The lesson continued after my little stunt, with Reygus teaching us about the various ways of using mana to cast magic spells. I also explained them how I could cast Eternal Flame on my first try, which was that I had imagined the entire process instead of just the result. However, I was the only one who succeeded in casting a magic spell: Jack and Chloe could only feel mana. By the time we were let go, it was already noon so we had lunch.
It was now 2 in the afternoon, the time for our martial arts lessons. Although I say martial arts but according to Alicia, this would include all possible ways of fighting physically. We were once again led to that training room, with Alicia again taking her position beside the wall on a chair.
She sure is having fun, huh.
This time our teacher was a woman in her thirties. She had blood-red hair and eyes, and slightly tanned skin. But her eyes held the sharpness of a predator. It seemed that she would kill me if I were to make a mistake during her lessons.
She looked over us intently, and finally spoke in a condescending tone.
“So, you three are the heroes huh. I am Liera Von Vetto. I’m in charge of teaching you martial arts. And let me say this right from the beginning, but this training will be so hard that you’ll cry tears of blood.” (Liera)
Tears of blood? Exactly what do you plan to teach us, Ms. Liera? This woman seems to be troublesome. And wait, did she just say Liera Von Vetto? The same Von Vetto as in Alicia’s, the second princess, name?
Perhaps my confusion was apparent on my face, as Liera proceeded to give an explanation.
“Yes, you heard it correct. I’m also royalty. I was once the first princess of this nation.” (Liera)
So even royalties would fight with us huh. That’s good, as it shows that the Kingdom is serious about defeating the demons.
“Now enough with the pleasantries. Let’s start the training right now. First of all, has any one of you previously trained in martial arts?” (Liera)
Since I had trained in using weapons and martial arts I raised my hand. Liera whistled, as if I amused. I’m getting a bad feeling from this.
“So you have trained huh. What did you train in?” (Liera)
“Swordsmanship and Vale Tudo.” (Sam)
I named two specific arts. Saying just weapons and martial arts would be too vague after all.
“Vale Tudo? What’s that? Let’s keep it aside for now. You also know Swordsmanship right. Then show me your skills. Fight me.” (Liera)
Eh? A 5000 years old lady who’s also the first Hero’s former companion wants to fight the newly summoned hero?
“Uhhh…. isn’t that a bit extreme? Can’t I just show you a few swings from my sword and have you judge just how much I know?” (Sam)
“Shut up! I said fight so we’ll fight. We’ll fight like our lives depend on it!”(Liera)
Things have escalated too quickly. I looked towards Alicia with a pleading face to ask for help but………. she looked amused! The same goes for Jack and Chloe!
Why! Were we not friends!? Is this revenge for learning magic before you guys!?
Without heeding my pleas, Liera produced two swords out of nowhere and passed one to me. It was a one handed-sword. Before I could try to refuse once again Liera lunged at me and swung the sword downwards. I hurriedly tried dodged to side, but the sword followed me like a snake following its prey.
This woman, she’s actually fighting with the intention to kill me.
I parried that sword strike and jumped backwards to take some distance. Liera ran after me and thrusted straight at my chest. I somehow dodged. This exchange went on for some time. Liera finally stopped, and shouted angrily.
“You bastard…… you aren’t even fighting seriously, are you? I just said to fight as if your life depended on it! And yet you’re holding back?! You’re looking down on me, punk?!” (Liera)
And now she’s pissed off. What an unreasonable woman. Fine, if she wants me to fight seriously, then I will do it.
I took a deep breath to calm myself. Reygus had told us that we can also use magic to strengthen our body. He said something about taking mana from the surroundings and imbuing it in our muscles. This would drastically improve your physical capabilities. But there is a limit to how much you can strengthen your body. Go over that limit and you might suffer a severe backlash. There have been people who lost their lives due to that backlash.
Yepp, time to use it. I gathered mana and used it to strengthen my whole body.
Although I make it sound so simple but it actually took the whole of my concentration to achieve this. If Liera had attacked me during that time then it would have been game over. But fortunately, she didn’t. Maybe she wants to see what I’m capable of?
After strengthening my body, I ran towards her, and swung my sword diagonally but she easily parried it. I used the momentum of that sword strike to rotate my whole body and deliver a roundhouse kick to her face, but she simply ducked and evaded. She used that opening and swung her sword towards me, but I parried it and jumped backwards and somehow saved myself. I tried again, but no matter how many times I swung my sword, it always met her sword. Just as I was about to start again, she spoke.
“Ok this is enough. I have seen what you’re capable of.” (Liera)
Whew, I somehow saved my ass. If we’re talking just about swordsmanship, she is so better than me that it’s not even funny. Maybe that’s what you get after you train for 5000 years?
I returned the sword to her, and went back to Alicia and the others. Alicia passed me a towel to wipe my sweat off, but….. she’s making an expression as if she had seen something very impressive.
Don’t tell me it’s my fault again. And Chloe is looking towards Liera with stars in her eyes, as if Liera were a hero. Seeing the state she is in, I won’t be too surprised if she were to tread down the forbidden path. Only Jack had an expressionless face.
Learn to show your emotions, Jack. I’m not in a position to say that to him though, given how I fake my expressions.
After that, Liera turned into a P.T. teacher and made us do things like running, exercises etc. ‘This is just warm-up’, she said. A lot of people would have died with just this warmup. My future looks bleak.
We were allowed some rest after that, and finally it was time to meet the person who’s supposed to teach us about this world. Frankly speaking, this is the one thing that I look forward to. Learning new things is one of my very few passions. And this is supposed to be a fantasy world where we have been summoned as heroes. I wonder what I’ll learn.
This time, we were taken to a room inside the castle. Unlike the other rooms, this room wasn’t decorated. It looked like a classroom, and it had only three desks. So maybe we three are the only ones who would be taught by him? Alicia left us alone this time. After she left, another woman came into the classroom. This woman was also a beauty. She had silver hair and black eyes, and her skin was white. She looked to be in her early 20s.
“Good evening, students. I am Olivia, the one in charge of teaching you everything about this world.” (Olivia)
She introduced herself politely. Her actions were just like a normal elementary school teacher.
But… she had a displeased looking expression on her face. Why? Did we do something to offend her?
“I just greeted you three, didn’t I? Isn’t it only natural that you greet me back, no?” (Olivia)
She said in a displeased tone. Wow.
She’s also a lost cause. Looks like she wants us to behave like proper students. And I thought that I was finally free from the school system. God damnit!
We three then greeted her and introduced ourselves. She then started her lecture. Today she told us about the basics of this world. From what I’ve been able to understand, this world has 2 major species: The humans and the elves. The elves, as expected have long pointy ears, and live for a very long time. Some even live up to 2000 years.
Don’t they get tired of living? I definitely would.
The elves also have created their own kingdom, The Elven Empire. Both the humans and the elves together are counted as mankind in this world.
Besides these two, there are the monsters, beings made of mana that threaten the denizens of this world. And the demon race. According to Olivia, the demon race has only one objective: To kill all of the mankind and rule this world. Geez how violent. And every 1000 years, a demon king is born among them. Demon King is not a title or a class, it’s a race itself. And we have to defeat that Demon King. The last species that inhabit this world is, as expected our good old dragons.
Dragons, the very epitome of power and intelligence. There are not many dragons in this world, but their number is enough that they can destroy this world if they band together and launch a full-scale attack. And the one who commands over them is The Ancient Dragon Shiggurath. He is the most powerful one among all the dragons, so much so that even all the dragon combined cannot win against him.
According to Olivia, when the first Hero and the first Demon King were having their final battle, they somehow managed to anger Shiggurath. In rage, Shiggurath killed them both. That, is the power of the strongest dragon. So cool.
Since I also wanted learn the native language of this world, I asked Olivia to teach me. But since Jack and Chloe didn’t want to learn it, it got arranged into private lessons in my room. What is this development? After that our day ended and we had dinner and went to sleep.
Man I can’t edit that one lol
Doo Itashimashite, Kouhaii-kun <3
And don't worry about the mundane mistakes of your life lol
*Says the guy who's about to fuck up his exams *
If the first princess is 5000 yrs old, then is the current king and queen older?
if she isn’t the daughter of the current king and she’s from older generation maybe you should change her title as great princess then make Alicia the 1st princess and Komi the 2nd.
She’s from the first generation of royalty. So, she isn’t the daughter of the current king and queen. The current first princess is someone else. She’ll be introduced later on.
As for Liera, she has already abandoned the position of the princess, and now thinks of herself only as the comrade of the First Hero. The reason she called herself the ‘first princess’ here was to explain Sam and the others about her last name. So there’s no need to call her great princess or something like that.
If the ex-hero party members were already immortal why they aren’t in the frontline? isn’t suspicious why an undying/unkillable being isn’t leading a war?
what kind of Immortal are they? like will they die if their heads are destroyed?
They are in the frontlines. They will be fighting alongside the Heroes.
There are many reasons they aren’t leading this war. One of them is that the most they can do to ‘push back’ the Demon King is die themselves. The Demon King will only be pushed back, and he can simply wait for his wounds to heal and then attack again. That would spell the end of mankind. That’s why a Hero is summoned. The Hero would fight and defeat the Demon King, while the rest of the mankind will handle the Demon Army.
And yes, they can die, but only when they are hit by an attack that completely wipes them out and doesn’t leave even a single cell of their body behind. Something that both the Demon King and Shiggurath can do.
Learn the local language.
Don’t rely upon translation magic that may have been developed by someone with an agenda…and which may be able to be shut down without notice.
Had to look up Vale Tudo, as I wasn’t familiar with that term; Capoeira, which it’s closely related to, I’d come across previously, thanks to an episode of Stargate SG-1 where they used it as the basis for the Jaffa’s fighting style. (The director’s cut commentary for that episode was great fun.)
“Swordsmanship” is pretty generic… there are a number of schools in Japan, and quite a few different schools in Europe; while not active, I do have some associations with the HEMA (Historical European Martial Arts) crowd… it’s odd to use “swordsmanship” while being so specific about the unarmed combat style, especially as there’s no way she’d recognize the name so as to even be aware that it was an unarmed combat style.
I’d think he’d either name specific schools in both areas, or use generic terms in both instances; “single sword” “double sword” “two-handed sword” “sword and shield” “sword and dagger”, “pole arm” etc. would at least give some idea as to what types of weapons he’d worked with while not specifying a school or the exact type of weapon when there might be no proper equivalent for the translation magic to match up with.
The only reason for arguing this is that he seems to have a clue concerning the fact that they aren’t going to have identical styles in this other world and that even if the previous heroes had been from Earth, it’s been a 1000 years since the last summoning and none of the terms would be the same.
I quite agree with him that she’s not being the least bit reasonable in her methods of evaluation.
While there are individuals out there who do it that way, they aren’t held in very high esteem by others in the field.
Yes, in a tournament match you go all out against folks you haven’t met before, that they are entered in the tournament indicates that they’ve been vetted in advance; someone has verified that they know what they are doing.
If you’re going up against an utter unknown in a non-tournament situation, knowing nothing about their background, you go slow at first, just to make sure no one does anything stupid.
But… after 5000 years… does she really give a sh*t anymore? Die of boredom, already! Give me a challenge, for crying out loud, something to make me feel alive again… so, while unreasonable, there are some ways in which I can see why she might be acting that way even though it’s poor form on the part of an instructor.
Well, there are still those running around who think the “pound them until they discover how to block my blows” school of teaching is the way to go…
The reason I kept ‘swordsmanship’ vague was because Sam knows almost all of the ways of using a sword, and can use all them with almost the same proficiency. Though his preferred method is using a single handed sword. On the other hand, he has practiced only in Vale Tudo in unarmed combat styles.
As for Liera, she wanted a battle with Sam because she wanted to check things like his battle senses and reaction speed, things which can only be measured during a fight. She did that in order analyse his strong and weak points and to plan a proper training regime for Sam through which he can bring out his full potential. Another reason was, as you mentioned, boredom.
I can just hear Piccolo from DBZ:A “DOOOODGE!!!”
Liera has been watching some really good shows.
Interesting story premise but the story and characters are severely lacking any personality. There is very little emotion to the characters or the story up till now.
You have to establish a character or story element the reader can like or dislike, love or hate. Be descriptive. You dont have to write every single little detail but build the world a little.
Chapter 1 :
“And we were surrounded by people that looked like knights from the medieval era. In front of me stood a bald elderly man and a young girl.”
Very non descriptive description. What made them seem like they were medieval era? Where they wearing armor or just the clothing they wore? Just adding a word or two can make a big difference. “[…] looked like knights from the medieval era with clothes that consisted of uniform tunics with a matching crest on it and swords at their waist.”
The “bald man” and “young girl” again tells us very little. Do they look serious, happy, sad, ect… how are they clothed, as a writer you should be giving us the picture you see in your head. You dont have to overwhelm us with useless long winded info but you should be giving more than you are currently.
“Jack comes closer to me and starts whispering.
“What do you say, Sam? What should we do?” (Jack)”
Tell me what he is feeling. Is he being caution and if so is it because he is scared, worried, or something else. Or is he simply just trying to pass off the responsibility? Again if so why? You dont need to give a full detailed explanation but just letting us know a little more would help.
“Jack comes closer to me and starts whispering.in a worried tone.”
This would help us understand their state of mind so much more and its not even long winded.
“[…] went through a long hallway and finally arrived at a room which looked like a waiting room. The room was, in a single word extravagant, but still wasn’t gaudy. Truly a room fitting for the grand palace.”
Again let us know what you are imagining when you say extravagant, wasn’t gaudy, grand place.
“The room was beautiful with tasteful paintings on the walls and a high quality very comfortable furniture that was probably very expensive but not meant to look gaudy or ostentatious. Truly fitting of a room where one waits to meet royalty without being intimidated.”
These first few chapters its ok to be a little heavy on the details. As long as you dont cut anything out to add it the story will still progress at the same rate but you word count will raise and make the reading feel more rewarding. These few quotes I took were just what caught my eye while I went back and glanced at it. It by no means the only issues it has. I know as a writer you are imagining these scenes in your head. Give us a better peek so we are seeing the same thing. A good writer can make boring details bearable to read through but a great writer can me them interesting and enjoyable.
Most importantly I would love for you to establish the characters state of mind as well. I made it to chapter 5 and still dont know if they are surprised, happy, sad, scared, worried, or what about being summoned to another world. Either as a whole or individually. It honestly feels like they dont care and I was asking myself “If they dont care why should I?”. They are all so deadpan. Unless that the way you want to portray them let us know what you are imagining. This is the time for world and character building but all we are getting is their physical actions without much emotion or description.
This isnt meant to put the story down or anything jsut that I know it can be better. Just some constructive criticism. You got me with the premise now make me stay by dragging me into this world with fascination and curiosity.
I understand. I’m really glad you pointed out these issues. I’m already working on the chapters I’ve uploaded to improve them, and thanks to you, I now have a clearer picture of what needs to be worked upon.
I’ll update the chapters as soon as I finish the editing. Please bear with me till then.