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Chapter 413 part 1

Day 96 – Nighttime, Lord’s Mansion　

I made a designated crash site on the inn’s side of the Lord’s Mansion back when I was even just designing it, so it was a safe crash site. The selling point of crashing is that unlike landings, they are compact and don’t take up much space. Well, I came crashing? (BOOM!)

The 『Ignis Avis』’s drop『Mantle of Ignis – SpE 40% UP, Attitude Control (Greater), Acceleration (Greater),Great Blaze, Whirlwind, Flame Wing』that had very high hopes for proper landing placed on it, allowed for graceful gliding with with precise attitude control, culminating into accelerated crashing like a whirwind. While it seems to interfere with gravity itself, it couldn’t do anything about the acceleration of free fall. Flight might be possible, but landing still looks difficult… I’d like to at least pull an emergency landing.

But despite the pains I went through to get to the Lord’s Mansion as soon as possible, it was all for nothing. What greeted me were Middle-Aged Men in the pitfalls, Middle-Aged Men stuck to the walls, and Middle-Aged Men hanging from trees… Yes. Nothing but Middle-Aged Men everywhere.

Whether they were kidnappers or assassins didn’t matter, they were all Middle-Aged Men. I’d flown all the way out here just to check it out, and once again, there were no beautiful Female Assassins or sexy Lady Agents. Let’s put away the lovely bouquet I’d brought for a warm welcome. Should’ve brought chrysanthemums instead. [TL Notes: Japan and some neighbouring countries associate this flower among other things with death, grief, and the ephemeral nature of life.]

「Hey there, Haruka-kun. Seems like we had some intruders, but they got caught one after another in all the traps before we could capture them. It’s kinda scary living here without knowing where all the traps are, so could you maybe tell us about them? I’ve been here all this time, and it’s only now I learned that the place is loaded with traps. I’m honestly amazed none of our staff triggered them by accident until now. But seriously, I would’ve appreciated it if you told us about the traps before we settled in? Living here is terrifying.」

No need to worry, normally, the traps wouldn’t activate. They only trigger if someone hides in places no one would ever normally enter, weaving through shadows and blind spots.

Even the adhesive sheets on the walls are only placed along infiltration routes no one ever would climb. They’re lovely restraint traps made just for Beautiful Female Assassins or elegant Lady Agents. I came flying in, full of hope, imagining a Sexy Female Assassin squirming helplessly in my trap, but there is some Middle-Aged Man, who can’t read the room, stuck there. Maybe I should just torch them. It might spread, but I can always put the fire out later. I mean, they’re just Middle-Aged Men?

「Haruka-sama, are these… People from the Church? Were they after Omui-sama, or were they targeting us? If it’s because of us…」

Looks like the Sister Girl and company noticed as well. They came running, swords already drawn. As they sprinted in, those glorious slits in their outfits were working overtime, flashing their thighs at each step.

「Stalker Girl, do you know their number? The Middle-Aged Men’s? I mean, is it really just Middle-Aged Men!? Where are the ladies?! Aren’t there any Sexy Female Assassins among the guests (intruders)? I’d even settle for a Beautiful Lady Agent? I guess?」

「This should be all of them, numbers-wise. They were reported as pretty skilled operators, but invading this mansion is a hopeless idea. Every possible infiltration point is rigged with some nasty trap. Also, when did this place become so grand?! Oh, wait… that’s how it always goes. Same thing happened to the poster girl’s inn.」

There’s no point in capturing Middle-Aged Men. Because torturing or interrogating them is just no fun. I’m sure the hydras, who were probably looking forward to their first interrogation duty, and all the bizarre tentacles must be so disappointed. Looks like they won’t be getting personal with any Beautiful Female Assassins after all.　

Wasting effort for nothing is called tobo dasei, literally swinging a stick to try and knock down the stars in the night sky. It means something utterly pointless and futile. But in a world where there exists a 『Staff of the World Tree』 that can extend infinitely without changing its weight, if you could somehow manage the MP cost, a real-life Meteor might not be completely out of reach. Sure, dropping one would be an annoyance and probably a cataclysm, but it does seem not entirely impossible? Though knocking one down might be tough, so maybe you’d just tap it to shift its orbit… a billiard shot, cushion ball style. Yeah, that sounds like galaxy-destroying behavior, definitely something I’d get yelled at for!

Still, instead of trying to knock down a star, maybe just smacking some Middle-Aged Men would do? That’s a much more grounded answer, and a very logical one sent to be by the universe itself, but before I could smack anyone, the Middle-Aged Men were swiftly secured. Apparently, there’s a proper interrogation artifact set up already. They might die from getting hit, so no smacking was allowed?

「Mellotosam-sama, we’ve identified a poison. Likely for assassination. Judging from their behavior, they are most likely a fanatical black ops squad from the church.」

「Yeah, sacrificial pawns no doubt. Squeeze out as much information as you can, methods don’t matter.」

The frontier army’s captain gave a crisp 『Yessir』 and dashed off. Still… Meripapa-san’s attitude is all over the place when he talks. Being a count probably takes a lot of work to set up a character lore?

「Haruka-sama, was the inn safe? We were about to send a warning your way, but…」

「My mother rushed to the orphanage, so contact’s already handled. The guards were assigned too.」

Royal Girl and Merimeri-san came fully armed. In other words, Royal Girl’s armor is incredibly erotic, but lurking in the shadows, Maid Girl was also fully equipped and glaring at me. Not with a Flat Gaze, but glaring with a sword pointed at me.

「So since all the enemies came here, the inn can be neglected in peace? I mean, even if someone did try to infiltrate that place, without some kind of supernatural ability it’d be impossible? And even with supernatural powers, they’d just get the hell beaten out of them, so if we are to worry about anything, it should be the intruders’ safety. That place will mess you up across time and space? So rather than calling it’s safe it would be more precise to call it impossible? Kind of?」

Right now, the safest place in all the Kingdom is that inn. While the building itself is absurdly durable and well-protected, the guests staying there are just violent and brutally strong. Trying anything there would be harder and more dangerous than clearing a Dungeon. Judging by their levels, the church probably went all out and sent their best elite squad, but if this is the best they’ve got, they wouldn’t even make it to the entrance of the women’s bath.