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CHAPTER 281 – ZOMBIE-SENPAI’S GREAT ADVENTURE 10

 

—From the perspective of Hard-Boiled Former Zombie—

Slicing through a sunset-red sky, the monster bird Dreadrock wheeled overhead, scattering gray feathers as it circled.

With its wings spread it easily ran fifteen meters—no smaller than Lavan. And when it stooped from on high, those wings carved the wind hard enough to shriek.

Huh. In raw top speed this thing might actually outpace Lavan. With that bulk, even a straight body check would hit like a siege ram…

—whoa!

The thing flitted about and hurled wind-element spells while it flew! And it wasn’t aiming at Lavan—it was aiming at me!

Fair enough. I’m the one here who can’t fly on my own… pick off the easy target first, huh?

—wait, it can pull a turn like that!? I threw my halberd up in a snap guard, but my slick red cape still came away a little slashed.

This stays in the air and I’m toast. Gotta drag it down to ground level somehow…

Just then, a blast punched me in the back. I lost balance on Lavan’s back, and in the same instant, invisible wind blades came in a flurry. I barely managed to block, but my lower half wobbled—and Dreadrock pounced, flinging another spell to pile on.

You… tail-tip punk!

—Kiiiiiinn!!

I braced to eat the hit—when a red, translucent film snapped up around me and pinged the magic away. It gleamed like glass and felt hard as sin.

W-what the heck? Was that… a barrier?

I squeezed my body, clenching my ass firmly, and the red glassy film sprang up again, batting aside every wind spell coming in.

Oh ho!? This barrier’s stupidly tough!

Dreadrock got mad and kept slinging wind magic. The shrill ringing just kept piling up, every shot nullified.

Don’t know what it is, but this must be the ‘hard-boiled aura of a man’, yeah? The kind of raw magnetism that shrugs off magic bare-handed. Makes sense—I’m so smokin’ hard-boiled you get burned if you get too close!

Anyway, I had just discovered the ultimate defense.

—Kiin!

Bwahahaha!! Too weak! Too weak!

—Kiin! Kiiiiin!!

Attacks that flimsy will never breach—

—Kiiiiin!
—crack…

…eh?

—BARA-BARA-BARIIIIN!!

NOOOOPE! This barrier ain’t ultimate at all!

The thought barely formed before a shatter shriek rattled my skull and red glass shards blew out in every direction.

From the outside it probably looked like I’d folded my arms to pose like a fool and then ate the blast full on with no guard. Mortifying.

Also, I was getting worked over because I was stuck mid-air. I’m the close-quarters guy, remember? My attacks are all melee. Yeah, that.

Either way, turning that crap-bird into fried chicken is non-negotiable. The problem is how. If I nick it and it gets away, we’d be in for a slog. Ideally I want to one-shot it.

Time to let my well-aged brain cook up a genius plan—

Oh? Do I have a brain, you ask?

I let Mr. Fire Dragon from Volcano Island cremate that ages ago!

And while we’re at it, I don’t have an ass to clench either!!

Behold this exposed pelvis! Hard as rock!

「Gyaru!」

What is it, Lavan? I’m in the middle of hatching a vicious—

「Gyagyai!!」
「Grrrra!」

…Huh? I’m messing up your airspeed?

If you go all out, there’s no way that crap-bird beats you for speed?

So you’ve been holding back this whole time to keep me from falling, huh. Now that you mention it, I’ve never actually seen you fly flat-out since you evolved…

「「「Graa!」」」

Whoa there, hold up.

‘Get off’, you say…?

Do you know where we are right now??

We are way up here!

H-hey! Wait, wait!!

Hey, no fair, flying upside down is cheating!!

A-at least let me jump on my own cue—!

—GYOOOEEE!!

Lavan flicked me off, and after a few seconds of free fall I miraculously landed feet-first. Still had my arms crossed, for some reason.

The dust bloom was brutal. Sand in every gap between my bones.

Maybe the sand cushioned me; I was barely scratched, though my chest bones were still rattling. If my bone density were any lower, both shins would’ve been powder.

I kept the pose and tipped my skull back to watch. Up above, Lavan and Dreadrock were in a tight spiral, ripping through a vicious dogfight. Watching them move, I could tell Lavan really had been flying gentle just to keep me aboard.

…Getting tossed was the right call. With them screaming around like that, hanging on to those back scales would’ve been all I could do. Looks like Lavan’s got the edge, too.

Lavan slid into Dreadrock’s six. All three heads read the thing’s options and breathed in its path to fence it in. The monster bird had no room to spare—not even to cast. Just barely dodging for dear life.

「GrrruuRAAA!」

While I watched that blockbuster kaiju battle, one of Lavan’s heads barked my way. Trying to tell me something?

「Gyagyaru!!」

Ahh, got it! Two birds with one stone, huh. Yeah, let’s do it!

Absolutely bird-raising plan! Bird—get it? …What, not the time? S-sorry…

The second Lavan knew I’d caught on, our dragon kicked into another gear. He blitzed past Dreadrock in a blur, flipped his body, and cracked his twelve tails like whips, spiking the monster bird down on a perfect trajectory—right at me.

Beautiful arc! Ten outta ten control!

All right, here we go!! 【Eternal Bones】, 【Flame Hell】!!

I double-layered my body-boost skills and poured mana into my weapon. Flames clung to my whole frame and to the halberd’s blade, heat warping the air, oily black smoke starting to curl.

And then the world slowed. The scenery slid by like syrup.

Same as when I dropped that Giant Worm… that explosive focus, that omnipotent buzz—the zone.

Once I’m like this, nobody’s stopping me!

Dreadrock came screaming down. I drew the halberd way back and brought it down with everything I had.

The flame-wreathed blade split the monster’s skull, tracked clean through to the tip of its tail, and fire raced its marrow.

The body clove in two, white smoke geysered up, and a heartbeat later, its death cry rattled the ground. All around, sand for thirty meters melted to slurry; in places it hardened to glass, scattering the sunset in glitter.

From above, charred feathers drifted like snow—and on the wind came that mouth-watering scent of roasting meat. Even I, who didn’t need meals, felt my appetite stir.

YEEEAH!! Fried chicken, order up!!

Okay, I’d overshot the heat a smidge and scorched part of the breast, but—eh, gives it character.

「「「Gyarruuuee.」」」

Nice work, Lavan! And hands off—the roast bird’s for dinner. No snacking!

Don’t give me that face. You literally just ate those worms. Puppy eyes won’t work. Into the bag it goes before he nibbles on it!

Food secured. Next stop… where to?

Best to head somewhere with easy pickings for Lavan’s meals, and—

…oh.

A second—did I just remember something core?

Why are we even in this sand-blasted country again…?

Right! If all we care about is food, we should head for a greener land!

Heck, there’s gotta be places in this world crawling with giant monsters tailor-made for Lavan’s menu!

What a blind spot. I’ve got a ride that can fly. We’re not tied down to anything. We can go anywhere.

In that case—we don’t decide. On purpose.

We’ll just chuck the halberd and head whichever way the blade points!

Let’s go, Lavan! Our destination is… the kind of future that gets your bones tingling!