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Chapter 286

Chapter 286: Going squish-squish with schoolgirls is one thing, but no one wants to boom-boom with middle-aged men!

Day 70 – Morning, Fake Dungeon.

Filling in each and every pitfall around, the army keeps pushing forward through its sheer numbers. Looks like it’s the limit of how much I can delay them here.

The Church’s unit seems to be acting less busy now, and the preparations for the dungeon overflow also seem to be progressing. Plus, I’m starting to feel sorry for the Stone Golems, who have to pretend that they can’t move?

Finally, it’s the hall of doors. The trapped doors lined up through the entire room are being one after another opened by a crowd greatly surpassing in numbers the quantity of the traps. Even if traps reduce their numbers by a couple of hundreds it wouldn’t affect them all. Thus the door room is overwhelmed by a human-wave tactic. Well, since it’s nothing but middle-aged men, I had Rafflesia-san and others, who were supposed to have their turn when someone falls for a birdlime trap and has their equipment melted away with corrosion, hide.

I mean, middle-aged men bound by birdline and unable to move, have their equipment and clothes melted away by corrosion, and when they are already half-naked, tentacle monsters appear! There is no way I ever want to see that! I wasn’t working so hard on improving this Fake Dungeon just to see such an ugly scene. I built it believing in the DESTINY of someday encountering a beautiful female adventurer here. Dreaming of merely that, and some small tentacle scenario, I prepared all of this. And then they come and stuff it full of damn middle-aged men, and then more middle-aged men, and middle-aged men again, having no idea just how difficult it was to get this far!

They trampled upon the pure dreams a highschool boy held for a dungeon!

「Finally, the exit, huh. Send out the ruffians first.」

Using troops as disposable resources they search for traps, and those who get caught are buried along with the trap. A large-scale human wave tactic that will work as long as the stone golems are inactive. By now it’s hard to tell just how much funds they sunk just in dungeon passes alone. I’ve already made them waste a sum comparable to what I ripped off from the Confederation.

Then, more than a hundred returned to the entrance after getting caught on the last slide, but this is the last trap. That is the Fake Dungeon’s exit there.

I didn’t expect this. To think there will be more than 30,000 people who break through. I don’t have that many commemorative brushes ready? Or rather, the rear is coming too, so it’s 40,000 visitors anniversary? Well, it’s not a legitimate clear, so souvenirs aren’t really needed. Going all the way to the town to buy scrubbing brushes sounds like a pain too. They are just middle-aged men anyway?

The Church’s unit is also following. If they were going to cause a stampede then those guys would’ve run away. Which means they are yet to use that option, they must be saving it.

「Finally outside, huh. And that is the castle? Taking that would be a challenge, but they shouldn’t have that many soldiers right now, if we push with numbers it should fall.」

「If we begin preparation right now, we should be able to begin the castle siege by evening. They will be just as blind during the night.」

「Kid. Prepare a table and chairs. The officer will give the money. And prepare tea and manju too.」

Looks like they are going to tell me their plan again. Well, it’s not too late to start fighting after they tell me everything they have to say. Now it’s going to become purely a war of attrition with each side destroying the schemes each other has prepared. Once it starts it will go non-stop until one side is crushed. Aaah, it’s going to take a while. Well, I do want more time. The Frontier’s army can’t make it in time. Even so, we are two parties short, but the last ones can just be faced here. It’s impossible to limit the damage further. This is the best I could do.

「We finished distribution of the Third Division’s armaments. A bit under 30,000 of the nobles’ troops and mercenaries can be deployed as heavy pikemen.」

「The mages division is also deployed. However, prolonged combat is impossible as they used too much mana in the dungeon.」

「Siege magic devices will soon be fully deployed. We are currently preparing the necessary magic stones with the Theocracy’s assistance.」

Looks like the plan is to throw heavy infantry armed with pikes at the walls, while the actual work will be done by the mages and magic tools, attacking from range? However, the Church also started gathering soldiers. It doesn’t seem like they are going to join the frontlines, and they also don’t appear like casters, are they going to use magic tools? I’m surprised that they decided to crawl out before the nobles’ army is completely ground to dust, but their wait-and-see stance doesn’t seem to have changed.

They still have something up their sleeve. It’s certainly nothing good though.

Aside from the knights in luxurious enchanted armor, there also was confirmed a unit that appeared like ordinary soldiers. They are planning something. They must be planning to cause something once the nobles’ army enters melee. They are acting strange for someone who is about to fight from now on, as if the entire thing is none of their concern.

Does it mean that only this unit of ordinary soldiers is going to act? They are low level and poorly equipped, a bunch of riffraff that only has numbers with barely any signs of team coordination, that hardly can be called a military unit. They don’t seem fit for a siege, but what are they actually trying to do?

And then there is a small force positioned far back behind the last rear unit. That must be the main one.

In that case, dungeon overflow must be their trump card, but if so, what is the trick those small fries are supposed to play? The main one must be their last resort measure to destroy everything in case nothing works, so they will save it until the end. I’ll be happy if they can carry that thing back home without using it, but allowing them to take it back means that it will eventually be used somewhere else. I’d like to destroy it if possible, but it’s way too dangerous to haphazardly meddle with.

Most of the countries that were destroyed by 『Divine Punishment』 so far, perished to artificial dungeon overflow. I don’t know how they are causing it, but it’s a stampede with restricted direction.

However, there were a small number of countries, in which powerful military or a hero managed to suppress the stampede, yet destroyed nonetheless. If that is the work of the 『Main one』 then it has to be strong. It should have enough power to beat a military powerful enough to stop a stampede, or a legend-class swordsman or adventurer. Which means that even Armored Pres-san might be in danger. That’s why I asked her to take care of the most distant and dangerous dungeon. She can’t be allowed to be here.

Muttering to myself, I walk through the plain before the castle gates, then stopping right in front of Murimuri Castle that splits the plane, I turn around. From now on, the valuable customers are going to become enemies.

I’m not allowing even a single one of them into the Frontier. I won’t allow them to kill even a single person. That’s why we are going to kill each other here. AaAh, other world is nothing good, after all. The previous world wasn’t anything decent either, with wars raging here or there all year round, but I’ve never heard of anything as terrible as facing 40,000 middle-aged men alone. If it were 40,000 pretty ladies it would’ve been a different story, or rather, I’d like to take part in that! But it’s middle-aged men.

Charging my voice with mana I send it to the middle-aged men on the other side of the plain. Even if it’s only a voice and thankfully not feelings, the fact that the recipients of that are middle-aged men ruins the moment incredibly badly!

「Well then, the souvenir store is going to be temporarily closed for the moment, so from now on I’m just… Jobless? Wait, a jobless is defending the castle fighting at the gates? Well, there is no salary for this, so it’s indeed not a job! But it still definitely doesn’t count as being shut indoors? Why is a shut-in busy running all over the Kingdom, flying here and there? Being that busy it’s only natural that I won’t have time to find a job and will end up a NEET? Well, the loner being alone is fine though. Anyway, it’s the End of Service Announcement, if you still insist on approaching it will be war, alright? No complaining later? Well, there is no later for you, so you wouldn’t be able to complain even if you wanted to? You came to kill and murder, so the only way you can pass through here is by spilling blood? Well, that’s how war is?」

There is commotion and shouts. They are screaming, desperately clutching dungeon passes in their hands. They must want to stop stone golems appearing on top of the walls one after another. Even though I properly explained to them that it only works on the golems inside the dungeon? That’s because you don’t listen to people that you end up in such a situation? Well, although I only had them pretend that they can’t move, they didn’t do anything, so the contract was fulfilled. Yup, I’m not giving back the money!

Seeing the stone golems the nobles’ army rushes to get into battle formation. An army that is close to 40,000 in numbers by now is running around on the narrow plain, so of course it will be chaos.

「That shitty brat, tricking us like that, we are taking the castle at once! Charge!」

　「「「「「「UUuuooooo!」」」」」」」

A howl of 40,000 middle aged men, incredibly annoying.

A charge of heavy pikemen, but since it’s just nobles’ troops wearing the Third Division’s equipment they aren’t very good at it. A certain portion is lagging behind, while others scattered in disarray, losing coherency of collective assault, but even so, it’s a ground-shaking charge attack from a large army. That 『Charge』 is the strength of the Third Division’s equipment. The skill on the heavy infantry equipment that allows them to steamroll over enemies with that charging attack. With 30,000 troops charging all at once, even stone golems will end up slaughtered, if it was inside narrow dungeon it would’ve been one thing, but if that’s an open plain it’s unstoppable. Yes, if it’s an open plain?

Thinking back on it, after being suddenly thrown into this world I had to live in a forest, eating nothing but mushrooms day after day~ (Distant look), and now I’m attacked by 30,000 middle aged men at such a place. Or rather, the previous world didn’t like going according to one’s wishes, but this one is something else?

To think that I, who have lived in a mushroom forest all this time, would create a bamboo shoot village, it’s really something else?

I mix 『Wood Magic』 to the mana 『Holding』 the ground on the plain. I’ve already planted seeds while I was waiting, so now a simple job of making them sprout.

「Sprout, or rather, grow, or rather, I actually wanted to eat bamboo shoots, but they somehow became a strategic weapon, causing huge damages as bamboo spears or bamboo thicket before I got to eat them? Well, grow big? I wonder if any bamboo shoots will remain~, say I, trying to raise a flag?」

As expected, it makes sense that bamboo thicket can become that big of an issue. Since it’s grown with magic it’s growing quickly. In just a moment it’s a bamboo thicket. Such delicious looking bamboo shoots became fully-grown bamboo.

The charging middle-aged men plunge into the bamboo grove, hitting bamboo, crashing into bamboo, being knocked back by bamboo, they are rolling around. It’s impossible to see through the bamboo grove from the rear, and their allies are closely packed, they are unable to attack, just standing there dumbfounded.

And it also means that I have 30,000 middle-aged men halted. so control is simple. 30,000 『Magic Hands』 piece through gaps in their armor, and with screams of death agony engulfing the surroundings, disappear.

30,000 of heavy infantry perished, leaving only silence.

I also wanted to get the mage squad in the rear, but they moved.

The only unit that entered the grove was that squad of weak soldiers. Their levels are low, and equipment is also nothing special. Novice soldiers are charging in? Since it gives me nothing but a bad premonition I attack them from a long distance with Ice Needle, and the soldiers pierced by the row of icy spears immediately explode.

Suicide troops.

Suicide bombers, they’ve gathered lunatics, strapped them with explosives and have them explode. They can self-destruct, so I’m in trouble if I get surrounded. Since they also explode when they die, I can’t kill them if they get too close.

And behind them the Church’s knights and the mage unit from the nobles’ army are begun to move. They had me here. No choice but to pull back. Like, the heck am I supposed to do holding the castle on my own, but those self-destructing troops are too dangerous. That’s like the schoolgirls squishy body pile but exploding middle-aged men version. That’s absolutely NOPE! No, just no, the saddest part about this is a highschool boy getting blown up under a pile of middle-aged men, I’ve never heard of such a miserable cause of death, and I hate even hearing about it, but becoming the victim of that I hate even more. This has to be the worst way to die that can make any highschool boy wail in lament when he hears about it!

Trying to at least somewhat reduce their numbers I set up in the grove wire traps with 『Magic Hands』, and retreat to Murimuri Castle.Then also add tons of traps with 『Everlasting Trap – Continuously Creates Traps in Designated Area』 that I picked back at the Royal Palace to annoy them. No choice but to retreat inside the castle walls. Large-scale magic attacks and self-exploding enemies is too nasty of a combination.

A siege with no relief sounds like a death flag, but I’m also alone on top of that? What am I to do? Shut in? Wait, this actually might be my specialty?