ShangriLa Frontier Chapter 661: When All Turns Out to Be Not Enough Part 1
Honestly, I did not expect Sigma to go and help other people just like that. And at that moment I was feeling literal chills running down my spine, because the behavioral patterns of those Crystal Scorpions turned out to be way worse than I would have expected. I managed to make it in time only by avoiding the attacking Scorpions and using the sudden evades of the multiple Circumferential Movements. It was bound to be a negative start from the reset if I was not good at doing it, and rather than increasing the favorability meter of Sigma I genuinely gotten her in a pretty dangerous situation.
「Mas…… ter……」
「You know what? This scene would have been perfect if you were to shed a tear or two right about now…… But do you Conquest Dolls can cry in the first place?」
「Request: explanation. The Contractor did not intentionally went to do his job. You were watching over me.」
Hey, try not to get TOO angry at me, okay? It was supposed to be half a surprise and half a joke on my end. I only realize now that this joke was extremely in poor taste, but it’s not like I’m ever going to admit that out loud.
「Well, I won’t deny any of the things that you just said, but I think that because of that everything managed to work out surprisingly well in the end.」
「……………」
Huh? Seriously now? Were you really not able to realize at least that much by yourself? Or are you perhaps waiting for good old Professor Sanraku to deliver the truth to you word by word? Well, yeah, sure thing. I don’t mind that in the slightest. If that is the thing that you want in here.
「It’s just like one of my best pals from the past used to say all the time: Tools are not afraid of death! But at the same time, if tools are not afraid to die, then they cannot say that they have managed to live their lives to the fullest!」
If we are to consider death as the ultimate loss, then surely there are ways out there to avoid it at all costs. But that is what a tool does, not a person. And the tool cannot live its life. And you cannot live your life as a human being if you do not possess the self-preservation instinct. And what’s more, even if you create a tool but you shape it like a beautiful girl, you can be sure that about eighty percent of the Japan’s population is not going to perceive it as such!
「At that moment, you were afraid of death. You do not know just how many other Elma models are out there somewhere, but even if you wanted to stop them from pointlessly risking their lives, there is no way in which you could do that. And that means that you can replace them. And that every single one of those other models could replace you…… But at the last possible moment you refused to just shatter into nothingness. And I can tell as much just by looking at your face alone…… Now that you are aware just how terrifying death is, you are truly alive! In every sense of the word!」
「T-This is……」
「This is what it means to be truly alive: the desire to keep on living, at the same time as being afraid of death. It is something that is similar to all living things. It is a logical conclusion at which all intelligent creatures are bound to arrive sooner or later. Our egos think about it, our identities reinforce it. This is what makes us human. This is what sets us apart from plants and beasts. We are all living our lives to the fullest while fearing the inevitable that is bound to come for us at some points during our lives……It is an instinct that resonates with our hearts. And if you are feeling this, then this means that you are an intelligent creature. You are truly alive. You are not a mere tool to be used and be tossed aside the moment you have done fulfilling your purpose.」
「……………」
I don’t want to die, I still want to live. There is still so much more that I want to see! So much that I want to do! This cry might be selfish and ugly on the surface, but deep down inside it beautifully summarizes the very essence of every living thing in the world. And if you are able to scream it out loud, it doesn’t really matter whether the substance that makes up the majority of your body is iron or calcium. Or maybe I am simply starting to think too much about all this……?
「Did you know? Crystal Scorpions posses some really quirky peculiarity to themselves. You know what it is? They tend to ignore “objects”.」
「This is actually the first time that I am ever hearing such information.」
「They are going to give it their all in order to destroy everything that they perceive as “enemy”, but they are going to simply ignore a simple thing such as the sword, even though it might have fell about hundred of their compatriots in this area…… because objects and things are not their enemies. At least not in their eyes. But then how? Just a moment ago all those scorpions were moving onto you in order to crush you with everything they had. It was not because you are a mere tool that was tossed aside. It was because you think and you move on your own accord. It’s because you are “you” –– your very own person. And because of that they were recognizing you as an enemy.」
「Recognizing as an enemy……」
「But what surprised me the most here was the fact that you rushed to help those Players in need…… Surely you must have been afraid, but you chose to help them still. It is that exact kind of self-judgement that no tool would be ever capable of.」
「I was just wondering if it was something that you would have done in the same situation, Master……」
「Ehhh…… Huh? Who? Me? No, fuck no. I would have abandoned those guys and let them all die where they stood. Without a second thought.」
「Correction: Upgrading the database regarding Contracted Master’s personality: the worst possible.」
No, you see, this is something that cannot be helped. This is a battlefield. And on the battlefield you must prioritize taking care of yourself first and foremost. There is no time to babysit stray kittens. Emul would do so too, I assure you! I can even imagine him clearly, sitting on top of my head and muttering shit like “Strong will eat, weak are meat!” or something like that!
「…… But no, it wouldn’t matter what you did there. The thing that counts is the fact that it was the product of your own judgement. “I want to help those guys”.」
「………… There was. There was a reason for that.」
「Yes, keep telling yourself that. I know what’s going on.」
「A-Affirmative. As for now, I am still uncertain about my own identity and existence.」
Only Sigma’s voice echoes in the silence around the cliffs, as if that earlier cry of hers managed to silence even the angry Crystal Scorpions.」
「All Elma types are nothing more but a reproduction of Sakishima Elma’s original personality……」
「You want to discuss personalities with an infant that is not even one year old?」
「A Conquest Doll is nothing more but a part of the Reconquista Plan! Nothing more!」
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