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Volume 2 Chapter 3 Part 8

「He wanted to eat such cute squirrels?! So scary! *SOBSOBSOB!* 」

「OI, GEEZER! Hanbei-chan is going to cry because of you! 」

Yoshiharu couldn’t bear it and shouted at Iga Ando. This geezer really doesn’t think things through before he allows the words to leave his mouth.

「Look, we’re nearing the summit of the mountain already. 」

* * *

In this era, fortresses were rarely build together with their main towers. Now that Saito Yoshitatsu has become the new Daimyo of Mino, his living quarters were in the middle of Kinkazan, a place known as 「Ninomaru」. It’s a three story building designed personally by The Viper of Mino, Saito Dosan himself.

For Hanbei’s group, today is the start of their first day of work under Saito Yoshitatsu, and for the entire Mino province, today is also the day when they were supposed to come up with an overall plan on how to defend the province against an invasion from Owari.

Though Hanbei did cry and shouted that “The castle has too many scary people living in it”, and refused to be at Inabayama Castle personally, her pleas were easily repelled by the reasoning that “as a strategist of the Daimyo, how can she not show her face in front of him at least once?”.

Saito Yoshitatsu and his retainers had been waiting for Takenaka Hanbei’s arrival for quite some time now. In fact, Yoshitatsu had now became wary of this weird strategist Hanbei who has repelled the attacks of Owari not once but twice with her 「Ambush from all sides」 and 「Stone Sentinel Maze 」tactics, and he was having doubts and premonitions of danger in regards to giving such a person total control over his troops.

「For this strategist Hanbei to be able to repel an army as strong as the one of Owari even though she is nothing more but a brat, could she actually be the manifestation of some kind of monster? 」

Whenever he thought about such a possibility, Yoshitatsu felt a sense of fear creeping up from his heart.

In the audience that was awaiting Hanbei’s arrival was also a man who had distanced himself from battles but is always coming up with various schemes against the people whom he didn’t like. His name was Saito Hidanmori. He was the one who has been responsible for advising Yoshitatsu until now, and was trying his best to get rid of Hanbei behind the scenes.

「First, aggravate Hanbei by insulting him, then force him to draw his 「Toragozen」. As long as Hanbei draws his weapon in the castle, it will all be all over for him. Then all I need to do is label him a rebel and a criminal, and then I let the samurais hiding close by finish him off when nobody is going to be looking. As for my master Yoshitatsu, all I need to do is follow the plan and say: 「Hanbei planned to assassinate you! 」After all, dead men tell no tales, so if you don’t want someone to talk, you have to make sure that they stay dead. Hanbei has always been calm, so it won’t be easy to make him angry, but there has to be some insult that’s going to really get under his skin. If there won’t be, then the whole plan is not going to succeed. 」

However, Saito Hidanmori has never set foot on the actual battlefield himself. He knew nothing about how Hanbei looked, but more than that, he assumed that Hanbei was male after he heard her name just once.

Now that Hanbei had just reached Inabayama castle, she was walking cautiously to the castle gates. At that instant, Hidanmori who is was standing at the gates stood up calmly and grabbed a container containing the urine of one of the hunting dogs, after which he proceeded to spray the container’s contents all over Hanbei’s face as soon as she got close to him.

「Know some shame, you idiot who only know how to flatter your way into power! 」

「U-Uwaaaaaah!!! 」

Hanbei was shocked at this sudden turn of events and after getting told off by Hidanmori, whom she was seeing for the very first time, and tears momentarily started to flow from her eyes.

And just like that, Takenaka Hanbei, who looked like a little squirrel, started to cry out loud.

Needless to say, Saito Hidanmori was just as shocked at the scene that played out in front of him.

「Eh? A…A girl?! And just a little kid at that?! 」

Knowing that he has done something truly irreconcilable, Hidanmori shouted with a pale face:

「N-No, it’s not like that! I’m not a pervert who gets excited seeing little girlscovered in dog piss! 」

… and he rushed out from the castle gates while still shouting.

「W-What just happened? 」

Saito Yoshitatsu and his retainers had started to gather in front of the castle gates after hearing the commotion, and when they arrived, they witnessed Hanbei soaked from head to toe with urine. She was already quite a beauty despite her young age, so combining that with her wet clothing and her face which was red and wet with tears, Hanbei’s current appearance stirred up the protective instincts of the men that now surrounded her.

「Oh, isn’t that Hanbei-dono? 」

「Have you been bullied by someone? 」

「Eh? Why are you wet? 」

「Y-Y-Your clothes! They’re about to become see-through! 」

「It looks and smells as if a dog urinated on her. 」

The breathing of the men around Hanbei was gradually becoming heavier and faster.

「If this goes on, she will catch a cold. Let me wipe her body. 」

「No, let me! 」

「Shut up! Here you should let me, the Daimyo of Mino, Saito Yoshitatsu change her clothes and wipe her body, then console her by patting her on the head! 」

The lolicon souls of Saito Yoshitatsu and his retainers were burning brightly.

「What the hell? Why do we meet lolicons so frequently nowadays!? And they even have a pee fetish! 」

Yoshiharu, who was observing the entire ordeal from a distance, yelled out, unable to bear the sight before his eyes anymore.

「*Sob!*…. *Sob!*….*SobSob!*…. I… I’ve been bullied again! 」

Hanbei was getting confused now, and that could lead to the real crisis! Yoshiharu, Nagamasa and Inuchiyo were scared stiff by this turn of events and couldn’t move at all.

「Damn it! Hanbei is going off the rails again! Everyone, you musn’t let her erupt into apanic attack or else…! 」

Before Iga Ando could even finish speaking, Hanbei shouted:

「Don’t bully me!!! 」

Grabbed an Onmyoudo talisman from her pocket and performed a summoning ritual.

「Hmmm! To cleanse my master from the humiliation she sustained, I, Zenki will take care of the offenders! 」

「To give divine punishment to the perverts of Mino, I, Goki, will send them to the afterlife myself! 」

Following right behind the fox and wolf pair Zenki and Goki, all kinds of never before seen Shikigami began to appear from the circle that formed itself under Hanbei’s feet when she used the talisman.

「Snake of The Twelve Heavenly Guards, present! 」

「Suzaku of The Twelve Heavenly Guards, present! 」

「Rikugo, present! 」

「Kochin, present! 」

「Soryuu, present! 」

「The Bourgeoisie, present! 」

「Night, present! 」

「Day, present! 」

「Genbu, The Black Tortoise, present! 」

「Great Couture, present! 」

「Byakko, present! 」

「Great Sky, present! 」

Hanbei threw all the talismans in her hand, and the number of Shikigami she had summoned has reached a never before seen number of 14!!! In order to protect their master from a group of lolicons, a group of terrifying guardian beasts has appeared in front to Yoshiharu and the others, prompting the retainers of Saito Yoshitatsu to scream things like:「They’re out! 」, 「Takenaka Hanbei has rebelled! 」, and「Inabayama Castle has been assaulted from within! 」

「She used Demon Arts! Run for your lives! 」

「No, it’s not like that! I just wanted to pat my strategist’s head to congratulate her as the Daimyo of the entire province! 」

Everyone ran back into the building while screaming and pleading for their lives.

「Pathetic. We barely made an appearance and they’re already running! Hmpf! 」

「They ran like whipped dogs just from seeing us Shikigamis, what a bunch of cowards! 」

Zenki and Goki chased after Yoshitatsu and the others, turning the entire Inabayama Castle into a complete mess. When they came back to their senses, they found out that the Mino soldiers in Inabayama castle had all ran away, leaving only Hanbei’s party and her Shikigami army.