Cop Craft Volume 4 Chapter 6 Part 1
Appendix 2
The attempt to enquire about Valsch Tilarna — or Father O’Neill’s delirious ramblings
「Let’s celebrate Father O’Neill getting discharged from the hospital! In the “Let’s try to ask Lady Tilarna all kinds of questions” corner!!」
(Self proclaimed) reverend Viz O’Neill raised his voice
「Okay, applause…! Ohh…! Clap clap clap!! That’s right! Ha—lle—lu—jah!!」
O’Neill was standing in his seat, getting excessively excited.
He was in one of his Seven Miles nightclubs, the “Lady Chapel”. But that early in the morning, there were only about four other people there with him.
First there was his trusted bodyguard Kenny. Then Bob the bartender, who worked there. And then for some reason, the very visibly disgusted Tilarna Exedilika.
It’s morning already. Just close the place already.
All of the drunkards had already been thrown out, and now they had the entire huge place all for themselves.
「Ya—y! Clap clap clap」
「Ugh… so tired」
Kenny and Bob were clapping sloppily. Without even paying attention to Tilarna, the supposed recipient of their clapping, they simply kept grumpily drinking from their glasses of water.
「Oh, what happened?! Sister Tilarna. The night shift is over and now all that’s left is taking it easy and sleeping until noon! Yet you’re still making such a displeased face!」
「That’s right. I just wanted to go home and take it easy right as the night shift ended so—」
She gripped the glass on her hand even tighter.
「why do I have to be wasting my previous time in your filthy store…?!」
「Hmph. Why that’s very simple. Didn’t your partner, Detective Matoba, give you a call? “I’m going to be late. You just stay at O’Neill’s and drink or something”, right? And so as a means to appease your boredom, we the Three Musketeers gathered here as well! You should be thanking us!」
「What exactly about you three is a musketeer in any way…?」
「Instead of focusing on us, I was mostly referring to you, D’Artagnan. A strange and hot headed Gasconian comes to town from a remote place. I think the description fits you quite well if I do say so myself!」
「I don’t really get it, but even then I still can tell that you’re calling me a hillbilly.」
「Hmph. What is “The Three Musketeers” by Dumas?」
「It’s a Dorini novel. I haven’t read it.」
「But it’s pretty interesting! Make sure to read it! They struggle at every task because of their lack of strength. A bunch of fools gather to fool around. It’s a world classic of slapstick comedy!」
「That’s amazing, Father. You’re an intellectual…」
「Heh. That sounds fun… Maybe I should try reading it next」
Kenny and Bob started praising O’Neill
「I should have called a cab and gone home after all…」
Tilarna muttered completely exhausted.
O’Neill remembered hearing that both her and detective Kei Matoba were supposed to be doing something different tonight (or was it last night? That’s how late it was).
Matoba still had a few things left to do from that mess with the smugglers and the undercover customs incident, and then he also had to file some paperwork from HQ.
And Tilarna was going to be hanging out with the two busty ladies from Vice… Cami and Jamie (he didn’t remember their full names. Well, it didn’t matter. In any case he would go with the two busty ladies), trying to find out details about the prostitution lifestyle in Seven Miles.
It was supposed to be yet another undercover mission, so the clothes that Tilarna was wearing at the moment were in a pretty provocative style.
She was wearing a sleeveless suit that marked her figure tight around her body, a miniskirt, and a couple of cute sandals on her white feet. Her red pedicure was visible on the tips of her toes that managed to sneak out of the sandals, and it looked quite charming.
How wonderful!!
And on top of that her embarrassed attitude is doubly wonderful!!
God Bless the two busty women!!
… But now that I think about it, just as the sun was rising, like her toes were peeking out of the sandals, as the mission was over, the two women got in the car and asked her if they should “take her home”, yet Tilarna replied that she would be “waiting for Kei, as they had arranged to have dinner together. In that case it probably would have been better to ask them to take her to HQ, but well, maybe that outfit was too embarrassing to go to work.
I can even imagine that standing on a street corner must have been a pain. Which is precisely why she decided to visit our sanctuary.
「Ha—lle—lu—jah!!」
O’Neill shouted, as he then took a sip of the Mojito Bob had prepared for him. He exhaled loudly, and then smashed the bottom of the glass heavily against the table.
「Father. Did you suddenly feel unwell again? Are you okay?」
「Brother Kenny. Do not fret for me. My pain is already gone, and I gained much from this experience.」
After sneaking around while the doctor left for a moment, and changing a few things in the prescription, O’Neill succeeded in getting a large amount of medicine. That’s right. The kind of medicine that you wouldn’t normally get over the counter, particularly some strong painkillers. Hallelujah.
「Besides, you were discharged rather quickly. That hospital’s rules were straight out of a convent. That was a nightmare.」
「Yeah」
「And no alcohol. No tobacco. All menus were fat free. Lights off at 10pm. Getting woken up at 6am. I never… I never would have been able to go on living like that… I would become actually healthy!」
「But isn’t that actually a good thing? I mean, even your face has regained a bit of color after that…」
「In any case, it’s time for the Question Corner!」
O’Neill said as he ignored Kenny’s comment. For some reason he got the feeling that an actual sound effect resonated throughout the place, a sort of “Dan Dan!”.
「Question number one!」
He raised his smartphone and seemed to pick a random question from a list of SMS or something.
「”I know it’s hard to tell with Semanians, but at this moment, exactly how old is Tilarna chan”?!… this is a question from O’Claire from Golanbitha」
「Eh…?」
「Sister Tilarna. You actually have an unexpected amount of fans. Well, the answer is…? What’s the answer?」
「No wait. Why do I have to answer such a stupid question in this kind of place to begin with…?」
O’Neill, Kenny and Bob all sighed disappointed at Tilarna’s confused expression.
「Ah…」
「Hey… why do you all look so let down?!」
「This girl just can’t play along with something」
Said Bob
「I know, right? It’s not like it would even hurt to answer the question to begin with」
Said Kenny
「Sister Tilarna! I’ll be brief. Are other Semanians— No, other knights from the Great Kingdom of Farbani as bad as you at playing a role?!」
「Wha— What was that?!」
「Ah, how disappointing! Despite having a perfect opportunity at a social gathering like this to show us the true value of true civilization! Unfortunately, this maiden sent from Farbani does not even know how to go along with the mood in a normal drinking party!」
Tilarna started getting impatient after hearing this. She shook her right hand and attempted to deny it
「Wa— wait. That isn’t really—」
「In that case answer the question! How old are you? Try to be honest here! … or at least try to answer the question that O’Claire from Golanbitha asked. Well? Well? Well? Well…?」
「But even if you tell me that… those calculations are a bother. Your years are different from ours, and out learning process is also completely different. We don’t even celebrate birthdays to begin with, so uhm…」
As they kept pressing, Tilarna took a hand to her chest. It was a gesture common in Semanians that they did when they were thinking carefully about something.
「In Earth’s years, I think I’m probably seventeen… no, I think it might be eighteen. In any case, it’s somewhere around that」
And then the three men raised their eyebrows in unison and expressed their surprise
「Whaaaat…?!」
「Are you serious?」
「You’re not trying to inflate your age?」
「Aren’t you actually like twelve or something?」
As the men’s thoughts kept pouring out of their mouths, Tilarna shook her shoulders and denied it
「I— I’m not lying! … In any case, what are you even trying to say here?! Are you saying that I look younger than I actually am? Or are you trying to say that as I keep getting older I—」
「Question number two!」
O’Neill announced with perfect timing to avoid further complicating the question. Bob simply added a quiet “As expected of Father”.
「Hmm… This question comes from Nuru from Farguard. “Considering Tilarna chan is a knight from a fantasy world, has she ever been caught by an enemy and threatened them menacingly? Also, are there any tentacle-like monsters in the Semani world?」
「? I don’t really understand what you mean…」
「Question number three!」
Questions that couldn’t be expanded on would apparently get immediately discarded. O’Neill was truly a merciless interviewer.
「This one comes from Dyson from East Rock Park. …Eh… “Does Tilarna chan have any sisters? I would love to know if she has an S little sister or something”…」
「Well I do have younger siblings…」
Replied Tilarna somewhat confused
「But I didn’t really understand much more than that. Eh— Ess? What is that?」
「Ah, that just refers to a mean girl, or something like that」
Explained Kenny
「Well… I do have a younger sister like that」
Tilarna pondered with a very serious expression
「A mean girl huh… well… I guess, she is a bit like that. Maybe it was because I spoiled her too much, but my sister Myrana was particularly mean to me… but well, she was still a good girl. The reason she became like that… what you would call an S or whatever, was definitely my fault. So don’t you dare going around looking down on her」
The three of them simply swallowed, looking scared.
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