Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”
Day 55 – Daytime, The Town of Omui.
「Ehh, the quests haven’t changed since the morning? No way, what a surprise? (monotone)」
「Why are you here again? Haaah. You came here in the morning, didn’t you? Why are you coming to check the bulletin board knowing full well that nothing changed on it? And just how much time has to pass before you learn to keep a low profile? Why is the person who isn’t even an adventurer the one who comes to the guild most regularly and acts most brazenly?! Come quietly, check what you came for, and leave. Nothing changed anyway.」
Weell, I felt that I didn’t get enough Flat Gaze today? Sort of? Why I came here? That’s because Flat Gaze Receptionist Pres-san’s flat gaze is outstanding. She undoubtedly will easily get a certificate from the Flat Gaze Association of this world. I’d like to join that association as well? I wonder how much the admission fee is?
We are here to report that we killed a dungeon, but since I’m not an adventurer, I’m not coming for the report, and instead, secretly checking the bulletin board, but looks like I can’t do that? After all, I’ll end up doing the same thing as usual if I see the board? Because nothing ever changes on it? Isn’t it amazing by itself? For real.
「We are done with the repo-, he is at it again! You specially visited the guild in the morning just for the sake of this alone, and you are at it again? 」
「It’s probably because he wants to keep doing this that he won’t register as an adventurer! Because he wants to do this every morning!」
It’s important to maintain a well-regulated life rhythm, but society is yet to understand me. Radio calisthenics and the guild’s bulletin board check are the obligatory parts of my daily routine. Kind of?
No, I mean, even if registered at level 20, I will still be barred from entering dungeons? Registering only to completely disregard the rules would be an issue, the guild has its reputation to uphold. And since they will buy magic stones from me anyway, there is no merit to joining. Also, the tutorial is a pain? Even though it lasts only a day, one apparently has to complete a quest under the guidance of some adventurers. The pres and others were coached by the beautiful ladies from the party of the sword dude. In that case, I’d like to try that as well! But one shouldn’t be deceived. If I were to apply I’d undoubtedly get legions of middle-aged men instead! There are so many middle-aged men around that it might be more effective to farm them instead of monsters. I mean, even since I came to this world that’s all I keep encountering? I absolutely refuse to try that.
Hm? The old man guild master came out. Here I thought that the place has an unusually high female ratio today, and this guy had to show up. In this world, if one middle-aged man appears, it will soon be followed by 300 other middle-aged men! Is there no other choice but to eradicate them after all?
「Haruka-kun. His Lordship wanted to see you. But why might His Lordship be seeking a meeting? They want you to either contact or visit them at the mansion. Can you do that?」
Meripapa-san? Did something happen again? Maybe Royal Girl melted again? What could it be, such a bother. And I’m yet to finish the massage chair too, so I’ll have to visit that place twice.
「Aaah, maybe, if by some sort of unlikely mistake I’d want to go, there might be a chance for the existence of a minuscule possibility that I will show my face there for a bit? Kind of? Will that do? Sort of?」
「I’m asking you, can’t you please consider it with more discretion? You sound like you really don’t want to go. Please?」
Such a drag. I mean, no matter what the occasion, it’s still going to be some kind of trouble. I can’t think of anything aside from some kingdom-related entanglement. If I were to get entangled, I’d prefer to do that with Armored Pres-san, which as a high school boy I find a lot more worthwhile! I mean, tube bras turned out to be far more wonderful than I expected! Yup, those were nice. I instinctively ended up mass producing them. Those were great.
We didn’t do anything today, so I’m having a light practice with cranky Armored Pres-san at the guild’s training grounds. Of course, it’s written『Light Practice』, read as 『Hellish Drill』, and translated as 『Vicious bullying』. Well, if one were to put it in modern language, it would be 『Getting the crap beaten out of me』. Now, let’s visit the lord’s mansion.
「Your Excellency Princess, I’m extremely delighted to have the honor of being able to bask in Your Excellency’s presence, it makes even that punishing drilling just 『One More Set』? Kind of? 」
「Am I about to be drilled? Is punishing drilling something lewd? It’s something indecent again? I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please don’t drill me. Please don’t melt my clothes too. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. Nothing lewd, please. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. …」
Royal Girl still seems to be broken? Looks like healing mushrooms couldn’t fix her. And she is once again being consoled by Armored Pres-san, who is giving me a Flat Gaze in the meantime? But she is the real culprit behind the punishing drilling, you know? That was the testimony from the usual victim, the master, so there is no mistake? And tonight again, there will be revenge? That alone is set in stone and absolutely cannot be changed! After all, for some reason, I finished a leotard! One more set!
「Heeey! Haaruukaa-kuun! Please, notice me! Welcome, or rather, it was nice of you to come, or rather sorry for calling you, anyway, please, listen to me!」
「Haruka-sama, I apologize for the sudden call. Actually, we invited you because the princess wanted to talk with you, so please don’t break the princess. This person is Her Royal Highness the Princess, so you shouldn’t bully her. Why did you melt the princess’ clothes? How much did you bully her for her to become like this?! She is famous in the Kingdom as the Knight Princess, you know? The Sword Princess, you know? She is very popular with the girls! Gallant, noble, brave, ah, how dreamy, is what they say, but she is now broken, shaking in fear?! Unbending Princess General that won’t falter before anyone is bent out of shape, begging for forgiveness. You’ll get stabbed by her female fans, you know? Fangirls of that kind can be quite scary.」
Oh my? It’s Meripapa’s daughter. It seems she was saying something? But those fangirls sound scary! Perhaps even scarier than wights!? That seems dangerous.
And apparently, the Royal Girl is a Knight Princess, a Princess General, and a Sword Princess. Well, I don’t think it’s worth caring about aliases or nicknames in this world. Just the other day I met an undefeated knight who hasn’t won a single fight with his wife, a god of war who only knows how to charge, and the king of the frontier who is scolded by his aides every day? Or rather, he is right here? Is the frontier going to be alright like this? Somehow I feel like he might hit it off with our Idiots? This makes me worry for the future of the frontier.
「My apologies. I’m sorry for summoning Haruka-sama like this. I’m the commander of the defeated army, Shariceres, other titles are unnecessary. First of all, allow me to express my gratitude for saving… But wasn’t I forced into a risky display? Eehm, I’m sorry for making such a shameful… But wasn’t I put to even more shame? Even lending me a dress… but wasn’t it a lewd dress for going FEVER all night… Eh… Am I going to be FEVERed? Since I called you here, you are going to FEVER! me tonight? Am I going to LET’S DANCE! a FEVER! night in that lewd indecent revealing dress that seems to have no intentions of hiding anything? I thought it was strange that even though I borrowed that dress because my clothes were melted, yet it felt like even the melted clothes hid more skin, but your goal was my FEVER! right?! Going LET’S DANCE! through FEVER! night until the dawn I’m going to have this and that done to me, things so shameless that they can’t even be mentioned aloud, and then UNBELIBABLE! is that what it is?!…(Rampaging about)」
No? Is this kingdom alright? The gallant and noble Knight Princess is apparently the 『LET’S DANCE!』-type? They are doomed. Even Slime-san went to calm her down. But apparently, tonight is 『UNBELIEVABLE!』? Is it about experiencing a miracle? Just what did they call me for?
「There is something that I want to ask you about. For what reason are you helping the frontier, saving it in its need? Why are you willing to go that far for the sake of the region that has nothing to do with you? Even turning the kingdom into your enemy?」
「Eh? Saving? If asked for a helping hand I see no problem with offering one, as long as it’s not some smelly middle-aged dude, but I don’t remember saving anyone? Rather, I’d like someone to save me? Spending my days under the torment of abuse in the guise of lecturing, the violence in the guise of training, and the geekery and idiocy in the guise of geeks and idiots I run around, seeking salvation while ripping off whom I can? Sort of?」
Yes, God doesn’t help those who help themselves. Even scriptures don’t have anything on that. The ones that helped themselves, were saved by their own effort. That much is obvious, neither gods nor other people have anything to do with that? Everyone did their best to find happiness, and thus it happened? There is no way anyone can do anything about that. If everyone is busy trying to help themselves and others that usually will end up with everyone saved? I’m totally unrelated? All I did was beating gobs and selling magic stones? Everyone did the rest on their own, so it’s not my fault?
「Then for what reason were you exterminating the monsters of the evil forest?! What need did you have to step into the dangerous forest of monsters?」
「Well? My house is in that forest? Isn’t it annoying to have that around your house? If there were goblins loitering in front of it, wouldn’t you normally club them? Seriously?」
Yup. That’s what you’d normally do. I mean, they are so noisy? And even if I annihilate them they immediately come back?
「You have a house? In the evil forest? You lived there?!」
「Some time ago I went back, cleaned the yard and made a garden?」
Even though I went through the effort of making a garden, I didn’t return since then. I’m yet to show it to Slime-san as well? Even though I’m a hikikomori.
「Eh! But? However? Yes, didn’t you stop a huge stampede?」
「As I said, wouldn’t you club a gob if you encounter one? Normally? They kept popping up one after another, and I kept clubbing them? 」
Even if they call it a stampede, they kept popping up one mob at a time? Well, with a 0,01-second interval? But it was one mob at a time?
「…I also heard that you traversed the great dungeon… So I was told?」
「Traversed, or more like the floor cracked under my feet and I fell all the way down there? And then climbed up? Can it be called traversed? I was going in the opposite direction?」
Yup. But I have no regrets! I had the most wonderful encounter on the last floor! After all, even after doing encounters with her every night, it’s still amazing! Let’s have another rendezvous tonight! Dress her up, strip her down, and meet up!
「Then why did you separate this domain from the kingdom? Even creating the dungeon and the fortress?」
「I didn’t separate anything? They were chasing so I set up a trap? I mean, without it they just keep coming? Those middle-aged men?」
Was it no good? There was nothing on that in the law? Like, you can’t make dungeons or whatever? Moreover, it’s not a real one anyway? And it has nothing to do with the neighbors since it’s legally within the frontier’s domain? So if the count says it’s cool then it’s cool? Well, he didn’t actually say that, but I wasn’t listening as well. Since he isn’t saying anything about that, it should be fine? Probably?
「……In that case, you aren’t opposing the kingdom or anything?」
「You need an opponent for the opposition? But if there is no opponent then there is no way to oppose? Sort of?」
That sounds impossible, if the other side is not opposite, then it doesn’t become an opposition. What would it be then? Side-position? Same-position? Supposition? What’s that even supposed to mean?
「Then are you…Really not an enemy? But then why?…」
I’d like to visit the capital, And I’d like to tour the cities, I have to search for new ingredients, and I’m also curious about their local specialties and famous products. But that’s it. I don’t care who or what is its ruler? After all, it doesn’t concern me at all.
「Princess Shariceres. That is the answer, if you are unconvinced, that is your own issue. Haruka-kun has no malice, but he will destroy what gets in the way. It has nothing to do with the desire to destroy the Kingdom or the opposition to the Royal Family. He has no interest in the King, as long as he doesn’t hinder him, but if something gets in his way, he cares not if it’s a dungeon or a country, he will simply eliminate it. Monsters and dungeon masters perished for the sake of his safe and comfortable living. Nobles or Royalty will be no different. That’s why people of this city can live happily. The frontier doesn’t have any obstacles to safe and comfortable living anymore. This is a pet theory of a certain former noble lady, 『For the most part, one only has to eliminate tragedies, threats, destitutions, and calamities of this world and it will be filled with happiness』, is what she said? Just like it happened to this town and region…」
Let’s finish the prototype while Meripapa-san is chatting. Make the chair out of wood, then cover it with leather, making it work on a magic stone with『Vibration Magic』is fairly simple, what’s left is to calibrate it. The problem is the payment box, it has to identify coins and allow mana from magic stones to pass only for a limited period of time. Even though the mechanism is simple, the magic formula is a pain. Well, I’ll be able to reuse it once I manage to make one, so only copying will be required after that. Engraving a mana circuit into the magic stone I then adjust it. Is 1 minute for 1 copper a rip-off? One copper coin is 100 ere, so it’s about 100-200 yen, 2 minutes, I guess then? Well, let’s go with two minutes, and if there aren’t enough customers, cut it to one and a half, and if that won’t be enough, to one minute then. Rewriting the circuit is a pain, but for the device to bring a long-term profit it needs continuous customers. That’s about it. Ooh, it’s vibrating! And it’s pretty good!
「……In the end, it’s the Kingdom’s issue. This means what the nobles and the Royal Family chose will come right back at them with a terrifying force. It’s a fairly simple story, if they want to take the riches of the ones who can kill a dungeon, they might as well kill dungeons on their own, since the dungeons are less dangerous than those people who are stronger than dungeons? Picking a fight with such people will spell one’s ruin. Obviously. Which means that… umm Haruka-kun, what are you doing there? I was aware that you weren’t listening to me, but where did that chair come from? It’s pretty nice.」
Explaining it was too much of a bother, so I made him sit in it first, and he immediately liked it. As expected, old men are weak to massage chairs! I’ll be able to get lots of money from this. And I got permission to place it here. Or rather, a plea. A line from people waiting their turn to use the chair has begun forming. It can earn around 3,000 per hour. If it operates for 10 hours it’s 30,000 ere, easily covering my lodging, bath, and food expenses. This is quite profitable, let’s make another one! No, might as well put 3 of them? The lord’s mansion is full of middle-aged men after all.
Royal Girl is also trying it out, and seems to be liking it, she was even yelling『UUNBELIBABLEEEE!』? So she probably had a very good experience. Well, she seems to be enjoying it, so it’s fine I guess.
However, just what did they call me for? Well, I was able to install massage chairs, and it looks like they will bring profits, so it’s fine.