Chapter 200: Middle-aged men came to the inn. Surprisingly, no matter how many flags I trigger, only middle-aged men come my way.

 


Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”


Day 56 – Late at night, White Weirdo Inn.

I have no business with middle-aged men in black appearing in the middle of the night. The likely main force that stormed through the main entrance was probably eaten by Slime-san. They don’t seem that tasty, so it might spit them out, even so, there is no chance for them to escape. The guys that jumped in through the windows are all dead. I mean, that’s what you get for jumping into windows blocked by wires? That’s just common sense? This must’ve been divine punishment for sending in useless dudes instead of hot female assassins despite the numerous flags I raised!

They must’ve tried to cover 8 rooms at once with 8 people, but the crime prevention measures were flawless. Trying to leap through a wire with that much momentum, it’s only natural they’d get dismembered? They were probably planning to use poison, but almost every single one of them died instantly. Only one person, who is currently on the verge of death, was an exception.

It seems everyone noticed what’s going on through Detect Presence, so they already were in full battle readiness. The existence of an idiot who is gripping a giant boomerang, seemingly intending to use it indoors, should be ignored. If I were to retort to that it will definitely drag on! This is the time where my ability to ignore things is put to the test! Don’t test it! Why do they have to do that! It’s not the time for that!

Then, we should bring the survivor and the old men caught by Slime-san to the lord’s mansion. Something must’ve happened over there as well. Even if nothing happened there, I have no need for old men.

Leaving the transportation of middle-aged assassins to pres and the others I hurry to the mansion.

Despite the late hour, the fires are burning and the guards are on the alert, but everything seems to be over.

「Good evening~? Wait, nothing happened here? Some middle-aged men came to the inn, and shockingly, every single one of them was a middle-aged man! Just how many flags do they think I raised? Why didn’t they bring even one hot female assassin with them? Why are old men all I get? Were your intruders all middle-aged men as well? I won’t let it pass if you somehow got beautiful female assassins instead! I demand a swap! This is discrimination! No more smelly dudes! 」

The lord’s aide came to welcome me at the gates, but why do I get to come and go as I please here? Not even once have the gatekeepers stopped me or asked for my business or even name. I’m just passing freely, is there a meaning to the gates being there in the first place?

「Apologies for the disturbance at such an hour. Over here, the attack resulted in one of the guards coming down with a light ailment. The enemy used poison, but thanks to the mushroom potion antidote provided by you no serious damage was done. However, without the resistances on the equipment, it would’ve led to either instant death or wouldn’t have allowed us enough time for effective treatment. The poison appears to be quite deadly. We didn’t manage to capture the attackers alive, but all of them were male, however, it is still unconfirmed whether they were middle-aged or not.」

No casualties it seems. Well, I did think that they should be able to handle that much. But the puzzling part is that none of the attackers was that good, so how did they get through the fake dungeon? I doubt it is possible for the likes of them.

And as I was talking with Meripapa, pres and the others brought the middle-aged assassins, while Stalker Girl arrived with information. A bit late, but she managed to get hold of some news. She looks so smug.

「It seems they began sending in people through the air by using monsters known as 『Balloon Bats』. We think that aside from assassins they also sent regular spies. Investigations and capture will begin in the morning, so please be careful until then. We are yet to get a proper grasp of their numbers, but there shouldn’t be that many. About 20 or 30 I’d say. All should be lightly equipped.」

Apparently, a monster akin to an air balloon, which is constantly floating in the air. I didn’t expect that they have means of air transportation, but it seems to be a pretty rare monster, so the number they possess is quite limited. In that case, we just have to blow them up in the air. Balloons are basically just a free target practice, we should be able to take them down. We have the floating slime on our side, and I have Air Walk, plus I’m fairly used to charging at enemies through the air. I’m yet to grasp a method for landing, but it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call me an expert when it comes to flying and crashing into the enemies. Flying like a jet, landing like a meteorite, that’s me.

「How about we stay at the castle of the fake dungeon at night for a while? We will be able to immediately intercept enemies from Murimuri Castle, so we won’t be giving the enemy an unnecessary forestart, and it’s also about time someone should try to invade through the land?」

There are plenty of untouched dungeons over there, so this shouldn’t be an issue for moving there, the general store has more than enough stock at the moment, the real problem at that place is the shopkeeper that simply keeps taking every order she can or can’t. It should be alright to just leave her be. Or rather, she will definitely bombard me with new orders if I don’t get away from the inn. What else can come after a village? I don’t want to even think about it.

The pres, apparently finished with the handover of the middle-aged assassins, approached us and bowed? Huh?

「Omui-sama, excuse us for bothering you at this hour. Assassins appeared at the inn, so we brought those that we managed to capture. Have you heard the details? If so, was it possible to understand them? Are you sure? I think Slime-san over here would be able to provide a more comprehensible explanation? If it suits you, we can isolate Haruka-kun?」

「Bother? Not at all. By all means, it is us who should be protecting the city and its people, so we are the ones who should be apologizing. Quite the contrary, I’m at an utter loss for how to thank you for sparing our city from this threat most loathsome. Allow me to express my gratitude as the lord of this domain. 」

Why is Meripapa talking like a weirdo? He was going『Hey, hey, the queue for the massage chairs is getting too long, can’t you make another one? Pretty please?』a short while ago? Is he trying to stand out? Indeed, no one would notice that he is a local lord unless he goes at least that far. I mean, he is dressed like a common soldier, if anything, his aide looks more respectable.

However, why would such small fries attempt an assassination? Didn’t they just make things harder for the other spies? Could it be that there was some reason why they would want to make an attempt despite the demerits? Is it perhaps a diversion? But both the lord and I are here, what other goals could they have?

「Aah! What happened to Royal Girl? And Merimeri-san and the others?」

The other people that could be targeted are the Meri Family, for their value as hostages, and Royal Girl, who is both a member of the royal family and also a general. In that case, one of them should be their real target. A target with enough value to throw away middle-aged weakling assassins as sacrificial pawns. We must confirm whether they came to abduct or to kill Royal Girl. If to abduct,, then there is a good chance that this was a rescue operation. Then it should be safe to give her back. There is also a risk she might be considered a traitor if she remains.

「They are waiting inside the mansion, fully armed. For your information, Meriel is a top-class fighter even among the frontier’s knights. And the Knight Princess is one of the best fencers in the nation. There is little reason to worry about an attack on them. Plus I have soldiers guarding them as well.」

Neither Detect Presence nor Search pick up anything.

「I’ll check on them, but can someone tag along in case 『Kyaaa, pervert』scenario happens, I left cheongsam back at the inn so it won’t get out of hand, but leotards are still a threat? Wait, what are the idiots and the geeks raising their hands for『Kyaaa, pervert』? If dudes showed up after『Kyaaa, pervert』it won’t help at all! It will only make things way worse! Or rather, you aren’t doing crap usually, what are you getting so motivated for here? Just how much hopes and dreams do you hold for『Kyaaa, pervert』? There is no way I don’t have any expectations for it myself, but all my expectations until now always ended with a middle-aged man, you know? No matter what you expect from this world, it mostly gives you middle-aged men. Speaking from experience makes me want to cry. If I barged into a room and found a middle-aged man going『Kyaaa, pervert』there, I’ll burn him. Yup, I’ll turn him to ashes along with the mansion—!!」

「「「DON’T BURN THE MANSION!!」」」

Since the conversation wasn’t going anywhere I sent in Armored Pres-san, to whom Royal Girl seems to have taken a liking. Slime-san remained at the inn, just in case.

Let’s try to bait them?

The dawn is near. Making a round through the town I head to the fortress walls. Nobody is following me, and I can’t get any reaction from both Detect Presence or Search. Stalker Girl must’ve also done this, but I can’t spot anything with Space Perception as well. Am I too cautious? Or do they have a different aim? With 29 classmates and Armored Pres-san around, the defenses of the mansion are on par with a fortress. Even if their real aim is Royal Girl or Meripapa-san, there is no way for them to do anything. And since a dreadful beat-them-up pres is there, the defenses are also well fit for exercise.

That’s why I tried to lure them out, but no one is coming. Is it the Affection Rating issue after all? Even though I jumped out alone, completely defenseless, no one is coming after me. I ended up being just a weirdo that runs around alone before dawn break. I try to move even further away from the town, but maybe it’s time to go back?

Still nothing on Detect Presence and Search. But I’ve already seen something like this?

A sword emerged from my shadow? I took it, but it doesn’t seem that great of a sword, although it comes with skills attached, so it might earn me some pocket money if I pawn it off to the weapon store.

The hand that gave me the sword froze? Looks like it isn’t going to give me another one. In the first place, aside from the pocket money, every coin is disappearing at a shocking speed? I’m merely making sensible bulk purchases, but somehow I always end up broke? And if I don’t have enough pocket money to pay for the inn, I get another confiscation, so I end up without any money again. That’s why even if it amounts only to small change, it is still a valuable source of income, so I’m waiting for the hand from the shadow to give me another one, but it is still frozen?

「Eehm, are there more weapons coming? If possible, can I have a hammer next? There is sort of a deficit of them, so it might sell for a hefty sum? I’m not hurrying you, but can’t you hurry up? You actually got my hopes up, you know?」

「……」

It’s still unmoving, nothing then, I guess? If it doesn’t have hammers, how about a morning star? It’s pretty rare so it should be quite expensive?

「I don’t mind another sword too? Or rather, cash will do as well? Yeah, anything valuable is fine. No need to think strain yourself, just bring out everything you got.」

「……」

In the end, a sad lady that emerged from the shadow was not a hot female assassin but Royal Girl’s personal maid, who is actually a hot female intelligence agent specializing in secret information and security and also is a maid. I went through all the trouble of luring her all the way to the vicinity of the cave, but I’ll probably get in trouble if I take her home. And she spilled everything before I got anywhere near interrogation? Even though I was already pulling out bubbly soap?

The maid-san’s goal is the recovery of the princess. Hiring assassins she set up a diversion, during which she was planning to rescue Royal Girl. Other spies are personnel required to set up an escape route.

「We would’ve returned Royal Girl if you just asked?」

「Princess Shariceres isn’t held as a hostage? Is the princess safe? Hearing that the princess was captured I was beside myself with worry, the thought of what if she is being forced to do something indecent in captivity wouldn’t leave my mind… Eh, why are you looking away? Look at me! What did you do! What did you do to the princess! What lewd things were done to the princess?! What have you done to the princess?!」

「No, you got it wrong, being stripped half-naked might sound indecent, but it was barely contained to R-18, so it’s alright, don’t mind the fact that since I’m 16 it’s totally out, it’s absolutely not my fault, and she wasn’t completely nude, so it’s okay? Plus I immediately put a lewd dress on her, so it’s fine, although it can be argued that in terms of skin exposure it was totally not fine and made things even worse, but I did nothing wrong?」

「Like hell you did nothing wrong, stripping a nation’s princess half-naked! It’s the worst of the worst! Moreover, how dare you put a lewd dress on her after that! It’s a crime against the dignity of the state! You deserve capital punishment for this!…(Followed further by abusive language)」

Ended up getting scolded. Scolded over the half-naked hoorah and told-off for the lewd dress. But the half-naked hooray is not my fault, and the old lewd dress was given out of urgency, while the current lewd dress has great defensive stats paired with lethal visuals, and yet she is unsatisfied. Well, it is lewd though.

「I had no such intention? To be frank, I was underestimating Royal Girl, not expecting such destructive power from her. No, she truly possesses the impressiveness of the most splendid Dynamite Body? Like, in all truthfulness?」

「……Why do you show not a hint of politeness toward the princess but speak with such reverence about Dynamite Body?! You insolent brute! You deserve to be executed! (Continued by the verbal abuse)」

Rather than reverence, that Sexy Dynamite Body is a super dangerous explosive, got me caught up in a blast of uncontrollable Highschool Boy-like feelings. I saved the image with my Rajingan without even thinking about it. It might end up getting renamed to the 『The Eyes of Nakedness』at this rate.

But this much has to be said. Maid-san’s Flat Gaze was amazing! Let’s save it!


 


12 Comments

  1. Ahhhh… the return of the flat gaze

  2. Notion of getting her weapon looted while she was preparing an attack surely left maid-san sad~

  3. Not even a backup present- er… weapon, for shame.

    • thediabolicalgenius

      I’m betting having her best weapon taken away in such an effortless, matter of fact fashion despite it being an undetectable surprise attack pretty much demoralised her. If that didn’t work, what’s the point trying again with a inferior weapon? Plus even if it says “doesn’t seem that great of a sword” that’s just Haruka’s view. His standard of how good the equipment is and how strong the assassins are is well out of standard by now.

  4. I just can’t understand why the Princess wouldn’t be happy to receive a lewd dress?

  5. sekrit_is_my_waifu

    If the Princess wasn’t happy with the lewd dress, it really is time for the bikini armor.

  6. thediabolicalgenius

    What were you planning to do with the bubbly soap Haruka? What? I must know!!!!!!

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