Chapter 3.3
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Translator: Einbedo
Editor: Weasalopes
「I see, that sounds like quite the thrilling experience.」
「For Hiroshi that might’ve been life threatening, but since he got to lay his eyes on two alluring naked girls can’t say I feel too sorry for him.」
「If we posted this on the net I bet the reply section would be teeming with stuff like ‘kys normie’ and ‘go stick your junk in a ceiling fan’.」
That was Takeya’s and Mio’s reaction to what Hiroshi, who was still passed out, had gotten himself into.
「Joke all you want but it wasn’t funny to any of us at the moment.」
「I wouldn’t have thought otherwise. Especially Haruna who got dragged into the mess and had to clean it up afterwards.」
「All of that’s fine with me, it’s just that his well-being is worrying…」
「Having the girl who was one of the victims watch out for his well-being would be enough to get him labelled as a normie.」
「If this was anyone else involved I would’ve definitely been the one saying ‘kys normie’. Though even as a joke I don’t intend on doing that in this case, in light of the circumstances.」
As it was with Reina’s case there’s still a disconnect between Haruna and the eldest of the group, which is most likely because she witnessed the events unfold right in front of her eyes while they weren’t even present.
「So, how’s he holding on?」
「Same as what happened after the assassin encounter, he’s having nightmares.」
「That’s one consistently inconvenient condition he’s got going there.」
「Tell me about it.
「There’s no point in trying to rush things but it’d be nice if he was to finally overcome it one of these days…」
Tatsuya and Makoto let out a tired sigh at the thought of Hiroshi repeating the same cycle over and over. Mio was also visibly worn out from having to see the same comedic situation play out exactly as it did the last however many times. While they didn’t have any intention of giving Hiroshi flack over this, they did, however, find it odd how he was just fine when living under one roof with a bunch of women back in the workshop and only after they went out on a journey did this spree of accidents start occurring.
「I think the blame lies squarely on the shoulders of the villagers on this one.」
「What do you mean by that?」
「From what I got out of Artiem, one of the workshop people instigated this event despite having a rough idea on how things would play out.」
Tatsuya seemed oddly on board with what she was saying, to the extent that Haruna herself looked taken aback.
「It’s just that these kinds of shenanigans were so commonplace back in my granddad’s village that my general impression of old people formed around them.」
「I see.」
Haruna appeared satisfied by Tatsuya’s explanation, as though she had found the last missing piece of the puzzle. Those elderly probably got their kicks by clowning with Artiem who’s clueless when it comes to raunchy matters. From their perspective it was Hiroshi’s fault for getting caught in their schemes.
「It’ll be quite the chore to fish out the exact one that did it from a sea of others just alike.」
「Not to mention that there’s more of them than us.」
「Hrm…」
What Tatsuya and Mio point out stumps Haruna. Attempting to lecture someone over hundreds of years older than one self would prove to be too tall a task, even for her, especially when taking into consideration the difference in life experience. What’s likely going to happen is that elderly will just use cultural differences as an excuse and leave them completely empty handed.
「That much could be easily accomplishable.」
「Hmm?」
「Mako, what do you have in mind?」
「What are some rice dishes this village wouldn’t know about?」
「Oh, I see where you’re going with this.」
Tatsuya almost immediately latches on to what Makoto was trying to say. If there’s anything yesterday’s omuraisu uproar proved is that the village people would, without a doubt, thrown in the towel and give themselves in at the prospect of exotic food.
「They shouldn’t know about gyuudon, there’s little in ways of beef and, more importantly, no soy sauce in sight. From that I think it’s fair to say that any dish served over rice that uses soy sauce would also fall in that category.」
They count down the list of potential foods while referencing what Artiem had confirmed about their food situation. As a side note elves do also eat beef, or sometimes a type of meat very similar to beef.
「Is there anything else I’m missing?」
「They certainly don’t have Japanese style curry. As a matter of fact, I haven’t even seen them use spices.」
「Interesting stuff.」
「Then there’s also the Doria, which they could make out of the ingredients they have, but probably don’t. I’ve also never seen them steam anything so zongzi are also out of the question.」
There appeared to be plenty. To summarize Haruna’s findings any meal that has to do with adding flavor to rice is virtually nonexistent. On the other hand side dishes accompanied with rice or ones that don’t involve soy sauce or miso are mostly all in place. Although even with the right ingredients at hand they didn’t think to make their omelets thin or to cut up their meat before cooking, so their food making expertise is about on par with Farlane.
「Also, surprisingly enough, they don’t seem to be making takigohan either.」
「Judging from their selection of seasoning it’s not that surprising.」
「Ah, right, since both soy sauce and stock are used in the making of takigohan that would make sense.」
「Bingo.」
「So that’s why they have rice gruel topped off with salt, mushroom stock and whatnot but no takigohan in sight.」
They look on with a faint smile as Haruna spoke as though she had reached some sort of groundbreaking revelation.
「Well then, which one are we going to kick off the war effort with?」
「Tatsuya, I recall you mentioning earlier how you wanted to get your hands on some gyudon, is that correct?」
「You betcha!」
「That settles that then.」
Tatsuya cracked an ear to ear smile upon hearing Haruna’s suggestion. He’d been in high spirits ever since arriving here because he’d gotten to eat all his favorite foods to his heart’s content.
「Tatsuya, Makoto, you call over Artiem while I prepare the finest gyudon from the highest grade cut of beef you’ve ever seen, oh and give her the birds and the bees talk while you’re at it.」
「Why us?」
「If we keep sheltering Artiem from anything remotely sexual Hiroshi will be suffering the brunt of it and there’s no trusting any of the villagers to do it, I’ve got my hands full at the moment and asking Mio to take on the responsibility is a big no-no.」
「Right… That certainly does make perfect sense…」
Tatsuya mumbles after hearing out Haruna’s reasoning, delivered oddly uncomfortably. Haruna herself wouldn’t admit so but it’s questionable if she herself would be able to properly deliver the birds and the bees talk.
「But first, let me make one thing clear right off the bat.」
「What is it?」
「Whatever you do, do not bring up BL or anything of a similar nature.」
「Why would I? Oh and Makoto, there’s no such thing as a man pussy, in case you weren’t aware.」
「E-Even I know that much!」
Makoto stutters as she responds to Tatsuya’s snarky remark. Although she did try her hand at making BL doujinshi back in the day, her perception of yaoi wasn’t dreamily idealistic to the point of discarding reality.
Ever since being outed as a fujoshi from scattered pieces of various dubious evidence by Mio, Makoto’s lost most of her credibility when it comes to these matters. She did, however, lose all of it the second she was caught trying to ship Hiroshi and Tatsuya. That’s not to say the other members weren’t accepting of her preferences, it’s just that the line had to be drawn somewhere.
「Just as a word of advice, try your hardest not to take advantage of Artiem’s cluelessness in an attempt to expand your fellow comrade circle, ’cause that would put you on the same level as all of those geezers.」
「I get it…」
From Makoto’s perspective the only acceptable means of initiating anyone into the wonders of BL is to have them willingly approach first, being well aware of what’s considered the norm and yet making that final step regardless of the fact. There are various other approaches to this issue but Makoto was a firm believer of corruption by choice.
Having said that it was still true that she had been longing for like-minded individuals to discuss shared interests. Back when she was out adventuring in Wulls she was able to track down these birds of a feather through a kind of intangible aura of comradery, but ever since leaving she’s been itching for someone to talk to.
Haruna knows and occasionally sings a few anime songs, but her tastes are traditional in every other aspect. She did dabble in manga way back when, but not the extent of being labelled an otaku. Occasionally she’ll pick up on some of the nicher terminology during conversation but that’s about as far as her knowledge goes. Mio on the other hand dedicated her entire being to living out the otaku lifestyle, and yet never managed to get into BL stuff. Tatsuya and Hiroshi were off grounds by default, one would have to be off their rocker to bring it up in conversation with them.
Thus it’s not difficult to understand why they’d be suspicious of her intentions when she hasn’t had an outlet to talk about her interests in a long while. Thankfully Makoto already had a plan of her own, so there was no need to bring over a child to her side.
「There were quite a few fairies who looked like they could get behind the idea, so it would be more efficient to try and talk them into it over forcefully dragging Artiem into the abyss.」
「Of course there were…」
「Don’t underestimate our numbers. Oh and by the way, Tatsuya, how come you know what a man pussy means?」
「One of my wifey’s buddies was a fujoshi. She went up to me and asked if man pussies were a real thing with a straight face.」
Haruna begins preparing dinner as Tatsuya and Makoto carry on with their colorful conversation.
「Haru, let’s have curry tomorrow.」
「Roger.」
「I’ll bring Artiem over. Haru, make the smell as inviting as you can.」
「Leave it to me.」
Haruna sees Mio off and begins working her cooking magic to put together the best possible gyudon. Ultimately the granddad’s of the village succumbed to the temptation and submitted to Haruna. The very next day they had to sit through one of her rigorous lecturing sessions.
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