3 bar menu

Chapter 210: No hassle, no waste, simple, swift, and very ecological.

Translator: “Pink Tea” Editor: ”Ryunakama”

Day 58 – Morning, White Weirdo Inn

We received a message from the lord’s mansion the first thing in the morning, they were finally able to get the details out of Royal Girl’s Maid-san, and after comparing them with the information Stalker Girl’s clan was able to gather, began to understand the rotten war currently ongoing in the capital.

In the end, it was the same usual cliché that is constantly repeating itself somewhere, tireless strife of foolish incompetent idiots also called power struggle, extremely dim-witted and dumb infighting.

「Alright, let’s kidnap every single aristocrat and royal, arm them with swords, and force them into a death game! Problem solved. This way they can resolve their squabbles among themselves with no unnecessary casualties, a very ecologic, simple, and swift deathmatch, and if all of them manage to die it’s even better? It’s the douche king and douche nobles we are talking about anyway, even butchering them all is not enough. We should wait until they are weakened from killing each other and then throw Bitch Queen into the arena to bite them to death! They should have a taste of true horror! Sort of?」

「I’m not biting anyone and they don’t need any taste either! In the first place, why are you trying to throw me into the arena? Why am I being treated as a true horror?! And also, I told you that I’m not evolving into Bitch Queen! Wait, in the first place, I’m not even a Bitch Leader or even a bitch! How many times do I have to tell you that before you finally understand?! Remember my name already! Why do I still have Bitch in my status?! Why do you refuse to memorize my name and keep trying to evolve me into Bitch Queen? Why are you not even trying to remember my name, but trying to throw me to bite someone’s head or evolve me into bitch queen!!? *Pant, pant, pant*」

So after all, she can’t evolve without getting level 100? Are there other sorts of walls aside from Level Wall? Like Race Wall or Evolution Wall? Well, if it’s just a Bitch Wall she should be able to bite her way through it. I mean, she is looking at me with the face as if she is about to jump me any moment now? It’s very scary? Even though it’s the nobles and royalty who are to blame and I’m totally innocent?

「The war is a bit that, but nobles and royalty must have their own viewpoints too? Don’t you think that gathering them up to have a death game and then slaughtering the survivors is too much?」

「Power struggle, temper struggle, or whatever they are having, if they want a fight to the death they should do it on their own without involving other people. If they aren’t dragging others into their crap then they are free to kill each other as much as they want, and they drop dead on their own too, no one will stop them. Quite the contrary, I strongly endorse that, and if they encounter a miserable end, I’ll even laugh in ridicule? Be it royalty or nobles, as long as they are not dragging other people into their fights, they can kill each other to their heart’s content. And that resolves it, simple and easy?」

It doesn’t matter if those that want to kill each other do it on their own, but turning it into a war and dragging many unrelated people into it greatly changes things turning into a royal pain in the ass. There is no issue at all with them killing each other by themselves.

「The church faction, nobles’ armies, and the first prince’s loyalists of the royal army formed an allied force, naming it 『Frontier Subjugation Force 』. Their goal is to take the head of Omui-sama for his opposition towards the kingdom, deliver the dungeon master’s treasures to the kingdom and the church, and make the frontier supply the royal family, the church, and the nobles with magic stones pretty much free of charge. Currently, more than one-third of the kingdom’s military is part of this faction, plus numerous small nobles from various regions.」

That was all information that they gave us, nothing particularly crucial it seems. Well, even so, we now know their objectives, looks like they want Meripapa-san’s head, the dungeon master’s riches, and enslavement of the frontier. Since we have regeneration mushrooms Meripapa-san’s head is not a big deal, but they also want to take the dungeon master’s treasures, that’s very bold of them.

They might be idiotic, ignorant, and incompetent fools, but their courage is worthy of praise. Going this far, it can’t even be called foolhardiness, but one can’t help but be impressed since they willingly want to experience horrors so great that even thinking about them is revolting.

I mean, the dungeon master in question is no dungeon master but dungeon emperor, or rather, that’s Armored Pres-san, moreover, if we are talking about dungeon masters we also can’t forget Slime-san. And they want to deliver that to the church and the kingdom. The world is going to perish in an instant. Everything will be destroyed the instant they receive such a donation, be it a capital, a kingdom, or a church. They are happily eating hamburgers for breakfast right now, but they are the scariest, the strongest, and the most destructive duo of weapons of mass annihilation in this world, and they want to present that? Even if one has the desire to end their life, they’d still run away crying from that, and they want to send this in? Could it be that their aim is the downfall of humanity? When they have no weak point in the form of myself around they can be so terrifyingly strong that even thinking about it is a bit scary, you know? So much so that I’m impressed that humanity and the continent managed to survive to this day? It’s not a joke at all. I’m absolutely serious about this.

「Such recklessness~, and such incompetence~? And if on top of that they also have no plan, it’s gonna be GRAND SLAM at this rate? After all, Angelica-san and Slime-san are a danger to this world on their own but were they to try to make a move on them, the worst and the strongest unreasonable master will massacre them with a sinister smile~?」

「Right? Were it Angelica-san and Slime-san alone, they might’ve gotten off with only their armies and country destroyed, but if their master gets involved, then even their common sense and minds will be shattered?」

「In the first place, I read epics from the Theocracy, but the best I could find was how a god-chosen hero, shielded from Instant Death by Divine Protection, finally defeated an Evil Eye after 3 days of battle? If that’s all they have, why would they even think about challenging the guy who made that god kneel, lecturing him, and then instantly killed an Evil Eye by glaring at it? 」

Hm? They were supposed to be worried about me, but at some point, they began simply dissing me? I mean, they are clearly dissing me super hard! They even began referencing some religious epics, and ended with badmouthing me! I mean, back then, 『Instant Death』just got Reflected, probably! I didn’t kill it by glaring at it! I mean, it died the very moment our eyes met, I didn’t glare at it at all? So I’m innocent?

Looks like they already began preparing for the march, while all organizational and expeditionary preparations were completed. But it seems they weren’t given the plan, the army apparently was not informed of the strategy? Are they keeping it secret fearing that the information might leak? Or perhaps a different top-secret plan is currently being carried out at some other place. But neither Stalker Girl’s clan nor Maid Girl have any information, nor did they hear of any sort of secret weapon. Maybe they got some sort of big shots on their side? If they have Lv200 adventurers, breaking through the fake dungeon should be possible… Probably? Ability-wise it should be enough. Well, hang in there? I guess?

I was sure that they would try to cross the mountains on a flying ship or something and was actually looking forward to that, but apparently, there is no such thing. I already began preparing, fully intending to capture it, but apparently, there is no such thing? I mean, what boy wouldn’t want to get a flying ship?

And so, receiving the latest information we were trying to discuss it, but talking about plans or countermeasures is difficult when it all makes no sense, just what the hell are they coming for? No, I mean, I heard their goals? I remember them, there is no way I can forget something that I heard some moments ago? Yeah, I definitely remember hearing something. But I don’t get the meaning behind the actions of their army. At all.

They are simply marching with a great force? That’s it?

Alright, okay, but I don’t understand what their countermeasures for the fake dungeon and guerilla warfare are. It seems that nothing could be found no matter how much they investigated. What are they coming for?

Well, let’s scout things out with my new weapon, heavily armored remote-control reconnaissance-in-force-type golem-kun num.1, when they get closer. Since it’s not a monster I’ll have to remotely control it, but it’s just a disposable lump of stones. It’s a slightly fortified dirt cheap weapon operating on cheap magic stones. It being wire-controlled is the weakness, but it wouldn’t trouble me at all if it got destroyed or captured.

But on the other hand, it also means that there is nothing to do until then. I mean, it’s just an army walking from afar, there is nothing to counterplan or countermove. Since they are walking from a distant place, their shoes might get damaged, so maybe I can profit by opening a shoe store? No, wait, they are coming to visit us from so far away, so selling souvenirs might be even more profitable. How about a pennant with 『Frontier』written on it? For the shape, I guess, triangular is the best? Good grief, coming up with adequate measures is not easy.

「Hmmm, it doesn’t seem like there is anything we can do at the moment. No matter how much we ponder on it, there is no information that we can build countermeasures upon, so let’s wrap the meeting and go raid some dungeons?」

「「「Agreed.」」」

「This time we will get the passing mark!」

「That’s right, down with the dungeon masters.」

Putting that futile thinking aside still doesn’t mean that we are getting to rest, huh. Is she trying to become a hardworking workaholic girl? At the very least, it seems that no one is trying to become a neet. Well, I became one even before I got any ideas of becoming one, but despite that, I don’t seem to get any days off. What an unwelcome title. Fighting three 50F bosses today is impossible, two boss fights might be possible, but regardless of whether they pass or not, if there are floors below 50 I’ll be taking over. Dungeon items are a shortcut to strengthening. Since we have no idea how to break through the level 100 wall, there is no other option but to try to complete our equipment while fighting and earning experience. There is nothing bad about being over prepared. As they say, have a walking stick ready before you stumble, and if you beat the obstacle to death with it, there is no need to worry about stumbling anymore.