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The Dead’s Statement – Part 01

My name is Sam O’Neil. I’m British. I’ve been working in the mines for a long time. What? Which coal mine? Does it matter?

Why did a coal miner like me go to the show at the monastery? I don’t like your tone, mate. Who cares? What? I’m obligated to tell you? Hmph. It wasn’t really that big of a deal. I won a bet. I’m good with cards. I make a little money gambling in London pubs. I-I don’t cheat! You’re one rude bloke! Gambling is all about luck. And, well, you know… brains. I may not be educated, but I’m not daft.

Anyway, a bloke lost to me last week, and he didn’t have any money, so he gave me a ticket to the show instead. I decided to unwind and take a ride on the Old Masquerade. I didn’t know I’d get involved in a murder case, though.

Why did I leg it? I, uhh… didn’t want to get dragged into this mess. Imagine getting detained by the coppers, asked stupid questions, and not being able to go home. It’s awful. I have to go back to the mines and work my arse off to earn a living.

Which coal mine? Why does it matter?

You want to talk about last night?

I’ll keep it brief, then. I mean, I didn’t even see anything. I’d like to know what happened myself.

What?

I’m a suspect?! Why?! I’d never even met the victim before! We were complete strangers. Fine. Okay, I’ll talk. You happy?

Uh, where do I start?

Why me and the Lumberjack were together?

Oh, that.

He was crying.

In the corridor. Imagine that, a man, crying. I asked him if he was hungry. Then he just dumped a serious matter at me.

His sister was missing.

Oh, yeah. That’s right. He told me his name the first time I met him. Gideon. So I was the only one who knew his real name.

Gideon Legrant.

And then it hit me. You don’t know what I’m talking about? And you’re supposed to be a police inspector? Pull yourself together, man. Haven’t you heard about the missing Miss Legrant in Saubreme? What is it, little miss Gray Wolf? Yeah, that’s it. It was on the paper. A quiet girl with long black hair. She just disappeared all of a sudden, and her family’s worried about her. Yup. You’re a sharp one. The family referred to in the paper was Gideon Legrant, the Lumberjack. He was sobbing, saying he couldn’t live if his sister didn’t return. He told me that when his parents were killed in a train accident, a nobleman took them in, so they lived a good life, but his sister was the only family he had left. Despite sharing his personal story, he never did tell me why he was on the Old Masquerade when I asked him. He just said he had his reasons.

Anyway, I thought I had just met a strange fellow. But I couldn’t just leave him, so I decided to find us some seats. You know, sit down, play cards to distract himself, so he stops moping around forever. He’s a man, after all.

So, after wiping his tears, he and I searched for an empty compartment.

What?

Why did we enter that compartment?

Gideon said I opened the door thinking it was empty?

Y-Yeah…

Did I? Wait, let me remember.

Nah, I don’t think so…

Ah, that’s right. When we passed by the compartment, I caught a glimpse of a girl with dark hair for a moment. Yes, the murdered crazy Orphan. What, she wasn’t crazy? I find that hard to believe. She was totally out of her mind. It was an act? Well, color me surprised. But why? It looked like a textbook case of hysteria to me. You know Freud’s theory? The psychoanalyst? Something about blocking out unpleasant experiences. Her exaggerated speech and deranged screaming perfectly fit the theory… Nah, never mind.

Anyway, I saw the dark-haired girl and moved to the door. Yes, Gideon’s sister was on my mind. I wondered if she was on the train. Before I could really think about it, I told him the compartment was vacant, only to find the girl’s dark hair cut short at the shoulders, and there were three other passengers with her. As we were about to leave, the lady, the Empress, stopped us.

Since it was a compartment with women and kids, I thought Gideon would be too embarrassed to keep crying. So we settled down. And you know what happened next. I was trying to get us to know each other, but they started making weird introductions. I had no choice but to play along. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I quickly used the legend of the “Masque of the Black Death” from the monastery. It was well-received, surprisingly. I ended up calling myself the Dead.

What?

No. I made it all up, of course. I mean, isn’t that what everyone was doing?

What’s that?

The Empress insists she was telling the truth?

Unbelievable! Why?

She seemed like a decent lady. No signs of hysteria, with the presence of mind you’d expect from someone her age. I have no idea how she could say that.

Anyway, we introduced ourselves, and then I stepped out for a bit to get a change of clothes for the Gray Wolf and her Vassal, before coming back. I hate bugs. What? What do bugs have to do with anything? There was a spider in the compartment. It was right there from the start, creeping on the floor when I first came in. It was creepy.

You remember, don’t you, little Gray Wolf?

The black-and-white spider was on the Vassal’s head, and you were trying to get rid of it. But you couldn’t quite reach it, so your face went beet red. Unfortunately the Vassal was oblivious and got angry instead. It was pretty funny. I mean, there was a huge spider stuck to his forehead, you know? When the Gray Wolf slapped him, the spider fell to the floor and started crawling around again. It made me restless. I couldn’t let women and children see a big man afraid of insects. So I immediately invited the Lumberjack to join me and retreated to the dining car. Then the Vassal came, followed by the Empress and the Orphan, and for some reason we ended up playing a game of Pick a Raisin.

And then, it was just chaos after that.

Hmm?

What is it, little Gray Wolf?

Wine? Yeah, we were drinking. Me and the Lumberjack.

When the other three came, the Lumberjack brought glasses for all three of us. Like this: two in his right hand and one in his left. He was holding them by the legs upside down. Then he placed the glasses in front of us. He poured wine for the Empress. The Orphan and the Vassal wanted water, so I poured that for them. As for the water, I think it was on the table from the start.

Was the Orphan’s glass cold?

What a weird question to ask, little Gray Wolf. I have no idea. I didn’t touch it. I’m sure the Lumberjack would know. Hmm? Did I notice any droplets of water on the Orphan’s glass? I don’t remember. Hey, Vassal, do you remember? Right? You can’t expect anyone to remember tiny details like that.

Anyway, the Orphan suggested a game over a glass of water, and we all decided to play. The Lumberjack, the Empress, and I ate some raisins. Everything was all right. I did burn my mouth, though. Next was the Orphan’s turn to eat a raisin.

Then she started groaning in pain.

She then bolted away, coughing, and when I tried to stop her, the Vassal shouted that she had a gun. Sure enough, we heard a gunshot from the other side of the door. And then rest is as you know.

For some reason, the Empress started laughing, and all I could think about was getting away.

What? I said something about not wanting people around?

Did I?

I don’t remember. I wanted to get away because I didn’t want to get involved in any trouble. I just wanted to go home. That’s all.

I swear I’m telling the truth.

What did you say, Gray Wolf?

Freud? What about him?

Where did I read about Freud’s theories? Am I too educated for a coal miner? That’s just your prejudice talking. I don’t read books. I must have heard it in a pub somewhere.

College? No, I didn’t go to college. I swear.

I’m actually highly educated?

I’m too different on the outside than I am on the inside?

As though the soul of an educated dead man is inside the body of a commoner?

What are you talking about? Oh, come on. That story about the dead was just a lie that I made up on the spot. What you see is what you get. I’m not hiding anything.

You’ve been interrupting a lot, little Gray Wolf.

Is she even allowed to do this, Inspector? She is?

What?

Open my luggage?

No! I refuse to!

Damn it! No! Hey, wait, stop! Don’t do it! Don’t open it! You’re not…

You’re not opening that suitcase! Fuck! You’re all dead. I’m gonna kill you! Every last one of you!

You’ll regret opening that suitcase!

I said stop!

Bloody hell! Bloody hell!

Stooop!