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Chapter 300

Chapter 300: Important business that disappears when an important thing is stated twice is probably not that important.

Day 73 – Morning, The Capital

The gates of the Capital are open, and numerous carriages lined up on the road. It’s been just a few days, but the Capital already feels nostalgic. However, it looks like the Capital doesn’t share this sentiment? Although we properly joined the queue and are slowly moving along with it, But soldiers are rushing out in a crowd, thank goodness, a normal reaction, I would’ve been actually worried if this villainous looking carriage managed to pass through without getting stopped.

A person from the Second Division swiftly appeared at the scene, and the very moment they saw Haruka-kun, who came out of 『Luxurious and Gorgeous Carriage for Passionately Welcoming and Entertaining Lovely-type Sexy Female Knights DELUXE』 gave him a salute and promptly lead him inside the Capital. Our 『HIGHWAY STAR』 one and two also were allowed to pass. Meanwhile, surrounding merchants are throwing weird fearful glances at the carriages. I think driving such a thing through the Capital should be a crime, but we were allowed to pass. I was hoping that if possible, they’ll get confiscated, but we were allowed to pass.

When we reached the slums and the orphanage there, the children rushed outside to meet us.

「「「「Welcome baaack.」」」」

Overwhelmed by the crowd of children that sprinted to hug him, Haruka-kun ended up buried under a small mountain of children. A human pyramid? Nefertiri-san is nodding to herself, does it mean that she approves?

Crawling out from the top of the human pyramid, Haruka-kun began shouting 『I won’t back down, compromise, or regret!! Kind of~?』[1] but was quickly swarmed and buried under the children again. He is the orphans’ favorite spot.

The elven little sister also came out to welcome us. Making a full recovery, she was nothing like her previous sickly and haggard self, and looked like a beautiful lady. Perhaps because she is an elf, her chest is slightly on the modest side, but it still seems quite average? Vice Pres A and C are looking dejected, staring at Erailia-san’s chest. Looks like they lost even with air pads. Let’s console them later.

「Welcome back, both the orphanage and the souvenir store were doing well in your absence. The people of the Capital have been treating us very favorably. Nothing of note took place.」

There also were people from the Second Division stationed at the front, and guards could be seen patrolling the slums here and there. They were making sure to keep the slums safe.

「Big sis, were you alright? You weren’t injured?」

「We are totally alright~, the bad people also were brutally eradicated by the bad older brother~.」

「That’s right, the scary people had an even scarier time, and are probably shaking even now, the cruel people went through a cruel experience, and probably had their minds broken? 」

So peaceful. After all, those who tried to murder others have all died, those who tried to plunder were robbed of everything, those who tried to suppress others through force were shut down through force. That’s why everyone he tried to save was saved. Pacifying conflict through violence, viciously annihilating the wickedness, he butchered all of the evil with overwhelming atrocities.

And bringing the children a happiness greater than they could even hope for, the Plunderer-san, who forcibly made everything peaceful through sheer violence and villainy, is now buried under a pile of happy children,

「Heavy, hot, cramped, and hard to breathe, why do you keep climbing on me? Or rather, why do you keep jumping on me! PATRIOT orphan girl System is a defense plan of a trap card that should be used on suspicious people, not me, or rather, why is it always the orphans turn all the time with me constantly being attacked due to triggering trap cards when I haven’t made a turn yet? Or rather you are heavy, and Orangutan Girl is seriously heavy? Orangutan Girl drumming her chest on top of a mountain of orphans?」

「Who the hell is Orangutan Girl?! That’s even worse than being called a tanuki or raccoon. Orangutan maiden sounds like a horror too, so please, no! 」

The children’s happy faces, a bit teary eyed, but those are tears of relief.

Everyone is clinging to Haruka-kun. He acts very annoyed, and tries to brush them off, constantly complaining, but everyone likes him anyway. The children can instinctively tell that he is a good person… Well, not exactly, but he is kind… Putting aside that he is also kind of lewd. They understand that there is safety and happiness.

They are probably the same as Nefertiri-san and others. He doesn’t see them as miserable or lonely. He doesn’t pity them, doesn’t look at them with compassion, doesn’t patronize, he just does as he pleases so he doesn’t need any words of gratitude nor does he want to be thanked. It’s not that he is not pushing his kindness on them, it’s more like a coercive bombardment of happiness, fully ignoring even the possibility of considering the orphans’ thoughts, they are sentenced to compulsory happiness. He is simply a tyrant that absolutely wouldn’t permit sorrow with a mission to see them laugh from the very bottom of their hearts.

Dragging along the children that refuse to let go of him, Haruka-kun walks forward. It looks like a small mountain of children is moving on its own, but he keeps dragging them along. He is going to spend the entire day today babysitting them. A destroyer of language education and natural enemy of aesthetic sense, who carries tons of questionable educational influence, but they aren’t going to leave him alone for a while.

「You didn’t get hurt?~」

「I’m not hurt, but I had the misfortune of witnessing a terrible disaster of middle-aged men tearing hairs from each other, so it was pretty hairy, and very middle-aged men? Kind of?」

「Are we moving?」

「Moving, or more like leaving the Capital, or more like dropping the Capital? Wait, didn’t we come to take the Capital? Well, it’s just the Playking, so it’s not like destroying it is a big…」

「「「We liberated the Capital, right? Why do you want to take it after liberating it? Usually liberation comes after taking, so you don’t have to take it after liberating!」」」  

Looking at him now, a nursery school teacher begins to look like the perfect job for him, but if there was such a villainous teacher around, the parents would end up running away in tears with children in their arms.

The souvenir store is out of stock on clothes, manju and sweets, selling out most of the merchandise, but even so the store is crowded. It’s old ladies, who must’ve come to see the children, housewives, awaiting arrival of new clothes, and new floor for 『❤Frontier』 goods, the popularity of which still haven’t decreased.

The epic tale of how Omui-sama and the princess stopped dungeon stampedes became a theater play, and is now very popular at the Capital. Meriel-sama seems to be wildly popular too. It’s insane that they managed to prepare a play in just one day! But our portrayal as 『beautiful black-haired warrior maidens』 was embarrassing. Also, we weren’t fighting in such sexy outfits? But for some reason, the poster for the play has black-haired maidens wearing bikini armor, wait, so it’s biki from bikini? [2]

I wish they could stop with that. Haruka-kun is already working on bikini armor even without anyone nudging him like this. The info came from Angelica-san, so it’s for certain. After all, she is the very person who was trying it on. Naturally, the real battle apparently began after the armor was taken off, so wearing it didn’t seem possible for her.

But according to what she told us, its effects were amazing. In return for intense mana consumption it creates an armor-like protective barrier, providing better defensive capabilities than a full plate of the highest quality. But it rapidly drains mana, and due to the excessive strength of the barrier all other clothing, aside from the bikini armor itself, gets destroyed by it. And currently, using it at its limit, will also destroy the armor itself. Alright, let’s arrest him!

「No, it’s not like that, or rather it is, but it’s actually a bikini tournament of misunderstanding, the intention was to have it used like protective charms worn as underwear. I was working on a protective barrier for emergencies, but it turned out that unless it’s attached to the body the effect only lasts an instant, so I tried to fashion it into underwear-like armor, but the barrier turned out to be so strong that it destroys both clothes and protective equipment, a fortunate miscalculation that lead to three rounds of friendly fire, in a highschool boy sort of way, but it’s a protective charm! Yeah, i’s protection doesn’t cover quite a lot of things, or it actually doesn’t cover, or rather pushes the limits, but this is a great push! Alright, putting that aside, it has wide range of possible applications, from being worn under plain clothes as emergency protection to being worn under equipment as the last resort defensive option, but the area it can hide is extremely small, making for a very indecent marvelous piece of equipment that surely even enemies will end up being fascinated with. So I did nothing wrong, okay?」

It can indeed protect one’s life in case of emergency, but it does nothing to protect our maidenhood! At best bikini, at worst stark naked, the item meant to protect our life is actually a threat to our girlhood.

And since making parts smaller makes them harder, it’s impossible to make moveable parts with it, in the end making a bikini the only possible form. Well, he might have some sort of intentions of improving on that part, but there is no telling what exactly he is going to improve, but even so, it makes sense?

What do we do if we get supplied with those?

As we were helping around the store, taking turns to rest while eating, talking, and playing with the children, a kid tasked with notifications ran up to me, saying that Terrysel-san of the Second Division came to the store. Haruka-kun was calling her Messenger Girl, so he clearly has no intentions of memorizing her name, as usual.

And so I head to the work room in the back to call the one-man state industry level ultra high-speed mass production machine… It got even crazier than before. It’s impossible to see manufacturing process even for me, who crossed over level 100 and possesses 『True Sight』. Several types of clothing are being manufactured at the same time with various daily necessities, while manju are being produced at the other side of the room. It’s no longer a manufacture, but an actual magic. Large amounts of goods pile up, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. Since we can’t see the production process it looks simply as if finished products materialize out of nothing. It became even more amazing. Quality of clothes seems to have gone up, and manju also feel tastier.

Seeing that lovely sight I almost jumped in there without thinking, but then remembered that I came to call him, manju can wait for later.

「Haruka-kun, are you busy? There is Terrysel-sama…… The big shot from the Second Division came, saying he needs to talk, can you stop your hands for a moment?」

「I mean, it’s not like I’m using them right now, Magic Hands are doing all of the work. But why though? My hands can talk on their own, so I don’t think it will be possible to have a conversation with them alone? Why did he even come to talk with my hands? So puzzling? Wait, maybe he wants to have a conversation in sign language? But I don’t actually know it? And we previously were talking just fine, why does he suddenly seek knowledge of sign language from me? If he is recruiting for some sort of sign language convention then could you please refuse him for me? No, wait, if there is a beautiful sign language expert who’ll lead me by hand through everything, then I’m going! Rather, if you can chase out the middle-aged man and bring me that beautiful sign language expert then I will gladly lend my hand, leg, highschool boy, or whatever else, and happily engage in body-to-body conversation about any topic in the world!」

At this point it might be better if we just sealed that mouth of his and had him talk in sign language instead, but I’m sure he isn’t going to make more sense even in sign language. Good grief, he apparently cracked the true identity of that nonsensical 『Report・Inform・Consult』, but it ended up disappearing without ever performing any of its Report・Inform・Consult functions. Ah, so it escaped!

Well, even if it tried to Report to Haruka-kun, he probably wouldn’t get it, he isn’t likely to listen to attempts of Informing him, and if by some twisted turn of fate it ever tried to Consult with him Skill-san would’ve probably undergone self destruction. In way, 『Report・Inform・Consult』 was a superb skill simply for the very reason of not attempting to do any of that.

「I’m asking if you can stop working and come with me, who would talk to a hand?! What do you have that meaninglessly blabbering, irresponsible mouth of yours for? What’s really puzzling is the inner workings of your mind and the meaning of its existence!」

I let my guard down, I ended up approaching conversation with him seriously. Speaking with him in long sentences is dangerous. One has to speak straight to the point, otherwise he will spin and stir and confuse everything, throwing things into chaos. I’m sure the way Nefertiri-san does it is the correct one!

「Eerrh, a guest, come, manju too.」

「Why are you talking like Dancing Girl!?」

Looks like it worked. It seems that stating only three main points is the most effective?

「Hurry, manju, manju it is.」

「That’s just a demand for manju! Moreover, since you stated the important part twice, the Second Division’s middle-aged man got erased from the picture! W-what a terrible Pres girl!」

But freshly-made still warm manju in manju condition are manju and there are so many of them and manju and Slime-san keeps snatching manju by itself! 『Manju by manju of manju for manju? I want to eat them?』 So please, hurry? Manju.

Notes

[TL Notes:
[1] Another Hokuto reference, this time it’s Souther’s quote. Souther represents the star of leadership and as the “Holy Emperor” is one of the main villains in Hokuto No Ken.
[2] This is a pun on 美姫 (びき biki) – beautiful maiden and Bikini.
]

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Comments (2)

  1. Colin Cornett

    Thank you. Nice and peaceful but is all what it seem?

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