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Chapter 426 part 1

Day 98 – Nighttime, White Weirdo Inn

It was a total Delivery Health scam. A devilish act that shattered the dreams and hopes of a pure Highschool Boy. Even the demons we encountered in the dungeons weren’t fiendish enough to do a Delivery Health scam, so those scammers are basically even more malicious than demons.

But now he’d obtained information on the Elven nation, on which we previously didn’t have a map or anything at all, as well as on the country that lies beyond the Theocracy. Well, while we got it, the details on food and specialty goods were vague, but there is a sea there. Yes, where there’s a sea, there are fish, and surely a thriving fishing industry, teeming with all sorts of sea creatures. It’d be a tearful reunion for Fish Girl.

And now, even though the Delivery Health scammers are crying together, the flag has been properly broken, so it should be fine. It was probably a terrifying flag where, once the next priestess collapsed, her older brother would also appear, going『rerorero』! That was close, but if you stuff a mushroom in her mouth, the rerorero shouldn’t trigger. Yeah, truly a flawless deduction, isn’t it, Washington-kun?

Wait, if it’s Washington-kun, he’d be chopping down cherry trees and threatening his dad with an ax. Then probably go on to become president! Yeah, no way even his dad could scold him after that, right?! Though, actually, the cherry tree story is said to be a made-up tale written by Mason Locke Weems, a pastor from Mount Vernon Parish, in his children’s book The Life of Washington in Anecdotes, meant to teach the value of honesty, so in the end it was a lie meant to convey the message of 『don’t lie』, but using the lie to teach a lesson how lying is bad is kind of putting the entire thing upside down so some argue that the entire thing was actually a way to teach kids the meaning of 『putting the cart before the horse』 ?

So in the end, while the rerorero flag was broken, the Delivery Health flag was also broken, making it kind of a draw, but still feels like a loss. But it seems they’re gonna give me all their cash and valuables, so maybe it’s a win?

C-Could it be that the power of Magnate Mode has finally activated, causing people to offer tribute automatically?! Even before I started scamming them myself, gold coins were being piled up and jewels laid out, but among them there were a few unusable royal coins. Well, since they offered tribute willingly, I might as well give them a souvenir or something. If word spreads that offering tribute earns you souvenirs, maybe more people will come bearing gifts? A forward-thinking, intelligent strategy, truly a product of Magnate’s tactical brilliance!

「Umm… what exactly is this?」

「Huh? A souvenir? It’s got the frontier-famous Mushroom Pennant in it too! Yeah, perfect, right?」

Looks like they were so moved by the pennant’s magnificence that they were left speechless.

「Uh, just take it without worrying about it. Talking or asking questions won’t help, it’ll only make less sense. Don’t even try to understand it.」

Though they said the Elven nation’s Dungeon wasn’t an urgent matter, in truth, they probably can’t take it that leisurely. Being a sacred sanctuary saturated in dense magic essence, it’s accessible only to the chosen Priestess of the Seal, and the fact that even she had fallen ill meant the magic essence grew dangerously strong. That could mean the Dungeon was no longer fully contained. And as the mana density increased, the next priestess would fall ill too. If eventually all the priestesses with strong magical affinity were exhausted, the seal would break, which would pretty much guarantee a dungeon overflow.

After bowing over and over the Delivery Health people finally left. Supposedly, next time the Sword Middle-Aged Men would be coming, but we’d probably miss each other, so I decided to pass the message on through the General Store lady. If it’s for foreign sales, there’s no conflict of interest, and we could expand our distribution network while offloading excess stock. From a merchant perspective, it’s about pushing the leftovers. Yeah, like those pennants!

And then, in a very strange but quite routine turn of events, I am now getting scolded, pressured under the crushing force of false accusations, despite being the victim of the Delivery Health scam? Yeah, shouldn’t you be yelling at the scammers here?! I was just an innocent, pitiful Highschool Boy, duped and left sitting in seiza, and yet I’m the one getting lectured… l-let’s just make dinner!

While I’m busy preparing pork yakiniku set meals in the rented annex, everyone else is gathered around Elven Little Sister Girl and Sister Girl. Is this extortion?

Sure, since this is a coin-based economy, if they jump, there’s probably gonna be a jiggle, and probably a bounce too… n-n-not that I’m thinking anything weird! I’m just silently making dinner like the serious homemaker Highschool Boy that I am, staying quiet and diligent, and not saying a word, okay? The smoke’s thick, yeah, but I’m ventilating properly like a responsible Highschool Boy, so can you please put the morning stars away? Why are there even more of them now?!

「Dinner’s ready~ Eat up, eat up~! If you overeat, it’s punishment time~! No, wait, even if I don’t punish you, you’ll self-inflict a 『one more set』 on yourself and suffer anyway, so it’s automatic punishment. But you’re going to overeat anyway, so eat up while you can~!」

「「「We don’t overeat, but thank you for the meal~♪」」」

The Delivery Health scammers left without delivering anything, but thanks to them, everyone changed into casual clothes, and it was finally a safe, relaxed meal for once. Even Poster Girl and Stalker Girl had lined up nicely, eating together.

Miniskirts, short shorts, sleeveless tops, off-shoulders, yes, the skin exposure levels are the same as always, but just not having the spats around somehow made everything feel safer. I never thought of that outfit as more than armor innerwear, so that destructive power had been completely unexpected! Yeah, the mist shower was definitely the problem.

Even if I slice cabbage into thousandfold or even finer strands with『Magic Thread』there are no orphan kids making a huge deal out of that, no Idiots shouting with buckets in their hands, no Geeks standing off to the side like furniture, it made the usual cafeteria feel strangely spacious… which means that the cafeteria had been so indecent lately that I wasn’t able to notice any of that until now!

Yeah, coming back to the inn only to find it full of bunny girls had made it impossible to relax, it was a night of rabbit-fueled tension! And even with the China Ladies or the Mini-skirt Maids, it had never been truly calming. But now I realize the regular Spats were secretly the most dangerous.

While I’m also considering doing a full overhaul of the armor, there’s something else bothering me after being forcibly made to rest for a few days. My body feels off. I thought I was fully recovered last night, but something feels different. It’s unsettling. Did something go wrong again?

「Armored Pres-san, Dancing Girl-san, mind helping me practice a bit? I’ve had enough rest, maybe even too much? My body feels weird, so I have to readjust or it’ll be a new problem?」

(Nod-nod. Nod Nod, Jiggle-jiggle.)

Looks like Slime-san will be tagging along too, but try to communicate normally, okay? Well, the training ban seems to be lifted now. And if I ignore this discomfort, it might lead to a critical mistake in battle. I’ve been slacking off lately with all this rest, so it’s time to switch into a serious mode for a bit.

Well, putting it in plain terms, this is a tactical escape from the lecture! Yeah, even though I never called for them, the Delivery Health showed up anyway, and they are refusing to acknowledge my claim of being an innocent Highschool Boy. Not only that, they’re not even recognizing that it was a scam, and now the lecture is starting all over again, the ultimate false accusation! I’m innocent, okay?