This Device Makes It Rain Pork Bone Broth – Part 03
Shaking my head, I muttered, “Where the hell did that idiot run off to?”
Speak of the devil. I heard the front door open, followed by someone bolting up the stairs, and then stomping right back down.
“Ayumu! I know you’re home! You jerk! You perv!”
Not even a hello.
Turning my head lazily, I saw Haruna standing there, wearing a checkered mini-skirt.
A skirt? That was rare. Maybe part of a school uniform?
She showed up at the perfect time. I lifted the hijiki-filled lunchbox to where she could see it.
“Haruna.”
“I knew it! You went into my room, didn’t you?!”
Ah, right. I forgot to shut the door behind me.
Haruna froze as she stared down at me.
I decided to mess with her a little. “I can almost see your panties.”
I expected her face to go red and for her to squeal like some kind of seal. But instead…
“Ahahaha!”
She burst into wild laughter, clutching her stomach as her cowlick bounced around.
“What… What is that face? Oh my god, pfft! Ahahaha!”
“My face?”
“Go look in the mirror. I… can’t. Hahahaha!”
“For the record, it wasn’t me,” Sera said. “It was that hedgehog who did it.”
“I assumed you were just trying to make us laugh.”
Mirror. Hedgehog. Laughing.
There was only one thing those clues could mean.
So that’s why Eu wouldn’t look at me, and why Sera tried to cough away the topic.
I rushed to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.
My face had been defaced like a middle school textbook, filled with dumb, low-effort doodles.
Written on my forehead was the kanji for nothingness, and red pen lines ran from the corners of my mouth like blood. Around my eyes, temples, every inch of my face, there were scribbles that looked like they’d been copied from a kabuki[1] actor’s makeup.
On my cheek, in a speech-bubble style was: “Oh no, you’re too kind.”
If you’re gonna doodle on a forehead, the classic is meat, not this nonsense.[2]
I grabbed what was probably Sera’s charcoal-based face wash—you know, the kind that claims to dig grime out of your pores—and scrubbed my face clean.
Orito’s getting decked tomorrow. Actually, punching him wouldn’t be enough. Torture first, crush next, then boiling. I meant his glasses, of course.
Feeling refreshed, I walked back into the living room, only to find Sera eating my hijiki-only lunch. I froze, mouth slightly open.
No way. This refined, noble woman was stealing food?
“Sera, that’s mine, you know.”
“Don’t mind me. I like hijiki.”
That’s nice, I guess. I accepted that the lunch would never be mine again and plopped down cross-legged with a towel still draped around my neck. I probably looked like a middle-aged man.
“So, is it good?”
Haruna clearly wanted feedback on the hijiki. Actually, she wanted a compliment. Her cowlick swayed gently as she propped her cheek against her hand, smiling as she watched Sera.
“It’s decent enough.”
A bitter response. Sera was jealous of Haruna’s cooking skills. She’d acknowledge it, but she didn’t want to actually compliment her.
“Decent enough? What the heck’s that supposed to mean?”
Haruna wasn’t satisfied with that. Even though Sera basically said it was really good, Haruna clearly wanted to hear the words it’s delicious.
“Hey, negamancer, you can have some too, y’know. If you want.”
Wait, I thought it was mine.
“Are you sure?”
“I thought it was for big brother.”
Haruna gave me a sharp look, then growled, “Just this once.”
Why was she glaring at me like that? Did she really not appreciate my entering her room?
“So, where were you anyway?” I asked.
“School.”
“What?”
“I’m a student, you know.”
“Yeah, but… what school exactly?”
“What do you mean what school? Matellis Magic School, obviously.”
Haruna hardly ever wore skirts, but it turned out this checkered one was part of her magic school uniform. Honestly, it looked good on her. She should wear skirts more often. I tried flipping it up a little to see better and got punched. Just a regular punch. No spell, no technique. Just pure knuckle. I totally deserved that one.
“I can’t picture you sitting through a class.”
I briefly wondered if she’d been inspired by seeing me studying, if that had pushed her to go to her own classes too.
“I only stayed for like two seconds. Seriously, what’s even fun about any of that?”
I guess not.
“What’d you go there for, then?”
“I got called in for a quick meeting. Apparently, there’s a mass Megalo outbreak in this area or something. We’re gonna hunt them all down anyway, so I don’t see why we even needed to meet.”
A mass Megalo outbreak. Big Teach had mentioned the same thing. So it was here after all.
Wait, here?! Come on, give me a break already.
“I see. Well, at least you can go back to Villiers now.”
That was great news. Before I could continue, however, Haruna’s face twisted in outrage.
“No, I can’t! Hurry up and give me back my mana already.”
Eu twitched slightly. Haruna still believed I was the one who stole her magical power. But from what I’d gathered, the real culprit was probably Eu.
“Haruna, would you make some snacks?”
“I’m sooo hungry!”
Eu clearly wanted to change the subject.
“I could make something,” Sera offered with hijiki still in her mouth. Not exactly elegant manners, but her face stayed dignified. Still, everyone unanimously rejected the idea. No words needed.
“Why… Why does no one say anything?”
“Fine, I’ll make some. So, what do you wanna eat?”
Even Haruna ignored her. Sera looked crushed.
“Christian Bale.”
“Um…”
Fancy choice for a snack. I had no idea how to process that one. The translator inside my head, imaginary Eu, completely blanked.
What kinda food was she even trying to say? I racked my brain but came up with nothing.
“Cream puffs?” Haruna guessed.
Eu nodded. I guess Haruna was an expert cryptographer or something.
“You got it,” Haruna said. “I’m pretty sure we’re outta granulated sugar, though. I’ll put in an order, so hang tight. Ayumu, phone.”
“Here you go.” I handed her my phone and asked something that had always bugged me. “Where do you even get your ingredients from?”
“You’re dumb, huh? Obviously, the school provides them.”
Apparently, supply drops were the norm for her. Her cowlick even drooped a little, like it was disappointed in my stupidity.
I guess if she was risking her life fighting monsters in this world, it made sense they gave her provisions.
Maybe the reason her food tasted so good was because she didn’t use ingredients from this world.
“But still, hijiki’s a pretty lame reward for monster hunting, don’t you think?”
“Huh? What are you even talking about? You work to eat. What else do you need? What, you wanna throw darts and win a Pajero or something? That’d satisfy you?”
“More than hijiki would.”
“Still, Ayumu, this hijiki does taste pretty decent. Arguably, better than a Pajero,” Sera said, swallowing grimly.
“You don’t even know what a Pajero is, do you?” I said.
“That Black enka singer, right?”[3]
Where’d the Pa go?
Just like that, the days went by. Tuesday. Wednesday. Now it was Thursday, July 6th. Exams were going smoothly.
Man, being able to breeze through everything like this really made all the studying feel worth it. I started to get why honor students spent all their time buried in books. Having everything go exactly the way I wanted felt incredibly satisfying.
With the last exam finished, I kicked back and enjoyed the leftover time.
No matter how many times I double-checked, it looked perfect. I even felt confident I’d score a hundred. I figured I’d take a nap and wait for Sera to come pick me up, but I was too pumped to fall asleep.
Times like this called for the power of sunlight.
No one in the classroom said a word—not teachers, not students—and even the wind stayed silent. If the sun just poured through the window right now, I’d be able to black out in peace.
I opened the curtain just a crack, thinking I’d turn this into a poetic moment and admire the beautiful summer sky, but the second it opened, everything poetic left my brain. I yanked the curtain shut immediately.
Haruna was stuck to the window.
Why? Why the hell was she holding a chainsaw?
Knock, knock. A light tapping came from the glass. I ignored it.
Wait a sec. If she knocked louder, someone was bound to notice. Letting this go on wasn’t the smart move.
Reluctantly, I flipped over my test paper, and scribbled What do you want? on the back, then held it up for Haruna to see through the curtain.
“A Megalo showed up! Let’s go!”
Her voice rang out clear and loud through the window. Keep it down, will you? People were definitely going to notice. Actually, some already had.
She never gave a damn about my situation. To her, my future and these exams meant absolutely nothing. Hell, she probably didn’t even see this classroom, this class, or even this world as having any real value.
Go on ahead, I wrote, and held it up.
Right then, the bell rang. Perfect. I could go deal with her now.
I handed in my test paper and quickly peeked past the curtain.
There was no one there. It looked like she actually had gone on ahead.
Except I had no idea where she went. Whatever. She could handle herself.
Wait, what the hell was I thinking? She still couldn’t fight Megalos.
She came to this world to hunt them down, and yet she didn’t even have the power to take them on. Like hell I could just leave her alone.
“Aikawa, did you hear some weird sound earlier?”
Orito gave me a suspicious look, but I didn’t have time to explain.
“Yeah, there was some huge cat or something.”
“Huh?” His mouth hung open, but I just ignored him, pulled out my phone, and dialed home.
Beep, beep, beep, beep. Ring, ring. Click.
“Aikawa residence.”
Even with just that, I knew who it was. A clear, flowing voice, like a river.
“Sera?”
“Is that you, Ayumu? If you’re looking for someone to pick you up, Haruna already went to get you.”
“Yeah, she came all right, but the second I looked away, she disappeared. Can you sense Megalos or something?”
“I’m afraid I cannot. Please wait a moment. I’ll ask Miss Hellscythe.”
“All right.”
Keeping the phone to my ear, I stepped into the hallway, walking fast to get out of the building.
“Hm? Aikawa, you heading to the john?”
Orito came along. Annoying, but brushing him off would just make things worse, so I gave him an apologetic look.
“Something came up, so I gotta head back home.”
“What? Hey! Aikawa, your bag.”
I ignored him and broke into a run as his voice trailed off behind me.
I leapt down the stairs, reached the first-floor hallway, opened a window, and slipped out of the building.
“Ayumu, I’ll guide you to where Haruna is,” Sera said through the phone.
“Good. Thanks.”
I pressed my back against the school wall and moved through the shadows. There wasn’t any cover near the school gate or the field, so I had to find a route through the narrow alley behind the building. If I ended up on the road, I’d be instantly incapacitated.
“Where are you now?” Sera asked.
“North side, opposite the front gate.”
“Keep moving straight.”
“I can’t. There’s no path. I’ll circle around and head north.”
“Understood. A message from Miss Hellscythe.”
“What is it?”
“She says hurry.”
“Got it.”
After making sure no one was around, I bent my knees low and dashed forward like I was leaping sideways.
1. Kabuki is a classical form of Japanese theatre, mixing dramatic performance with traditional dance. Kabuki theatre is known for its heavily stylised performances, its glamorous, highly decorated costumes, and for the elaborate kumadori make-up worn by some of its performers.
2. A gag originating from Kinnikuman, where the protagonist marks someone’s forehead with the kanji 肉 (meat). It later spread as a general doodle trope, especially after Sexy Commando Gaiden: Sugoi yo!! Masaru-san used it as a loser’s penalty.
3. Jerome Charles White Jr., better known by his stage name Jero (ジェロ), is an American enka singer of African-American and Japanese descent who is the first black enka singer in Japanese music history.
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