Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”
Day 54 – Evening, In front of the Fake Dungeon.
This Flat gaze is different. I mean, the eyes are like bottomless chasms, like a void, completely filled with darkness? But according to the geeks’ idea, there wouldn’t have been a scrap of clothes left? And there would’ve been tentacles too? If by some unlikely chance they were activated it would’ve been a problem, and since most likely, or rather, most definitely, it would’ve been some middle-aged dude, I set the traps to only half-nude mode? All of the important bits were okay? Just barely, but it was alright for a late-night broadcast! But her eyes are dead. The Hurrah from the stone golems was the problem. See? Her eyes are totally dead.
「Eehm… Are you alright? Well, you look so not alright that not even a single tiniest speck of alrightness can be felt, but by some freak chance, you are alright anyway, right? Probably? The important parts weren’t seen? Sort of? 」
For some reason, she is looking at me while hiding behind Armored Pres-san, who put some clothes on her? Aah, she is looking, but her eyes are empty.
「……Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. Please, don’t do anything cruel to me. Please, be merciful. I beg your forgiveness. Please, don’t do anything cruel to me. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Please, don’t do anything lewd to me as well. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…」
Looks like she is broken? They are going to be very mad about this, so mad that it will probably end up as the first 20 people relay 48 hour endurance sermon. Well, around 46 hours 52 minutes of that are the geeks’ fault, so let’s leave it to them. My fault is worth around 7 minutes of it? The rest of the numbers that don’t add up are the idiots’ share of scolding for their enthusiastic approval of the hurrah trap. Yup, I did nothing wrong?
In addition, the one you are hiding behind is the dungeon emperor, and I’m a normal nice human male high school student, you know? Normally, she is the one you should be scared of? Even if she is consoling you right now, she is the one to be feared the most? I’m a normal nice totally not scary human male high school student, okay? Probably?
「No, I’m not going to do anything? Everything will be alright, that was like, a malfunction of a certain trap? Well, it actually functioned as intended, but it’s a malfunction! I mean, it’s a misunderstanding? I mean, with 120% probability it should’ve gotten some dude? I mean, aren’t middle-aged men like 250% of this world’s population? So the misfire activated a misunderstanding, this is a mistaken arrest, and I didn’t do anything wrong, okay? Even though I didn’t do anything, I keep getting judged as guilty all the time, but I’m an innocent guiltless high school student, so it’s alright? Probably?」
「…… You won’t do anything mean?」
「Mean? I’ve never done anything mean to anyone, rather, I’m the one who is being bullied day after day non-stop! The most I’ve done is daily burning the heads of the geeks that in their cruelty got poor me in a psychological trap, so it’s alright! Want a piece of candy?」
She is eating them. Great, problem solved! Most of the problems can be solved by giving sweets? The trick is repeatedly saying that everything is alright while she is eating! It might sound creepy, but it’s alright, no idea which part of this is right and which is all, but it’s definitely alright. And looks like she liked the sweets?
She seems to be about the same as Armored Pres-san, or even better? Now and then I get to see blond hair in this world, but hers seems to be more of a platinum blonde. She is very beautiful, but sadly, her eyes are still dead, even though she is stuffing herself with sweets with a great appetite? Will the light return to her eyes if I give her another one? Let’s try it.
「My deepest apologies, if only you had sent us a messenger, I would have come to welcome you. We are very honored that you would come with a visit to such a remote place. This Mellotosam Shim Omui is overjoyed to be granted an opportunity to meet you again. Your Royal Highness Princess Shariceres.」
Meripapa-san is doing some sort of exaggerated greeting, looks like she is a princess? It was a hurrah with a half-naked princess it seems, yup, the geeks are certain to get hanged. Let’s catch and hand them over when we get back. Might as well strangle them on the spot too. Yeah, let’s do that.
「I came here under military orders. And I’m also a captured commander, there is no need for such politeness. And being no longer able to fulfill my duties as an envoy, I’m in no position to have anyone bow before me as a princess. Please raise your head, Omui-sama. It’s good to see you again.」
They seem to know each other, but with their current delicate positions, the conversation is not going well? Can I go home already? The Fake Dungeon probably picked up quite a few weapons, so I should’ve profited from this, they’d probably be overjoyed if I sell them at rip-off prices at the Adventurers’ Guild. The weapon store is fully stocked, and they are too shabby for the classmates. Most of the weapons must’ve been destroyed or melted, but with that many customers, I can hope for a good haul. Can’t I take an entrance fee? Since there are prizes, shouldn’t it be fine? Ah, which reminds me.
「Eem, Royal Girl is the first person to get through the dungeon, so there is a prize for that, do you need a year’s supply of scrubbing brushes? You seem to like sweets, so maybe go with that? But a year worth of sweets is impossible? Sweets consumption rate is close to infinity, the demand is so excessive that the supplier is crying every day during the night shift? It’s very profitable, but also very pitiful? It’s a very mysterious state of affairs where profits immediately disappear, but work remains. Also, if you keep eating them all year long you’ll get fat, you know? Don’t be mad at me when you do? So you better choose brushes?」
Looks like she prefers sweets. Even though scrubbing brushes are very popular in the town? You have to have a scrubbing brush or you will be out of trend? Although I don’t need that either.
「Eerrr, Haruka-kun. I’m one thing, but this person here is this country’s princess, so… If you could~, well, it’s fine if only to the extent that wouldn’t trouble you, but couldn’t you act with some semblance of politeness? No, it’s not like I’m trying to force you, it’s only if you can? If you could put just a little bit of respect into your words it would be nice… Not happening, right?」
How rude. Even though there is no one who can surpass me in politeness and manners? It is out of that excessive politeness that I’m saving on politeness, actually not resorting to it even once until now? I must’ve accumulated tons of politeness by now, so even interest on it should be enough to make me super polite. I got it perfectly covered.
「I’m awfully sorry for my manners. Since I gave you the sweets unaware of the fact that I’m dealing with a princess, perhaps I can play a trick on you? No, that was a Trick or Try, so I’ll play numerous tricks? I’m a farawaylander that hails from a faraway land. I’m profusely over delighted over the honor to meet you? Royal Girl-sama, or rather, Sharishari-san? I surmise it sort of to be?」
「No tricks. Numerous tricks even more no. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Please don’t do anything cruel. Please don’t do anything cruel. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. And no lewd stuff too, please. And no lewd pranks too. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…」
Eh? Her eyes turned empty again, looking as if they have a direct connection with nothingness now? I feel like I can peek into the abyss through them?
I got scolded?
「Haruka-kun… Nevermind…… I surmise it sort of to be?…… Sorry for being unreasonable, your usual cryptic way of speaking seems to be more normal. 」
Oh my? It seems that they are dissatisfied with my politeness, that in its excessiveness was even said to be a threat to public peace?
The aide isolated me? No, no, no, those two that are going 『Good Grief』, right now are the dungeon emperor and a dungeon master, you know? Why do I, a human, have to be isolated, but they are fine? It is I who should be dissatisfied here?
Royal Girl, Sharishari-san, is a princess, but also a general, and apparently Meripapa-san’s pupil, who was taught by him? But during the bandits’ attack back then, he was being held down by his aides? That person was trying to charge at the bandits instead of even trying to command? You shouldn’t learn from such a person, I don’t think he will do anything aside from charging in?
And the issue of the hurrah with a half-naked princess was dismissed, treated as an unfortunate defense accident. I’m pretty sure if the trap removed all clothes and also came with tentacles it wouldn’t have been overlooked. As I thought, I should strangle the geeks, and turn them in after frying them a bit. They are the true culprit this time, you know?
「Since we are here, why don’t we talk in the castle? Keeping Royal Girl-sama outside is rude beyond the limits of politeness that I’m saving back for the worth just spent, so inevitably, the entrance is this way? That one is a trap.」
Why is everyone chatting outside even though we have a castle right here?
「Eerm? Haruka-kun, is it really fine to go there?」
「Omui-sama, what are you saying? Isn’t this magnificent fortress your castle? Why are you asking for confirmation?」
Let’s hurry up and go in already. We can’t go home unless we go through the castle, and it will be dinner time soon, okay?
「The audience room is this way, that path leads to the passage for passing through, so you’ll end up outside again? Drawing the map is too much of a hassle, so be kind and explore it on your own, but careful with the traps? Here they’d leave you butt naked.」
「Butt… I’m sorry. Please, don’t do anything cruel to me. Please, forgive me. I’m sorry. Not completely naked, please spare me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…」
I got scolded for simply trying to show the way? Like, just why? Sort of?