I Need to Use the Bathroom – Part 03
The next thing I knew, we were standing in front of my house.
“Huh? What the?” Haruna glanced around.
Sera stood silent, deep in thought. Eu looked the same as always. Whatever happened back there, we couldn’t remember a thing.
“Eu, was that you?”
“Everyone who was there should have returned to where they belong.”
Right. Anyone who heard Eu’s voice was forced to follow it.
What about Tomonori? Did she get out too? Would Eu’s voice even register to someone who was unconscious?
“Why are we even here?” Haruna asked.
“It looks like Miss Hellscythe saved us,” Sera said.
“Wuh? How?”
“We all got out of there. Us and the enemy.”
I see. So even foes were affected by her voice. We weren’t the only ones there. Kyouko and the Megalo must’ve all left too, without any memory of it.
Terrifying. I was reminded why Eu normally kept silent.
“Thanks, Eu. I don’t think I could’ve done anything back there,” I said.
“Why don’t we head inside first?” Sera suggested.
“Yeah! I’m starving,” Haruna said. “Oh, right.” She started rummaging through my bag.
What are you doing?
“I grabbed a ton of snacks from the medal corner earlier!”
Like an overexcited elementary schooler on a field trip, she dug through the bag, pulling out stuffed animals and other junk. Couldn’t it wait until we were inside?
“Ayumu, what is that?” Sera said, pointing at a plastic bag. It was the one I got from Orito.
“Oh! Is that maysibly from Big Teach?!”
I felt the blood drain from my face. Did she just fuse maybe and possibly into maysibly? Actually, who cares.
Even if I got it from Orito, there was a real chance it was the weapon from Big Teach. If something similar to what happened earlier happened again, we’d be screwed.
“Hey, Haruna! Don’t just open it.”
Haruna yanked the contents out of the plastic bag. It was a magazine, featuring a smiling, sexy young woman on the cover. Completely naked.
A porn mag?! Okay yeah, opening that at school would earn me a death sentence.
“Ayumu… you’re a total scum!” Practically breathing fire, Haruna flew into an Argentine backbreaker rack[1].
“Wait, Haruna! Every guy’s got a couple of porn mags. It’s completely normal.”
“Indeed,” Sera agreed. “However, the issue is that you’re carrying it around.”
Fair point.
“There’s a reason for this.”
“You disgust me.”
Will there ever be a day I don’t disgust her?
“Ugh. You sleazebucket!”
With a sigh, Haruna twisted her legs around my arm and mounted my back in an omoplata hold[2]. Not that move! It’s weirdly hot!
While Haruna and Sera looked at me like I was garbage, Eu was the only one who looked genuinely sad.
This girl always lost control whenever that King of the Night showed up. I still didn’t know what happened in her past.
But damn, those eyes looked so lonely. Fuck! Was there really nothing I could do for her? Was I just stuck here getting my arm crushed by Haruna, tapping out like a loser?
She placed her gauntleted hand against the armor on her chest, lost in thought. She must be blaming herself for everything that happened.
“Eu.” I called her name, not even sure what to say.
“I don’t have curves like that.”
Wait, that’s what you’re upset about?
The following night, I spent two hours holed up in the bathroom.
“Ayumu! Hurry up and get out! How long are you gonna be in there?!”
Haruna banged on the door, but I ignored her. She really needed to learn patience.
“Just get out for a second! Just until I’m done!”
Hmm? Can’t hear you.
No need to rush. This tiny space was very calming.
“I’ll make the leaf lady do the cooking!”
Ha! Like that would ever happen. Haruna would suffer too.
“Oh, and your phone’s been ringing.”
“You should’ve said that first!”
I quickly flushed, pulled up my boxers and jeans, then burst out of the bathroom.
“H-Hey! At least finish putting your pants on before you come out, damn it!”
Haruna covered her face with both hands. Her cowlick pointed at my boxers instead of her fingers.
“You’re the one who told me to hurry up,” I said.
“You pervert! Stop trying to set new records in degeneracy!”
She rushed past me into the bathroom. A second later, I heard, “Ugh, it stinks!”
After washing my hands, I ran back to the living room and grabbed my phone from the table.
The call I’d been waiting for had finally come, and in my excitement, I fumbled and dropped the phone. It was from Matellis Magic School.
Finally.
I redialed the distinctive number.
“H-Hello?”
“Thank you for calling. This is Els from Matellis Magic School.”
The voice didn’t belong to Big Teach. My shoulders instantly slumped.
“Um, is Big Teach there?”
“Oh, is this Ayumu? I called earlier on behalf of Miss Ariel.”
“I had to step out for a bit.”
“Is now a good time? This will just take a moment.”
I was pretty sure Miss Ariel meant Big Teach. Good. Same business, then.
“Yeah, no problem at all,” I replied.
“Sorry for the late call. Things were a little hectic over here. Anyway, first things first. The item in question has arrived safely, yes?”
“I believe so. Do you know what it is?”
“Not exactly, no. I was told to just say the item in question and you’d understand.”
What? So Big Teach didn’t want even this Els person to know what it was? Just like with Haruna.
“She said she’ll be picking it up around… um, 9 PM, your time.”
Nine? I glanced at the clock just to double-check.
“It’s already eleven.”
“Ahahaha.”
This was not something to laugh off.
“The location is… cement something? I kinda forgot to write it down.”
“You mean the cemetery? That’s where we met before.”
“That must be it.”
“I’ll head there right away.”
“Thank you. We’re really sorry about all this. Goodbye.”
I hung up the phone and rushed to my room. Then I laid out the items on my desk that might have come from Big Teach.
A pair of X-ray glasses, an orange-shaped bomb and a pencil-shaped bomb, an envelope containing a blank sheet of paper, and a porn magazine.
Was there really some kind of indiscriminate weapon among these? I stood there, dumbfounded by the bizarre lineup.
If I had to guess which item Big Teach actually wanted me to hold on to…
Ninety-nine percent sure it was the degen glasses. Maybe they had some use beyond seeing through clothes.
Well, if we were talking weapons, the bomb made the most sense, but that one was from Haruna, so odds were low.
Apparently, Big Teach had already arrived in this world, or maybe she’d already left. Either way, heading to the cemetery felt like a good place to start.
What should I do? Honestly, I didn’t want to keep carrying this stuff around.
I just wanted a normal life. Carrying around weapons meant every day would turn into some bizarre, mystical adventure.
Right. Maybe Eu could tell me where she was. Like how she figured out where Haruna was.
I headed to the living room and found Eu and Sera watching TV with their usual expressions. I asked Eu if Big Teach had come to this world.
She tapped the table twice, and the note said: “It’s highly likely she’s at the cemetery.”
Could it really be that easy to find her?
Well, if she was at the cemetery, that worked out perfectly. It was close to my house. Maybe she’d been waiting there for the past two hours.
Magiclad Girls could do anything, but not having a phone made them a pain to reach.
“I’m heading out for a bit.”
As I started toward the door, I nearly bumped into Haruna coming out of the bathroom.
“Wuh? Where are you going?”
“Got something to deliver to Big Teach.”
I kept it short and headed upstairs. Haruna looked a little flustered.
“I-I’m coming too.”
“Sure.”
Haruna went to her room, I went to mine, and we both got ready in a hurry.
First, I checked the glasses case to make sure the black-rimmed specs were inside. If I only brought those and they turned out to be the wrong ones, I’d be screwed. All right, I’d bring everything.
I might as well swing by Orito’s place while I was at it. I had to return the porn mag.
I stuffed the envelope and glasses in my pocket, then the pencil. The orange was too bulky, so I tossed it into the same plastic bag as the porn mag.
1. The Argentine backbreaker rack, better known as a Torture rack, is a professional wrestling move that sees the attacking wrestler place their opponent face-up across the wrestler’s own shoulders before hooking the head with one hand and a leg with the other to then pull down on both ends to flex the opponent’s back.
2. An omoplata is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu shoulder lock that uses your legs and hips to hyperextend an opponent’s shoulder.
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