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Chapter 412

Day 96 – Evening, White Weirdo Inn　

Upon returning to the inn I was accosted and arrested by the miniskirted police. But instead of an interrogation I was spoonfed katsudon and bombarded with requests. You might think I’m crazy, but I walked into an inn full of miniskirt police highschool girls. This inn might really be in trouble soon? Like, it’s definitely an issue of public order at this point.

As expected, The Poster Girl, who showed up during miniskirt maids event, wasn’t allowed to participate in Miniskirt Police or Bunny Girls action. If a female middle-schooler took a part in that it would’ve increased the concern level further by one, and with her being an employee on top of that, the inn would’ve definitely gotten designated as a dangerous establishment. Easy Grand Prix winner for the most disreputable den of debauchery! Even the name sounds seedy?

Escaping from the Miniskirt Police like my life depended on it, I jumped into the bath, and firmly locked it up, let’s put up a barrier as well! Well, there actually was a lot on the line in that escape? Like, I was at my limit in more ways than one. I’m pretty sure, if they barged in here right now, wearing swimsuits and offering to wash my back, I wouldn’t have been able to bear it in a Highschool Boy’s sort of way, causing a violent awakening of the Sex King, with tentacles and stuff, leading to me getting arrested and convicted as a sex offender, and Affection Rating-san becoming untouchable, taking absolutely fatal damage. Truly a crucial point for my Affection Rating-san. Should I create a golem to stay on guard as well? Just in case? Well, it probably would get destroyed instantly. It’s a miniskirt police squad with an average level of over 100 and a couple of Dungeon Emperors in the mix that we are talking about after all?

「Good grief, here I was wondering just what on earth could they possibly want, but they are still trying to get to the lower floors~. Slime-san, can’t you tell them that it’s dangerous~? That it’s the time to steadily increase their battle power through gear strengthening, instead of blindly rushing to get stronger? Their equipment is still lagging behind their levels, but our Cheat owners don’t seem to get it, quite a pickle? The poor broke plebian highschool girls probably want to go lower to make more money, but I wish they learned a bit of humble and composed spirit to appreciate frugal simplicity? Such a greed, even though they are still highschool students? 」

(Jiggle-Jiggle)

I’ve been putting all I’ve got into Status Resistance gear, but there is no guarantee that it will certainly work on the lower floors. And concerns on that point only increased lately, because I ended up falling asleep after getting drunk. In other words, it means that alcohol was not resisted by Abnormal Status Effect resistances. Perhaps it is somehow tied to the willingness of the person, but at the very least, it means that resistances are not absolute.

If it’s possible that alcohol sprayed in the air can’t be resisted, then it can be used as an indefensible debuff. In fact, glue was performing very great in the Fake Dungeon, with Royal Girl getting stuck in it, having all of her armor melted, and getting to participate in a naked hooray procession. With different effects like『Adhesion』and『Glue』existing, chances are, they might have individual difference for resistances. Even if the trap is purely physical, if it can’t be resisted, it’s still dangerous.

Alcohol distillation, huh~? It might be effective for beast-type monsters, but simply striking them would be faster? Even so, it could be used as the Frontier’s local specialty? It will take a lot of effort, but perhaps alcohol production could be a good source of profit? That is an economic activity that is difficult for a Highschool Boy to understand, even so, if there was a shady bar with sexy ladies, I’d immediately go. That is because there are sexy ladies, and not because of alcohol at all.

「Alcohol is merely one of the elements to a shady bar with sexy ladies, putting emphasis on it is completely backwards? Yup, it’s the ladies that are important! Yup, no doubt about it. The question is, where can I find such a place? At this point our inn is way more suspicious and depraved, but beauties that can’t be touched are no different from torture in Highschool Boy terms, so I’d much prefer a shady adult bar~? Kind of?」

(Jiggle-Jiggle)

「Yeah, I think that it’s a mistake in a Highschool Boy’s sort of way~? Since getting touchy with a girl that you aren’t going out with is not allowed, the only other options become a shady establishment with sexy ladies. For some reason I keep getting more lovers, but can’t get a girlfriend, so I keep searching for that staircase to adulthood elsewhere, but every time I think of sneaking out at night, I keep getting hit with 13 demonic stairs, getting stuck in a situation where I’m unable to leave the room. A sort of an ultimate confinement inn?」

It seems it’s difficult for Slime-san, who’s never been to school, to understand the Highschool Boy Way. But considering it has no problem buying stuff from the stalls, it can read and count, so where did it learn that?

It kind of felt like a sort of a soothing event, from which their care can be seen, but I’m super tired. This is way more exhausting than fighting in a dungeon until I can’t move anymore! It’s obviously tough for a Highschool Boy to deal with the miniskirt police’s thicc thighs in police miniskirts, but being spoonfed katsudon is challenging on an entirely different level! And the cutlets are super large! Those are jumbo-sized cutlets made by me, completely unaware that a day will come when I will be spoonfed them one after another! Like, I have to swallow them, but since they are so huge, that action comes with a very special thrill that accompanies only life or death situations.

And those days even I’m in danger of One More Set. Since I’m not spending mana on crafting the situation should be pretty critical, but considering how exhausted I end up every night, I guess I am spending calories, even so this is just overeating. Since I have completely recovered by now, and the Girls got their permission to challenge lower floors, there won’t be any more shady receptions. This debauchery continuing night after night was about to cost me the last bastion of my Affection Rating-san, the title of an upright youth, earning me a harsh scolding from the disciplinary committee president for the impact on the public morals… Who is the president of the disciplinary committee though? Considering how everyone is disturbing public morals, I guess they weren’t summoned with us? Or rather this inn is running a risk of triggering a separate summoning of Law Regulating Adult Entertainment Businesses?

Wiping the body I confirm that there is not a single bruise or a sore spot. I do feel like not training despite being unable to raise my level seems like slacking way too hard, but since even Armored Pres-san is on their side, there is nothing I can do but take a break for today. It also does feel like this day off had too many bare legs for Highschool Boy’s comfort, but my body is in a great shape today, and since I’m in such a great shape but can’t train, it leaves only one option – work.

Back in my room, I lay out the newly acquired equipment. 『Thunder Dragon’s Spear』has 30% bonus to ViT, PoW, and DeX, boost to lightning attribute, and a load of skills like 『Lightning Cloak』,『Lightning Strike』and『Lightning』, and +ATT on top. A really solid hidden room item. What bugs me was that it came from a treasure chest guarded by a Lizard Gladiator, the upper-tier version of a Lizard Warrior, and yet it has 『Thunder Dragon’s』attached… Weren’t you a lizard? I mean, it’s not a drop but a chest item, but still, the name 『Thunder Dragon’s Spear』 feels kind of off. I guess this one goes into the queue for mithril upgrade and then to the bargain bin?

Then there’s the Latin firebird 『Ignis Avis』’s drop,『Mantle of Ignis – SpE 40% UP, Attitude Control (Greater), Acceleration (Greater),Great Blaze, Whirlwind, Flame Wing』. It’s a good bargain sale candidate too, but with Attitude Control and Acceleration, and since that bird had the 『Flight』skill, it does seems like it could help with control during flight… At the very least, I’d like to land instead of crashing? It kind of hurts? Falling to the ground?

Sorting, pondering, squeezing, more sorting, appraising, and jiggling. Taking breaks to recover is important too, you know? I mean, maybe, probably, possibly, if I apply a wildly speculative and optimistic interpretation, the girls were trying to provide some kind of recovery through their hospitality. In a regular Highschool Boy kind of mindset, though, it was way too lewd for comfort. It was more of a carnal festival full of bare skin and curvy flesh, absolutely the opposite of soothing, but maybe, just maybe, I could detect the faintest trace of an attempt to be comforting. Maybe?

I’m absolutely sure, positively, definitively certain, that no Highschool Boy in existence would feel soothed after being bombarded morning and night with bare legs, thighs, open-backed tops, exposed shoulders, peeking abs and belly buttons, and bouncing boing-boings. Yeah, it’s a nice view, but seeing it from a distance is one thing, while in-your-face, panoramic live feed up close, it’s not relaxing at all. In fact, it’s overwhelming. Most of all, it puts the Highschool Boy into a constant uncontrollable berserker mode, which is really tough!

Yup, I’m tired.

While my body may have rested, this break left no chance for the Highschool Boy to relax, so I’m utterly exhausted. Since no new armor sets were brought in today, I guess they don’t want me working. But if it gets out that I’ve got no money to pay for the inn, I’ll probably get scolded again. I guess they must’ve saved some cash by now, since they started drafting designs. Instead of aiming for austere strength and frugality, they’re aiming for a boisterous and luxurious lifestyle of ultimate Highschool GIrls.. But like… why Highschool Girls would want sailor uniforms? Everyone already has blazers. Are they transferring schools or something? Do high schools even exist here?

The Skeleton King’s drop, 『Sword of the King of the Dead – PoW SpE DeX 30% UP, Instant Death Resistance, Undead Slayer, +ATT』, is kind of dubious, but 『Undead Slayer』 seems like an obvious flag, but that’s what I’ve been doing all this time anyway? I mean, I’ve got a divine sword and stuff? With a divine spear and two divine swords, even the immortals can die? Still, if we gave it to someone, it might serve as a trump card when they face an enemy that can’t be killed otherwise, but if they encounter something like that, it would be much better if they just make a run for it? Giving it to someone might just make them do something reckless, which actually makes me way more anxious… I guess this one is for the Geeks and Idiots?

「If they actually ran into an Immortal undead, those guys would totally bolt right away, wouldn’t they? Actually, the Idiots would probably kill it without even realizing the enemy was immortal! Yeah, even if it’s some Fate Defier Denier of Mortality, that kind of complicated stuff would totally go over their heads? They’d just bludgeon the undead to death with a boomerang. Or worse, throw the undead itself like a boomerang?」

…Looks like Slime-san is asleep. It seems all of that was just a Highschool Boy talking to himself. Well, I do have『Loner』title, after all?

Since I’m conserving MP, I can’t really do anything too fancy. The humiliation from this morning is still burned into the Highschool Boy’s memory, and then was even rubbed with salt, seasoned with pepper, and then grilled in butter! Sounds kind of tasty?

Even inside the dungeon, they were looking at me with smug grins and kept giving each other high-fives! It was seriously frustrating. If it had been a boob-highes, I might’ve wanted in, but no, they just spent the entire day humming cheerfully, whistling, and grinning smugly. That’s why I’m now fully equipped and have almost full MP.

*Knock-Knock*

Hm? A knock? But the girls should be in the bath? I don’t get the point of knocking despite coming without triggering my Presence Detection or Spatial Awareness? What kind of Overt Assassination is that?

「Come on in, the door’s open. It’s shut, though. The door to my Highschool Boy heart is always wide open, but if we’re talking about the door to new fetishes, opening it any further might cause serious problems. So if you’ve come to sell me carnal pleasures, I’m sorry, I’m a poor sad magnate who doesn’t even have money for the inn, I’m running a tab here, you know? Quite a pickle?」

「I’ve just returned. I came quietly because I had something to tell you, so please keep your voice down. Also, please make sure to pay for the inn properly.」

She came all the way back, but still chose to act stealthily until the very end, like some sort of a ninja. Well, she is some sort of… Stalker Girl. The inn’s poster girl, who’s been looking so lonely, would’ve been thrilled about her return, but apparently, this is a secret. If a Highschool Boy were caught secretly letting a middle school girl into his room late at night, he’d immediately be hit with terrible allegations and possibly get the Lo*****n title slapped on him. Still, she seems to be in a hurry.

「Well, welcome back. Want a snack? Were the Geeks and Idiots useful? I don’t expect much from them, to be honest. Still, your Stalker Clan is a valuable intel-gathering group, while the Geeks and Idiots seem like the type who’d just respawn from the forest anyway if something were to happen to them, so feel free to guide them straight into enemy territory and just leave them there?」

*Munch munch, munch munch*

For someone who rushed over to report something, she sure is prioritizing snacks. Seems like the snacks were urgent, not the report?

「It’s tastylicious. Sweet and sour. Is this apple flavored?」

「Hm? First time having apple pie? Well, there’s plenty more.」

(Jiggle-Jiggle)

For some reason, Slime-san has joined in too. You were asleep just a minute ago, weren’t you?

「The Theocracy and the Confederation are both in a state of internal division, and each faction has been sending special envoys, secret messengers, spies, and covert agents into the Kingdom. It’s quite the crowd. (*nom-nom*) We had the Idiots take care of the dangerous groups and individuals responsible for sabotage and assassinations. (*munch munch*) As for the Confederation’s armed fleet pretending to be pirates and raiding our coasts, the Geeks chased them all the way back into Confederation territory. (*nom-nom*) As of now, there are no problems in the royal capital. (*munch munch*)」

No issues in the capital, yet she rushed back. Considering that Stalker Girl was given the fastest gear and still came hurrying, something must be about to go down in the Frontier. Still, judging by her urgency level, it ranks below apple pie. I offered her some fries to gauge if it ranks above them in urgency or not, and since fries won, maybe this isn’t that serious at all. Seems peaceful enough.

「Salty and delicious. The salt is different from before, isn’t it? It’s tastier now. (*chomp chomp*) Oh, and also, the Theocracy’s Sister-san got pursuers after her. (chomp chomp) Assassins included. (*chomp chomp*) They apparently, slipped past the new Fake Dungeon by threatening some merchants, so I hurried here to let you know. (*chomp chomp*)」

She did seem to be in a hurry. Even though not a slightest sense of urgency can be sensed, apparently, this was an emergency report?

「Ahhh, Sister-san and others are at the Lord’s Mansion, huh… Too late then. Would’ve been better if they came here, but there’s not much we can do about that now. Well, guess we should go check it out anyway?」

(Jiggle-Jiggle)

As I stepped onto the window frame, Slime-san plopped onto my head. Then we took off, flying fast, high, and steady in the air, gliding at the perfect angle… and then we fell. Yeah, the usual stuff. The 『Mantle of Ignis』 comes with Attitude Control, and Acceleration, so the faster I go, the faster I crash. Since it doesn’t seem to allow actual flight, emergency landing remains a distant goal!