trust with it… there’s only one person.

 

「Emmy? What’s wrong?」

 

I looked for Jannet and found her at a potion store.

I know Jannet uses magic potion frequently. Because at the moment, Jannet is the only one in our party who handles both offensive and healing magic.

To be honest, I think she’s pushing herself too much.

 

But I didn’t have time to think deeply about that now.

I then silently handed the folded paper to Jannet.

 

「Please read this where no one can see you.」

 

A voice devoid of emotion that surprised even me leaks out of my own mouth.

 

「Hey, seriously, what is…?」

 

「Then, after you read through it, burn it. Though, if it’s you, Jannet, I’m sure you would do so even without me telling you.」

 

Really, I wonder who’s this person using my mouth to speak right now. I wonder if this is really me.

 

「H-Hey…? Let’s calm down for a minute, okay? Right now, Emmy is…」

 

No… I can’t do that.

Right now… I have to keep moving, so I can keep myself together.

If I calm down now… maybe… I will…

 

That’s why…

 

「Jannet.」

 

「……W-wait!」

 

I will no longer look back.

 

「——Goodbye.」

 

I put strength into my legs and landed on the roof of the store.

 

「Emmyyyyyyyyyyy——!」

 

……So Jannet can make that kind of voice too, huh.

Good luck, my very shy best friend.

 

I didn’t react to that voice and left the city by jumping from roof to roof.

 

And right now, I’m alone in the mountains after purposefully leaving the main road that connects the town to the village.

A weapon, a shield, and some money. That’s all I have with me.

 

Sometimes, there are monsters that overflow from dungeons and escape directly into the mountains, and there’s even a story of people coming across a completely unexplored dungeon.

They rarely appear on the roads, but they frequently appear in the mountains. This is why there are usually no people walking along the mountain paths.

I can’t hear anyone’s voice, not even the sound of insects.

There is no wind. There is no sound at all.

 

Ahh.

 

It’s no use.

To think that there’s absolutely nothing around here.

 

——I’ll become calm at this rate.

 

Just then, a wolf-like beast with black fur and huge fangs appeared in front of me.

Its size is probably about the same as mine when it stands up.

It’s definitely a monster that had overflowed from a dungeon.

There are quite a few of them.

 

They appeared just when I needed them.

 

Good.

This is just good.

 

「——Arrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!」

 

I can see myself leaping toward the hordes of monsters with my sword by the reflection in their eyes.

While my shield… I didn’t use it and kept it strapped on my back.

 

「Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!」

 

With the sword I held with both of my hands, I severed one of the monsters from its spine with a single blow.

The power demonstrated by my sword was undoubtedly due to the level of my blessings as a 【Holy Knight】.

 

It’s a power that a normal girl would never be able to obtain.

 

「Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh——!」

 

The power that Russell, who was the most skilled with a sword among all of us, never got.

 

Seeing me rushing in alone, the monsters, which may or may not have feelings, leap at me at once and bite my skin along with my freshly cleaned clothes.

I cut off the monsters in front of me one after another without trying to defend myself, ignoring the fangs that dug into my body.

 

Maybe I’m feeling pain.

Maybe I’m not.

Honestly, I can’t tell.

 

「Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!」

 

I wanted to be a cute girl like the others.

For a long time, I daydreamed about being a princess.

I wanted to be a princess for only one person.

 

Or at least I used to.

 

「Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh——!」

 

At the time there were only two monsters left, my sword slipped with blood and fell from my hand.

When my legs gave up and bent down, one of the monsters leaped at me with great force and I put my hands in its mouth.

 

——This was when Russell was only about nine years old.

 

Russell, who treasures all of us, or rather, was a bit more mature than most of us, made a request to Frederica that day.

 

『I want to help with the cooking…』

 

Frederica was so delighted when she heard Russell’s cute 『request』 that day and let him chop vegetables alongside her in the kitchen.

Russell is still a clumsy and innocent child at that time. But the sight of the two of them together standing side by side preparing meals looked more than a relationship between a parent and child, and I remember being so jealous of that.

 

However, at one point in the middle of cutting vegetables, Russell dropped his knife and put his finger into his mouth while shaking in fear.

 

『Oh no!』

 

Blood was flowing from Russell’s finger when Frederica took his hand and took a look at it.

 

I was so terrified at that moment.

 

Russell is bleeding.

What if the bleeding doesn’t stop?

Now I can laugh it off as a child’s silly imagination, but back then I seriously thought that Russell was going to die.

I cried so loudly while hugging him from behind that he was more worried about me than I was about him.

 

……No, that just now was a lie.

I still can’t laugh about what happened that day.

I feel like if I were to see even the slightest cut on Russell’s finger, I would get so sad and frightened that I would start crying like a child.

I would even rather have my arm cut off instead of seeing even a single scratch on Russell’s finger.

 

——Ahh, so that’s how it is.

 

That’s why I got the 【Holy Knight】 job.

 

The job with the best defensive ability in the world. And the benefits that came along with obtaining a top-ranking job.

『I don’t want to see Russell get hurt』, it must be because of this wish of mine that the Goddess blessed me with such a job.

 

It’s only obvious that Russell couldn’t raise his level. I figured he would no longer fight as a vanguard since we gave him a staff rather than a sword.

As long as I don’t let any monsters pass through me, Russell will never get hurt.

That’s why… so that Russell won’t fight as a vanguard… so that he won’t get hurt… I agreed to put him in the rear.

 

The reason why Russell’s level remained low… was also my fault.

 

——I tore the jaws of the monster in front of me.

Ahh… how fragile.

How I wish… it would hurt me a lot more.

 

「…Aaa…」

 

Even my scream that let out all the dark emotion that had accumulated in my body had died down before I realized it.

And then, because I let my guard down, I reacted too late when the monster that I could defeat easily even with such a reckless fighting style jumped at me from behind. 

 

「Aa——」

 

Was that supposed to be a flashback of my life?

For a moment, I saw Russell’s nostalgic smile.

 

At that moment, the shield I was holding emitted a bright light, and the monster was blown away into the distance.

The monster’s head was snapped and distorted in an instant as it crashed into a tree.

What a terrifying blow. An attack that was more powerful than any attack from my sword killed the monster.

 

That attack just now… I’ve seen it before.

 

「Ah… Aaa…」

 

I understand everything now.

About myself, and what my Job is all about.

 

「I’m sorry… I’m sorry…」

 

I… I had everything.

 

A normal appearance that doesn’t look unnatural to stand next to the boy.

I had the best Job in the world to prevent the boy from getting hurt.

I had the best skills in the world to protect the boy I love.

 

I had received everything.

 

「I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m sor… Gh… Hk…」

 

The sword that I picked up as an excuse to start a conversation with Russell ended up making me more powerful than him.

And it ended up preventing Russell from gaining levels.

In the end, with the power I gained to help Russell… I’ve done nothing but hurt him.

 

Everything…

I… I’ve destroyed everything we had.

 

I have no right to blame Vince.

I have no right to doubt Katie-san.

I have no right to call myself Jannet’s best friend.

 

…I’m——

 

「《Heal》」

 

——I wonder why, I’m starting to feel a bit calmer now.

When I look at the shield in my hand, it’s still glowing, but somehow, it seems to have turned darker.

It’s as if something that makes up who I am has changed. 

 

I don’t know why, but… but now that I calmed down, I know exactly what I’m supposed to do now.

 

I need to apologize to Russell. As soon as possible.

And then, I’ll be the shield for Russell.

 

I’m no longer the girl who has the right to receive his love.

I don’t care if we don’t talk at all when we’re together.

 

I have only one wish.

It is to die as Russell’s shield.

 

——Suddenly, the figure of a small boy with black hair from my memory appeared in my mind.

 

The boy nervously walked up to me who was bawling my eyes out.

 

Then, I can feel the weight from something I loved so much returned to my head.

 

It was my favorite toy tiara that I lost. The boy found it for me and put it on my head.

 

Then, the boy from my memory said to me, who was still sobbing.

 

『Emmy-chan is umm… p-pretty… and c-cute, so… umm, you know… y-you can be a princess, I think…』

 

Not only did those words stop me from crying, it also made my face feel hot.

But the boy’s face who said it was just as red as mine.

 

Recalling one of my most precious memories that I had forgotten until now——made a slight crack in my heart that should have frozen long ago, and when I realized it, I was already crying silently.