Fiancée of the Wizard Volume 8 Chapter 5 Part 10
I could not help but laugh even more. Compared to the man I knew in the past, the man’s face has really become much more expressive. Was his more expressive face a result of the influence by me and the kind people around him? If so, I would be very happy.
While I continued giggling, the man started poking my head wordlessly. Hm, if I continue laughing, he would really become angry. I came to such a conclusion. Consequently, I succeeded to somehow stop myself from laughing. Then, I finally ran to Noct. When I crouched down beside Noct, the man stood behind me. While sensing his presence, I helped Noct’s thin body sit upright.
「Ug……」
The boy softly moaned in my arms. I could see his triangular beastly ears twitching. The ears that had been always black. Yet, now, the ears were covered in whitish silver fur.
「Noct? 」
His ash grey hair was messily growing everywhere. The hair covered his face. I moved his fringe aside with my fingers and looked into his face. His eyelashes quivered. Then, slowly, his eyelids opened. The transparent yellow crystal-like eyes were revealed. However, his yellow eyes currently did not have the blankness to it like just now. Instead, it wielded a light that had a clear purpose. I could not help but sigh an exhalation of relief at this.
「Ah, good……! You have wakened」
「Of course. Who do you think I am? Weren’t you the one that said to not kill him? Did you think I would not grant the wish of no other than you? 」
「Yes. Thank you very much, Edi」
Indeed, the man did refuse to grant my wish quite often. However, in important situations like now, my magician strangely granted my wishes all the time. I thanked the man. Then, I looked into Noct’s face.
Marks were present on his wrists, ankle, and neck. They were marks made because Noct had broken the contract with the man. I could not deduce any emotions from Noct face. Then, Noct’s beautiful yellow eyes finally captured me. As soon as he recognized me, he pushed me aside. He then lifted his upper body upright with his own strength. Then he looked back at me.
「What happened to mother? 」
Upon hearing his innocent child-like question, I became lost for words. The 『mother』 Noct is referring to is the demon. I did not know what to say to the boy. He was still calling the person who had simply used him and thrown him away as 『mother』…….no, that was an excuse. Even at this point of time, I simply did not want Noct to dislike me. That is why I did not want to say anything.
Nevertheless, I could not afford to remain silent like this. The boy had even defied 『mother』 ‘s orders to keep me alive. I must then be honest in answering his question.
「I had, your mother……」
I was about to elaborate and say that I had “killed” his mother. Yet, I could not mouth the word. Certainly, I had went out of control after absorbing the shard of the demon lord’s core. Yet, that was only an excuse. Undoubtedly, I utterly hated the demon. Hence, I had destroyed her. I had done as my heart told me to do so. To kill her. No matter what was my reason, this was an irreversible fact. Yet, albeit I wanted to be honest with this boy Noct, I could not bring myself to clearly say this fact out loud.
Be that as it may, Noct seemed to clearly know the word I had involuntarily left out. After looking into my face for a while, he blinked slowly. Then he wryly smiled in a forced and awkward manner.
「——You don’t need to explain any further. I assume you had no choice」
I felt like his voice did not contain any sadness. Nor did his voice contain any resignation. His tone of voice was plain and dry. It was as if he had just easily accepted the fact that I killing his mother as a plain fact. All the more, I could not help but feel like his voice was sad. Desolate. I could not help but ask.
「……Do you hate me? 」
It was a selfish and self-centered question. If he said he hates me, I could allow myself to blame myself: of course, he hates me. And if he said he did not hate me; I could be saved by those words. No matter what he was going to say, it was to my benefit. Had Noct realized this? Or had he not? In a slow and lazy way, he shook his head.
「Not really. I wonder why. I really do not care about all the happened」
It was quite an apathetic response. Somehow, I hesitated to question his intents further. That was why although I knew it was cheating, I still chose to change the topic.
「Um, Noct. About your ears and tail……」
His beastly ears and tail had been black. Yet, currently, they were covered in a beautiful whitish silver fur. They sparkled almost like how stars twinkle. It was much much more beautiful than his original pitch-black fur. Seemingly, Noct had only noticed this after I pointed it out. After looking at his tail, he plainly replied to me without showing a single sign of surprise.
「It was originally this color, my ears and tail had simply reverted back to its original color. It had turned black when I put on the choker. The choker that mother had given to me」
「I, see」
I wonder what this meant. The choker that was like a collar that Noct was wearing must have been a magical tool. That is, as the demon mentioned earlier, a choker she herself had made. I had assumed that the effect of the choker was simply to control Noct, but perhaps that was not all. Perhaps the magical tool was meant also to change his fur’s color from whitish silver to black. Thus, after the magical tool was destroyed by my husband, Noct had transformed back to his original form.
If that is the case……while I started to ponder, Noct softly whispered in my ear. 「Actually」. Noct did not seem to look at anyone, but stared into somewhere far. Then, he started talking.
「Actually, I knew it. That I was just a tool for mother」
Although Noct’s voice was very plain, all the more I felt pained in the heart.
I wonder how Noct felt when he remained at the demon’s side. Did Noct not say so when we were both in the capital? That 『mother』 had told him that they would live together when things are settled. That he was looking forward to that day. Yet, deducing from the demon’s behaviour, surely those words were mere lies. Perhaps they were jokes that she had said out of the whim. Weren’t they promises that she did not intend to keep? Yet.
「But, that was alright. Only mother smiled at me even if it was as a tool」
Yet, Noct believed in her and supported her. Thinking of this pained my heart. His yellow eyes shifted towards me. They were eyes that were so beautiful it was scary. I thought I must not look away now. That was why I looked back directly into his eyes. He opened his closed mouth again.
「Hey, Filmina. You had said that love does not merely constitute being beside another」
Yet, nonetheless. Continuing so, Noct laughed.
「Yet, for me, that was enough」
His smile seemed youthful like a stubborn child and full of wisdom like a mature elderly man. It was full of self-depreciation. Before I could reply to his words and smile, Noct continued further.
「This incident was not because of mother. Albeit it was certainly because of mother’s order as first, at some point in time, I definitely had done so upon my own discretion」
「Why was that? 」
To my question, Noct’s face scrunched. Although his face said, he did not want to say, I thought that I must hear the reason. I did not urge him, but instead held his hand. Seemingly, Noct had realized that his own hand was dirtied by the man’s blood. This was because he tried to pull back his hand with a fearful expression on his face. But I stopped him. Upon doing this, Noct opened his mouth slowly.
「……Because, I was envious. Of your children. Your children that are going to be born wanted, celebrated, and loved. I could not help but feel jealous. That’s why, that’s why, I……!? 」
I did not let him complete his sentence, and hugged his body. While he shivered his thin body, I rubbed his back. Then I whispered into his ear.
「It is alright. It is alright. Thank you. For telling me even though it pains you to do so」
I wonder how much sadness the boy has been experiencing throughout his life.
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