Chapter 1: Prologue – I’m Not a Virgin, Dammit!
「「We are truly sorry!!」」
The ones bowing their heads to me are a god and an angel.
I was hit by a truck while on duty, the driver having dozed off at the wheel.
A rookie angel saw that and mistakenly thought I had died.
Apparently, she then dragged my soul into the afterlife…
Staring off into the distance, I let out a sigh and replied.
「Haa… Well, anyone can make a mistake. It can’t be helped. Just return my soul to my original body.」
「A-About that…!」
The angel turned pale.
The god beside her waved his hand, and an image appeared in the empty space.
「Ah!」
The image showed… an urn!
「My apologies. You were already cremated…」
「Ehhhhhh!? So I can’t go back to Japan!? What am I supposed to do!? I’m not even married yet!」
「We truly are sorry… Even though you were still a virgin at forty-two… We brought you here by mistake…」
「I—I—I’m NOT a virgin!」
I reflexively clapped a hand over the god’s mouth, silencing that unnecessary remark.
I wish he wouldn’t casually diss me like that.
The angel was giving me a lukewarm look from the side, but I wanted to shout, ‘This is your fault, you know!’
Just as I slumped to my knees in despair, the god made a suggestion.
「Now now, don’t be so downhearted. We do have a backup plan!」
「Backup plan?」
「Cases like this happen from time to time. In such events, we arrange for reincarnation into another world.」
「Another world… You mean isekai reincarnation?」
「Indeed! As an apology, I’ll even grant you a special ability. Enjoy your second life in another world!」
Reincarnation into another world…
Not bad…
Actually, maybe not bad at all…!
I’m what they call the 「lost generation.」 I worked as a part-time security guard.
I got into an accident while doing nighttime traffic control.
Honestly, it wasn’t a job I enjoyed.
Rain or shine, wind or snow, even on scorching summer days, I had to work outside.
So maybe starting over in another world isn’t such a bad deal.
「Well? Feeling motivated now?」
「Yes! I’m getting fired up! So, what’s this ‘special ability’ I get as an apology?」
「Hmm… Let’s see… How about I give you a sturdy body that won’t die even in an accident?」
Well, sure, but the whole problem is that I didn’t die in the first place—the angel just messed up.
I glanced at the angel; she looked away guiltily.
「A sturdy body is great, thank you. But is there something more… like, a skill that makes life easier? Can’t I have something like ‘super powerful magic’?」
「Magic is tricky, you see. It depends on compatibility with the soul. For you, it looks difficult.」
No magic, huh… What a letdown…
In that case…
「How about appraisal? Or an item box? Gimme some cheat skills!」
I asked for the classic abilities you see in isekai manga.
But the god tilted his head.
「Appraisal…? Item… what now? I don’t quite follow.」
Ugh. He doesn’t get it.
While I was struggling to explain, the angel chimed in.
「Those are abilities that appear in anime and manga, right?」
「Yes! You understand, Angel-san?」
「I’ve caught glimpses here and there. Should I explain to the god?」
「Yes, please!」
I had thought she was just a clumsy rookie, but it turns out she’s got her helpful side too.
The angel started explaining to the god with exaggerated gestures.
「God-sama! Lately, there’s a boom in stories about reincarnating into other worlds!」
「Ohh! Is that so!」
「And so, the reincarnated person brings a square device called a ‘smartphone’ with them into the new world and—」
Wait a second…
Something’s off…
She’s not explaining appraisal or item boxes at all!
Looks like she’s talking about that hit isekai anime, Smartphone Taro.
「Hmm… making that ‘smart-something’ usable in the other world might be difficult, you know…」
「Even for you, God?」
「Indeed. What to do…」
「Then how about making it so that a square screen appears and—」
The god and angel kept chatting away, running with the wrong idea.
I hurried to correct them.
「No! That’s not it! Appraisal is a skill that lets you see information about a target!」
「You want information?」
「Yes! Information!」
*GONG!*
*GONG!*
*GONG!*
Suddenly, a bell rang from somewhere.
And with that, the god and angel’s figures started to fade.
「Ohh! Work’s over for the day!」
「Eh!?」
「That bell signals the end of our shift.」
The end of a workday?
Even the divine realm has time clocks!?
「Then what about me!?」
「Relax. I’ll reincarnate you now. Here!」
With a sweep of his hand, my body began to vanish from the feet up.
「Wait a sec! What about the abilities!? The apology!?」
「Leave it to me. I’ll whip something up real quick!」
「That’s way too half-assed!!」
I raised my voice, but the god and angel just waved at me with cheerful smiles.
「「Take care~!」」
Those were the last words I heard before I lost consciousness.
NEXT CHAPTER
RELEASE RATE
Barbarian Reincarnation! World Conquest Starting from Defeat
Speed up schedule by 10 hours
Current schedule:
Pretty fun beginning with self mockery of the genre