It Has Nothing to Do with Prithvi Bir Bikram Shah – Part 03
“Oh, fancy stuff today.”
That wasn’t me talking. It was the spiky-haired guy grinning like a little gremlin. Yeah, I wasn’t the only one hoping for another one of Haruna’s crazy lunches.
“Tell Haruna I want hamburg steak next time,” he said.
Like she was gonna listen to that. She wouldn’t even take requests from me.
“Go to the convenience store,” I said. “They’ve got Japanese-style hamburg steak for five hundred yen.”
“I’m not you. Convenience store food doesn’t cut it for me.”
Oh? A jab at my convenience store obsession? I’ll gladly throw hands over this.
“Brace yourself. I’ll show you what humans are truly capable of.”
“Right, right. I’ve got something for you.”
First Big Teach, and now Orito? What am I, their storage locker?
Orito handed me a plastic shopping bag. Judging by the shape and weight, it felt like a book or magazine. I tried to open it.
“Are you stupid?!” Orito snapped. “Don’t open that here, or you’re dead.”
He tried to stop me like his life depended on it. Was it really that bad? Like, actually lethal?
“That thing is top-tier. And make sure Haruna never finds out about it.”
Why bring up Haruna specifically? I paused and gave it a little more thought.
Magiclad Girls could alter people’s memories. Maybe Big Teach brainwashed Orito into giving me this?
Nah. If that were true, how would you explain the degen glasses from earlier? That theory was pretty much dead on arrival.
Then again, the idea of Big Teach handing out X-ray glasses was just as weird.
“Hahaha! What is that gross-looking lunch?”
The voice startled me so badly I nearly fell out of my chair. I tipped sideways and banged my head against the window.
“Wh-What are you doing here?!”
I was seriously shocked. Standing there was a boy—I mean, girl. The Vampire Ninja, Maelstrom.
Wearing our school uniform, she really looked like a girl. Turns out she actually had a decently-sized chest. She stood there, arms on her hips, striking a full-on power pose.
“What do you mean by that?” she asked.
Orito looked up at her, chopsticks still in his mouth. “Hey, Tomonori. What’s up?”
Tomonori? Wait. A guy?
“I told you not to call me that! It’s Yuki! Yuki!”
“Orito, you know her?”
“Are you serious? She’s the track team’s star. She’s in the class next to ours. You’ve seen her in P.E., right? Don’t tell me you’ve never noticed.”
Sure, our classes had P.E. together, but boys and girls were split. And I usually got wrecked by the sun during those periods. Orito probably spent the whole time watching the girls.
“So, Tomonori. What’s going on?”
“Stop calling me that already!”
“Wait, what’s this Tomonori thing?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s her nickname. Her full name’s Yuki Yoshida, and the kanji for Yuki is the same as Tomo for friend plus ki for chronicle. You can read it as Tomonori. And with her acting all boyish, the name just stuck.”
“Fair enough,” I chuckled.
Mael, uh… Should I be calling her Tomonori? I highly doubted her real name was Yuki Yoshida.
“D-Don’t laugh. Um… your name was Ayumu, right?”
Her face went bright red, like an apple. Maybe I should start calling her Apple instead.
“Yeah.”
“I-I can’t believe someone like him is supposed to be my husband.”
Husband?
“Wh-What’s your favorite food?” she asked.
“Uh, shrimp I guess… or maybe Famichiki.”[1]
“Ah! Famichiki’s really good, right?”
“Oh? You know it?”
“Totally! It’s way better than that Kentauros Fried Chicken place.”
What the hell kind of establishment was that? Make up your mind: is it a horse or a chicken?
“So, what’s your point?”
“U-Um… well, you know. I-I was thinking… maybe starting tomorrow… I could make your lunch,” she mumbled quietly, still red in the face.
“Tomonori… Aikawa. You two were dating this whole time?”
You don’t need to cry about it.
“W-We’re not dating! And stop calling me Tomonori. I’m a girl, damn it!”
“Same here. And also, quit crying. I don’t like seeing guys cry.”
“Then why would she make you lunch, huuuh?”
I told you we’re not dating, so quit sobbing already. And get your hands off my shirt. Seriously, it’s annoying.
“Sh-Shut up! My dream is… I became a wife, okay?!”
She turned away and pouted hard. That made zero sense.
“Hold on. I’m still not following,” I said.
“Look, for us, what we did—”
“Sera already told me. It was an accident, so it doesn’t count. You even said that yourself.”
“For us, what we did isn’t something you just shrug off. I couldn’t protect myself when I was supposed to. That’s on me. I came here knowing exactly what I was getting into.”
“That’s insane. What about your feelings? What about my feelings?”
“I can’t—no. I don’t want to go against our laws. Feelings come after. That’s how it works.”
“Vampire Nin—”
“Aaah!”
She cut me off. Looks like Vampire Ninja was a banned term.
“Vamp—”
“Aaah!” Mael leaned right up to my ear and whispered, “If you say Vampire Ninja again, I’ll tell the whole school about your cosplay.”
We both laughed. It looked like we’d reached an understanding.
I cleared my throat. “Are your people really that rigid?”
“Yeah. And I’m proud of that. So… that makes you my husband.”
“H-Hey, Aikawa. What’s Tomonori even talking about?” Orito asked.
“A report on animal husbandry.”
Seriously, what a mess. Me? A husband? No way I could just accept that.
She didn’t really seem like a bad person, though. Talking like this, she didn’t come off as annoying either. But I’d always wanted to be left alone at school. No. No, no. I thought I was done with that kind of thinking. Being alone didn’t lead anywhere good.
She seemed like a good person. Maybe she could be a friend. Hm? Wait, was she planning to come to my house too? I tried to ask indirectly.
“Se—” Mael almost said Seraphim, then glanced at Orito’s face. “There’s no way I’m going anywhere she is. But… if you want to come to my place, I wouldn’t say no.”
That made sense. They were enemies. If she came over, she might get pinned the moment she walked in.
“Yeah, I’ll pass. Surprise houseguests are a huge pain, okay? Don’t just invite people to your place like it’s nothing. Anyway, I’ve got one question.”
“What is it?”
“What should I call you? Mael?”
“Are you stupid? That would sound weird at school.”
Says the one who decided she was a wife over a kiss.
“Then… Tomonori?”
“At least use my last name, damn it!”
School ended, and as usual, I stayed alone in the classroom.
Twilight really did make people feel twilighty. When I looked out at the field, I saw the track team running laps. Among them was Tomonori.
Could a more unconvincing married couple even exist?
It was just a kiss. An accidental one, at that. And somehow that meant I was now a husband? How was I supposed to feel anything real about that? Best to just ignore it.
“Ayumu.”
A familiar voice made me yelp.
In the classroom stood a girl 145 centimeters tall. With her head slightly lowered and a faint blush on her cheeks, she walked toward me slowly, both hands clasped behind her back.
Even though she never wore skirts, today she showed up in a pleated dress.
“What are you doing here? Did a Megalo show up?”
Haruna’s cowlick gave a little shake as she replied, “Can’t I just come pick you up?” She stuck out her lips like a duck.
She came to pick me up? Even though no Megalo had appeared?
“Well, uh, thanks. Oh yeah, thanks to you, I got a pretty good score on the exams. I really appreciate it.”
Her eyes widened for a second before she looked away and mumbled like she had something in her mouth, “O-Of course you did. If you bombed it, I would’ve… sent your brain off for a full forensic autopsy.”
She didn’t have her usual energy, but the things she said were just as sharp as always.
What was going on with her? She’d been acting strange lately.
“Here.” She held out an orange.
“You giving me this?”
I started to peel it, digging my thumb into the skin.
“Th-That’s not an orange, Ayumoron! That’s a bomb disguised as an orange.”
Close call. My nail had just broken the skin before I stopped. Also did she just call me Ayumoron?
“Do you have something against me?” I asked.
“N-No! I heard there’s been a spike in Megalo activity and, well… if you ran into one before I could get Mystletainn… I just… I was worried, okay?”
Haruna was worried about me?
“I appreciate it, but I can’t exactly carry around oranges, can I?”
“Oh, right. I’ve got a pencil-shaped one too.”
“I’ll have that one, then. You can have the orange.” I paused. “On second thought, you carrying one around is just asking for trouble.”
“Huh? Okay.”
She still seemed off. It threw me off too, seeing Haruna like this.
I took the pencil bomb and slipped it into my pocket.
“That one explodes if you take the eraser off, so be careful.”
“Got it. Wanna stop by the arcade on the way home?”
“The ar… what?”
“Arcade. A place to play games. Wanna go?”
She gave a small nod, not even making a sound. Was she really okay?
“Hey, Ayumu. Thanks is a really powerful word, huh.”
“What?”
She was saying weird stuff again. And that sad-looking cowlick wasn’t helping. My chest started feeling tight.
“It’s too strong. Too powerful. I can’t use it like you do. Not that smoothly.”
So that was it. Did she want to try saying it?
“By the way, that outfit is cute,” I said.
“Huh? Really? The leaf lady picked it out for me.”
I was trying to give her a chance to say thanks just now. Well, that response was very Haruna.
“If we’re going to the arcade, the more the merrier.” I pulled out my phone.
“Huh? Yeah.” Haruna gave a small, sullen nod.
1. Famichiki is a popular, boneless fried chicken sold at FamilyMart convenience stores in Japan, known for its soft, juicy meat and savory seasoning with garlic and pepper.
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