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Ruler Vol 6 Chapter 20

Author: Anit666

Editor: Weasalopes

【Sam’s POV】

“I’m really happy.” She took another sip from the glass she was holding.

“Oh?”

She’s happy? Really?

“That’s because I’m here, with you.” She beamed.

Well, I expected that. Anyone would be happy to be with the person they love the most- including me- even if the said person doesn’t love them back.

“Right.”

“You see, Sam, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“Is that so?”

I don’t think I’m worthy of that position.

“That is so.” Her tone was firm. “Before I met you, my life was so monotonous and boring. In human terms, I wasn’t living even though I was alive.”

“Perks of immortality, I suppose.”

“Exactly.” She took another sip. “God’s Realm is an interesting place. There are so many things to do and learn. And then there is the Universe; infinitely vast with countless worlds. You can imagine the sheer number of things you could find in them.”

“Yes, but…”

“But it’s meaningless in front of immortality. God’s Realm alone can do only so much. I enjoyed seeing different worlds for several millennia, but even that got boring over time. There is a limit to the variety of worlds; there’s a spectrum in which those worlds must remain. They may be vastly different from each other, but they still remain within that spectrum. And they stop mattering once you have seen that entire range.”

“The so-called immortality dilemma.”

“Yup, that.” She sighed. “I reached that point pretty early in my life. After that- it was a blank. I literally had nothing to do. I had pioneered mana and all forms of art, seen everything this Universe had in store for me. There was nothing left that could… excite me. That’s what immortality does to you; it gives you an eternal life, but it turns that life meaningless.”

“I see.”

I was tired of living within 3 centuries. I can’t even begin to imagine how fed up she must have been.

“You know, living for a long time rots your brain. It deactivates your senses until you fit yourself into a schedule, a program, just like a cog that fits into a machine. And one you are settled into that program, it becomes your world; a world in which you are practically dead, yet comfortable. By that point, you start resenting change, because by then you’ve already seen it all.”

“Boredom- the prime reason for suffering in many worlds.”

No wonder some Gods take it upon themselves to turn their worlds into some sort of game. Their empathy is dead by then, so they are able to enjoy watching people suffer and triumph. It gives them something different, and it makes them feel alive.

“Well, some sacrifices are necessary for the smooth functioning of God’s Realm. Though we do ensure that every single person’s suffering is rewarded.”

“In Hell, that is.”

Huh, that sentence sounds wrong on so many levels.

–But don’t worry, your pains will be rewarded.

-Really?

-Yeah, in Hell!

Sounds like a line that a cliché villain would speak before being killed by a Hero or something

In reality, Hell is way different. I wonder how religious people would feel upon seeing it.

“You are the Ruler of Hell, so I suppose you know more about it than me.” She took another sip.

“It’s really simple, actually. Those who die are given a choice by Hell; to continue into the cycle of reincarnation, or to live a second, normal life in Hell. The souls of those who choose the second option are analysed and are assigned to a species accordingly. They are divided in terms of their intellect, power, and the recently added, morality.”

“Good and evil are necessary for this Universe to continue, after all.” She smirked.

“Can’t argue with that.”

Even though I’m a moral nihilist.

“We digressed, but as I was saying, when I was bored out of my life, you appeared.”

Hmm, now that I think about it, this would be the first time I’d hear about why Phiria fell in love with me. I never got the time to listen to it before, and I didn’t want to either because I was not ready to return her love.

“And that made you fall in love with me?”

Pretty simplistic, if I may say so.

“Nah, not that. It was how you played with me.”

“…I don’t remember being that kind of scum.”

And my memory is something I’m really proud of.

“Haha, I don’t mean it that way.” She laughed. “You see, you came into my life, and gave me some excitement by changing my life a bit.”

“Oh?”

“And then, you cunningly returned to my previous life, thus making me resent you.”

“Oh.”

Don’t tell me that her love started out from hatred.

“And theeeeen, you mercilessly ripped me out of my life and forced me to carve out a new one.” A beautiful smile adorned her lips. “That was the first time in my life that my heart had thumped so crazily out of sheer excitement! And when I realised that I had you to thank for that, I couldn’t help but fall for you!”

Aaaaahhh, I see. Now I know what she’s talking about, and where exactly I went wrong. If I had done it right, then maybe Phiria wouldn’t have been sitting here with me.

That would have been the best for her.

“…Thank you.”

“No.” She got closer to me. “Thank you.”

Suddenly she brought her lips closer to mine. I was kinda expecting that, of course, so I immediately brought my hand in between them, intending to cover her mouth with it, but-

“Mmm.”

She pulled a fast one on me. Her face passed through my hand like mist and her lips covered mine, thus completing our kiss.

Now that I think about it, this is the second time I have fallen for this trick, haven’t I?

Phiria pulled back and sat opposite me, increasing the distance between our faces once again. It was saddening to see the kiss end, but that’s life, I guess.

“So.” She started again, her face blushing, but with a smile. “I’m really happy.”

“…I see.”

Fine, I guess. I’ll give this one to her.

“I’m happy that you are here with me. We live together, we eat together, sometimes we even sleep together. I can talk to you whenever I want, I can touch you whenever I want. We went on a date, I even got to kiss you.” She giggled bashfully. “Ahh, I’m truly joyful.”

Uhhh, that last part was kinda forced, but whatever makes her happy, I guess. Though if it was someone else, I would’ve definitely sued her/him/it(?) for harassment.

“Good for you, I suppose.”

I’m satisfied as long as she’s happy.

“Yeah, but…”

“But?”

“…But I wish I could share this happiness with you.”

“Well…” I had to pause for some moments. “What makes you think you cannot?”

“Sam…” She smiled bitterly as she held me with her firm gaze. “How long has it been since you’ve been truly happy?”

Hmm, what’s with this déjà vu?

“I suppose that would depend upon what exactly do you take happiness to be. In fact, it’s rather subjective-”

“Sam.”

“…Seems like my usual shenanigans won’t work.”

She’s… serious, eh? I guess that’s what it means to love someone. You cannot be satisfied if they’re not happy.

“How… long?”

“Going by the usual definition or what you consider to be happiness?”

My answer may change if what’s happiness for her turns out to be different from the commonly accepted definition.

“None.” She exhaled. “Look inside and decide what is happiness to you, and then answer me.”

Well, well, well.

Happiness, huh? A term used to describe an emotional state, which usually ranges from contentment to intense joy. However, depending on the person, the meaning may change.

Then what is happiness for me? I do know that I’m capable of genuinely feeling it. But…

…

……

………

I suppose a calm, nice tea party in rainy weather would be it.

Yes.

A calm, nice tea party with everyone present.

In other words, it is meaningless if even one person is absent.

If that is the case, then…

“I cannot remember.”

Looks like I have no choice but to confront Phiria.

“…What?”

“I cannot remember the last time I felt truly happy.”

“Then what about all the times you laughed and smiled-”

“In case you don’t remember, Magnificent Liar is one of my titles.”

Though I don’t know why this system cannot recognise it. The other systems did, so maybe this one is not advanced enough?

“I…” Tears collected at the edge of her eyes. “I see. Is it because of Jean?”

“Yes.”

“Is it because you love her?”

Do not falter.

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand. Is love not supposed to bring you happiness and joy? Don’t you feel warm and giddy inside when you’re in love? What type of love is it if it snatches them away and leaves you with nothing but hatred and wrath?”

“There are many types of love.”

“This…! Cannot be love!”

“Do not deny my feelings, Phiria. Your disbelief in them doesn’t make them any less real.”

“But why? If it is love, then why can’t it make you happy? It’s just…!”

“Madness. Yes, I’m aware of that. But that’s the beauty of love, I suppose. It’s capable of making a lover go through so many things. Like it hurts you when I am the one who is not happy.”

“That’s different! Have you even seen what your love has turned you into?!”

“The general term would be… Monster. Yes, I’m self-aware enough, just as you are. After all, you were there to see me become one.”

Phiria has been there to witness every single stage of my madness, and I know that she will continue to do it right till the very end.

And for that, I’m truly grateful, and truly sorry.

“You’ve been aware of this since the very beginning, so what’s the point of questioning me now?”

“…When you told me that you wanted my help for revenge, I agreed because that’s what I had expected it to be. You’d take revenge, you’ll find peace, and then you’d finally be able to move on. I didn’t want this… madness.”

And I thought I made it clear enough.

“I knew.” She continued. “I knew that something was wrong the moment you decided to kill the Lords of Hell. They were your loyal subjects- no, they were your friends. As if that was not enough, you razed Hell; killed every single person living there to turn them into fuel for your army.”

“That was all… necessary.”

“See? This is what I’m talking about. But instead of stopping you, I decided to believe in you, because I loved you. Heh.” She scoffed. “And this is where I ended up.”

“To be perfectly honest, you wouldn’t have been able to stop me.”

No one could have.

“Really? And what about now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Sam. I beg you, forget Jean. In return, I will be your Jean.”

What…

“Are you aware of what you’re saying?”

“Yes, I am. In fact, I’m sure that I could pull it off. I could be a better Jean than she was.”

Well, that is interesting, and not in a good way.

“And what makes you think I’ll be able to forget the original one, and accept you as her replacement?”

“Not if we did it the normal way.”

“Oh? Go on.”

“If.” She took a deep breath. “If I work with Meteron, Hargreave and Tzeeneth, I can create a magic spell that will rewrite both reality and time. Specifically, your reality and time.”

“…And why do you think Meteron will help you?”

“Because he owes me.” She grabbed my shoulders and we both stood up. “It’s simple. We’d make it so that the Jean you knew would be replaced by me… everywhere; in time, reality, every single parallel universe, your memories, your emotions, even your soul.”

“And what will happen to you? What will happen to the real Phiria who is currently standing before me?”

“I’ll live on as Jean Hargreave, just for you.” She smiled.

“Do you truly want me to love you as Jean, and not as Phiria?”

“It’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make for your happiness.”

“I see.”

A sacrifice for my sake. That’s something new, I guess.

“Then-” Her face lit up.

“Then tell me, Phiria.” I pushed her hands off my shoulders. “Why do you think I haven’t prepared for such an event?”

“…Eh?” There was confusion in her eyes, but then her face started turning pale.

“Of course, I’d expect a sneak attack of a similar category from someone who wants to stop me, like the Hell Guards. So wouldn’t I prepare for it?”

“What… why?”

“Why? Isn’t it natural to erect defences against attacks that threaten me?”

“That is…”

“That means that as long as my contingency plans are in place, your plan will never work. You could rewrite everything using the power of the Word, and within a few moments I would remember that Phiria and Jean are separate entities.”

“T-then, remove your plans!” She grabbed my shoulders again.

Her face was deathly pale, her lips were bobbing up and down, she was sweating, and her eyes were wide open.

Hmph, I wonder how I look right now.

“I cannot.” I removed her hands again. “To be more precise, I will not.”

To be fair, her plan is not bad, but it makes two assumptions to work. First is that my happiness depends solely on the existence of Jean in my life. It doesn’t, and even if it did, Phiria and Jean are really different. The former would never be able to perfectly play the latter, and so I would never be truly happy.

The second assumption her plan makes is that Phiria’s lack of existence in my life wouldn’t affect me. The premise for that is the assumption that I do not love her.

That again, is wrong.

So Phiria’s plan is fundamentally flawed.

“But why?!” Phiria screamed.

But of course, to explain that to her, I would need to clarify why exactly those two assumptions are wrong. The first is easy, but the second… it cannot be done. There is too much risk involved.

“Because I’m incredibly greedy. You can never become Jean, Phiria. After all, you two are in completely different planes of existence.”

None of the two could ever fill each other’s place.

“So that’s it? You won’t agree because I’m inferior?” Tears started flowing from her eyes. “You ­-hic­­– cannot be happy because I’m a failure? My love cannot make you happy, because I am not good enough?!”

No, not at all.

“Yes.”

“But why?! Why can’t you be happy with me?!”

“I just… can’t.”

“I…” She fell on her knees, her head drooped and her face smeared with her tears. “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

“…”

Aaahhh……… it hurts so much.

I just want to forget everything and lift her face, wipe her tears, kiss her, embrace her, assure her that everything is alright, and make her smile. I want to hold her in my arms right now and apologise for everything I’ve done. I want her to abuse and berate me for all my sins, and then embrace and forgive and accept me. I want to kill myself for making her cry.

Haahhh, as I thought, it’s difficult to hurt the woman I love with all my life.

Even for me.