SP – Battle of Pumpkin: Creation
「「Thank you very much!!」」
I wave at the couple, who are bowing so low that their heads might touch to the ground, and take my leave gallantly.
The wife had gone to the capital to work and gotten into trouble due to various circumstances.
I somehow happened to get involved and after helping out with this and that, sent her back to her hometown.
「When we couldn’t contact each other, I thought we’d never meet again……this is like a dream, honey.」
「Same here, darling. For now, let’s forget that and head to bed together.」
It was an overnight trip by stagecoach from the capital to here, and because of certain things, it had to be done secretly.
「Of course I’m happy to, but it’s a little sudden, honey.」
「Love burns spontaneously, darling. Come, let us make love. I’ll let it out inside you for sure.」
The couple shares a passionate kiss and then goes into their house.
When the wife looks back at me and gives me a thumbs up, I do the same gesture back.
Fortunately, her husband and I share the same hair and eye color.
「Well, my business is done.」
It’s about evening.
「It’s not like I have to rush home. I guess I’ll find an inn to stay for the night.」
After all, lately work has been divided among the bureaucrats and officials, and I don’t have many tasks as a king.
I’m not even doing any seal stamping, which I did during the Rafen days, as there are few matters that require the king’s direct approval.
Thus I have all the time in the world, however I went too far with acting as a terrifying king, and everyone became scared of me no matter where I went, not wanting to play with me. And so, going on a small excursion is a good way to relax.
「This town’s name was, if I recall……based on this strange development, Chunoge town?」
It’s my first time stopping by, but I at least know the name since the place is close to a health resort my family often visits.
Anastasia seems to like this health resort and has been coming by herself frequently these past few days.
I was thinking that if I found a prostitute standing on the corner while I’m searching for a decent inn, I’d get her to sleep with me, but……there are no people around, let alone a street whore. Chunoge is a weird town but it shouldn’t be declining to the point of being deserted at night.
「You took so long shitting that the evening program is starting! I’m going to miss the main event!」
「Sorry, sorry. If I win today, I’ll treat you to a meal.」
The men hurry to their destination.
Following them out of curiosity, I find a full-scale arena surrounded by a fence right next to the town.
Almost all of the ten levels of seats are filled, and the audience cheers loudly every time drums beat and swords clash.
Arenas themselves are not rare, although I never expected to find one of this size in such a strange town like Chunoge. I don’t know if this kind of entertainment is offered in a city in the center of the region.
No wonder there weren’t any pedestrians, most of the residents of the town have gathered here.
「Wait.」
I am stopped by the doorkeeper when I try to enter.
Guessing that an entry fee is required, I take out my wallet, however, after my body is checked for weapons, I am let through.
「This is free?」
Things are getting more peculiar.
In the capital, it wouldn’t be surprising for an equivalent event to cost at least a silver coin.
The fight ends as soon as I take my seat.
One of the combatants suffered a strike to his shoulder and collapsed.
「Weapons are blunted and there is a referee present. This seems like a respectable place.」
Maybe it’s not a shady arena if they let a first-timer like me enter so easily.
Still, I really don’t remember this place.
Maybe it’s a case of regional arenas not making it up to the king’s ears.
『In two minutes and thirty seconds, the victory goes to super warrior Mathran! Winning bets are 1.3 times and bets within three minutes are 4.5 times――』
「Oh, so it’s a betting arena.」
In order to open an arena with a banker, you have to report to the kingdom and pay taxes.
And Adolph is so concerned about public order that he rarely gives new approvals.
「Hahaha, is this your first time here, mister?」
A pleasant-looking middle-aged man calls out to me when he sees the confused face I’m making.
「Other betting arenas are either completely illegal or managed so strictly by government officials that there is no profit or fun, right? But this place is different. Here, anybody can have honest fun.」
「Won’t this place shut down if the officials catch wind of it?」
For me, I’d overlook some gambling unless a child’s blood is spilled or a woman is killed. Adolph and his subordinates might not think the same and would close this place immediately if he finds out about it.
Being an establishment of this size, it’s impossible to hide from the local officials and governors.
「No need to worry. We’ve got a real big shot supporting us. Guards and governors can’t simply intervene.」
That’s unsettling.
I’ll overlook gambling, but I can’t ignore an important person deceiving kingdom officials.
「Today’s main event is a battle between two fighters who have gone undefeated in twenty straight matches. A certain individual might have come to spectate.」
「Fumu.」
I settle down in my seat.
Let me confirm who that individual is.
Apparently, the main event is in the latter half, preceded by other matches.
「Fumu……I mean, I guess you can only expect so much?」
I yawn while watching.
The edges of swords are dulled and the tips of spears are blunted.
Axes and war hammers are wrapped with flat wood or cloth to ensure nobody dies from a hit.
「……you could have finished it just now. Why’d you miss, idiot?」
Sitting blankly would seem suspicious so I bought a betting ticket.
The participants are all burly men who aren’t wearing collars or shackles.
A portion of the pot is given to the winner after the match, which is the goal of most of the participants.
「Argh, what are you doing letting someone smaller than you get in your space!? You just have to keep your distance and beat him up!」
I toss away the losing ticket worth one silver coin.
The winning warrior appeals to the crowd, getting them rowdy.
This place has done well to keep a decent reputation of not letting anyone die as of yet and letting women and kids spectate.
「Stupid!! Don’t get into a thrusting match with a spear when you have a sword! If you don’t have the skill, fight with your brain!」
I toss away the ticket worth one gold coin that I crumpled in my hand, then call over a hawker to buy beer and fried foods.
Despite the entry fee costing nothing, I ended up getting excited and betting.
After gambling briefly, regardless of winning or losing, I ended up craving alcohol and snacks, which I bought from a hawker who conveniently walked by.
「H-hey mister. You lost big again, eh……? For your wallet’s sake, shouldn’t you go home soon? It’s not normal to go through a gold coin’s worth in one shot.」
「You’re right……it looks like luck’s not with me, guess I’ll wrap it up here.」
Persuaded by the good-natured man, I stand up and head toward the exit――
「No, that’s wrong! What am I doing just going home after betting!?」
I got too engrossed and forgot my original objective.
I buy more alcohol from the hawker and return to my seat.
The man closes his eyes and shakes his head.
『Now, it’s finally time for the match everyone’s been waiting for! On one side is an individual with overwhelming brute strength like that of His Majesty, The Muscle Demon! On the other side, whose smile is like a rose, The Strongest Scion! Both share an impressive record of twenty straight victories――』
「Oh. It seems that person has come after all.」
After buying a ticket worth one gold coin for The Muscle Demon, my eyes follow the line of sight of the middle-aged man.
The person seated in the noble visitor seats, accompanied by guards in formal uniform, has an aura of importance.
That “girl”, who is clearly smaller than those around her, appears young enough to barely be past the age of ten, yet her expressionless face feels more threatening than childish――
In the middle of pouring beer down my throat, I choke and spray liquid onto the middle-aged man and to other spectators nearby.
「That is the son of the intimidating King Hard――dowah! That’s gross!」
I shout before he expresses his disgust.
「Hey, that’s Anastasia!」
That girl, what is she doing here after saying she was going to the health resort yesterday?
Anastasia sits down stone-faced, but I can tell that she’s simply holding in her excitement.
The match begins after she takes her seat.
At first, Anastasia remains calm, but she becomes more animated as the match progresses, putting her foot on the seat, and when The Muscle Demon is cornering The Scion, she raises her arm……probably cheering the words “kill him” repeatedly, based on the movement of her lips.
In the end when The Muscle Demon suffered a come-from-behind defeat, she kicked her chair in frustration, grabbed a whole roasted turkey with her bare hands, and took a big bite out of the food which was meant to be nibbled on leisurely over the course of the matches.
Since there are no family members present, especially Nonna, she can do whatever she wants.
「……」
I hold my head.
There is no way the officials, guards, or governors of Chunoge can say anything if Anastasia is the backer.
Adolph can stop her if he finds out, but Ana is especially clever among the children so she’s likely hiding it well.
「Should I get Nonna to give her a spanking……no, wait.」
Let’s think about why Anastasia likes arena fights.
Wouldn’t the reason be me?
Ever since I showed her once when she was little, she pestered me to sneak away from Nonna to go dogfighting, cockfighting, bullfighting……
「I’ll also get spanked.」
By the way, when I took her to a slippery sap wrestling match between women for a change of pace, I had a good memory of getting my balls sandwiched by a nutcracker. I still remember the stunned face Anastasia made when the nutcracker broke.
「I guess I’ll go show my face.」
As I stand up to go to the noble visitor seats, my body shivers.
「First, I have to take a piss. I drank too much.」
If I pee my pants while I’m scolding Anastasia, I won’t sound convincing.
There’s a long line to the washroom, probably because the main event is coming up.
If I wait, it’ll leak out.
I turn away from the toilet and go to an area with fewer people.
「This must be the storage. I’ll just slip behind a pillar and……」
I pull out my thing and point it toward the pillar.
Oh man, I’m really peeing lots.
「Can’t Anastasia learn to be a bit more sophisticated? Ah, some splashed on my hand.」
I wipe it with the hem of my clothes and empty my bladder.
「As soon as no family is watching, she acts without class. It’s a real hassle.」
Woah, I almost stepped on my own pee.
Right as I’m heading back, I hear people’s voices from the inside of the storage shed.
Are they getting ready for the next match?
「――sneaking, so the security――」
「――ransom――」
I snap out of my drunken state and hold my ear closer.
「Just in case, let’s also station lookouts on the road.」
「We have gathered enough friends. Although the guards are experienced, there are only a few so they won’t be a problem.」
「We can get a ransom of 500 000 gold coins. If we also sell her off to the Federation, we can earn even more.」
The voices are aligned.
At the same time, a detectable bloodlust seeps out of my body.
「Kidnapping of the royal princess, Anastasia. Let’s execute the plan as planned during the final match of the evening――who’s there!?」
When I walk away from the door, three men with stern eyes rush out.
「Hey you, were you listening――」
One of them approaches me.
「Listening? Wait, is the toilet vacant now, gosh I almost peed myself……hahaha.」
I answer, wobbling on my feet, making the other two click their tongues and avert their gazes.
「Damn drunk……he took a piss on the pillar.」
The three men push my shoulder.
「The washrooms are over there. Man, doing it over here……you’re as big as a tree trunk.」
I chuckle and stagger off in the other direction.
After leaving the arena behind, I grit my teeth.
The losing metal ticket in my hand is bent with my finger imprinted on it.
「They’re going to kidnap Ana?」
It’s easy to go there and turn everyone into minced meat.
However, I heard they already have allies.
I can kill those three, but the others might advance the plan and there’s a chance of it blowing up in my face.
It’s fine if they aim for me.
But since they’re targeting Anastasia, I can’t act recklessly.
If she gets hurt even after I kill them, it’s meaningless.
「The final match of the evening program……」
I pull a metal plate with the match schedule down from the wall.
「The evening program is a knockout tournament……it was a full house yesterday and the day before……I see.」
If they attack in a full arena, Anastasia and the guards won’t be able to do anything.
The many assailants can easily involve the spectators. Even if the guards are trained, their small number isn’t enough to deal with the situation.
From what I saw, Anastasia’s escort……has five people.
Normally, she should have at least 20 or 30, did she have the others go to the health resort so her cover isn’t blown?
「I have to get her to escape right……」
I shake my head.
They said lookouts would be put on the road too.
If their objective is kidnapping, they should refrain from attacking her directly, but I don’t know what they’ll do if they discover the plan is crushed.
The sun is setting. If even one arrow is shot from the shadow of night and it hits Anastasia, she won’t stand a chance.
「Now then, we’re looking for any last minute participants for the night program~ It is free to participate~ You will be asked to sign a consent form in the worst case that you die~ Slaves and minors are not allowed to participate~」
I look up when the receptionist speaks.
If I was in the audience like before, I wouldn’t be able to grasp the entire picture.
And if there is an attack and the spectators scatter, I doubt I’d be able to reach the noble visitor seats.
「If I’m inside the arena……」
I run toward the receptionist.
And then I stop myself abruptly.
「If someone recognizes my face……then Ana would react.」
If that happens, it’ll definitely cause the assailants to react spontaneously.
「Pumpkins for the festival are cheap. Big ones cost two copper coins――」
A young boy pulling a cart of pumpkins……
I remember what Leopolt said.
Where is the best place to hide a tree with certainty?
It’s not the forest. I just have to plant it in a pile of gold nuggets.
Everyone will be so distracted by the gold that they wouldn’t notice the tree standing in plain sight.
「That’s it!」
『The portly middle-aged warrior Wakarase has sunk! He had no way to deal with the elder warrior Gigi’s consecutive strikes! He is defeated, only muttering the mysterious words, “if the opponent was a naughty brat…”――!!』
It seems the outcome of the previous match is decided.
Preparing for the next match, I check on the sword I borrowed.
The weapon is a one-handed sword with the edge dulled and it is as light as a feather, which is not very reliable, but I’d kill my opponent if I used a war hammer whether it had wood or cloth wrapped around it or not.
I want to attract as little attention to myself as possible.
To hide my identity, I also disguised myself.
At the same time, I have to stay all the way until the final match, so I can’t afford to lose.
『Now, for the next match, we have……the female spear wielder who earned the nickname of The Female Wolf, Amazo, and――』
「Hey, are you really going to fight looking like that?」
The doorkeeper asks with a tense look right as I’m about to make an entrance.
「I have my reasons to want to hide my face. There’s nothing in the rules against masks.」
「No……I mean, you’re within the rules, but……that’s……whatever, if you’re fine with it, then sure.」
I tilt my head at how weird he is acting and step forward.
『The flower of the arena, a last-minute participant――the fighting pumpkin, Battle Pumpkin――eeh……』
The commentator announces my name in a weak voice――
「Ahahahahaha! What the heck is that!? He looks so lame.」
「One of the charms of last-minute participants is allowing those idiots aiming for laughs! It’s even funnier because that guy has such a good physique.」
「Ew, his underwear is bulging……he put something in there, what a pervert.」
I hear giggling and comments telling me to be serious from the crowd.
「Is it that weird?」
I mentally check my appearance again.
In order to hide my face, I’m wearing a large hollowed-out pumpkin on my head.
Other than that, I’m not wearing anything except for underwear.
Anastasia knows what my traveling clothes look like so I took them off and I didn’t have time to buy a replacement outfit. I did find a beggar who happened to be sleeping outside and borrowed a tattered rag to wear over my shoulders in place of a cloak.
The referee gestures for me and the female spear user to come to the center.
Anastasia seems to be watching while snacking, and looks somewhat annoyed.
「……」
The female spear user openly glares at me, probably thinking I’m fooling around.
I guess I hurt her pride.
Once the referee gives the signal, the match begins.
「――crowd-pleaser, get outta here!」
The spear user leaps, closing the distance in an instant, and thrusts her weapon.
She moves well. It’s not normal to be as trained as that.
It’s polite then for me to respond properly.
I wait until the tip of the spear is as close as possible before leaning back to dodge.
「Wha-!?」
The spear user gasps.
Her lunged spear can move side to side, and although up and down is possible, she can’t put any power behind it.
That means her next move is……
「How about this!?」
Using her momentum from her charge, she raises her knee.
「What a nice trained leg.」
I knew what she was going to do, so I easily grabbed her leg and threw her.
She flips twice in midair before landing.
「This guy has a ridiculous appearance, but is a capable fighter!」
The spear user adjusts her stance.
「Haaah!」
She yells as she thrusts.
Her first attack is a test to see how things develop, her second attack is a feint, her third attack is pretending to aim for my legs to break my balance, and the fourth attack is――
「Her true aim.」
I focus on solely dodging her fourth attack, then sweep her legs with my sword when she stumbles.
She jumps up thinking I’m done, but actually I was waiting for her to get in midair so she can’t dodge.
I grab her collar and throw her down, then hold my sword to her neck.
「……it’s my loss.」
The spear user slumps her shoulders, and I lend her a hand to get up.
「Kyaa!」
「Oh sorry, I pulled too hard.」
I used too much strength and pulled her into my chest……or so I acted like I did so I could brush my lips against hers, and touch her breasts and crotch while I’m at it.
She has a nice toned body.
She curses as she shakes me off……then says something while gently touching my chest.
「See me after the match at the inn 115 out front, the door will be unlocked.」
How can she say that?
It’ll be trouble if I get an erection while wearing only my underwear.
『What an unexpected result, the winner is Battle Pumpkin! He has the appearance of a clown yet is unbelievably strong! It looks like we have ourselves an interesting participant!』
The commentator gets excited and the arena erupts with cheers.
This was when Anastasia stood up.
It seemed like she was staring at me.
『Errr, wait a second here. I just received a message from the sponsor……ah, it seems Battle Pumpkin will be penalized for inappropriate sexual conduct in the arena! From the next match on, he will not be allowed the use of weapons!』
「Oh come on……」
Anastasia looks down at me with disdain and does a slitting motion across her throat with her finger.
Is she telling me that I’ll be executed the next time I do it?
『In the end, a clown is a clown! Let’s see that pumpkin get beaten up in the next match!』
Saying whatever they want.
Fine, barehanded or otherwise, I’ll win so I can protect Anastasia.
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