Chapter 526: Slapstick Side Story 1 Pipi




Translator: Nat

–Aegir POV–

After returning from the evening party hosted by the Leavat family, I had nothing else to do except repeating “got it, do as you please” to the periodic reports presented by Adolph and Leopolt.

That guy I argued with at the party……who was it, I can’t remember his name.
It’s about time Mr. Potage sends a challenge letter.

Martory and Cedric will also be coming over to talk soon, at the very least there isn’t anything for me to do now.

「Fufu, actually it’s not like I have nothing.」

In fact, Count Couraud’s widow sister-in-law is packing her bags and coming here tomorrow.
She’ll be treated as a guest on the surface but I will of course be approaching her as a woman since she didn’t seem against it from what I saw at the party. As a widow in her mid-thirties, that’s the time she should be yearning for a man the most and thus she should be easy for me to persuade.

「Fufufu, I’m looking forward to it.」

As my chest and crotch swelled with anticipation, the door opened without warning.

「What’s wrong, Pipi?」

Pretty much the only ones who would come in without knocking are Pipi and Carla.
Tristan occasionally does it too and ends up getting joint-locked by Celia.

Well, I can hear Carla and Nonna shouting in the distance from the garden so it has to be Pipi by process of elimination.


Pipi, who would normally run energetically and pounce at me, hugs me with a reddened face and tears in her eyes.

「I want you to help me. It’s hard.」

「What happened? Does your tummy hurt?」

I have Celia’s antidiarrheal, Natia’s signature abdominal pain medicine, and a strange medicinal pill Head-helmina obtained somewhere.
Pipi shakes her head.

「Is someone in the mansion bullying you?」

If it’s a female, I’ll punish her with my dick and if it’s a male, I’ll throw him off the roof.
Pipi shakes her head at that.

「Don’t tell me you were groped by a pervert in the city.」

I’ll begin by threatening Andrei.
If he’s innocent, then I’ll have to post wanted posters in my territory.

「This isn’t going back to normal.」

Pipi rolls up her overcoat.
The shirt she’s wearing underneath has holes cut out where her nipples are and her normally bean-size nipples have grown to the size of an index finger.

「They’re still erect because of the poison. I can’t use medicine due to the side effects.」

Natia must have told her.
Pipi is healthy everywhere else so it’s probably better to wait for them to heal naturally than to use an antidote.

「Just the rubbing of my shirt is enough to make me moan. When something touches them, my hips give out. Vibrations make me wet and I can’t ride a horse……」

I’m getting aroused from what she’s saying, but Pipi isn’t joking around.

「I have an idea.」

Erich and I were poisoned at the end.

Erich, who should have received the best treatment, had to use a wheelchair for a while, yet I completely recovered at a comparatively faster pace.
If I think about what the difference was, one thing comes up.

「It’s the ejaculation.」

I expelled the poison out of my body through ejaculation, thereby quickening the healing.

「Pipi doesn’t understand what I’m getting at.」

Obviously Pipi cannot ejaculate, but the effects of the poison remain in her nipples.
In that case, can’t the poison be extracted by teasing it out of her nipples?

「I will leave everything up to the chief.」

Pipi sits on the bed and folds her hands behind her head.
I bend down and gently brush over her nipples that are protruding from the perforated shirt.


This alone causes Pipi to arch her back.
They are as sensitive as they appear. I agree, she certainly won’t be able to even walk without the holes in her shirt.

「Alright, I’m going to do it.」

Pipi steels herself and closes her eyes.

I hold Pipi’s small body and then put one of her nipples in my mouth.


Her body writhes and she lets out a long moan simply from the stimulation of the temperature changing.

Before she stops moving, I exhale the rest of the air in my lungs through my nose and then strongly suck on her nipple.


Pipi bends backward with enough force to dislocate her spine.
Of course, I hug her body so that doesn’t happen and stuff the bedsheets into her mouth so she can bite down on them.

In addition to sucking on her left nipple, I reach out to her right nipple, pinch the base of the enlarged nipple and slowly stroke up to the tip.

I ask Pipi, who flails again, whether it hurts.

「It feels good!! It feels so good that I might die!! I can’t tell if it hurts or not!!」

Pipi bucked her hips several times already, squirting out juices.
It seems she wasn’t wearing underwear either.

「I’ll do it a bit longer then. You can wet yourself or scream if you want. You can also allow yourself to faint.」

I resume sucking on Pipi’s nipple without waiting for a response.

Her tiny waist wiggles and her legs kick the air.
Nevertheless, she pushes out her chest as if wanting more.

「Do you feel anything coming out?」

I take my mouth away and twist both nipples.

「I don’t know! It feels like something will come out of everywhere!」

True, love juices are coming out from her crotch, drool is dripping from her mouth and tears are trickling from her eyes, but the crucial poison hasn’t come out yet.
I’ll try pushing a little further.

I stop caressing her, and pause briefly before grabbing and tugging on both nipples at the same time.


Pipi’s hands clutch my head.
Her nipples engorge with more blood like they are ready to explode at any moment.
I think we’re one step away.

Pipi’s face is stained with saliva and tears, changing her usual childish face into something unbecoming.

「Sorry. Bear with it a little longer.」

I kiss Pipi to distract her temporarily then put her nipple in my mouth again and sink my teeth into the plump red fruit.

Pipi’s entire body tenses up and she is unable to make a sound.
Simultaneously, my mouth fills with a sweet fragrance as if her nipple finally burst.

When I take my mouth off, white liquid gushes out of her nipple.
Oh, so the sweet taste is breast milk.

「Something is shooting out of my boobs! It won’t stop!」

Pipi touches her own chest as milk flies everywhere.
I also knead the thin flesh around her nipple almost like I’m gathering it into one point and help squeeze more milk out.
It feels rather naughty for a girl who looks as young as Pipi to be lactating.

「Go on, let out more. If all of it comes out, your nipples will go back to normal.」

Pipi groans, the jets of milk showing no signs of stopping.

Minutes pass and the flow weakens, eventually ceasing altogether.

「Ah, my nipples.」

What were once the size of an index finger have shrunk back to the cute pink nubs.

I try sucking lightly on one of them.

「It feels good. But it’s the usual feeling. It doesn’t make me tingle anymore.」

To summarize, it seems to extract the insect’s poison men need to ejaculate and women need to lactate.
I should write that down in the poison guidebook.

「Now I can ride a horse. I want to go on long trip!」

Pipi drags me onto a horse and we leave the city.

That is when we encounter Andrei.

「Oh, master.」

「Hm, it doesn’t look like you came to have a drink.」

I still call him that out of habit.
He isn’t in a public setting either and is talking back to me like we did in the past.

「Lords and commoners get drunk equally in a tavern. It would be tactless to carry anything other than drunkenness.」

Andrei says in a hard-boiled manner, pulling out a glass from nowhere that makes a cling.

「I’ll visit on the way back. Prepare a special brew for me.」

「I’ll have a variety. A man of many vices comes to a bar of many vices. If the drinks aren’t at least ordinary, you’ll go into a drunken frenzy.」

Andrei smirks and stands up in a hard-boiled manner.

「Chief. My boobs.」

Pipi brings up her chest again.

Andrei, who was facing the other, turns his head around almost 180 degrees.
Be faithful to being hard-boiled till the end. Don’t let your pervert peek out.

「What’s wrong? Did something weird happen?」

「No. My boobs are leaking.」

White milk oozes from her breasts.
It seems the effects from extracting the poison has made her body in a state of constant lactation.

「Breast milk, you say!!?」

Andrei’s sudden bellow scares nearby citizens, who scream, and parents hide their children.

「It’s not stopping.」

Pipi doesn’t find it particularly embarrassing and shows her milk-covered hands to Andrei.

Andrei staggers backward and presents his glass to her with a shaking hand.

「Two fingers please.」


Although initially confused by what the glass means, Pipi somehow figures out what Andrei wants and returns the cup to him with some milk in it.

Andrei gulps down the milk as if he would down a potent liquor, drops the glass and shivers.

「Milk that is supposed to nurture a child. I’m receiving it from a girl and being nurtured……how profound.」

「Shut up, pervert. If you do that again, I’ll throw you on the ground.」

I cover the innocently-exposed breasts of Pipi with my cloak and place her on the horse.

Andrei returns to his store in a hard-boiled manner.

「Natalie, let’s make love. A fire has been lit in the furnace in my heart.」

「Huh? I told you I don’t want to do it with you anymore. We still have to get the shop ready, what are―― gosh, even though I decided I would never have sex with this pervert……get it over it with quickly!」

I’m not going to say anything about him hustling after drinking a young girl’s breast milk or it will really destroy his household.
Besides, I owe Andrei a lot for what happened with Natalie.

「Chief, hurry. I’ll race you to the lake!」

I chase after the running Pipi.
A trip like this is nice once in a while.

「Oh yeah, weren’t you also affected by the poison? You didn’t die.」

Before I finish talking, a pregnant lady stops by the gate.
She blushes when she sees Schwartz, not me, and happily rubs her bulging stomach.
Schwartz neighs proudly and brushes his nose softly against the woman’s head before running off.

「The human world might be safer if I turn you into horse meat.」

Pipi healed completely.
She also became able to lactate.
And Schwartz should become meat. I’d say that’s a pretty fulfilling day.

Protagonist: Aegir Hardlett. 25 years old. Winter.
Status: Goldonia Kingdom Margrave. Great Feudal Lord of Eastern Area. Mountain Legend.
Friend of the Dwarves. Friend of the King of Aless. Dragon Slayer Hero.
Elf Mediator. Sex King of White City. Mad Demon God. Poison Resistance.

Appears in the present story:
Pipi (lactating girl), Andrei (trance), Schwartz (mated with a different species)

Nonna (legal wife), Celia (adjutant), Carla (concubine), Mel (concubine), Melissa (concubine), Miti (concubine), Sally (lady’s maid), Maruru (lady’s maid), Maria (concubine), Catherine (concubine), Gretel (concubine), Sofia (concubine), Leah (lover), Kuu (lover), Ruu (lover), Mireille (lover), Casie (ghost), Rita (head maid), Yoguri (masterpiece), Alice (lover)
Mother: Marceline (lover), Daughters: Eldest – Stephanie (lover), Second – Bridget (lover), Youngest – Felicie (lover), Claudia (free-loader), Clara (assistant), Adela (lover), Benel (coma), Dorothea (side story)

Marta (assistant), Baroness Rukino Escaote (degenerate bitch governor), Rukue (her daughter), Seika (her son?)
Leopolt (staff officer), Tristan (staff officer), Adolph (hunch), Polte (excuse), Christoph (escort), Yakov (escort), Sekrit (disguised as a man), Natia (adventuring elf, search), Felteris (adventuring elf, violated), Yularen (mother), Ijaris (mother), Irijina (walking and eating), Myla (commander), Luna (commander of bow cavalry), Rafaella (parasitism pre-search), Altair (world crisis), Remia (seeking salvation), Mack (free), Guigue (suspicious), Sebastian (butler), Kroll (promoted)
Jim, Suzy, Solana

Piris (stable period), Busco (low-life), Gildress (King of Aless), Celestina (reigning queen), Monica (mama attendant)
Ivanna (unaware of the end of war), Annette (hidden pregnancy), Cedric (Erich’s aide), Martory (slut)

Head-helmina (inside the bag), T-99 (staying at home), Pochi (giant lizard), Brynhildr (capital), Lammy (lamia), Alraune (root division), Mirumi (mermaid), Messerschmitt​ (sleeping), Tropical Smooth-scaled Monitor Lizard (labor pains)

Territory Population
Total: 364 000
Rafen: 45 500 (+500), Lintbloom: 9 500 (-500) Wartime Production, Disbanding
Richemott (former Libatis): 30 000, Zwei Elfie: 500 (+200) Increase of scoundrels

Personnel: Infantry: 1000, Cavalry: 500, Escort: 30
Armaments: Cannons: 30, Large Cannons: 15, Dwarven Cannons: 15, Field Artillery: 9 (+2), Chariots: 30

Assets: -320 000 gold (gold ore small +over 7000)
Sexual Partners: 808
Children who have been born: 70 + 567
Current Location: Rafen




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