SP – Battle of Pumpkin: Conflict
『It’s the next match! We have the speedy swordsman from the East, Musa and……pfft. Lecherous Pumpkin! Due to the penalty from the previous match, his name has been changed in addition to the requirement of having to fight bare-handed.』
Damn commentator, laughing at me.
The spectators are cackling too, it feels like I’m the only one treated like a sacrifice in a shady arena.
Anastasia is also looking at me with disdain.
The last time my daughter looked at me like that was……about ten days ago when she saw me in the courtyard play-molesting one of the maids assigned to her. It’s pretty recent actually.
「Here I come!」
While I’m thinking about unrelated things, the match begins with the swordsman charging at me.
I see, his attack is fast and sharp.
Single strikes probably won’t have much weight behind them, but he’s the type to overwhelm you with speed and consecutive blows.
As I’m dodging his downward slash, his upward slash and his horizontal sweep, I analyze his movements.
Rather, the battle is harsh without a weapon. How do I attack?
『Musa unleashes a barrage! The Lecherous Pumpkin can do nothing except dodge!』
That commentator, saying whatever he wants.
And Anastasia’s laughing, just you watch.
「Odd warrior. This is the end!」
I time my approach with the swordsman’s furthest step so far.
Using both hands, I press them together to catch the blade right as he brings down his sword.
「What the-!?」
I rip the sword out of his hand, then grab him by the collar and throw him straight up into the air.
He falls from a height of three meters and lands on his back, and as he’s coughing, I place a foot on his chest.
「I-I’m beaten……」
The audience cheers.
『W-what a turn of events! He caught the sword with his bare hands! The man inside the pumpkin isn’t your average lecher!』
Ana’s jaw is hanging open.
I guess I was able to show her the majesty of her father.
The matches continue.
『Now then, it’s the one everybody has been waiting for, Muscle Pumpkin! The name is different? Based on his appearance, is it possible to mistake him for someone else!? It’s fine as long as the pumpkin is recognized!』
The spectators laugh.
I’ve become a total joke.
『Fighting against him is a seriously legit participant! With an unpredictable and irregular weapon, we have the tricky chain user who defeated swordsmen and spear users alike!』
My opponent twirls a chain at blinding speed and does a flip to excite the crowd.
Attempting to do the same, I flip and land on my head, causing the audience to laugh.
It’s because the pumpkin was too heavy.
As soon as the match starts, the chain immediately leaps at me from its starting position.
Naturally, I dodge it, although the chain twists and comes back around.
「Fumu.」
I swing my arm to try and deflect it, but the chain swerves past my arm like a living creature and strikes my back.
If it wasn’t me that was hit, the sound of impact that resonated would have been satisfying.
『Aaah, a direct hit! That must have hurt!』
I don’t need the commentator to tell me how much it hurts.
The pain is not enough to travel through my muscles, but the impact to my bare back is nothing to sneeze at.
Seeing a chance as I lean forward and groan, the chain user rushes in for a flurry of attacks.
Unable to completely see all the irregular movements, I get hit in the chest, thigh, and butt, each leaving a red mark on my body.
『Pumpkin is taking a beating, it’s absolutely one-sided! Is the strange dark horse contestant also unable to do anything against the unorthodox chain onslaught!?』
Like usual, the commentator is assuming things, and for some reason Anastasia is also bending over excitedly.
Her face is flushed and her breathing is quick, making me, her father, all kinds of worried.
「I’ll admit it’s one-sided.」
I let the winding chain hit me head-on.
「The damage doesn’t exceed that of a slap though.」
I charge in a straight line toward the opponent as those words leave my mouth.
The chain twists at me, but I don’t consider it a threat.
Spots which would deal effective damage are limited to the eyes and nose, and those are covered by the pumpkin.
「You’re forgetting the biggest weakness!」
The chain crawls along the ground and whips up between my legs.
『Oooh, ouch! That’s gotta hurt! I can feel it just by watching!』
The commentator shouts and the men in the audience wince.
Anastasia is so worked up that her body trembles.
Certainly, that is a man’s greatest weakness――however.
「No way, a direct hit but no effect!?」
「You won’t crush my manhood with a chain.」
Losing not the slightest bit of speed, I jump at the chain user.
From the voice I heard, I’m sure that the chain user is a female, and at the perfectly ripe age somewhere in the mid-thirties.
I grab her arm and pin her down.
「Guh, I’m not done yet!」
She abandons her chain and aims her knee at the side of my torso.
「Guwah, what a kick. I’ll have to hold you tighter, stronger, and closer or else I’ll be defeated.」
I wrap the chain user with both arms and press my body……in particular, the lower half of my body against her.
Lifting my hips, I can feel the softness and the sensation of hair through the clothes in her delicate area.
My cloak is hiding our movements so the audience should be thinking that I’m doing some sort of pinning technique.
「This guy’s strong……wait, are you hard!? Uwa, it’s huge! If you push so much while wearing only underwear……and while I’m also in a risky outfit, it’s going to go in! Wah, I surrender, I surrender!!」
I won.
『In the end, Pumpkin wins with a pinning move, probably using a lock――』
The commentator pauses.
Anastasia looks at me like garbage.
She says something to those around her, smirks, then sits back down.
『Err, I received notice from management. It seems Pumpkin has once again committed sexual acts within the arena the sponsor, and the penalty for two violations is consecutive punishment matches.』
Consecutive matches, huh?
Well, rather than feeling tired in the last match, I was healed.
If possible, I’d like my next opponent to be a young female warrior too.
『Err, the next opponent is a bear-like fighter? It seems so, very much like a bear. Let’s welcome him!』
I stare down my opponent, who is unfortunately going to be a foul bear guy.
He has a height of over two meters, black fur covering his body, thick limbs armed with sharp claws, and a low-pitched aggressive growl――
「――why, it’s just a bear! The ‘like’ and ‘seems’ are unnecessary!」
Some spectators scream and the commentator looks away.
The bear doesn’t wait for the signal for the start of the match and rushes at me right away.
「Grr, fine!」
Responding to the bear standing up in front of me, I lower my hips and spread my arms out.
I catch the bear’s arms as it tries to swing them down to tear me apart.
『H-he caught it! Pumpkin and the bear are wrestling each other!』
Both of us grapple and grunt to push the other over, almost like we’re competing to see who’s stronger.
「He’s going toe to toe with a two-meter bear……? Who the heck is that pumpkin……?」
The audience’s comment is not quite accurate.
I’m stronger and the bear’s arms are moving backwards.
That is when a horrible stench hits my nose and I feel something on the top of my head.
The bear opened its mouth and bit my head.
「Using your teeth in the middle of a wrestling match――」
I completely push the bear’s arms out of the way and grab the base of its neck.
「Is against the rules!」
My hand grips a tuft of hair, and I throw the bear over my shoulder.
After the bear rolls across the floor a few times, it looks around as if to get its bearings, then roars.
「If the pumpkin breaks, my face will be seen!」
I give myself a running start before launching in the air for a dropkick.
The bear is sent flying and crashes into the wall of the arena.
When it gets up, it lets out a feeble whimper and scurries off.
『The bear ran! The match is over, unbelievable! This pumpkin is strong, too strong!!』
The spectators erupt loudly, and I turn to Anastasia smugly, but she simply opens her mouth a tiny bit, not looking frustrated at all.
Her tongue licks her lips.
That’s her habit when she has something she wants.
The next match is finally the last one.
『Here he is! With a win record of an outstanding 30 wins, the strongest hero of this arena, Vergon! His opponent needs no introduction! Looking crazy, possessing abnormal strength, and seen as the worst vegetable by women, Lecherous Pumpkin!』
So it’s back to this name in the end, but at least I got more cheers than the hero.
I glance over at Vergon, wondering how he’d react to me standing out more than someone who proved his strength progressively, and he’s showing no emotion. Maybe he doesn’t care about how others evaluate him.
It’s not like this match means anything much to me either.
I focus my senses on the noble visitor seats and Anastasia’s vicinity to detect any strange occurrences.
The kidnappers will be making a move during the final match, and with the arena filled to the point people are standing, it’s extremely convenient for them.
『Fight!』
The signal is given and Vergon attacks.
I dodge and occasionally throw out grabs and kicks to counter.
While thinking of when and where the kidnappers come, I time my dodging of Vergon’s attacks to circle around to check the entirety of the arena.
『W-what a fight. They are moving so fast yet are not the slightest bit short of breath! Both combatants are switching places at dizzying speeds hard for the eye to follow! The strongest hero Vergon and his equal, the pumpkin……who could have predicted this outcome at the beginning of the program!?』
Even the commentator’s voice sounds distant to me.
My concentration is only directed at finding any suspicious individuals among the spectators and the passionately cheering Anastasia.
In the midst of the relentless offense and defense, I felt a sense of discomfort travel up my spine right when I swatted away Vergon’s broadsword.
Weak. Too weak.
I haven’t even exerted a tenth of my true strength.
Plus, I’m using the fact that I have a pumpkin on my head to frequently avert my gaze from Vergon.
Still, I’m not losing.
A guy who’s won 30 times should have at least gotten a single hit on me when my attention is diverted elsewhere.
In that case, there can only be one reason why.
He’s doing the same as me――
My powerless kick lands on Vergon.
He emphasizes the impact disproportionate to the strength of the blow and falls right in front of the noble visitor seats.
He then proceeds to spring up, turn his back on me and jump into the audience seating, running up toward the noble visitor seats.
「So that’s your aim!」
Anastasia’s guards take action.
As if waiting for that, spectators near the noble seats stand up and all pull out a knife.
「Ruffians! Protect Her Highness!!」
「Tighten up the defense on the left and right! This guy’s strong!」
Vergon’s movements make his swordplay with me seem tame and completely restrains the three experienced guards. Only one guard on either side remains to protect Anastasia.
The enemies are wearing plain clothes and wielding knives whereas the guards are armed with one-handed swords and chainmail, however there are too few guards.
Additionally, like I anticipated, the packed crowd flooding to the exit at the sight of violence is preventing Anastasia from moving.
「Guwaa!」
To make it worse, the guard on the left just got slashed.
Anastasia collapses on the spot and wails loudly.
「Alright, I have the princess! As planned, let’s head to the――gu……」
The man holds his abdomen and crumples to the ground.
Anastasia’s crying expression suddenly disappears, having stabbed the man in the liver.
The kidnappers are stunned briefly at the shocking development.
Holding the blood-stained knife, Anastasia stands at the top level of the noble visitor seats.
Despite her stone-cold face emitting an intimidating aura, I can tell her legs are shaking.
「This kid……I thought she was just a child.」
「It’s fine as long as she’s alive. Make sure she stays alive.」
「Punch her until that face changes shape, then take her.」
The three pounce simultaneously.
「Nice guts.」
Before the six arms could reach Anastasia, my tackle rams all three of them at once.
「I made it in time because of that. You have nothing to fear now.」
I stand imposingly in front of Anastasia, who is still gripping the knife tightly.
「……Lecherous Pumpkin.」
At least go back to calling me Battle Pumpkin.
「Hey you, get outta the way……the match is over. If you don’t interfere, you won’t have to die.」
Vergon climbs up to the noble visitor seats after turning the tables on the three guards.
Blood drips from the edge of his broadsword which has the cloth wrapped around it during the match removed.
「Is that so? The match hasn’t ended yet.」
I raise my hands up to my face in a fighting stance, not accepting the knife Anastasia offers.
Vergon raises his broadsword above his head.
「Foolish clown. It was difficult for me to hold back as much as I did in that match.」
Oh, same here.
Vergon grins.
「You couldn’t even get a hit on me when I wasn’t paying attention and you want to fight me?」
My thoughts exactly.
「Arena fighting is child’s play. Maybe you have gotten arrogant after winning a few matches……but let me tell you, real fights are in another dimension――!!」
I catch the sword he swings down with one hand.
A smile creeps on my face as Vergon’s face freezes.
「I was just thinking the same thing.」
I swing my head with the pumpkin on forward for a headbutt.
Vergon’s nose is smashed and his forehead caves in.
As he is falling back, I kick him below the chin, sending him flying in an arc to the bottom of the audience seating.
A puddle of blood forms as he lands with a splat.
I toss away the broadsword I took from him.
Anastasia is right behind me. Swinging something large has the risk of endangering her.
「Let’s do this Battle Pumpkin style. Come on.」
The hesitating kidnappers go back on the offensive and rush in together.
One of the men yells out as he thrusts a staff with a hidden blade.
The first strike is a probing attack, the second is a feint, the third pretends to aim for my legs to get me off balance, and the fourth is――
「The real one.」
I dodge it and trample his leg as he stumbles.
Grabbing the screaming man by the collar, I then push him down and break his neck.
「Wow……gulp.」
I quickly throw my cloak over the amazed Anastasia.
Letting her watch a bunch of people get killed is not good for her education.
「Ugh, stinks.」
Endure it.
The next man swings at me with a one-handed sword.
His slash is easy enough to read, allowing me to catch the blade with my palms, then I seize him by the lapels and throw him three meters……no, six meters up in the air before falling down and getting impaled by a decorative pillar in the noble visitor seats.
I tilt my body in reaction to the sound of something whizzing through the air.
「This is similar.」
What passed by was a whip with a hidden piece of metal at the tip.
「It’s nothing like the chain from the match. Taking even one hit will gouge the flesh from your bones……」
「I see.」
I keep my eyes on the tip of the whip flying through the air, grab it and pull the whip to bring the wielder close.
I plant my foot on the man’s back to keep him pinned on the ground, then drive the handle of the dropped one-handed sword all the way up his asshole.
Shortly after the man flails, blood spills from his nose and mouth, and he no longer twitches.
「Release the dogs! Create an opening to kidnap the princess!」
Three ferocious-looking canines with saliva leaking from their snarling mouths are set free.
The dogs bark wildly as they run at Anastasia.
「……」
Once they make eye contact with me though, they all scamper off whining.
Now that I look, the spectators have escaped safely and there is space to move around.
The kidnappers are also backing off.
「Come.」
I pick up Anastasia, who is wrapped in my cloak, and climb down the arena.
「D-don’t run away!」
I crush the face of the man who hastily tries to chase after me with my foot, and break the neck of another with a kick, then run off.
「What other exits are there besides the front and back doors?」
I ask Anastasia.
Not only are the regular exits jammed with fleeing spectators, enemies are likely waiting there.
「There is an entrance for beasts――but the lock is beast-proof and not something a human can――」
Wasting no time, I search and find something that resembles her description, and yank open the lock.
So much for it being beast-proof, I can question her about it later though.
「……it’s supposed to keep out bears and tigers.」
As I jump in, I am met with eyes glowing in the darkness and growling.
My body reflexively braces itself for combat, but I realize they belong to the bear from earlier.
The bear tenses upon seeing me, retrieves a bell from somewhere and slowly backs away while ringing it, making sure to maintain eye contact. Don’t worry, I’m not going to kick you anymore.
「He went in here! After him, don’t let him get away!」
「Argh, it’s dark……a torch……gyaaaa!!」
My concern about pursuers has disappeared for now.
I leave the arena and run toward Chunoge.
The commotion, having spread throughout the town, has caused the inhabitants to flee their own houses and even run out of the town.
「With this chaos, our foes can’t capture us.」
Like the enemies used the arena spectators, this time we can blend in with the residents――
「No, it’s impossible. Is your head on straight?」
I realize what Anastasia’s harsh words mean.
「Oh, how could I run with such a conspicuous outfit!?」
Thinking about it, there was no point hiding my face in the pumpkin the moment the attack happened.
In fact, changing their target to me once I reveal my identity is more convenient.
「Haa……you’re strong, but it’s a shame about your brains.」
Anastasia’s scathing words stab my heart.
I guess I’ll remove the pumpkin――
「Get down!」
I crouch as Anastasia warns me.
Following the sound of a boom, something grazes the top of my head.
The familiar sound which I’ve heard over and over……
One woman stands before the gate of the town.
In her hand is a smoking……musket.
「I thought it would be an impressive brigand who dares to aim for me, now I see……」
Anastasia slips out of my arms, smacks her own trembling legs, and quickly points at the woman.
「Anastasia, King Hardlett’s only child and Queen Nonna’s eldest daughter, commands you. Eliminate the brigand and save me. Then you will be rewarded with anything you desire.」
Anastasia glances at me to gauge my response.
For a second, I wondered what she’s doing, but she must think I don’t know who she is.
Is that why she made a grand display?
「As you command, Your Highness.」
I adjust the pumpkin on my head and get into a fighting stance.
「Sis……if you hit the princess.」
「Don’t say it. We’re done for if we let them escape anyways. Knowing that mad king, he’ll burn down this entire area along the citizens.」
If Anastasia got hurt, that might well happen.
I lower my posture and wait for the right moment.
The woman aims at me after she finishes loading her musket.
She places a finger on the trigger.
「Die, pumpkin!」
I fix my eyes on the muzzle and purposely keep myself in the trajectory of the bullet.
The bullet accurately hits and shatters the pumpkin, but is deflected with a metallic clang.
Two knives, with the blades dented, fall from within the pumpkin.
「Knives hidden in the pumpkin――」
I run forward.
I don’t give her time to reload.
Punching and kicking her followers along the way, I go to grab the empty musket before the female ringleader can swing it, but she twitches and then collapses without me doing anything.
A knife seems to have stabbed her in the thigh and its tip is coated with a mysterious orange liquid.
The wound is shallow, but the woman is frothing at the mouth and has lost consciousness.
「It’s a tranquilizing agent. They’ve made such a fool of me, I won’t be satisfied unless I settle this with my own hands.」
So Anastasia threw the knife.
I hear the clopping of hooves coming from the opposite gate.
Anastasia’s guards must have come back from the health resort.
Everything is over.
Anastasia breathes a sigh of relief and slowly walks over to me.
「You did well. You will be rewarded with plenty of gold and as much status as you desire.」
Are you allowed to make such a promise?
I’m sure you’ve used up your allowance and you aren’t good at talking to Adolph who manages human resources, right?
Those thoughts, as much as I want to retort with, are kept within my mind.
「And you can also do as you wish with that woman. However, you have to be rough with her in my presence.」
That idea is appealing, except Nonna will certainly suplex me if she catches me violating an unconscious woman in front of her daughter.
「Your intelligence is regrettably low, but I evaluate your bravery and loyalty……as well as your macho body……highly. And so I will allow you a special position as my attendant. On occasion, I might lash you with a whip, but treat it as a form of love……」
Our eyes meet.
The pumpkin got smashed by the shot from the musket.
「Hey, Ana.」
「」
More than ten seconds of silence pass.
And then my thigh is stabbed, without any warning, with the paralyzing knife.
***
――Later.
「It’s a pumpkin feast……」
Celia sticks a fork tentatively in a pumpkin dish that shares a table with other pumpkin delicacies.
「All’s well that ends well. For good luck, I thought I’d make today a day to commemorate pumpkins.」
I hand a fork with a boiled pumpkin on the end of it to Anastasia, who is sitting on my lap.
She eats it and then coldly turns her face the other way.
Ever since that time, Anastasia hasn’t spoken to me, but seeing as she’s always by my side, she can’t be that angry.
By the way, the reason Nonna isn’t getting mad at Anastasia for her bad manners, despite finding out everything about the health resort and the arena switch, is because she knows how much it hurts to sit on a chair after getting spanked like Anastasia did. Nonna has experience, after all.
Nonna and Carla whisper to each other.
「Hey Nonna, are you fine with that? I hate to say it, her face is like a girl in love――」
「Falling in love with your father is a temporary phase. I was like that too……when she goes through puberty, she’ll naturally distance herself――」
They are peeking at us while chatting.
「While you’re saying that, her belly will grow before you notice and――」
「S-stop that right now, stupid Carla!!」
Nonna hurls a pumpkin at Carla and the conversation devolves into a grappling match.
What are you doing in front of your daughter……?
I smile, patting the top of Anastasia’s head.
She really inherited all the good looks from Nonna.
「Everyone, trouble! Casie-san swallowed a whole boiled pumpkin and it got stuck in her throat――!」
（I can’t breathe! I’m dying! My heart is stopping!）
Calm down, Casie.
You were never breathing to begin with and your heart was never beating.
（Hah, oh right!）
Casie laughs and floats away, grabbing another dish.
What she should be worried about is eating too much and turning pumpkin-colored.
「Oh Ana, could you get off?」
I don’t get a response.
「Ana. Did you hear what your father said?」
Anastasia doesn’t react to what Nonna says either and remains on my lap.
「It’s fine. I can alleviate myself without standing……urg.」
The sound of gas being passed can be heard and then Anastasia freezes.
A few seconds later, the smell follows, and she turns her head to me like a broken windmill.
「What else could I do? You wouldn’t move.」
Don’t look at me like I’m garbage with the same eyes you used in the arena.
「It doesn’t seem we have to worry about mistakes.」
Carla waves her hand as she mutters.
Yep, today is also peaceful.
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