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Chapter 410

Day 96 – Daytime, Dungeon, 91F

Seems like everything up to the 90th floor was designated for my training, and from the 90th floor onward, it’s back to the usual free-for-all. Could someone tell me that beforehand next time? You guys are way too fast at taking a head start?

The third bat encounter today, the 『Ignition Bat Lv91』 is the kind that explodes, or maybe just catches fire, on contact. I was all ready to intercept them with my twelve shoulder-shield funnels… but before I could even say the thing, the chain reaction from the explosions wiped out the endless swarm of bats crowding the floor. Sadly, my twelve shoulder funnels now sway aimlessly in the air like they’re mourning… I really wanted to say that line…

(Jiggle-jiggle~)

Well, Slime-san seems full and happy, so I guess it’s fine? Sending a vibration wave with Vibration Magic into the air, causes the bats to freeze up for a moment. If I already locked space with 『Holding』 some of them even fall to the ground. Vibration Magic, honed night after night to the limit, is surprisingly effective, though it’s not very noticeable here. But it’s very noticeable at night, with all the screaming and intense action, Vibration-san gets standing ovations every night for its vibrating performance.

Yesterday I received healing and slept well, so I’m in great shape. No pain, totally healthy. My stamina, energy, and MP are all totally drained, but otherwise I’m in near-perfect condition, and yet I have no opportunity to do anything. I want to test out these buffed stats and control, but it feels like I’m being blocked. I need to finish this tuning as quickly as possible. Either way, sooner or later I have to test my limits, so I don’t get why I’m not allowed to now?

Since there’s no helping it, I held back to warm-up levels, at around 99% power, and joined the battle. If I go full force in a group battle and lose control, it’ll endanger allies and I’ll get scolded for being a nuisance. So I’m easing into it carefully. I can probably master it just by staying consistent over time, but that’s so roundabout and slow. Real combat at the limit would let me gather massive amounts of live data in an instant, but instead I’m stuck doing painstaking trial-and-error, stacking it piece by piece. At this rate, my skill level will increase and I’ll get new equipment before I even finish tuning?

Still, they’re worried about me. It’d feel wrong to take this freshly healed body and stress it to the point of internal bleeding again. I mean, it’s no biggie? Just some bruises lingering until regeneration clears them, but they do look bad and make everyone uncomfortable.

I was issued just three『Lizard Warriors Lv92』. They are armed with round buckler-type shields and longswords, wearing cuirass breastplates, very profitable-looking fully geared lizardmen. Their sword attacks were rough but sharp and strong, and their shield handling was accurate. They made excellent use of their level 90+ stats, these lizards are really worthy of their warrior titles.

Even where their cuirasses didn’t cover, they had dense, rigid scales coating their muscular bodies. Occasionally, they would use their long, thick tails like whips to sweep at my feet. Still, even with a SpE in the upper 800s giving them amazing burst speed, they were slow. No matter how fast you move, if you don’t have the technique, it doesn’t matter. Their movements, though fast, had only linear speed, and were fatally lacking in finesse.

No matter how quick the action is, lacking the technique made their wind-up motions easy to read and movements linear and simple, and with so many wasteful movements it made their speed pointless, preventing them from making full use of their destructive power. They were just flailing around relying on stats.

And it wasn’t just their motion that was monotone, their rhythm was too. That simple, repetitive beat in both their attacks and movements made them ridiculously easy to read and match. Just sitting ducks, that I could strike at any point. Well, they are lizards, but still?

An attack with a predictable timing is not a threat. No matter how much feinting or trickery they use, if their rhythm gets read, their timing becomes easy to match. Combine that with their simplistic movement and lack of technique, and their incredible physical stats end up utterly useless.

While crossing blades with all three Lizard Warriors simultaneously, I adjust my own movements, watching how things play out. Or rather, at this level, it doesn’t even cause any strain. I simply dodge, deflect and slip past the attacks that are fast, but telegraphed. Then, they start to crumble, unable to respond to my ever-shifting tempo. Their strikes lose momentum, just lazy, arm-only swings. That’s quite enough, they seem to be done too.

「Secret Sword Art – Lizard Reversal! …Though the lizards don’t actually get reversed, it’s more like the sword arc does. Or maybe it’s like it goes out and then curves back? Sort of?」

Taking a step forward I make a wide swing, avoiding my precious pocket-money-grade cuirasses, and lopped off the heads of two Lizard Warriors. Adjusting the blade’s vector, from shoulder, to elbow, to wrist, I guided the slash of my 『Staff of the World Tree』 into a sweeping ∞ curve, redirecting the arc to take off the last one’s raised arm and his head in one clean motion.

Following on the momentum of the single swing the second strike sealed the deal, so the third one was unnecessary. Using spiral movement generated from the knees up, I manipulated the vector of circular motion to accelerate the slash. With that, their level 92’s SpE stats were of no use. No blocking, no dodging, three lizard heads just fell to the ground. I killed three level 90+ monsters by overwhelming them with my speed and only taking minimal self-inflicted damage, so this has to be enough. And since I didn’t destroy their armor or weapons, it was a budget-friendly massacre, great for the household finances!

「Hmm~ This cuirass would probably sell for a bit, but it’s also wearable even for the unarmored team, and even I could wear it over my cloth gear too… Maybe I should have it properly appraised later? Though the chest is flat, so it’s for guys? Then again, there are also two other possible candidates, but one wears armor, and the other, that little raccoon, for some reason seems oddly fond of Western-style outfits? I mean, I could offer it, but I’m already seeing visions of her gnawing on my head in response. I wonder if there’s a helmet lying around somewhere? She bites for real? And it hurts, you know? Just what’s up with that?」

(Bounce-bounce)

Hmm… Hammurabi’s Code, huh? 『An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a bite for a bite!』 But if I get into a gnawing contest with the raccoon girl, someone’s bound to say something like『a wild Highschool Boy appeared!』 again, and before I know it, my poor Affection Rating-san will be emigrating to another planet.

We split up and started gathering the magic stones and gear, well, technically it was Magic Hands doing the picking, but the job’s getting done. Snake-san got glared at and retreated. But with this unexpected income, I might let Avatars of Avarice get some fun and improve my mood a bit? I didn’t get any lizards captured, but I got a ton of gear? Time to go fleece the old man at the weapon shop again! I already did it this morning, but he should still have some money, right? I mean, he’s gotta have some living expenses stashed somewhere. Gonna get them all!

Since we’re here in a dungeon, I’d love to test out the Auto-Hydra snake-attack system during rapid movement, but I strongly suspect that as soon as I summon Snake-san, a certain duo armed with flails, will show up to bully it, so finding a chance to actually use it is kinda tricky. I guess I’ll have to save it for tonight. Yeah, tonight’s going to be a full-scale war. A revenge match with Highschool Boy and his eternal besties, featuring a grand gathering of tentacle friends and snake friends, and Magic Thread-san, and Magic Hands, all together in one chaotic battle royale. I ought to start conserving MP.

Finally, on the 93rd floor, I got to field-test my 12-unit shoulder guard funnel system. As expected, operating them while moving and attacking divides my attention too much. If I don’t move then even 12 linked units are easy to control, but the moment 『Teleportation』 is involved in either movement or attack, 『Wisdom』struggles with parallel processing, and the control starts to break down. It doesn’t collapse entirely, but there are delays in operation and computation, creating openings. Looks like I’ll need more practice, and probably have to boost my mastery-type skills too. Even with the massive control gains from the 『Mara’s Robes』, I probably have too many skills and gear that demand active management.

Still, being such a great item and all, 『Mara’s Robes』 might need an upgrade the with mithril. If that boosts control further next is the 24-unit funnel setup! The dream keeps growing~. The troubles too?

「No, I mean, since the cuirass is basically plate armor, if we just modify it by adding some rubber balls and make a Busty-Boing Cuirass, I bet there are two certain people who’d gladly go into lifelong debt to buy it, but at the same time, this honest Highschool Boy simply cannot abide by false padding! It’s an unforgivable act of deception against the pure, sincere hearts of Highschool Boys around the world! Gentle lifting and pushing is still within the bounds of kindness, but padding is an evil, forbidden technique! Kind of?」

(Jiggle-jiggle)

「No, look, Vice-Pres B-san’s Breast-Enlarging Breastplate (Boing-Boing Cuirass) isn’t caused by external factors, it’s just the internal destructive force is so immense, it breaks through from the inside, probably impossible for the technology of this world to contain it. Her bunny suit was reinforced with a special mesh of woven mithril wire, but even then, the terrifying magnitude of that mass was about to explode out! It was packed with this overwhelming sense of motion, on the brink of bursting, but never doing, a masterfully restrained, swaying, weighty weapon of mass destruction! Damn, that was amazing!」

While chatting about the challenges of new chest armor design, we continued down the long hallway toward the 94th floor. The gear issue for Vice-Pres B-san, our sole cloth-wearing fighter among the girls, is actually a serious one. No matter how strong she is, always wearing the stuff that leaves you one hit away from a fatal strike has to be nerve wrecking. Even if the stats say it’s nearly on par with new heavy armor, it’s still cloth, and if she ever fails to resist an attack with 『Nullification』Effect, it’ll be reduced to a single flimsy piece of cloth. I wish she’d armor up at least her chest, or ideally the entire torso, but she’s stubbornly committed to pure magic-specialized equipment. In battle, she shows no sign of being a magic user, swinging her self-proclaimed staff (which is really just a hammer) around like a maniac, but she still insists on full magic-specialized cloth gear.

Looks like I’ll have to challenge myself to creating another piece of ballroom-dress-tier gear. Though, I could never replicate that effect with regular clothing. It’s not just fabric area, those specs came from the combination of frills, draping, and lace, creating a very peculiar synergy. That means there’s only one answer – Battle Dress. I have a feeling she might be willing to wear it, as long as it’s a spellcasting-focused battle dress with minimal metal components.But that also means I’d have to start from scratch with custom measurements again, opening the gates to the Highschool Boy’s Burning Agony Hell of Lustful Restraint. And once it’s made, based on past experience, I know the rest of the girls will all come demanding their own versions. No doubt about it!

That said, we came to the point where improving on the current designs of full-body armor becomes unlikely. I’ve already done numerous structural overhauls, improved joint flexibility, reinforced with new materials, and achieved weight reduction, and I don’t see what else I can change there. From a possibility standpoint, a Battle Dress might be… I only just finished solving the trinity of Ultimate Gear Design: the Bra Issue, the Pad Issue, and the Bikini Issue. Lacking, and lacking the courage to start another wildfire, I’ve avoided it until now, focusing instead on refining the armored suits, but this seems to be the limit.

But with my current lack of understanding in magic circle theory and alchemy, I still can’t see how to bring this to completion. Since knowledge of magical tools has been banned, the only place where any records might exist is probably the Theocracy. Guess burning them down is off the table, what a pain. I suppose it’s time to shelve the napalm bomb research too. That would definitely destroy everything. The project for a lovely napalm bomb that only burns Old and Middle-Aged Men is still in the conceptual phase, I haven’t even made it past the technological approach stage. What a shame.

And now, for today’s finale, we’ve got the 94th-floor Dungeon Master 『Ignis Avis Lv 94』.Okay, like, both words are in Latin, sure, and the name sounds kinda cool, so that part is fine. The name is fine, I don’t really have a problem with the name Ignis Avis itself, but still…

「Ignis means fire, Avis means bird, so just call it Fire Bird! It’s already confusing enough when you start mixing in Flame Bird, and now we’ve got Ignis on top of that? Like seriously, what’s the difference from that last phoenix? Let’s just standardize all the flaming birds as Fire Bird, please!」

(Jiggle-Jiggle)

To be fair, you could argue that naming rights, taxonomic classifications, and the translation of otherworldly languages have all tangled up the monster naming system beyond hope of consistency.

「And it looks kind of like a peacock with its huge flaming feathers, the entire thing on fire, it really looks like the eastern phoenix? Although this one is really on fire? So why Latin? It’s hard to remember, unclear, and indistinguishable from all the others. Where exactly do I file my complaint about this monster-naming nonsense? Just Fire Bird is fine!」[TL Notes: The Eastern Fenghuang (often translated as phoenix) is a completely different mythological creature from the Western phoenix. Its primary symbolism is peace, prosperity, and virtue, not fire and rebirth. While symbolically linked to the fire element in cosmology, it is not depicted as burning and does not have a cyclical death-and-rebirth myth.]

Wait, don’t tell me there are separate creatures named Fire Bird, Flame Bird, and Phoenix out there? Sure, Fire sounds like it’s burning outright, and Flame might be about being wreathed in burning gas, but what even is Ignis? I don’t even know if that distinction is correct, and considering how many flaming birds exist across the world, who knows how many more are still awaiting ahead? Anyway, for now, we’ve got this Latin-style burning bird on our hands. This one actually seems like it could be a blast at parties?

There’s still so much I want to complain about, but by the time I was done, the 12 shoulder-shield funnels had already skewered it, then it was chained up and dragged down to the floor where it was sliced and eaten. Turns out it was a super passionate and hot-blooded Latin bird after all? I mean, birds are kind of helpless once they fall, so aren’t dungeons just a bad choice of location for them? I really don’t think they should be put in confined spaces like that? That’s just a huge disadvantage?

That said, this guy had a crazy aerial skillset with『Super Acceleration』 『Whirlwind』『Flight』 and 『Wing Slash』 along with bomber-style 『Flame Bombs』 and defensive『Grand Blaze』 buff, an insanely optimized kit for high-altitude, high-speed combat. But because of the narrow dungeon layout, it couldn’t make use of any of its strengths and got shot down. Poor guy. Honestly, if Ignis Avis had been flying freely in the open sky, we wouldn’t have stood a chance. This Dungeon Master would’ve been an actual nightmare if it broke outside in a stampede?

The hidden rooms didn’t have any especially good gear, so while we earned a decent profit, it was a bust in terms of new equipment. I was placing my hopes on the drop from Ignis Avis which was『Mantle of Ignis – SpE 40% UP, Attitude Control (Greater), Acceleration (Greater),Great Blaze, Whirlwind, Flame Wing』, and it is a good item, but it’s not that great to be honest. The skills are nice, especially 『Acceleration』 but it only boosts SpE with no defensive traits. And while mantles are in short supply, I really would’ve liked at least a DeF boost.

「Well then, shall we head home? I haven’t cooked in a while, so maybe I’ll make dinner today. After getting caught in those cosplay schoolgirl traps for two days straight, I think I’ve built up some immunity. As long as I mentally prepare myself in advance, there’s nothing to fear. It only counts as a trap when it catches you off guard. If I’m on high alert, no worries! I mean, I made those outfits myself, so they’re entirely predictable, I’m fully prepared. There’s no way they’d go without underwear today, so I won’t be done in today?」

Oh right, I still haven’t done anything with the Skeleton King’s drop from yesterday, the 『Sword of the King of the Dead』 . I mean, look, when you’re hanging out with Dungeon Emperor-sans every day and you used to live in a world with guys like Goblin Emperors running around, someone going all 『BEHOLD! I am the King of the Dead』 doesn’t exactly wow you?

I mean, I’m the Sex King, and we’ve even got the Playking, right? So apparently yesterday’s battle was the King of the Dead vs. the Sex King, but with three Dungeon Emperors watching from the sidelines, I guess that makes us both just low-rank nobodies, status-wise? What a harsh world we live in!