This Device Makes It Rain Pork Bone Broth – Part 05
Sera… Eu… help! Anyone! Oh, God above!
A zombie begging God for help was probably the most absurd sight imaginable. But maybe I looked pitiful enough, because my prayer actually got answered.
A cloak fluttered into view, the black kind that a Vampire Ninja wore.
Sera? She always showed up at just the right time.
The jellyfish impaling me suddenly weakened. I looked up and saw our savior.
It wasn’t Sera. It was a boy I’d never seen before.
“Who… are you?” I asked.
“I came to see you.”
He looked younger than Sera, closer in age to Haruna or Eu, with a childlike face. And in his left hand was a bowl of tonkotsu ramen.[1]
Maybe my head was spinning too much, or maybe I was seeing things.
No. I saw it clearly. That was definitely tonkotsu ramen. No matter how I looked at it, it was unmistakably tonkotsu ramen.
“Huh? I…”
The boy glanced around, clearly confused about the situation. But when his eyes landed on the jellyfish, he frowned, then suddenly took off running.
“Haaaaaah!”
With all the energy he could muster, the Vampire Ninja hurled the tonkotsu ramen at the jellyfish.
And just like that, its pitch-black school uniform melted away. The jellyfish thrashed around, then burst into a spray of glowing particles before vanishing.
No way. That Megalo just got taken out by tonkotsu ramen?
Did I imagine it? Maybe it wasn’t tonkotsu. Maybe it was sulfuric acid ramen or something?
Right as the horse Megalo lunged toward the boy, a green blade pierced its body. The horse collapsed forward, and on top of it landed a ponytailed beauty, straddling it.
She turned a leaf into a sword and drove it straight into the horse’s face. The Megalo thrashed in agony before dissolving into white particles.
Without even watching it fade, she whipped her ponytail and continued cutting down Megalos one after another.
She hurled leaves turned into shuriken.
The boy scooped up strewn noodles from the asphalt and flung them at the Megalos.
She cleaved through enemies with her green sword.
He splashed leftover broth from the ramen bowl to melt whatever was left.
Just like that, the Megalos were wiped out in no time.
That was Sera for you. Unlike me, she didn’t hold back, showing no mercy even against enemies far weaker than her.
As for the whole tonkotsu ramen thing, I had no comments.
“Seraphim! Long time no see. How’ve you been?”
Grinning proudly, the boy clapped Sera’s back over and over. Sera did not appreciate how overly familiar he was acting. She swept his legs out from under him and brought him down.
Locking his arm, she said coldly, “Stay away from me.”
“Owowow! Seraphim! Tap out, tap out! Total surrender! White flag, okay?!”
“You know this guy, Sera?” I asked.
Still holding him down, she glanced over at me. “Yes, sort of. Are you all right?”
I wobbled to my feet and transformed back to normal. “More or less. Thanks to him. Haruna, you okay?”
“O-Of course I am!”
She still couldn’t stand, so I walked over and offered a hand. The ever-stubborn Magiclad Girl refused to take it. I figured she just didn’t like the idea of being helped.
I handed her the chainsaw and turned around. Sera had her arms tightly around the boy like she’d taken him hostage.
Damn, I wish that was me.
“Who is he, anyway? Let him go. He did save our lives.”
“Maelstrom,” Sera said. “A Vampire Ninja like me, but from an opposing faction.”
Sera let go with a rough shove, and Mael staggered back a few steps.
So that’s why she treated him like that. They were enemies.
“Oh yeah, Vampire Ninjas are fighting each other, huh?”
I had totally forgotten. Sera was staying at my place because she wanted Eu to resurrect the former head of the Vampire Ninjas. If I remembered right, there was some conflict over the succession going on.
“At the moment, the Vampire Ninjas are split into two factions,” Sera explained. “We’re the conservative side. Mael belongs to the reformist camp.”
So, like moderates and hardliners? It sounded messy. For now, I just assumed there were two types of Vampire Ninjas—those who wanted to protect Eu, and those who were after her.
“Damn it, Seraphim! You were actually trying to snap my arm.”
“Hey, at least she got her arms around you,” I said. “I say it’s worth it.”
“Huh? What the hell are you talking about?!”
I threw an arm around his shoulder and leaned in to whisper. “I mean, with how close you were just now, you must’ve felt her chest, right?”
The boy visibly shivered and yelped. “Don’t whisper in my ear like that!”
He raised his hands, face burning red. I grabbed a fistful of his black cloak with my arm still over his shoulder.
Boys were sneaky like that. With all the chaos earlier, he might’ve managed a little squeeze of Sera’s chest. For us mammals, boobs are a basic necessity.
Though, if that had happened, wouldn’t Sera be way angrier? Then again, maybe there were some forms of contact boys could get away with, just by being boys.
Ah, to be young. I’m not gonna lie, I was a little jealous. I kinda wanted to strangle him right then and there.
“Can’t… breathe. Let go… of me.”
Haruna tugged at my shirt. “Ayumu, we’ve killed all the Megalos. Can we go home already?”
Meanwhile, Mael grabbed my whole face. “Wh-What is wrong with you?! Get away from me, you creep! What middle school are you from?!”
Look who’s talking. Judging from his height, he was probably in elementary school.
“Ayumu, you jerk! Stop ignoring me!”
Haruna’s cowlick sprang up straight as she suddenly shoved me from behind. It wasn’t just a push. It was a full-on body slam. I fell forward, crashing into Mael.
“Waaaaah!”
Shut up, kid. I should be the one screaming.
Then, everyone froze. Somehow, I ended up locking lips with the boy.
It lasted only a moment—just a faint brush, really—but I definitely felt a soft sensation. If I hadn’t thrown out my hand at the last second, it wouldn’t have been just a peck. We would’ve slammed our teeth together.
Shit.
Sera was definitely weirded out. Haruna’s face turned bright red, her lips scrunched into a pout. And Mael… Why the hell are you blushing too?
That was my first kiss, damn it. Wait, maybe this didn’t count.
“G-Get your hands off me! I can’t breathe!”
Fuck. That soft sensation still remained. I could feel it in my palm, something squishy.
Wait. Why the hell does this guy have extra fat on his chest?
I felt the blood drain from my face. Mael looked like he was about to cry. I got to my feet, mind racing.
The way the legs stayed tight together, the way the arms curled inward. That tearful expression, eyes darting away. The black cloak hanging open just enough to reveal what was underneath.
“Ayumu, you freak! Yack Deculture!”[2]
“Then allow me, as well.”
Haruna and Sera launched a synchronized kick straight to my neck.
I couldn’t see well. After that, the boy—no, the girl—pummeled my face until it swelled up like a balloon. Now I trailed behind Mael and Sera. For a woman, Mael packed a nasty punch. Seriously, she was more like a guy.
Haruna had bolted right after the kissing scene, totally shaken. I’d wanted to chase after her, but she already seemed fine, so instead, my curiosity about Mael took over.
What was that tonkotsu ramen? I couldn’t let it go. Maybe there was a way to take down Megalos without transforming into a Magiclad Girl.
If I could learn that trick, I might not have to keep parading around in that embarrassing costume. I had to get it out of her, no matter what.
Apparently, rooftops were the standard routes for ninjas. Sera and Mael moved across them without making a sound.
I had no idea how they could go that fast without a single noise, so I just followed after them, my footsteps echoing behind.
Mael came to a stop and pointed. “There’s been too many yokai lately. Look over there.”
Down below, a massive bear-like creature was pounding away at a guardrail. Judging by the school uniform, it had to be a Megalo. But something about it was… off.
That was it. It didn’t have even a shred of cuteness to it. Were they always this savage? The Megalo we’d fought until now moved in a way that hinted at intelligence. They looked like animals but acted like people.
But this Megalo was different. It was like a genuine monster.
So there were still more Megalos around. Hm? Did Haruna not notice this one?
The bear Megalo roared toward the cloudy sky.
Three Vampire Ninjas were taking it on, each holding a ramen bowl. I couldn’t make out the details from this distance, but it was probably tonkotsu ramen again.
Dodging the Megalo’s wild swings, the Vampire Ninjas seized a brief opening. The Megalo, hit with a splash of tonkotsu ramen, writhed in pain from that single strike, then disintegrated into sparkling particles before vanishing.
“What did they do?”
Even Sera seemed puzzled by the scene. No matter how many times I saw it, it still looked strange.
“Turns out that type of yokai is vulnerable to tonkotsu soup,” Mael explained.
“What?” Even Sera couldn’t hide her confusion.
“We’re still not sure which ingredient does it, but something in tonkotsu soup—some compound or whatever—turns yokai not-so-okay. Get it?” Mael scratched her head with a bashful grin.
A pun on yokai and okay?
“Cut it out with the nonsense,” Sera shut her down cold.
“If you’re fighting yokai, I’m your guy,” I interjected.
I didn’t think I’d ever forget the way Sera looked at me just then. It was pure disdain, the kind of gaze someone gives when they’ve mastered a path in life and have no time for bullshit.
“I’m your guy.” Mael laughed. “That’s pretty clever. We actually vibe pretty well.”
“I mean, we’ve kissed and all.”
“A-Are you stupid?! That totally doesn’t count! What’s with that look? That was absolutely invalid. Like the three-second rule for food dropped on the carpet. Null and void. Stop looking at me with that grin!”
She was surprisingly easy to mess with. It felt like having a second Haruna around.
When Sera stabbed her green sword into the roof, Mael and I straightened up. I just hoped this place didn’t start leaking when it rained.
“Still, those things are crazy strong,” Mael explained. “Even if you’ve got a way to one-shot them, it’s basically impossible unless you’ve got three people like we did just now.”
“Even with your abilities?” Sera asked.
“Don’t underestimate me. I could take one down solo.”
Her impish grin looked just like Haruna’s too. It looked like she wanted to flex, but her arms were kind of scrawny.
“So, we came up with a plan. Come on, I’ll show you.”
Mael took off running again, and Sera and I followed without a word.
More like, I tried to say something, but Sera glared at me so hard I went quiet.
1. Tonkotsu ramen is a ramen dish that originated in Kurume, Fukuoka Prefecture, Japan. The broth for tonkotsu ramen is based on pork bones, which is what the word tonkotsu means in Japanese.
2. Yack Deculture is a phrase from the Macross franchise.
Deculture is a Zentradi / Meltrandi expression of shock and surprise. The prefix “Yack” is sometimes added. Though it’s generally translated to “this” or “something”, the resulting words Yack Deculture also take on a completely negative meaning that denotes “something unbelievably horrible,” “this unthinkable thing,” or “something crazy.”
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