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The Beast and the Witch’s Mock Wedding – Part 01

Translator: Kell

A gorgeous procession passed by on the street, accompanied by the sound of flutes and bells.

The children at the front of the procession scattered colorful petals in the air, while a young man and woman walked arm in arm behind them.

One glance and I realized it was a wedding procession. Shouldering my luggage, I left the road and quickly hid behind a tree in the woods.

For me, weddings were one of the last things I wanted to run into. I just hoped they didn’t notice me.

Suddenly, the luggage I was carrying stirred.

“Why are you carrying me?” it grumbled. “Besides, this is uncomfortable.”

I glanced at it. “It’s quicker this way,” I replied.

The name of my luggage was Zero, and she was my current employer. She might look like a worn-out piece of laundry with her long cloak covering her entire body and her limbs dangling over my shoulders, but she was actually an incredibly beautiful woman—too beautiful to look at directly, in fact—with long silver hair and striking violet eyes.

She was also the most troublesome witch in history, having invented a new technique called Magic, which allowed anyone to cast powerful Sorcery.

We were traveling around to prevent and solve any chaos caused by Magic, in a world where witches were deemed evil by society and burning them at the stake was the norm.

Traveling with a witch under such circumstances was rough, and since Zero had been living in the depths of a cave for decades, she lacked common sense, which added to the difficulty.

Despite all this, I still decided to go with her, for one reason—the payment. It wasn’t because I was worried about letting her go on her own, or because I was captivated by her beauty. Not at all.

“It may be quick, but there is a slight problem,” Zero said. “I am feeling the blood flowing to my head. Sooner or later, blood will go out of my nose, resulting in my death.”

“You won’t get a nosebleed and you won’t die. It takes a long time to die from hanging upside down.”

“You know a lot. As expected from a mercenary.”

“Thanks for the compliment.”

Now that I was safely hidden behind a tree, I didn’t need to carry Zero anymore. Watching the approaching wedding procession, I lowered Zero’s body to the ground.

Zero staggered a little, shook her head, then pulled her hood low. She leaned out from behind the tree as well, squinting at the nearing procession.

“So, what exactly are we hiding from?” she asked. “All I see is a lively and cheerful procession.”

“We’re hiding from said gorgeous and happy procession. Just keep quiet until that thing passes by, okay? I don’t want any trouble.”

“Trouble?” Zero cocked her head. “Is that group worrisome? What happens if they find us? Is it a procession of death where you are forced to walk until you die?”

“You know, sometimes I’m impressed by your horrifying ideas, but unfortunately you’re wrong. That’s a wedding ceremony.”

“A wedding ceremony?” She turned to look at me.

“You don’t know what a wedding is? It’s when a man and a woman swears to spend the rest of their li—”

“I may be out of touch with society, but I know what a wedding is.”

“Okay, then. Sorry ’bout that.” I shrugged.

This was a woman who until recently had never even heard of a kiss. I thought it wouldn’t be surprising if she didn’t know about weddings, but apparently that wasn’t the case.

“It is a contract, yes? The woman gives the man a child and the man protects the child and the woman. They conduct a grand ceremony to inform others that they are already the property of the other.”

“Well, that’s an awfully dull and uninspiring definition. Then again, I guess that’s the gist of it.”

“It is a custom that has existed since time immemorial. Although the style seems to be a little different.” She poked her head out from behind the tree and listened to the sound of the bells. “The procession is done to let many people know about their marriage, yes? It is more spectacular than any wedding I have seen. Why are we hiding? If anything, we should show ourselves and congratulate them. Are you jealous?”

“I’m not gonna run and hide out of jealousy!” I barked. “I would crash their procession instead!”

“I thought we were supposed to be hiding,” she remarked.

I quickly covered my mouth and turned my gaze back to the procession. Fortunately, it was still far away, and they didn’t seem to have heard my voice.

I sighed. “It’s because I’m a Beastfallen.”

A Beastfallen—a half-human, half-beast monster. With the head of a large carnivorous animal, bristles covering my entire body, and sharp claws glinting on my huge hands, I terrorized everyone I met. That’s who I am.

Zero treated me like I was some kind of a kitten, but in the eyes of society, I was an embodiment of depravity. Not much different from how witches were treated.

“Aha.” Zero nodded. “I understand now. If you are caught, they will peel off your white, fluffy fur and turn your meat into a wedding offering.”

“If that’s the case, I’d be long gone from here.” For a moment, I imagined my own corpse being dismembered and placed on a huge platter.

“Am I mistaken?”

“Fortunately.”

“Then what in the world is the problem? I have absolutely no idea.”

“Yeah, you witches wouldn’t know, but basically Beastfallen are considered bad luck. Especially for newlyweds and pregnant women.”

“Because the Church calls you the embodiment of depravity?”

“I guess that’s part of it, but it’s more a matter of feeling. You know how Beastfallen are sometimes born from completely normal parents?”

“Yes.”

“They say that if you see a Beastfallen before having children, they will become one. So the couple’s relatives try to keep Beastfallen as far away as possible from a wedding. Beastfallen themselves keep distance ’cause they don’t want to get shooed away.”

“The baby inside the belly will become a Beastfallen simply by looking at one? That sounds interesting.” Zero smirked.

To the people, however, it was a serious matter. Having a Beastfallen child would make you look bad in the eyes of society, and then the child would be forced to become a mercenary or a bandit.

Of course, just seeing a Beastfallen wouldn’t turn your child into one, but apparently parents become so paranoid that they believe even the most trivial of superstitions. There was even a story of a woman who hanged herself because she saw a Beastfallen shortly after her marriage.

Just as they didn’t want to see me, I didn’t want to be seen by them either.

“Where is that procession headed?” Zero asked.

“From the looks of things, I’m guessing they’re on their way back to their village after having the ceremony in town.”

“In town?” Zero said. “Why not have the ceremony in their own village?”

“You can’t have a wedding ceremony without a priest. So if there’s no priest in the village, you have to go to a village or town that has one. Then on the way back from the ceremony, they hire musicians and entertainers to liven things up. But for poor farmers, there’s only a simply procession with no musicians whatsoever.”

Zero nodded with great interest. “So that procession itself is not the ceremony.”

“I don’t know much about weddings since I’ll never have one, but yes, the procession is just a bonus. The ceremony is when the couple come together in front of a priest to pledge their eternal love to each other before the goddess.”

“Eternal love,” Zero repeated. “But if their love is truly eternal, why bother giving a pledge before God? It sounds as if betrayal is presupposed.”

“Well, whaddaya know? Great minds do think alike. Yeah, the whole thing’s just a farce. It’s just a system the Church came up with to get money out of the people.”

“I see.” Zero nodded. “But that farce sounds fascinating. I would like to try it myself.”

“It’s not something you do casually, you know. Once the Church pronounces a couple husband and wife, they can’t be separated unless there’s a very serious reason, and if you commit adultery, you’ll be punished.”

“What kind of punishment?”

“The death penalty.”

Zero blinked in surprise. “That is one perilous farce.”

“Though I heard they don’t punish people that severely these days. Anyway, disrupting said perilous farce will incur their eternal grudge. That’s why I’m hiding from them. Do you get it now?”

“That was quite a delightful lecture, Mercenary. I have learned another thing about society.” She gave a joyful chuckle.

After that, the topic of weddings was set aside.