Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”
Day 54: Night, White Weirdo Inn.
At times, the speed takes preference over the accuracy or the amount of the information. The one who grasped the intel faster wins. And the one who spreads the info first has an overwhelming advantage.
She’s gone and done it, that Stalker Girl! The news of the half-naked hurrah incident was instantly brought back home.
And both the accuracy and contents were outrageously off.
「「「You stripped a princess and went around throwing her into the air?! Just what have you done! Turn yourself in, we will be visiting you in jail!」」」
「That wasn’t me! The golems were carrying her, you got it wrong. Look? Even Slime-san is jiggling, so I’m innocent? See?」
Stalker Girl is munching with appetite on the sweets she got as the payment for providing information. It was I who made those though?
「「「Slime-san is always jiggling! What did you do after putting her on all fours! What did you do after sealing her ability to move! Did you, did you do that?」」」
「Like I said, you got it wrong? It wasn’t something I did, she just ended up like that, and then the golems did hoorah with her? Or rather, Armored Pres-san, you say something too, tell them that I didn’t do anything. 」
Ah, she averted her eyes! The witness is refusing to testify, can’t you see that it makes it look like I’ve done something?
「「「We heard that the princess was crying, saying『Please don’t do anything lewd to me』! And what is that Lewd Night FEVER until the dawn supposed to mean?!」」」
「No, you… Well, I did say that! I did, but it’s not what you think? I mean, I didn’t do anything lewd to her, so you got it wrong. I gave her sweets, so everything should be fine? In most cases, all wrongs become rights, when you give her sweets and she stops crying, you know? Seriously!」
That’s right, calm down, me!
「I’m the one who saved her, so I’m innocent. It was because I managed to spot Royal Girl who fell into the trap with Rajingan, immediately send Armored Pres-san to deliver clothes, and had Slime-san become a cover for her, that no one was able to see her in that half-naked state? Since I immediately sent Armored Pres-san, you shouldn’t give too much thought to the dress being lewd? I mean, no one saw her, so it’s all good.」
「「「You found her with Rajingan, so you saw her!」」」
「「「And who was the one who made that trap in the first place?!」」」
「But the idea and the design belong to the Geeks, and the Idiots gave their approval? Moreover, if their design was implemented without any changes, she would’ve been completely naked and then attacked by tentacle monsters, you know?」
「「「「Guuuys! Ah, they ran away? Chase them!」」」」
They escaped. But a pursuing party was also sent, have fun getting hunted.
I’d like to join the hunt as well, but I’m still kneeling? Despite being totally innocent and the real culprits on the run? That trap cannot be activated unless numerous conditions are met. Simply triggering it is challenging, as it requires a complex sequence of events.
「No, it’s all because you were saying that I can’t treat the girls that had their clothes melted the same as men, so I was unable to send her back to the entrance? After all, everyone else is dudes, who got caught up in traps, but the last person standing was Royal Girl, so the trap, which usually would never get triggered, was activated, it’s a force majeure. The chance of that happening is lower than winning first prize in a lottery? At this point, it’s a miracle that happened by the will of fate, an ultimate half-naked hoorah! In other words, it’s not my fault.」
One has to go through complex arrangements and open doors in an absurd order, moreover, unless the last door is opened by a woman, while all of the men were taken out by the traps, it won’t even get activated at all. On top of that, only the commander will get the hooray treatment. The chances of everything coming together like that is next to none? Is Royal Girl that lucky? In triggering ero events? Let’s keep the distance with her, I mean, I’ll definitely end up getting scolded after being caught up in that?
And after reporting on the current state of the kingdom we move to discuss the ways to deal with it.
「No, I’m not going to do anything? It has nothing to do with us? We are simply passersby who happened to stay at the local inn for a prolonged period of time? No matter what Lord Something of the frontier and Something Something King of Something Kingdom are saying, we are completely unrelated to this, but I’ll twist Douche King’s head a bit. I mean, head only, so it’s okay? If I rotate it a full 360 degrees, it will be back to how it was originally, so no one will notice anything? Yeah, the King is going for a spin tonight! And that’s exactly because he is doing such silly things that the country is in discord. Alright, let’s twist, and then spin it! Problem solved!」
「You can’t! I don’t know what kind of a person the King is, but don’t just resolve things by simply declaring him a douche King and then twisting his head off!」
「That’s right! If you are going to twist it, at least stop at 180 degrees? 360 will become an international problem!」
「Why would you go to twist their King’s head when war is looming on the horizon? What sort of solution is that? Just because he is Something Something King doesn’t mean that he is a douche, so you first have to make sure, and only then kill him. 」
「But what if after talking he turns out to be a chill King, saying something like 『Du~de, like, the hell is this war~』?… Yeah, let’s twist his head off after all!」
As I thought, Douche King is the source of all problems! This must be the reason for our summoning here.
「I wonder if killing Douche King will stop douchebags from spawning? In that case, diving to the lowest floor of the palace and killing Douche King there will kill the palace, and stop douchebags from appearing, solving everything, I guess?」
「「「It sounds right, but it’s so wrong!」」」
「Haruka-kun, don’t you understand the difference between a palace and a dungeon? 」
「Isn’t it because he can’t see the difference between a dungeon and a mansion as well?」
「It seems he also didn’t get the difference between the lord of the nearby town being orc-like and them having an orc for a lord.」
「I think you should start from explaining to him the difference between termination and negotiation. How can he be so well-read yet be this bad with words? There is nothing we can possibly do without any information, we first should prioritize gathering information from the princess, figure out allied, neutral, and hostile nobles, and after singling out the hostile nobles, get to the negotiations, right? Talking right now is useless.」
Those are some good words, but the problem is that they come from the treacherous Librarian, who made the girls do combat training! I bribed her with 10 bags, but she betrayed me anyway! However, there is nothing wrong with what she is saying. The question is just what is the Librarian thinking? How was she able to predict the war that I was sure wouldn’t happen? And she was even preparing for it.
Well, Meripapa-san also told me to stay put.
So I guess it’s fine to act as usual. No matter how we spin it, we still have to kill dungeons that grew past 50 floors, as well as develop the economy of the region to a level where it can stand on its own. Otherwise, no matter how the war goes, they still will end up getting demolished in an economic struggle. They are still not on the same level.
They need an economy and self-sufficiency great enough to make the other side think that they can go independent. And also, the military. If in addition to all that we also got rid of the risk of a dungeon overflow, they will finally be on equal standing, they will finally be able to carry out negotiations to their advantage.
Hearing about today’s dungeon exploration, we then make plans for tomorrow.
Howling and shrieks of captured Geeks can be heard coming from far away. Such a noisy bunch?