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Chapter 45 Part 3 – This is one of my memories from the previous 「108 times」 about the fall of the castle. In a castle surrounded by flames, I heard an unexpected spell of happiness.

「….. When I first met you, I was moved to realize that there are people in the world with such a big heart and body. I thought that a woman who could be loved by such a person would surely be the happiest person in the world.」

Mary later told Matzo shyly.

「….. My hunch was not wrong.」

She added with a blush in her ears.

Matzo and Mary loved each other deeply.
However, Mary stubbornly refused his proposal of marriage due to the difference in their social status, no matter how much Matzo tried to persuade her.
Because if Matzo marries her, a commoner, he would lose his aristocratic status due to the morganatic marriage.
Of course, Matzo was not a man who cared about such things.
He is also not the kind of man who is so excited by love that he forgets the reality of life.
He had thought everything over carefully, then he made up his mind and put his sincere feelings into action.
Even so, even Matzo, who was invincible on the battlefield, was unable to change her mind for the rest of her life.

「I love you more than anyone else, so I don’t want to become a hindrance for you.」

Mary uttered her resolve with dignity, then Matzo responded to her.

「….. I’m not that great of a man. When I think of you suddenly disappearing, I can’t stop my legs from shaking with fear ….. If you leave me behind, I wouldn’t be able to survive on my own. I’m such a person. That’s why I want to always have you in my line of sight and protect you for the rest of my life.」

Said Matzo as he cried.

Mary’s eyes went wide open in surprise.
Then, as if bursting out, she jumped into Matzo’s arms, put her hands behind his back, and buried her face beside his neck.

「…. I’m so happy to hear that you think so much of me …. I’m so happy to the point that I could die right now. I’m really happy …. so it’s okay. I can’t turn my back on such happiness and leave Matzo-sama and disappear somewhere. But …. Well … If something should happen to …. me …. Please look at Scarlet-sama and remember me. And please protect Scarlet-sama, as if she were me.」

「Scarlet …..? The daughter of the Crimson Duke? But why …..」

Mary looked at Matzo, who was wide-eyed and stunned, and smiled.

「I was able to meet Matzo-sama thanks to being the wet nurse of the young lady. I lost Joshua, my husband, everything, but thanks to you and the young lady, I learned the joy of loving people again. ….. I love you. Matzo-sama. I will leave my love as much as I can in you and the young lady. Even though I am gone, I will always be with you both. People die. But we can continue to live in the memories of our loved ones. All of my loved ones who have gone have left me their love in this way. Although you may laugh at me for saying this even though I was just her former wet nurse, but I wish that you would watch over Scarlet-sama on my behalf as proof that I have lived …..」

Mary had a shy expression as she requested this in Matzo’s arms.

「I will not laugh at you. I only respect your kindness. I understand. I promise you this in the name of Matzo. So, don’t alternate too much between saying anxious and happy things. I’m confused whether to be sad or happy …..」

As he hugged Mary, Matzo swore.

「….. Thank you so much. I love you. Matzo-sama. Would you like to stay over tonight? I accidentally made a little too much food …..」

Only Matzo’s favorite foods were prepared. There was no way it was an accident.
Mary’s thoughtfulness made his heart warm.
It was a lonely season, right before the snow arrived.

Mary who is so reserved, that night, unusually, cuddled with Matzo on her own initiative.

「…. Ahh, I love everything about you, I feel so happy that I’m going to break …. I’m so happy to have met you and to be loved by you …. How blessed I am ….」

Mary said so as she hugged Matzo and looked at him with moist eyes and blushing cheeks.
She then became embarrassed by her own words and hid her face by putting her forehead against Matzo’s chest, so as not to be seen. It was a childish gesture, out of character for the always calm Mary.
Matzo’s heart was filled with love and he was about to propose for the thousandth time.
But Mary covered Matzo’s lips with a kiss and did not let him speak.

「…. Words don’t matter right now. Just hold me like this forever. I want to feel your love with my whole body …..」

The night was bitterly cold, but the warmth of each other’s bodies was enough to keep them warm.
Mary stayed in Matzo’s arms until morning.
….. As if she was trying to get him to remember the warmth of her own skin forever.

Her sighs, her hair tickling the nape of his neck, her white skin, the way she hugged him with his petite body, her slightly rough hands due to working, her eyes gazing lovingly at him, and her wonderful smile. Matzo can recall her vividly as if it were yesterday. Twenty years have passed since then, but the memories have not faded. Mary left that much love in Matzo’s heart.

On the morning of his departure, Matzo trembled at the beauty of Mary’s profile in the morning mist.
After spending the night together, his love for her grew even stronger.
Mazzo took a veil for a bride from his pocket and tried to ask her to marry him again.
But Mary stood on tiptoe and stretched out her back to cover Matzo’s lips with her fingers.

「…. I am content even without the bond of marriage. …. I’m happy to have met you. I love you. I am sure that this feeling is the most certain and eternal of all.」

With those words of goodbye. She mouthed the words, 「I look forward to seeing you again」, and gave Matzo a warm smile. Mary was always like that. She once told him that although it is hard to say goodbye, but it is also for this reason that a tradition in her village is to send people off with a smile, hoping for the happiness of the other person.

And that was the last smile Matzo saw from Mary.

….. When they met again, Mary was as cold as ice.

It was a day of heavy snow. The city was so cold that even the bricks were frozen.
Near the boarding place of the stagecoach, she suddenly collapsed and became someone who could not come back to her home.
She was on her way to see Scarlet, whom she had cared for as a wet nurse.
A person who peeked in to see the commotion in the midst of the curious onlookers happened to be an acquaintance of Matzo and Mary, and rushed the news of her death to Matzo.

Matzo rushed there and had a sad reunion with Mary at his acquaintance’s house.
Matzo crumbled down. His vision and his mind went white like a blizzard.
He could not believe that Mary, lying there as if asleep, was dead. He did not want to believe it, he had seen the smile on her face just a few days before when she had sent him off. He desperately rubbed her body to warm her, he called out desperately, but his loved one no longer responded. The coldness of her body brutally communicated Mary’s death. With his experience in the war zone, Matzo would never misread the death of a person.

「….. Why …..!! …..You said you wouldn’t leave me …」

Staring at his strong arms, which he is proud of for being able to knock out any enemy, Matzo shed tears.

「If only I had taken you by force at that time ….!! ….. For what reason, do these arms ….!」

Matzo let out a groan of anguish.
The skin of his clenched hand tore and blood dripped from it.
His hands were useless when Mary, whom he loved with all his heart, needed his help.
He couldn’t grab what he really wanted to hold on to.