Chapter 379
Day 89 – Daytime, Evil Forest, the Cave
This is our home. There is Armored Pres-san’s room, Dancing Girl-san’s room, even Slime-san’s room, it’s everyone’s home. Well, Slime-san’s room has ended up like some kind of bizarre mechanical cat house, but it looks fun, so I guess that’s fine? It rolls around playing in the pulley wheel. I wanted it to at least look cute, so I covered the walls in an art deco dollhouse style… Are we going to get any Slime visitors though?
Armored Pres-san in a black bikini, Dancing Girl-san in a white bikini, and Slime-san totally naked, a carefree time. Using the chance I tried holing up indoors. I did a quick clean-up and started preparing dinner. Everything, cooking, dishes, all the prep, is ready, but to think this cave would get to the point of hosting over a hundred guests, it’s really risen in the world. I wonder what even happened to being a Loner?
「Damn it, there are gorgeous bikini girls wiggling and strutting right in front of me, but I don’t have time to make a move, even though I’m supposed to be a shut-in NEET! I mean, I’m not even managing to shut-in anymore, the cleaning is really hectic… well, maybe for just thirty minutes, wait, no! That’s not it! I-it’s about the cleaning schedule, okay? Definitely! And what the hell, why do brooms and mops have swords hidden in the handles?! Ah, right, those are the ones I made a while ago and just left lying around. Shadow Clone! Shadow Raven!」
(*Thud! Crack!*)
As expected, a mere Dungeon Master technique wouldn’t work on a Dungeon Emperor. I got beaten up along with the shadow! And since the clone didn’t even trick anyone, it’s honestly faster to just run away!
I thought thirty minutes would be fine, but last night’s experiment with the 『Aberrant Necklace – Mutation, Aberration, Mucus (All Resistances, All Status Ailment Infliction), +DEF』 ended up getting a bit too intense. I tried layering the 『Poison Hand Gloves』 with multiple poison and status ailments, including heightened sensitivity and aphrodisiac effects, and then stacked it on top of that with tentacle slime that had even more sensitivity and arousal boosting effects… but pushing it any further would’ve probably destroyed the entire room. The bed, reinforced over and over, redesigned from scratch, even with its materials transmuted through alchemy, snapped. Clean in half.
I only tried coiling tentacles covered in viscous fluids around white skin, and letting them creep around amber skin, affecting them with all sorts of abnormal status effects, and they started writhing like crazy, causing a huge uproar. Perhaps mucus was too effective, but the two went unconscious, their nude bodies covered in glistering slippery mucus on full display, leaving mucus-covered Highschool Boy-san on his own, completely alone, so he tried trespassing for a bit, but they went into total frenzy, breaking the bed… It was even reinforced with metal, but it just cracked to pieces. Do I have to mithrilize the bed as well?
Well, while I do sense a touch of uneasiness when the topic comes to the Affection Rating of tentacle-sprouting mucus producing Highschool Boy, but the sensations that I sensed are a bit hard to give up on. Even so, testing『Mutation』or『Aberration』is probably not a good idea. And since it does sound like a bad idea, I will limit myself to just experiments.
Not sure if it’s because we woke up too early, or if it’s because of exhaustion, but there was no morning payback, so I’m having it really tough Highschool Boy-wise, being surrounded by nothing but bikinis all around due to the sheer skin exposure rate and high concentration of voluptuous flesh, but apparently it is no-no. Man, the night seems so far away?
「Alright, everything’s cleaned up, how about one more swim? Today’s a day off, so you don’t have to help out or anything. Just have fun, okay? If we don’t set an example by actually enjoying ourselves, what will the Orphans think?」
(Jiggle-Jiggle~!)
Good, that’s the spirit. I’m sure everyone is jiggle-jiggling in the pool too. The sheer amount of jiggle this morning was so overwhelming that the Geeks basically vanished into thin air after five minutes. I mean, there’s no point going to see kemomimi girls if you’re just going to dissolve into the air every time? By the way, we’ve got the pool for the orphan girls in school swimsuits safely sectioned off, Anti-Geek interception system fully deployed!
The Idiots are still diving nonstop, but since they can’t possibly get any dumber even if they cracked their heads, there is nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about, but we’ve definitely reached the point where it’s no longer safe. I was wondering if they are ever going to stop, so I’ve been raising the diving platform higher and higher with earth magic, but they still haven’t given up. Should I just drain the pool?
「Haruka-kun, are you done with preparations? If you need extra hands, just let me know, okay? Looks like the kids are fine now. The floaties are super popular, and they’re keeping themselves busy, so we can help out if you want?」
「Nah, I’m already done. The menu’s recovery-themed pasta and a mushroom à la carte spread, all prepped. But even though it’s à la carte, I’m expecting a brutal showdown with the anti-à la carte crowd who just order everything anyway. So I’ve prepared some big platters too. Honestly, it’s faster to just make more plates than to try and reinforce them.」
Pres came over wearing a red bikini. Earlier it was a black one, so she’s probably just enjoying changing colors while keeping the same outfit. Right now, you could charge 50,000 ele for 30 minutes in this pool and there’d still be a line. I’d pay for it! I’d even buy a multi pass! I wouldn’t even mind buying a season ticket, but this is my house, so who exactly would I be buying it from?
Slime-san is floating around the pool with Vice Pres B-san. I’d love to provide a detailed live coverage of exactly what is floating, but I seem to be picking a terrifying number of enemy lock-on signals around me… A morning star underwater is a serious threat! Yeah, I learned that firsthand last time when I got beaten by Armored Pres-san and Dancing Girl-san!
And in the special 500-meter pool, a giant column of water is shooting up. Of course. I knew it.
Fish Girl and the Nudist Girl are swimming. They look happy, but… they’ve changed so much. Normally, swimming athletes don’t cause splashing. Real swimmers enter the water smoothly with minimal resistance, pull the water efficiently behind them, and create hardly any noise or spray. But here, columns of water rise and spray flies everywhere. Their altered physical abilities have made water resistance practically meaningless. Sure, they’ve gained strength and speed, but their arms and legs haven’t increased in surface area, so it’s like having a turbo motor with a tiny propeller, just spinning uselessly.
「Hey, want me to make you some flippers? There’s also a body-mod plan where you get webbed hands, if you are interested?」
「Ah, Haruka-kun. My body suddenly got so strong, I can’t maintain proper swimming form… but I kind of want to swim just with my body, as I am?」
「Yeah, like, I can’t swim properly or actually advance? It feels like there’s no resistance from the water anymore, so I can’t actually propel myself forward?」
Exactly. The water is too light. With physical ability beyond level 100, the resistance of water is too little, just like humans can’t swim through air, it’s become too light to provide proper resistance, so they can’t swim at full strength.
「Well, there is a way, though…」
*
「「It was true!」」
They’re swimming. That’s the same sight I used to see every day at the school pool. The two of them, just swimming earnestly. As if it was the water where they truly belonged, gliding forward with silent swiftness, cutting through the water with their bodies. A nostalgic scene. I figured they must be feeling nostalgic too, but I got scolded?
「「「Why did you make it a lotion pool and let them swim in it?! What if the kids try to copy that?!」」」
There’s no way those two can swim the way they used to unless the water’s density is increased to add back resistance. Their bodies have changed too much now. So yeah, this slimy and slippery substance was necessary, okay? Sure, every time they climb out of the water with those glistening swimsuits I get all kinds of thoughts, but there’s no deeper meaning, really. I underestimated the sheer destructive power of lotion combined with old-style school swimsuits. This moment deserves archival, into the memory notebook of my heart.
Everyone’s starting to get tired and is resting in turns, so I’m handing out tropical-looking juice. It’s brightly colored and decorated with all sorts of fruit, though the base is just juice made from forest berries. But presentation really does change how something tastes, especially with the added scent of fruit toppings, humans just perceive it differently. It might not be really tropical, but Evil Forest berries are jungle-ish enough.
The high school girls lie stretched out with glistening wet bodies in vibrantly colored bikinis, resting. Naturally, the Geeks, who had been resting while blending into the air the whole time, finally went for a swim. I doubt they’ll be coming out of the pool anytime soon. They might be fine with any sort of extremes in 2D, but they’re way too fragile for 3D!
「Here, a towel. So? How was your first time in the pool?」
「It was so much fun! Swimming, being healthy enough to swim again, it’s all just so much fun, it feels like a dream. Like a wonderful dream that keeps going every day, I’m so happy!」
The little elf sister seems to have been sick for a very long time, so this must be the first time in ages for her. I’m glad I went through all that effort and hardship to stuff a mushroom into her mouth. Yep, she got better once I stuck it in her?
「The Royal Girl, the maid girl, and Merimeri-san, it’s nice that you learned to swim, huh?~. If you couldn’t, then making those bikinis would’ve been totally pointless, right? Here, towel and juice.」
「「Thank you so much. I mean, seeing everyone else wearing them makes you want one too, right?」」
「It may be disrespectful to dress the princess in something so revealing, but, it is good for swimming.」
These three had high levels to begin with, and once they started exploring dungeons and acting together with the girls, their levels shot up even further. At this point, not just swimsuits, even regular clothing probably can’t handle them anymore. Unless they have at the bare minimum magic stone coating, or custom-made to withstand high-speed movement, clothes just won’t hold up.
「The Orphans… are napping, huh? They must be worn out. It’s probably the first time they’ve ever played so hard.」
「「「They’ve gotten to the point where they can smile like this. They’re smiling even in their sleep now~.」」」
I went around covering them with ultra-absorbent towels, and handed out drinks and towels to the childcare team as well. And seriously, how long are those Idiots going to keep diving? It’s already high enough to be considered bungee jumping without the cord. How are they not dying from that height? Maybe I really should drain the pool?
「Armored Pres-san, Dancing Girl-san, today is a day off, so make sure you play with everyone, okay? Playing together properly and having fun is the right way to spend a holiday. I’m not sure was or was not passed in this world, but it also wasn’t passed down in our world either, but since it’s the rule I just made up, it’s probably correct? I’m the host here, so I can work if I want, but guests’ job is to have fun.」
「「Thank you very much.」」
The two are getting better at speaking smoothly lately. As long as it’s just short phrases or single sentences, they speak almost normally. And yet, the formal tone still hasn’t gone away. Were their original speech patterns that polite? Nobody here uses such a formal tone, so where on earth did they pick it up?
Everyone lounges as they like, then heads back to the water again. It’s chaos at the water slide and the lazy river, screaming and laughing as they play to their heart’s content. These are the children and the girls who should’ve had nothing to do with fighting or danger, but ended up getting swept into it all, and now they’re finally just laughing and playing. This is how things should’ve been, but it’s just one single day off.
「One hour until dinner~! After you eat, it’s time to head home, so make sure to have one last big burst of fun! We can also turn it into a heated pool anytime, so we can come back whenever we please though?」
「「「「「Okaaay!」」」」」
Since everyone seems to be having so much fun, I guess all that struggle, hardship, and effort to finally make the bikini was worth it. But right now, Highschool Boy-san is suffering from the sweet agony of not knowing where to rest his eyes. Sitting there with towels and juice prepared, one after another, bikinis of every color step up close:『Gimme a towel~』 they say, all soft and plump, 『I’m thirsty』 with a shake, 『Resting time』 while wiping down their bodies right in front of him, hips swaying side to side, flaunting themselves. Taking turns, more and more bikini-clad girls gather around, until he’s surrounded on all sides, a 360-degree panorama view of bare skin in a world of bikinis that’s nothing but poison to the eyes. He made them himself, checked every detail with his own eyes, so he should already know each of these bikinis, but facing that overwhelming wall of bikinis, not knowing where to look, Highschool Boy finds himself pretty uncomfortable, you know? Seriously!
And so we started on an early dinner.
「「「「「Itadakimasu!」」」」」
「Wow, this cave brings back memories, wait, it got even bigger again!」 「We went straight from living in tents to what felt like a resort hotel, right? Now it’s practically a luxury hotel!」 「The room in the back is still here? We used to sleep in this living area at first, I remember」「「「More to the point, just how elegantly were you all living out in the Evil Forest?!」」」 「Hey, we had a hard time before we got here, okay?」 「Totally, if Oda-kun and the others hadn’t shown up we’d have been camping under the open sky!」 「「「We really appreciate everything!」」」 「Look, that was still a tent. After seeing this cave, going back to tent life was rough…」 「「「Right, cramped until we reached the city!」」」 「I got a room, made just for me, my room!」 「「「So jealous!」」」 「I… got a room too」「「「Show us later!」」」 (Jiggle-Jiggle!) 「「「E-even Slime-san has a private room!」」」 「But it’s gone from modern-art-ish to a resort style?」 「Yeah, it feels more like a living room than a bedroom now」「Ah! Haruka-kun, you built yourself a private room, didn’t you?」 「「「We wanna see!」」」
In a cheerful, boisterous clamor, everyone sets off to explore, whether it’s a house tour or full-on cave expedition is anyone’s guess. Well, this cave also has Dungeon Emperors, but please no actual dungeon raiding, okay? Three Dungeon Emperors ganging up on you would make this the strongest, scariest cave ever?
The Orphans really liked Slime-san’s room, although only the littlest kids can really play there. It’s like a maze-house: walls lined with boxes full of holes, boards, and poles, basically a cat playground Slime-san version, but done up in art-deco style. The little ones are having a field day. I should build a proper field-athletic course at the orphanage next time.
The girls have split into two tea parties, one in Armored Pres-san’s European art-deco canopy-bed room with claw-foot furniture, the other in a room overflowing with oriental Egyptian fabrics and Egyptian-cat statues. Murimur-san, being the one with real mom experience, is completely surrounded by Orphans and fussing over them, definitely a different level of nurturing, the JKs still can’t quite manage the mother role. The kids’ faces are totally relaxed. Meripapa-san is… basically useless. Maybe I should have called Aide-san after all?.
We load the utterly exhausted, sleepy Orphans into the carriage and head back to town. The girls are worn out and limp too, but they look thoroughly satisfied. They deserve a true day off like this. They are high-schoolers, this is normal. Fighting monsters every day, that’s what’s abnormal.
All right, time to go home, this is my home though. But the town is also basically like home. The problem is that I have to come up with the money to pay for the inn every day. How many days can I put it on the tab before they cut me off? I, uh, spent all my cash on the camp. Yeah, is this bad?
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