Chapter 380
Chapter 380: Looks like they might’ve been better seeking 2D conversion instead of other world transfer.
Day 89 – Evening, Grasslands
I really didn’t want to ride in a carriage full of dudes, but here I am, riding the Geeks and Idiots Express.
「So, have you guys decided?」
「「「Ah, we’re heading to the royal capital. The Counts’ lands on the east side, pretty close, so we’ll be going back and forth, doing some training? Like, acting as sparring partners or something. Their dungeons have been left alone for a while too, though they are not that deep. Something like 30 or 50 floors, should be able to handle it… probably?」」」
Looks like the idiots did try wracked their non-existent brains as hard as they could to come up with this excuse.
「Yeah, sure, you’re all just after the hot buff ladies! You guys used to be so uninterested in women that everyone suspected you of being into BL. You were a massive hit with the fujoshi crowd, from refined rotten ladies to the ultra-degenerate elite. You were practically one step short of spawning a Corrupt Fujonix. To think you were into amazoness all along… Well, true, we didn’t have that type around, huh.」
「It’s not really about a type. We are just not good with frail-looking girls.」
「Delicate girls look like they’ll break.」
「It’s just worrisome if she can’t fight, no?」
「Like, she has to be able to fight beside me.」
「More importantly – muscles!」
Now that I think about it, they were super popular with cute types. Skinny and slim girls loved them too? Sure, there were some athletic girls, but nobody who could stand shoulder to shoulder with them in a life-or-death battle. If there was anyone they would’ve been labeled outlaws or worse.
「If it’s just about strength, our girls are stronger, you know? They’re aren’t losing in looks, and in impact they are definitely winning, and their lecturing power is unmatched in this world?」
「「「「Our girls are way too scary! Their lecture stat is off the charts! Plus, they’re not buff, they’re slender and have no muscle?」」」」
So unless she’s tall and ripped, they’re not interested. And apparently, the girls are scary. I’m totally tattling on them later.
「Aren’t Oda and the company going even further, though? Well, I guess they’ve got a boat. Let us ride along when you leave, okay?」
「Yeah, you don’t even have to ask, the Geeks are going. It’s kemomimi, after all. They’re going to go fluff some beast-ears? Actually, I heard they’ve been formally invited to the Beastmen Country, so I guess we have to send the Idiots too.」
「Hey, if it’s an official invitation, the black-haired tactician has to go too!」
「Why are you talking like it’s someone else’s problem?! You were the one threatening to sink the boat unless they found miso on that trade trip!」
「Yeah, the official thing with the princess and the rest is apparently further down the line? First up is transporting relief goods and starting up trade?」
「The kemomimi are my waifu! I will not surrender the paw pads!」
「「「Don’t even think of monopolizing them! You’ll make the entire beastfolk our enemies, so stop it!」」」
Apparently, first came an emissary to express their thanks. There was a letter of gratitude, so I was already aware of that much. Once relations stabilize, there will be visits and formal invitations both ways, but apparently, even the main perpetrator, the dark-haired boy, is going to get personally invited. It seems that because of that dumb play, people think the black-haired tactician is the commander! To be mistaken as a comrade of the Geeks and Idiots, what a smear on my reputation!
And so, a request has come from the kingdom to deliver relief supplies to the Beastmen Country. Apparently, even though it’s a river, pirates with no sense of decency have been appearing lately, so it was decided that the Geeks, who own a sturdy ship, would be the most suitable choice. Certainly, the safest choice, after all, they’re the very pirates in question.
Well, even without the whole 「black-haired tactician」 situation, it seems they were already planning to invite me anyway. Rice and soy sauce had always been imported from the Beastmen Country, but they supposedly never sold well. Now, thanks to me buying them in bulk and spreading those flavors through my cooking, I’ve somehow become an economically important figure for the Beastmen Country, which lacks in resources and major exports. And since there’s a possibility that miso, tofu, and even katsuobushi exist over there, I absolutely want to go shopping.
But I’m also worried about dungeons in the frontier. So, I decided to send the Geeks on an errand instead, they’ve got a ship and they’re being treated like benefactors. That was the official reason I gave them, anyway. If I don’t give them some kind of pretext, these guys never make decisions. They looked like they were ready to pounce on kemomimi in 2D, but the moment it’s 3D, they become all shy. Maybe they should’ve aimed for a two-dimensional conversion instead of coming to another world?
「Haruka-kun… you can’t leave, huh. Are dungeons really becoming more active?」
「…Hey, Haruka. You’re really okay with this, right?」
「I mean, let’s look at it in reverse. If Armored Pres-san and Slime-san, plus new member Dancing Girl-san, can’t handle it, then isn’t this world basically doomed? Like, dive into dungeons or run to the edge of the world, you are still screwed? And this gear, no one else can even use it, right? If the enemy can’t be taken down anyway, if I can’t pull it off, then it’s basically it? Like, the end?」
「「「「Yeah, that would be really over.」」」」
I ran some tests on human subjects represented by the boys by handing them the World Tree Staff, and the instant they touched it, their MP was completely drained and they collapsed. All of them instantly went comatose, incapacitated and unconscious. It probably requires some kind of skill like 「Holding」 or some sort of mental processing and control related skills. And since all the boys got wiped out, it’s too dangerous to test it on the girls. Even Armored Pres-san, Dancing Girl-san, and Slime-san won’t go near it… so that means there’s no one else.
「If Haruka doesn’t come, the food’s gonna suffer…」 「Even everyday goods, outside the frontier, it’s all junk」「And don’t even get me started on the rice…」 「Back in the city, there weren’t even proper baths」「Going back to camping like when we first got summoned…」 「Otherworld cooking is way behind!」 「We got too used to abnormal being the new normal」「Back to that dry, crumbly bread every day, huh…」 「If it was at least on the frontier level…」
And so, we continued to have a serious, heartfelt exchange of opinions, boldly, energetically debating every point to its fullest. And of course, as is only natural for a bunch of high school boys, the main heated topic of the day was bikinis.
「That one wasn’t even borderline anymore! I mean, seriously, a black high-leg?!」 「Ah, she said it was for the leg-lengthening effect, you know?」 「Her legs are already long though」「Honestly, the low-rise view from behind was the real killer」「「「That was dangerous! I couldn’t even get out of the pool after that!」」」 「Didn’t the Flat-Chested Combo look a little…bigger somehow?」 「I worked so hard on that! I gathered every bit of flesh from 360 degrees and pulled it all into one spot!」 「「「It was that high-tech?!」」」 「More importantly… that mesh… Why mesh?!」 「N-no, that was the real deal… didn’t you see how the string part dug into the skin?!」 「She said she only ever had large and huge swimsuits before, so she really wanted to try a regular triangle bikini. To make it look like a proper design, I used that mesh string to lift and support it so nothing would spill out… but the way everything bounced and shifted made it a total nightmare!」 「「「That was a masterpiece.」」」 「Everyone’s figures have gotten even more impressive, haven’t they?」 「Yeah, there was nowhere safe to look」「I mean, everyone in bikinis? That’s just too much!」 「And their bodies are tighter now, plus the dance training power-upped their curves.」「Hip up effect made their legs look longer and those lifted up butts…」
C-Crap!
「The carriage is surrounded! We’re under attack, enemy count – 26! Damn it, there are two Dungeon Emperors in the mix! It’s all over for humanity (us)!」
「「「Wh-what did you saaaay!!」」」
We leapt out of the carriage, but it was already too late. A rain of steel balls came crashing down from the skies with thunderous roars, splitting the ground beneath us. To put it plainly, it was a meteor shower of morning stars, a massive iron-ball sermon as group punishment. The idiot who stood in front of me as a meatwall was blown away. The geeks who became my shield were pounded into the dirt. The idiot (bait) I used took several hits and collapsed. The Geeks I hid behind were crushed into the ground. I kept throwing more idiots in front of the unavoidable iron balls, but my supply of meat shields was dwindling fast!
「No, listen, I didn’t do anything! I was just calmly explaining the technical struggles of swimsuit production, that’s all. The ones yelling stuff about the way the ass cheeks get squeezed in were the idiots! The ones who were going, ‘not even a sliver of space in that cleavage!’ were the Geeks! I was just an innocent swimwear analyst! I was simply providing my opinions on the shifting mass distribution and internal flow dynamics during swimsuit wear, based on technical trial and error during the assembly process. When I responded to questions about things like her voice was way too sexy I was doing it through the lenses of detailed reports and objective observations from the development process! I did nothing wrong? Even if this was the Hundred Girls Committee, refusing to answer under oath is an option. But if this were the Committee of Testimony and Embarrassment, then I have the high school boy’s unwavering resolve to either appear or flee at a moment’s notice, and that alone proves my innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt? I am innocent?」
「「「「GUILTY!! You are hereby condemned for revealing a maidens’ secrets!」」」」
(Currently being lectured. Expect extended beating.)
I got scolded. Apparently, the tales of my hardships and all the sweat and tears of behind-the-scenes work were actually a maidens’ secret? But… I’m not a maiden, am I? Yet somehow, I’m the only one crammed into the girls’ carriage, sitting seiza-style, getting a lecture. It’s pretty cramped. And close. Honestly, it’s so right and densely packed that I’m more bothered by that than the actual scolding. They say talking about swimsuits is off-limits, but seeing them up close is fine? The maiden’s heart is truly a complex thing. But the Highschool Boy heart would appreciate a little understanding too.
「Cityyyyy!」
「Well then, Haruka-kun, thanks for everything today. Man, pools are great, aren’t they? Murimur’s swimsuit was fantastic too! That was a fine piece of work!」
Looks like Meripapa-san has awoken to the glory of swimwear. It was a one-piece design with a pareo wrap, he also was constantly giving comments and making actual decisions during selection. The pair was also getting flirty, so Merimeri-san had a bit of a conflicted expression…
「Haruka-sama, please leave the orphans to me. We’ve gotten quite close already, they’re truly wonderful children. To think such good kids were once… so poor… starving… nearly dead… By the way, are there any surviving nobles around? I’d be happy to go chop off their heads and line them up for display.」
Murimur-san had completely won over the orphan girls and was being doted on in return. I guess there really is a difference when someone’s actually experienced being a mom. The Girls, no matter how well-meaning, still only come across as big sisters, it’s hard to get that spoiled with them. Though one of them seems to have fully assimilated by now?
I recalled the Shoulder Guard funnels from their escort mission, and handed out big heaps of sweets to the Demon Scythes as a reward. They did great, clearing paths, providing protection, and thanks to them, everyone had fun. They’re definitely today’s MVPs. Poor things couldn’t join in the swimming, though. It’s not like you can swim as a giant scythe. And besides they’d probably rust if they did?
We carried the sleeping and completely exhausted Orphans to their rooms and tucked them into beds. We really only get to play with them once in a while…I wonder if they had a good time today?
The Poster Girl is wobbling with exhaustion, and the Stalker Girl looks like she’s staying over too. Well, it was her first time swimming and she went all-out, so she’s gotta be totally drained. Just in case, I stuffed a mushroom into her half-open mouth, but for some reason the girls got mad at me?
Last time I got yelled at for pushing it in silently all at once, so this time I properly said, 「Come on now, open your mouth nice and wide, taste the mushroom and then swallow, okay~?」 But they still got mad at me? Getting scolded for a kind-hearted Highschool Boy’s medical act is totally unfair, no?
Even though they were just swimming and soaking in the jacuzzi, the girls say they still have to take a bath, something about having to scrub off the ultraviolet rays with foamy body soap? Does this world even have UV rays?
「We can regularly use the pool while in the frontier, but even though we just got back, I’m suddenly flooded with new swimsuit requests. Like, 「Honorable magistrate, please make us more swimsuits, we beg youuu」, why period-drama peasant dialect?! Also, I’m not a magistrate, the suggestion box is for the Shogun, and that guy’s a rampaging enforcer type, so why are you all writing to me?! And why are people installing suggestion boxes wherever they please?! Well, I already know the body types, so mass production without measurements is technically possible, but in the end, it still requires splash-splash, squish-squish, la-la-la try-ons and adjustments. And even though they ask me to do it, they act all sulky and teary-eyed when I follow through. That kind of passive-aggressive attitude, I accept with the generous, boundless heart of a saint but the scolding part is a hard no. I stand firm and reject that entirely, bound to lose in the end, being just a poor, pitiful craftsman stuck on the defensive. Whatever. Since the design sketches haven’t been submitted yet, it can wait till next time?」
(Jiggle jiggle)
Looks like Slime-san is back from the bath, all soft and squishy. I mean, it just spent some good old-fashioned naked bonding time with the girls, let’s show it some love too. Pat-Pat?
(Jiggle jiggle)
W-what?! They were actually considering a lotion bath?! Wait, hold up, we gotta make one, no, we must make one. Actually, it’s already done. Yep. With just a bit of alchemical blending, we’ve got a silky smooth, slippery, ultra-slatherable bath-grade lotion ready to go. I’ve been refining the formula day after day through endless thought and experimentation, perfection, achieved! The gooey, glistening sensation now possible was born from a mountain of painstaking effort, relentless self-discipline, and countless grueling hours of research. Finally, at long last, the world recognizes the brilliance of the slippery lotion bath. Yes. it’s fine? Rather, it’s really good. (Tested and confirmed?)
Naturally, the two girls returning from their girls-only gathering immediately sank into the newly completed tub full of lotion. Amazing. Wait, this skill… is it 『Pervert』?!
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